Page 243

4 Ways to Be More Accountable

September 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Anyone who tried to achieve something has likely felt a terrible slump somewhere down the road. As the initial motivation burns away, you find yourself needing incredible willpower to want to continue working on these goals and fighting your way past challenges. Holding yourself accountable becomes more and more complex the longer you find yourself without inspiration–accountability matters!

This is why it’s essential to maintain personal responsibility for your goals and tasks in life. Without that accountability, it’s easy to give up, lose discipline, or do sub-par work that leaves you unsatisfied and discouraged to work further. It’s how many dreams, and goals die out long before they’ve even truly begun!

It’s often difficult to stick to goals and tasks. The negative stigma against occasional failure has made us feel almost ashamed of needing help to maintain personal responsibility. But you don’t need to feel embarrassed about utilizing intelligent methods to keep yourself going! Here are four ways to be more accountable.

1. Set Micro-Goals

Goals don’t have to be big, lofty things. In a vast majority of cases, it’s wisest to break your big, long-term goals down into smaller goals. These goals are like stepping stones slowly leading you where you want to go.

Smaller goals are less intimidating and are often more actionable, as they’re specific and easier to think of how to work toward. Instead of thinking that you’ll achieve a big goal one day, you’ll have goals in front of you that you can fulfill shortly. Many people set annual, five-year, and ten-year goals, but you can add more, such as yearly or monthly goals.

When making goals of any size, make sure you’re following the research-backed SMART strategy:

· Specific

The more specific a goal, the better it is to hold yourself accountable. For example, if you say, “I want to read more books this month,” you’re opening up a lot of wiggle room for excuses. You might read just one extra book, or you might end up struggling to fit books into your schedule at all. A better, more specific goal is “I want to read three books this month. I will set aside two hours each Saturday and Sunday to dedicate to reading.” This means you know three books are a must-do, and you have an excellent way to make that happen.

· Measurable

Abstract goals sound nice in concept, but they’re terrible at holding you accountable. To ensure that you’re meeting your goals, you have to be able to measure them in some way. Saying “I want to be more grateful” doesn’t give you any way to measure that gratitude, leaving it open to interpretation. A better goal is “I will keep a daily gratitude journal where I list three things I’m grateful for each night. I will also say ‘thank you to at least ten people daily.”

· Achievable

It’s great to have big dreams, but they must be authentic if you want to be more accountable. Goals should challenge you, but they shouldn’t be impossible, and they shouldn’t end with you burning out to make it there barely. Unachievable goals will only discourage you, potentially causing you to abandon your journey.

· Relevant

Smaller goals should be a lead-up to your bigger goals. That means they have to be relevant to them. As you set goals, ask yourself how your smaller goals are helping you to move towards the bigger ones. If it’s helpful, you may want to make a mission statement that defines your overall goals first, so you have a guide to stick to as you make plans.

· Time-Bound

A goal that has no deadline is one that never has to be fulfilled. That’s why accountability requires something time-sensitive. All plans should have a time-bound space, by which point you should have achieved that goal. It’s okay to adjust your deadlines based on new information and knowledge, but for the most part, you can keep yourself accountable by setting and making deadlines.

2. Change Your Environment

Many long-term goals that require accountability are difficult to maintain if your environment remains entirely the same as it did before. Even those with high levels of self-control and discipline can hold themselves accountable more effectively when they make changes to their environments, say studies.

There’s no shame in needing to alter the things you interact with to meet your goals. Most people you think are more disciplined are better at managing their environments. Minimizing your contact with something that tends to derail you can be a big game-changer. For example, you might:

Stop spending time with people who enable unwanted or derailing habits
Put your phone in a different room so you don’t procrastinate by checking it, or leave it at home when you can
Reduce the number of snacks in your house if you’re trying to stop unnecessary snacking
Create specific spaces dedicated to focusing on your goals, such as setting up a small office only for that use, going to a library or cafe when you work on that goal, or rearranging your furniture. Hence, you have a neat desk environment.
Look up various studies on things in an environment that spur productivity, such as plants or proximity to a window, and adapt your environment to those features.

Some people might say that it’s “weak” to need to remove these things to stop yourself from giving in to lethargy or stagnation. But the fact is that the less time and energy you have to spend fighting temptation and impulses, the more quickly you can hold yourself accountable and stay accountable.

Over time, you can make slow, steady adjustments to your environment that allow you to stick to your goals even in the presence of temptation. But, for now, start small!

3. Have An Accountability Partner

There’s no shame in needing a little help in staying accountable. That’s why many successful people are surrounded by those who hold them accountable and keep them on task.

Studies have shown that having a partner who holds you accountable in some way is immensely beneficial to success. This is even better when you and your accountability partner are mutually helping each other to stay responsible, creating friendly competition and empathic support.

Don’t have a specific accountability partner? There are many different ways to have external forces that hold you accountable, such as:

· Announce What You’re Doing On Social Media

Social media isn’t always a good thing regarding goals and staying accountable, as it’s easy to get lost in unhealthy social comparisons and external factors. But when harnessed correctly, it can be a good tool for accountability. First, announce what you plan to do on social media. Then, commit to posting your progress and updates on your journey toward these goals. You can be more motivated to meet goals when spurred on by the knowledge that others are watching you.

· Find A Mentor

A mentor can set you on the right track, give you actionable advice, and speak from a place of experience. Seek someone who has been where you are before and has achieved the goal that you want to achieve, and ask them to mentor you. This gives you a little boost in your efforts while keeping you encouraged. Mentors can also naturally make you want to make them proud, further motivating them!

· Seek Feedback

Make it a habit to find feedback from those around you. Ask people for opinions and advice and listen carefully and closely to what they say. Not all feedback will be accurate or usable, but collecting different ideas will broaden your perspective and open you up to essential critiques. Now that you have this feedback, you can use it to improve. Then, you can check back in with those who gave you the feedback later to ask if you’ve improved or for other criticism!

4. Take Breaks And Reward Yourself

Accountability isn’t all about tedious, serious tasks and focusing solely on responsibilities. It’s also about being able to celebrate the successes that you have. Taking breaks gets a bit of a bad reputation in today’s hustle culture, but the fact is that you’re doing yourself a disservice by not resting when you may need to.

As counterintuitive as it sounds, you must take breaks to ensure that you stay accountable. This is for the following reasons:

· You Need To Reset

Studies show that staying focused on one task can cause your performance and productivity to drop. You need to actively choose to deactivate your goals and reactivate them to ensure refreshed focus on your path. Without that reset, the human brain begins to struggle to stay concentrated.

· You Regain Energy

Working non-stop gets tiring quickly, and you’ll feel drained and burned out. Giving yourself the chance to rest allows you to recuperate that lost energy. Trying to chug on through tasks while you’re exhausted isn’t going to lead anywhere productive, so take that break.

· You’ll Be More Motivated

When nothing notable comes from meeting small goals, it’s easy to feel like everything is worthless. If your only reward from achieving a goal is that you now must move on to the next, you’ll burn out pretty quickly. Knowing that a nice break and good reward await you at the end of your small goals is crucial to staying inspired.

· You’ll Have Time For Health

Accountability means nothing if it harms your health and prevents you from progressing. You have to be healthy to continue working toward your goals. Taking a break allows you to focus on healthy habits that keep your body and mind sharp and decisive.

Final Thoughts On Some Effective Ways To Be More Accountable

Accountability is a valuable trait but must be carefully built over time. The more you practice ways that keep you accountable, the better your self-discipline, responsibility, and self-control will become.

How Daily Routines Can Hurt Creativity

September 2, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever been in a rut? Do you feel unsatisfied with your routines? If you answered “yes,” it probably means your daily schedule doesn’t allow for even an ounce of creative or spontaneous thoughts in your mind. Why do routines lead to monotony? Can you get out of the rut? Read on to discover three ways routines can kill all creativity and spontaneity.

What Are Creativity And Spontaneity?

According to research, creativity can be defined as “the hallmark of human cognition” and is considered the driving force behind human innovation. Along those same lines, spontaneity is often explained as “the quality of being natural rather than planned.”

Different people experience creative and spontaneous thoughts differently, but in a neurological sense, these thoughts appear because of a “general cognitive mechanism of adaptive prediction.” Studies show that this allows people to deal with problems more effectively by predicting the immediate future based on life experience rather than being reactionary. In a more straightforward sense, the human mind should turn to creativity when dealing with uncertain situations.

Society has formed such that time is of the essence. The stress and pressure of it all make people fall into routines to juggle their responsibilities. As researchers stated, the creative person is integral to the creative process. Such a person cannot flourish in today’s context if tied down by a routine.

So, what exactly are these routines and ruts?

What Are Daily Routines?

Daily routines are a form of habitual responses, a process in which different contexts prompt automatic action. Research shows that an impulsive process regulates habitual responses. Thus a minimal cognitive effort is used to elicit routine behaviors. This logic explains why people tend to lean on routines; they are easy, expectable, stress-free, and require little to no effort cognitively.

Daily routines usually lower stress by removing the need to take deliberate action in response to certain situations. In theory, there’s no need to think about what to eat when you can decide that you have steak with asparagus for lunch every Monday.

This sounds great; less stress, more order, more time to think about other things. But following the same routine can make someone move aimlessly through life, and before you know it, you are stuck in a rut, and your dreams are slipping away. No matter the context, routines can gradually become ruts, studies show. Habits that were once comforting – stable relationships, job security, workout schedules, meal plans – can lead to boredom and unconscious anxiety in time.

We established what daily routines are and how they can lead to ruts. But what are the three ways in which daily routines limit creativity and spontaneity?

Three Ways Daily Routines Stifle Creativity And Spontaneity (And How To Avoid This)

1. Rewire The Brain

How is the brain wired?

Harvard Medical School has conducted research showing that people get stuck in ruts due to the brain’s habitual electrical patterns. The brain will apply rules based on past events to deal with the current context in new situations. A specially wired part of the brain recognizes patterns – the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC). The DLPFC finds old rules and applies them to new conditions. This part of the brain, coupled with strict routines, makes people lean on old ways to solve new problems, thus inhibiting creativity and spontaneity.

Why Do Routines Maintain The Rut?

Daily routines over-stimulate the DLPFC and create automatic responses that disallow the brain to develop new solutions for new problems.

Imagine you have to arrange numbers in a certain way following a pattern. Once you solve tens of these problems, the brain becomes accustomed to the routine. Therefore, if the brain has to solve a problem with a different pattern, it will struggle to find the new pattern.

The same can be said about our day-to-day life. If you are used to going to the gym on weekends, your brain might struggle to convince itself that you should take a vacation instead; that’s because your brain’s notion of what to do on weekends has been altered to be synonymous with working out. That’s how you find yourself unable to come up with creative and spontaneous things to do.

How To Start Rewiring The Brain? (“Unfocus” Your Brain)

According to Srini Pillay MD, “unfocusing” your brain means taking time in the day for activities that don’t stimulate the brain. This doesn’t mean becoming distracted but rather doing daily things that don’t require focus, like taking a walk, daydreaming, doodling, or taking a 90-minute nap.

These activities are ways to turn off the DLPFC, thus enhancing creativity and spontaneity. They relax the mental constraints of daily routines and help you break through some habits.

Remember the example about arranging numbers following a specific pattern? Studies have shown that turning off the DLPFC allows people to solve problems using a new pattern, unlike those who keep their DLPFC on. That can apply to your daily life; a simple walk in the park can help you break away from some habits, allowing your creativity to flow.

2. Routines Are Fundamentally Opposed To New Experiences and Spontaneity

The Dichotomy Between Routines And New Experiences

As we discussed, daily routines are contingent on order, knowing exactly what to do and when to do it. Therefore, to create a routine, you trade off the liberty to enjoy completely new experiences. Sure, you might change the gym you go to, but you probably won’t hike the Himalayas if that wasn’t already part of your routine.

Why Does The Lack Of New Experiences Kill Creativity And Spontaneity?

This can be mainly attributed to the need for new perspectives in life to be creative. Thus, by having a routine, people tend to remain enclosed in the same spaces and activities; the things they experience don’t differ from one day to another.

Most people break routines when they decide to go on vacation once a year. But that doesn’t allow the brain enough time and exposure to take in the new ideas offered by a different culture. Going on frequent weekend getaways can help your creativity much more.

Routines don’t allow you to meet new people and be in contact with new ideologies and principles. If no one ever told you that you could tackle a project differently and are stuck believing that the world is only black and white, how will you ever be creative in pursuing that project?

So, how can we change this in our daily lives?

Using New Experiences To Boost Creativity and Spontaneity

Research conducted by UCL states that shifting perspectives, like living abroad and considering different cultures and ideas, can help improve creativity and spontaneity by showing the brain that solutions other than the ones it already knew from routine experiences exist.

Aaron Heller explains that people feel happier when they depart from routines and take on new things in life because the brain is stimulated in an entirely new way. The pool of responses to specific problems in life widens, allowing the individual to pursue more courses of action, think more creatively and be more spontaneous.

Considering this research, the solution to getting out of the rut is simple. Make a conscious effort to go to a different restaurant than you were used to. Go on more trips. Try a new hobby. Read another genre of books. Even if you don’t like some of the new activities you try, the long-term benefits of boosting your creativity and spontaneity are worth it.

3. Routines Take Up All Your Free Time

Why Do Daily Habits Occupy All Your Free Time?

Routines need to be reliable to stay intact. If your routine doesn’t encompass all the time you have in a day and doesn’t schedule an activity for each part of your day (eating, working, relaxing, sleeping, and so on), it can’t even be called a daily routine; it’s at best a habit. Your daily routine needs to be all-encompassing because having a lot of unscheduled time in your day can make you stray from the routine; you might even stop following it altogether. When following a routine, your brain freaks out if it has gaps of free time between activities and tends to fill that time with useless activities.

Why Are Creativity And Spontaneity Contingent On Time?

For many people, being in a time crunch means relying on what they know best: habits and routine ways of tackling life. By taking up all your free time, routines disallow you the liberty to try something new. If your routine allows you two hours of leisure time, you won’t be comfortable trying a new sport. Not liking it means you just lost two precious hours of your life. Research shows this is even true in the workplace; time constraints are coupled with lower levels of creativity and spontaneity.

How To Make Time?

As discussed previously, the best way to make the time you need is to slot more relaxing activities in your day and switch up your old routine from time to time. Instead of scheduling every second of the day, organize only the vital parts and approach other activities more liberally. Instead of forcing yourself to go to the gym every Monday, decide that you should go three times a week and choose the exact time on the spot. This approach will allow you the necessary time to pursue your creative and spontaneous side.

Final Thoughts On How Daily Routines Stifle Creativity And Spontaneity

In this day and age, routines are everywhere. More and more people need stability in life, so they turn to daily routines. Many of these people end up falling into ruts, either because of neurological reasons or because they don’t have the time to experience new things and let their creativity and spontaneity flow. If you are in a rut, don’t feel ashamed or stuck. Instead, focus on small things, like taking a walk from time to time or scheduling less of your daily activities. Even if the change is small, it can have an enormous positive impact on your life! You might even find yourself trying something insane, like cliff diving!

3 Effective Ways To Avoid Drama In Life

September 2, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Are you constantly juggling different conflicts? Do you feel your life is a giant web of gossip and miscommunication? Do you tiptoe around your friends and family members to avoid drama?

Is your answer to all these questions yes? Then you probably have a life filled with unnecessary drama. Thankfully, your life doesn’t always have to feel like a Broadway production. There are effective ways to weather the storm and reach a calm life.

Why Should You Avoid Drama In Your Life?

We all know someone who “loves drama” because it makes life interesting (or so they say). But you know very well that drama is just a big red flag and not a positive thing.

Drama can be any conflict, from lying to cheating to even worse deeds. Not only that, but it usually circles pointless things, like who hooked up with who.

What Causes Dramatic Outcomes?

According to writer Tara Meyer-Robson, most drama is created by people who feel life is a little too boring and need to spice it up. These people tend to know everything about everyone and freely share someone else’s secrets. They thrive on miscommunication and gossip and always jump at the chance to create an even bigger mess by spreading lies or interfering.

But this is just drama stemming from external sources. In reality, if there’s drama in your life, chances are you are just as much at fault as anyone else. After all, you can’t blame all your issues on externalities. You might be complicit in the drama by being a lousy communicator or a bad listener. Perhaps you also engage in gossip too much. Drama can also flourish when there are unresolved conflicts, there aren’t clear boundaries set in your relationships, or you have problematic interactions with the people in your life.

Thomas Henricks, Ph.D., explains that drama results from people trying to uphold an idealized version of themselves before others. Like in a stage performance, people’s behaviors are performances. Indeed, they strive to impress others and convince them that they are a certain way. They even use “props”: their house looks a certain way, they choose certain clothes, look and smell a certain way, and so on. This leads to a society where lies are at the forefront of every conversation and every interaction. Inevitably, this leads to people burying themselves so deep in the drama that they no longer know how to get out.

Drama is not just a minor inconvenience, though. It can have severe impacts on your mental and physical health. Drama leads to much stress, which is linked with worse health. A prolonged state of stress (like the continuous stress one might feel when in a dramatic situation) leads to overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones, which can disrupt almost all body processes. This increases the risk of anxiety, depression, headaches, muscle tension and pain, heart problems, high blood pressure, sleep problems, and even weight gain. Not only that, but drama interferes with your relationships with family and friends.

3 Effective Ways To Avoid Drama

So, how can you avoid these issues and live a stress-free and drama-free life?

1. Avoid Drama by Assessing Your Life And Relationships

Do they know I’m the one who spread that rumor about them? How can I hide this lie from my family? These types of questions never leave your mind if your life is filled with drama.

Certain situations you face can make you feel threatened in a life filled with stress and issues. Not being completely honest with the people you love and always being afraid of what secrets of yours might surface are all scary situations.

The best way to deal with them is to assess your life. Do a self-appraisal of what makes you scared and why. Try to process everything until you reach the root of the problem. Maybe it’s the fact that you lied to your closest friend. Perhaps you are being manipulated by someone who can blackmail you. Whatever the reason might be, try to confront it.

Make a list of unresolved issues that stress you out and try to find a solution. If it’s something small like a white lie, then come clean. If it’s something more severe, like gaslighting, manipulation, or blackmail, try to take the legal route or go to a certified counselor to get yourself out of that toxic situation.

Assessing situations is a step, but it’s not enough. It has to be coupled with assessing your relationships. You must understand who you surround yourself with and how that affects you. According to Abigail Brenner, M.D., the neediest people spreading gossip are also the people who will bring unavoidable drama to your life. They are also the people who will drain you emotionally. Their presence leaves you stressed, anxious, and unsatisfied from a social point of view.

To minimize drama, look for the people who are easy to be around, who are not demanding, and who are positive and keep them around. Try to distance yourself from others.

The more toxic situations and people you can eliminate from your life, the less drama you will face and the less stressed you will feel.

2. Set Boundaries In Place to Avoid Drama

You usually face daily drama because people have no idea when they step on your toes. If you don’t decide where and why the limits are, people will never know if they got on your nerves, pushed you too far, or hurt you. And that goes both ways.

Boundaries are basic guidelines people create to establish how others should behave around them. They protect your rights in a relationship.

Not having rules in a relationship can lead to resentment and bottled-up feelings between the parties involved. Bitterness can make even your best friends and family bitter and prone to gossip and lack of communication.

Melissa Coats, a licensed professional counselor, describes boundaries as the rules to ensure a relationship doesn’t become unsafe. She states that boundaries bring us closer and are necessary for every relationship.

Boundaries can be of different types (physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, and financial) and are unique to the individual (based on one’s beliefs and values). To set them in place, you must understand your values and beliefs, what triggers you, and what you are uncomfortable with. After you construct a set of rules, please share them with those you interact with often.

Not every relationship in your life will have the same set of rules. They might differ depending on whether the relationship is with a friend or family member, how close you are, and so on. Boundaries must be somewhat flexible, but not in the sense that you sacrifice them. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, you might want to consider cutting them out of your life. You must learn to say no and stop trying to please others, even at the cost of your well-being, if you want to respect those boundaries you put in place.

By understanding your limits and protecting your rights, you can ensure that you will feel more comfortable with the people you surround yourself with, thus increasing trust and decreasing the risk of people stirring up problems, gossiping, lying, or otherwise creating drama in your life.

3. Learn To Communicate to Avoid Drama

Have you ever given your friend the silent treatment over something, only to discover that you misunderstood what they were trying to tell you a few days later? More often than not, drama is not created intentionally but rather a by-product of people’s lack of communication skills.

To ensure proper communication, you must learn to listen and observe before jumping in with your opinions (especially if the conversation is reactive or emotional). When people are upset, they speak not from the brain’s logical, pre-frontal cortex but from the amygdala, where they feel fight-or-flight feelings.

Show concern and understanding when trying to solve a problem. Ask how they think instead of trying to explain yourself or comfort them. Your attentiveness will calm them down to avoid drama.

Psychologists also suggest avoiding the “toxic triangle” (when one person hears something about another person through a third party) because it can lead to someone believing lies about another person and tailoring their interactions according to those lies. Instead, learn to communicate. Try to avoid gossip. If you can’t, double-check the story with the person the buzz is about.

You must prepare to nip the drama in the bud whenever the inevitable misunderstandings happen. You have to learn to be the bigger person and open a conversation about what’s bothering you, instead of trying to ignore the issue and becoming increasingly more frustrated with it, to the point where the built-up feelings explode and become severe enough your relationship gets seriously hurt. Built-up resentment always leads to drama, gossip, lies, and the potential damage to interpersonal relationships.

Learning to communicate will be the decisive factor in whether your life is filled with drama.

Final Thoughts On How To Avoid Drama in Life

Drama can seem exciting, and it can fill you with adrenaline. That’s why most people seem to love it. But it can have long-lasting impacts on your health and relationships.

To avoid it and enjoy a peaceful life, you must be ready to understand and assess why your life is prone to drama, who your friends are and how you interact with them. Pragmatically, you have to set boundaries and learn to communicate. Once you take these three steps, you will find your days much calmer.

5 Ways a Circle of Control Can Make You Happier

September 2, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

As self-help expert Stephen Covey explains, a circle of control can help you focus on improving happiness and living a fulfilling life. It’ll help you prioritize the things that matter most so you don’t waste your time and energy on other things.

Stephen Covey is an author and businessman who wrote “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. In his book, Covey discusses the circle of control and how it can promote happiness in your life.

You can’t always be sure things will work out how you hoped. Instead, you can only control how hard you work toward the goal. You can only do your part and let the rest play out.

The circle of control helps you stop thinking and worrying about things you can’t change. When you let go of these worrisome thoughts, you’ll notice an improvement in your life. It allows you to regain power over your life.

What is Covey’s Circle of Control

Stephen Covey discusses the circle of control and how it can improve happiness. He believes that all issues in your life fall into two categories, including the circles of:

Concern: represents everything that worries you, and you can’t change all of them.
Influence: represents what you can influence or change.
Control: represents the portion of overlap that you can make a definitive decision about.

Your circle of influence includes things within your concern, but not everything. Covey says that all issues in your life fall into one of the two categories.

Your circle of control includes the things within your circle of influence and are also in your circle of concern. It’s the things you want to do something about and can directly influence. There is still an area you can’t do anything about, and that’s where Covey’s concept comes in.

You can only influence the things you can put effort into. If you can’t do anything productive, you likely can’t change the situation, even if you try. The circle of concern is even narrower, as it includes only things you can directly control.

To narrow it down, it’s as follows:

Circle of Concern

This circle can include anything that causes worrisome thoughts. It involves things like war, politics, pandemics, weather, and issues with your daily life. Anything vital to you falls within this category, regardless of how it affects you or if you can influence it.

Circle of Influence

This circle involves what you care about and can influence in some way. You might have to improve your skills or take extra steps, but you can make a difference.

Circle of Control

This circle involves the things you worry about, can influence, and can make an effective plan for. It also includes how you respond to external situations. This circle includes your attitude, thoughts, and enthusiasm for the situation. These things must also be within your circle of influence.

Think about how you can directly influence or change a situation. All that matters is whether you care and can do something.

Where to Focus Your Energy

Understanding the circle of control helps you figure out where you should focus your energy. Put your time into anything that falls within the circle of influence.

It might help if you create your circles on a piece of paper. Layer them to show what you worry about compared to what you can influence. Then, narrow your focus to only the things in your circle of influence.

You can expand your circle of influence by picking up new skills or finding new sources. Otherwise, you can let go of things you can’t change if it’s not worth your time or energy. If you can’t do anything about it and don’t want to figure out how to change it, then it’s time to let go. Letting go narrows your circle, but it frees your mind to think about positive things instead.

However, your circle of concern expands if you lose skills or the ability to influence a situation. You must find a balance between the two and learn to let go of the rest.

When you focus only on the things you can change, it helps you work more effectively. You’ll make more progress in the areas that matter rather than burning yourself out in the other parts of life. If you can’t influence a situation, putting time into it won’t make a difference.

What Happens If You Don’t Focus on Your Circle of Control

You’ll waste time and energy if you focus on things you can’t influence. It causes you to miss out on the things that can change, hindering your long-term progress.

You likely don’t want to waste energy focusing on things that hold you back. It can cause negativity in your life, hindering your confidence, growth, and overall well-being.

When you focus on things you can’t influence, it also causes you to radiate negative energy. If that happens, you might find it hard to find people to spend time with because they pick up on the negativity. You might constantly talk about what’s wrong in your life without realizing it.

While your friends want to hear you out, they don’t always want someone who can’t focus on anything positive—concentrating on things you can’t do anything about increases your stress, leading to other negative feelings.

Why You Should Use Covey’s Circle of Control for Increased Happiness

When you utilize Convey’s theory, it can help you lead a happier life. You’ll be more proactive when focusing only on the things you can change. Worrying or trying to change anything else only creates unhappiness and stress.

Focus on your strengths, desires, and connections to determine what’s within your circle. When you narrow it down, you’ll find happiness knowing that you only worry about the essential things.

It gives you direction on where to go and focus your energy yet. Narrowing your circle also helps you let go of worries that don’t serve you or can’t change.

You’ll save time and energy by not ruminating or being inactive. Plus, it helps you focus, see the connection to success, and become more resilient.

How to Apply the Stephen Covey Principle to Your Life

Knowing why the circle of control creates happiness is one thing. Understanding how to apply it is another. Altering your thinking can help you be proactive moving forward, enhancing productivity and satisfaction. If you use it in your life, you’ll notice an improvement in your surroundings and well-being.

1 – Challenge Your Thinking

If there’s something you deeply care about but is outside your circle, you can think about it again. Consider if there is a way you can influence it that you haven’t thought of yet. You can do the same with the things you can already contribute to, brainstorming new ways to make progress.

2 – Determine What You Must Do

Focusing on the areas of importance, figure out what you must do to change the situation. Consider which skills you can build to improve your level of influence. You can also work on eliminating self-limiting beliefs that hold you back.

3 – Let Go of Anything Outside Your Circle

Once you’ve brainstormed and determined what’s outside your circle, let go of everything else. Don’t waste your time and energy on things you can’t do anything about. Once you let go, you can focus on everything else and find happiness.

You’ll find fulfillment if you stop worrying about things you can’t control. It’ll help you focus on meaningful experiences and situations rather than worrying about anything else.

4 – Shift your Mindset

If you feel anxious about things beyond your control, shift your mindset. Make a conscious effort to focus only on what you can change. It’ll help you refocus and let go of things you can’t do anything about.

5 – Think About Your Priorities

When your thoughts focus on negativity, think about the things that bring meaning to your life. Think about your priorities and the things you can directly influence.

How the Circle of Control Creates Happiness

When you focus on the things you can change, it helps you improve your overall well-being. You can improve your mental wellness and focus on the things that matter the most.

While the things outside your control might still matter, you’ll know that you can’t do anything about them. It helps you let it go and focus your energy and time on things that will bring happiness. Doing it any other way will only induce stress.

Narrowing your circle beyond your circle of influence can make a difference. It allows you to release the things you only care about because those around you are passionate about it. Letting go of these things further narrows your circle by letting you focus on your passions.

Final Thoughts on Understanding Stephen Covey’s “Circle of Control” and Embracing Happiness

Stephen Covey explains the circle of control and how it can create happiness in your life. It helps you refocus on the things you can do something about rather than the things you can’t. When you can refocus your thoughts this way, it helps you train your mind to focus on positivity. It helps you live a life of hope, confidence, and happiness.

Men Reveal 20 Romantic Things Their Partners Do to Keep the Love Alive

September 2, 2022 by Chris Butler

Men often have a reputation for being poor communicators–and some are. Still, it doesn’t mean they don’t have a wish list for their romantic partner. This lack of communication creates a problem for many women because they don’t always know what their man wants. Guys love to be cared for and catered to, just like women. However, they don’t always know how to tell you what they desire. These habits can help to keep the romance alive in a relationship.

Twenty Things A Man Wants His Romantic Partner To Do

Psychiatrist Willard Gaylin studied and reported his findings in his best-selling book The Male Ego. He stated that men see themselves as protectors, procreators, and providers. Outside of these three roles, it’s challenging for them to tell their partner what they need to make the relationship thrive.

Matthew Boggs is a motivational speaker who hosts Cracking the Man Code sessions. Through extensive research, he helps women know how to have a successful relationship by providing their partners with what they require. Here are a few essential things men want and need in their romantic partners.

NOTE: If you want to know women’s habits that help keep the flame of love burning, we cover their behaviors separately.

1. They Want a Romantic Partner Who Will Show Affection Often

Guys like receiving affection and romance. They want a woman to hold their hand, whisper sweet nothings in their ear, and be close to them. Just because men like to hide their emotions doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy affection from you. This is just confirmation of how much they’re loved.

2. Make Date Night a Priority

When you’re in love, you want romance. Date night is a priority for a man as it shows that he’s still important enough for your time. When women don’t make time for their partners, it sends a message that they’re unimportant. Men have questions and doubts, too, so they need a romantic partner who will dedicate time to them.

3. They Hope Their Romantic Partner Will Do the “Little Things”

Romance can come from the simplest of things. Guys like it when they have a cup of coffee waiting for them before work. They like random text messages throughout the day, as they like to know they’re still on your mind. Doing those little things will secure your relationship and show your romantic partner how much they mean to you.

4. Travel Often

Many guys have stressful jobs and feel the strain from the constant pressure. So is it any wonder that men looks forward to these getaways where they can focus on romance and the one they love? Whether for a weekend or a week doesn’t matter; they want one-on-one time with you.

5. Unplug for Your Romantic Partner Once in a While

Most importantly, guys want their women to turn off their phones occasionally. They get tired of competing for their romantic partner’s attention because she’s always on the phone. It would help if you gave them some undivided attention when you’re with them.

6. Dance

Who says women are the only ones who love a twirl around the dance floor? Many guys like to dance, too. Holding you close and feeling your heart beating as you tango the night away is something they want more of.

7. Learn Each Other’s Love Language

Each person has a love language that shows how they need to be loved. Some guys like affirmations, while others prefer acts of service. Guys want you to learn their love language to enhance the romance in your relationship.

8. Write Love Letters

Leaving love letters on the car seat before work or slipping a note in their lunch box are ways to connect with your man. Men love that you take time out of your day to remind them that you still have strong feelings. Though this could be classified as a little thing, it means a lot to the person who receives the letter.

9. Validate One Another’s Feelings

Guys want to be heard. They want you to listen and understand when they feel passionate about something enough to voice their opinion. That doesn’t mean you must agree with them, but you must validate their feelings and give them a voice.

10. Gaze Longingly Into Each Other’s Eyes

Every man wants to be looked at as an object of desire. They want you to have that particular look you give them that makes their heart beat. While it takes little to no effort to gaze deep into their eyes, it’s something you should do to connect.

11. Say “I Love You” Frequently

Men want to hear you say, “I love you.” While they’re not notorious for constantly questioning how you feel about them, they like to listen to it. When you say “I love you” to your partner, you reassure them that you still have feelings.

Hearing these three little words can mean everything to them. This is especially true when stressed out at work or life isn’t going how they envisioned.

12. Take A Bubble Bath Together

While bubble baths have always been thought of as something women prefer, don’t think that men don’t like soaking in a tub next to you. There’s something very romantic about having your partner, a glass of wine, and some intense cuddling to enhance your romance.

13. Candlelit Dinners

You’ll drive him mad with desire when you make his favorite meal, light some candles, and put on some mood music. A man loves his romantic partner to make him feel like he’s the only one in the world. Doing these extraordinary things to show them how you feel will help to strengthen your bond and enhance your passion.

14. Engage in Public Displays of Affection

While a guy may like a pretty girl in their arms, they also like their women to be open enough to show their feelings publicly. A man feels special and like he’s won the lottery when his partner kisses him, holds hands, and sits on the same side of the restaurant booth. He loves it when you show the world that he’s yours.

15. Be There for a Romantic Partner

Once you’ve been together for a while, you’re going to see that there are many ups and downs. Some rough times will take him to rock bottom, but he wants you to be there.

He doesn’t want to hear things like “I told you so,” but he wants you to stand by his side and support him. Being there is one of the most incredible things you can do for your man.

16. Give Him Space to Increase Feelings of Romance

Women tend to be a bit clingier than men by nature. However, men sometimes need space. It doesn’t mean they don’t love and care about you, but they want you to understand sometimes they need to be alone to recharge their batteries.

17. Make Them Feel Like a Hero

Since early history, men have developed a primordial sense of being the protector. They want to shield you, so they need you to make them feel like a hero. Let them know how safe you feel with them as your romantic partner, and you must ensure them that as long as they’re by your side, all is right in the world.

18. Let Your Romantic Partner Be Vulnerable

While you may want to be the first to share your feelings, you need to make sure your man gets to be the vulnerable one, too. He should feel safe enough with you to be able to share the innermost parts of his heart without judgment.

According to a study published by the National Library of Medicine, being vulnerable helps with emotion regulation. When your man opens up to you and puts his feelings into words, it’s therapeutic for him.

19. Stand By Your Word

Trust and dependence are parts of keeping things alive with your romantic partner. Your man wants you to do what you say. He wants to know that he can count on you when the world is crumbling around him.

20. Be Faithful to a Romantic Partner

Health Research Funding found that 60 percent of all married people will cheat on their spouse at least once. In fact, 34 percent of those who engaged in infidelity were women, and these ladies claimed they were happy with their spouses.

Your man wants to be the only romantic partner in your life, and he needs you to be upfront and honest about monogamy. It’s much better to tell someone you don’t want to be with them than to cheat and wounds them deeply.

Final Thoughts On Things Guys Want From Their Romantic Partner

As you look over the list, you may see many things you already do for your remarkable man. However, there are probably a few areas that you can improve. Your romantic partner wants to feel like they’re important to you and want you to tell them as such.

Though men and women ultimately have different physical and emotional needs, many things both genders need are very much the same.

Humane Society Frees 4000 Beagles From a Virginia Lab Testing Facility

September 1, 2022 by Chris Butler

A historic move by the Humane Society frees 4,000 beagles held by the Envigo facility in Cumberland, Virginia. The facility bred dogs and sold them to laboratories across America for animal experimentation. The rescue, a coordinated effort between the Humane Society and the District Court for the Western District of Virginia, and the cooperating facility allowed the Humane Society to assume responsibility for the beagles.

Who alerted the Humane Society about the dogs?

In May, the Department of Justice filed a lawsuit against Envigo, saying they violated the Animal Welfare Act. United States inspectors reported many violations against the facility, including these:

Dogs euthanized without anesthesia
Dogs received insufficient food and water
They didn’t have proper veterinary care
The dogs were living in unclean conditions

In response to the violation charges, Inotiv, Inc., which used these dogs for animal experimentation, closed the Virginia dog breeding and research facility that Envigo operated.

How common is dog experimentation?

Concerned citizens say using dogs for clinical research is common even though there are laws set to protect animals from suffering unnecessarily. The Animal Welfare Act (AWA) became law on August 24, 1966. Currently, it’s the only Federal law that regulates the humane treatment of animals during

Research
Teaching
Testing
By dealer
In transport

Over the years, new standards have been added and updated, but even with these regulations, many people struggle with the moral dilemma of whether laboratory experimentation should include live animals. According to the Humane Society, the large breeding facility broke one violation after another.

Does the Humane Society do animal rescues all the time?

The Humane Society of the United States frees at-risk animals all the time. They have trained animal rescue teams for situations like this one in Virginia. They get called in to assist with animal rescue operations when the number of animals is more extensive than local animal services, or law enforcement can handle. Other resources provided by the Humane Society of the United States include:

Temporary housing for animals
On-scene assistance
Evidence collecting
Animal handling
Transportation of animals
Legal assistance
Assistance with placement through a network of animal shelters or rescue shelters

Where are the Humane Society freed beagles now?

Even though Envigo posted on their website that the beagles were well-socialized and healthy, that’s not what the officials from the Humane Society discovered. The officials from the Humane Society found beagles with diarrhea, hungry, and grossly mistreated. Some of them were dead in the cages. One rescued dog had to have its eye surgically removed.

Dozens of volunteers and hundreds of potential owners wanted to help rescue the pups. Rescuing these dogs has been an enormous task involving medical treatments of the canines and relocating them. Volunteers, dog owners, veterinarians, and drivers have all stepped forward to help.

In late July, the Humane Society rescued the first couple hundred beagles. These were the first to leave, and they went to a rescue facility in Maryland. Several hundred other pups went to reduce partners around the country. The volunteers wore protective clothing to inspect the dogs before taking them to different centers. Because the dogs never received names but only numbers, the adoptive pet parents will give them names for the first time.

Shelters in Massachusetts sent large vans driving over twenty hours to rescue dogs. Their shelters had about eight hundred people reaching out to ask about adopting the puppies. The canines will get vaccinations that are specific to each state. For instance, in Massachusetts, they must be quarantined, micro-chipped, treated for parasites, and spayed before adoption.

The rescue of the beagles will continue over the next sixty days. Of course, getting them to their new forever home will take much longer.

How will the dogs adapt?

Rescuers with the Humane Society explain that everything is new for these canines. They haven’t felt grass under their feet or heard a car horn. Their adoptive pet or foster parents will help them experience all these new things. It’s thought that for some dogs, it might take years to adjust to everyday life. Even so, some volunteers have been surprised by how resilient the dogs are despite their experiences. They aren’t as traumatized as rescue volunteers thought they would be. Some of the older beagles who grew up at the Envigo facility had little human contact. They never played or had toys. These dogs’ lives have changed instantly. They can get the chance to take a walk, play games with their owners, and lay on the sofa for an afternoon nap.

Spa day for the rescued dogs

Homeward Trails in Virginia received twenty-one of the rescued beagles from the Envigo facility. A spa day was one of the first things they organized for the pups. Who could have thought a bubble bath and rolling in the grass could be so much fun? Some dogs got to experience playing in the grass and dying off in the sunshine for the first time in their lives. In a YouTube video, Homeward Trails show off one recipient of the beagle spa day.

Are there any negatives to this story?

Rachel Ward, manager of the Humane Society of Tulsa, isn’t thrilled with how the rescue operations. With the addition of two hundred beagles to her shelter, it’s become a massive amount of work to house, feed, and find adoptive pet parents for the dogs. Bringing so many out-of-state- dogs in at once is overloading many shelters similar to the one in Oklahoma. The manager hopes they won’t be there too long.

The Humane Society received a hundred fifty adoption applications from many states. Still, some shelters euthanize for space. As a result, shelters like Ward’s are worried the space the beagles have filled will shorten the lives of their local animals. Some individuals say the people had good intentions, but there was a poor execution of the event.

Brittnea Atwood, Catoosa Animal Control’s assistant director, agrees with Ward, saying, “I believe it was a selfish act, just because there was so much that could’ve been done with those 200 spots.” She suggested that the Humane Society hasn’t helped smaller shelters with their needs, so suddenly bringing these out-of-state dogs into shelters already bulging at the seams is wrong.

How can you adopt one of these dogs?

As the dogs continue to arrive at shelters, there is a growing need for adopters. Currently, the Humane Society of the United States still coordinates the transportation of dogs. The list of shelters receiving these dogs will grow over the next few months. Every shelter has its process for adoption and fosters care requests. So far, confirmed shelters include:

Homeward Trails (Virginia): You must complete a questionnaire and attend an interview.
Kindness Ranch Animal Sanctuary (Wyoming): Requires filling out an application first.
Massachusetts SPCA (Massachusetts): You must submit an inquiry and set up an appointment to visit the dogs.
Northeast Animal Shelter (Massachusetts): Submit a query for the pet you’re interested in fostering or adopting.
Priceless Pets (California): Fill out a form about the dog you’re interested in.

What are the characteristics of beagles?

It’s hard not to want to adopt one of these beagles from the Humane Society or their partners. But with any dog, you bring into your home, be sure you understand the breeds’ characteristics to see if they’re right for you.

Beagles pros:

Good size
Athletic
Short coat
Need exercise
Like to play
Love the outdoors
Generally good-natured dog
Peaceful around people

Beagle cons:

Look for sound temperament
He needs extensive exercise, not just quick walks around the block
Destructive when they’re bored
They like to run away
Without training, they’ll howl and bay
Hard-to-house train
Independent; can be stubborn
Doggy odor distinct to beagles
Potential health problems down the road

So, before you rush out to adopt one of these rescued dogs, be sure your head controls your heart. You don’t want to bring a dog home only to realize they’re not a good fit for you and you’re not a good fit for them.

Final thoughts on how the Humane Society frees beagles from a laboratory test facility in a historical rescue

The Humane Society of the United States frees 4,000 beagles, and dog lovers across the nation cheered the heroic rescue. This rescue isn’t over yet, as hundreds of dogs continue to move out of the Envigo facility in Cumberland, Virginia. Hundreds of volunteers, veterinarians, drivers, and potential pet parents have stepped up to help in this historic rescue. Of course, the Humane Society has much to do to ensure every beagle is adopted.

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!