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6 Traits Reveal the Happiest Relationships

August 28, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

The happiest relationships don’t necessarily equate to the perfect ones. They still have conflicts and disagreements but learn to work through them. The more successful relationships also see a team rather than two people working in their self-interests and that of their family.

To provide the best outcome, they work together and come to a compromise. If they don’t, the relationship becomes strained and may disintegrate entirely. The happiest relationships embrace both the good times and bad, feeling grateful to have their partner by their side.

They also accept one another fully and don’t judge their partner for their flaws. It takes two to tango, and the most fulfilled couples put in equal effort to keep things afloat. Below, we’ll review some signs of happy couples based on research from licensed social workers.

Linda and Charlie Bloom, married in 1972, conducted interviews with fifty of the happiest couples they could find. The couples had been married an average of thirty years and cultivated qualities that enriched their relationship over time.

They found that happy couples still encountered problems and had heated arguments. However, conflicts didn’t happen often and seemed to dissipate quickly. What differentiated these couples from others in turbulent relationships involved their willingness to understand one another.

Instead of harboring resentment or judgment toward their partner, they appreciated these differences. They recognized that having different viewpoints and opinions than their partner made the relationship more fulfilling. It allowed them to learn unique things about the world and offered a fresh perspective.

While each couple had differences, they also displayed similarities in their connection. Based on the Blooms’ findings, we’ll review the essential qualities of the happiest couples in more detail below.

6 Traits That Reveal Happy Relationships

Here are the six traits you’ll often see in the happiest relationships

1. They Enjoy Making Their Partner (and the Family They Make) Happy.

This one seems like a no-brainer, but many couples today only care about fulfilling personal desires. They tend to prioritize themselves over a partner. However, in the happiest relationships, couples act selflessly and want to ensure their partner feels content. Moreover, this also benefits the giver because acts of service and kindness boost mental health.

In essence, happy couples strive to fulfill one another’s needs to minimize stress in the relationship. After all, pursuing selfish desires could create a rift in the partnership. The Blooms confirmed that all the couples they spoke with felt delight in making their partners happy.

They never felt they had to sacrifice anything to ensure their partner’s wellbeing. Instead, they derived pleasure from discovering how to make their partner–and the family they may build together–happier.

2. The Happiest Relationships Don’t Hold Grudges.

Even if couples argue every so often, the happiest relationships avoid holding grudges. The Blooms discovered that the most successful couples avoided passive-aggressive or resentful behaviors. When they encountered problems, they dealt with them quickly and maturely so they wouldn’t fester.

3. They Take Responsibility For Their Part in Conflicts.

Instinctually, many couples become defensive and angry when confronted with problems they’ve created. This usually happens if the partner talks in a condescending or hurtful tone. However, the Blooms found that the happiest relationships had no problem admitting their faults. They thoughtfully considered how they played a role in issues that arose.

They might have acted slightly defensively but still admitted their responsibility in the conflict. The couples spent less time defending themselves than they spent recognizing and reconciling the problem. Once again, they thought about how their behavior affected the relationship, rather than just themselves.

4. The Happiest Relationships Exhibit Authenticity.

The Blooms also realized that the emotionally healthy couples practiced absolute honesty. No matter the circumstances, they always told the truth out of respect for their partner. Many couples sometimes tell a white lie or exaggerate the truth, but the happiest relationships avoid this behavior.

The Blooms found that many couples always remained truthful, laying everything out on the table. However, they did so in a way that respected their partner and remained sensitive to their feelings. They avoided being brutally honest, opting to use more thoughtful, caring language when expressing their views.

A combination of constant authenticity and unconditional empathy fostered a profoundly respectful, meaningful romance and a strong family.

5. They Value Both Self-Care and Mutual Care.

In many relationships, couples focus too much on self-interests or the partnership. They struggle to balance their desires with the needs of the relationship. However, almost all the couples the Blooms interviewed seemed to address self-care and mutual care equally. They maintained equilibrium between both aspects without neglecting either one.

Some even saw them as so interconnected that there weren’t any differences between them. In other words, by caring for themselves, they had more energy to look after the relationship. Sometimes, the opposite was true, depending on the couple’s unique needs. Also, the couples felt honored, rather than obligated, to have the responsibility of looking after themselves and the relationship.

6. The Happiest Couples Express Gratitude.

Finally, the Blooms found that the happiest relationships looked at the world through rose-colored glasses. This doesn’t mean they avoided problems but felt confident about their ability to overcome them. They regularly expressed gratitude for one another and their family, which helped buffer the stresses of life.

However, not all the couples displayed a natural propensity toward optimism. Sometimes, the more pessimistic partners adopt the attitudes of their other half throughout the marriage. Being around positivity so often helped them cultivate this mindset and deepened the romantic love they felt for their partner.

Final Thoughts on Qualities the Happiest Relationships Display

If you’ve been around couples that always seem cheerful, they probably weren’t always like that. Many couples spend years figuring each other out and constructively resolving problems. However, after a while, the happiest couples learn to maintain balance in the relationship through honesty, respect, and understanding.

Two licensed social workers, Linda and Charlie Bloom, discovered that the most successful relationships displayed six main qualities. These couples showed selflessness, gratitude, effective problem-solving, accountability, honesty, and service to one another.

These Relationship Sacrifices Aren’t Worth It, According to Psychology

August 28, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you’ve learned that they require sacrifice. Still, some relationship sacrifices cause pain and disappointment. No matter how much you love someone, you must look after yourself. This can make the difference between a toxic and healthy romance.

Do you know the saying “love conquers all”? Be aware that you should take that with a grain of salt. Sometimes, love drives people insane and makes them irrational. And this can push you towards making all the wrong sacrifices. If you aren’t careful, you might sacrifice your dreams, integrity, happiness, and safety. The relationships that push you to offer that much are the ones that will scar you the most.

You will have nothing but a crazy, toxic, and co-dependent relationship. To have a healthy romance, you must learn which boundaries to enforce. Plus, it’s always better to end something that will eventually burst into flames than to sacrifice everything.

Why Do Relationships Become Toxic?

You might not want to believe that making too many relationship sacrifices is anything but beneficial. So, to better understand why that’s true, you need to know why an otherwise healthy romance can become toxic. If two toxic people get together, the relationship will inevitably be toxic. But often, only one person is unhealthy from the get-go. Or, even more common, it’s for neither of the people to be harmful. So, how do people who seem utterly healthy end up in bad relationships?

They sacrifice too much until it ends up eating away at them. When someone feels their needs are invalidated, they inevitably become worse. When people sacrifice too much, they give up on things they value. Maybe they give up on their freedom or individuality to appease the other person. Slowly, all these relationship sacrifices start to change you as a person. The more you give up, the moodier and sadder you’ll be. This is especially true if you don’t get something in return. Most of the time, these sacrifices are taken for granted if you don’t set boundaries.

So, your partner might quickly get used to them and expect you always to sacrifice. They will stop acknowledging your efforts to the point where you won’t feel appreciated. You’ll also be less likely to have your needs and wants to be respected and met by your partner. The inevitable power imbalance resulting from too many relationship sacrifices is at the core of this problem. There are two possibilities: you’re either the one who sacrifices everything or you both sacrifice more than you should. In the first case, you’ll end up being taken advantage of.

If your partner knows they can make you do anything, they’ll push you to the limit. Even though they are supposed to love you, they’ll still break you if that means they have something to gain. In the second case, you’ll keep swapping the power from one to the other. At some point, you’ll be “in charge,” so to say. And, when you lose that power, the other gains it. So, it’s a constant state of back and forth, with a sacrifice at the center of the problem. When you sacrifice, you lose the power, and you get taken advantage of.

This is not the only reason why relationships become toxic. But relationship sacrifice is and will always be a tricky subject. That’s not to say you should never make any sacrifices. You need to learn how and when to sacrifice. Setting boundaries and communicating are essential to any healthy romance. So, which relationship sacrifices should you avoid and why?

Which Relationship Sacrifices Aren’t Worth It?

1. Sacrificing Your Career

People’s careers are just as important, if not more important, than your romantic relationships. While it’s true that some people value romance above all else, it’s undeniable that everyone needs to have a salary. But there’s something vital that you should note. There’s a difference between a job and a career. Having a summer job that you don’t necessarily need can easily be sacrificed for love.

Especially if you think that relationship is meant to last, it would help if you never gave up on going to a top school because a partner doesn’t want you to. If you have opportunities that could change your life forever, you should always take them. Or if you get promoted to regional manager of your company before you turn thirty, that’s an opportunity that not most people get. If you get a job you’ve yearned for since you can remember, you should take it.

The list goes on and can change depending on your desires. It would be best to remember that you should never give up on such unique opportunities for a partner. If they genuinely love you, they’ll work to make the relationship work without you having to sacrifice. They will make a relationship sacrifice themselves so you can pursue and strengthen your career.

2. Sacrificing Your Dreams

Dreams are one of the most important things people can have. They motivate and push us to improve ourselves. Everyone needs to feel like they can dream. But what’s more important is being able to pursue those dreams. If people think they can’t fight for their dreams, that crushes their spirit. Even history has shown us that there’s nothing worse than robbing people of their dreams.

All social changes have been made by people who never stopped believing that things can take a turn for the better. Psychologically, people need to be allowed to hope for more. And fundamentally, that’s what dreams are all about. But when you manage a healthy romance, you could be inclined to sacrifice those dreams. An association often makes you think you can’t pursue as many crazy things as possible when you were single. Maybe you live with your partner, but your dream is to travel. In that case, you might feel like you must give up on your dream of staying with your partner.

Or maybe you feel pressured to share finances with your partner, so you can’t freely finance your travels. Or perhaps your dream is to have an animal shelter, but your partner hates animals. In that case, they won’t want you to pursue that goal. These are just some examples, but we could spend days listing all the possible situations. What’s important to know is that, in the long term, it’s not worth giving up your dreams. Someone who truly loves you will allow you to follow your dreams. But, once you feel like you need to sacrifice that pursuit, you know the relationship has turned for the worst.

3. Sacrificing Your Personality

You already know that everyone has preferences regarding the partner they choose. Many people even have a type or some strict criteria that their romantic interests need to meet. That means you won’t like everyone, and not everyone will like you. This is not an issue; you can quickly get over not being someone’s type. But some people don’t do that. Instead, they do something extremely toxic: try to change how the person they’re dating acts.

People who end up in unhealthy and toxic relationships sacrifice their personalities too often. They have to become docile and even submissive. A toxic partner usually wants you to be quieter and listen to whatever they ask you. So, when a partner asks you to change your personality, that’s a red flag. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t improve yourself. If you are mean and snappy and your partner asks you to work on that, that’s fair.

And that’s not a sacrifice; it’s just self-improvement. But if they ask you to stop being bubbly and quirky, that’s a relationship sacrifice you should never do. Don’t change who you are to keep someone around–that’s not a healthy romance.

4. Sacrificing Your Other Relationships

It’s normal to want to spend most of your time with your partner. It’s also normal for them to ask you to hang out if you haven’t made time for them in a while. But what’s not normal is having to forsake other relationships because that’s what your partner wants. Unfortunately, many romantic partners will have jealous tendencies. And, if they act on those feelings, they’ll ask for crazy relationship sacrifices. They might even want you to throw people out of your life so that they can feel more comfortable.

Sure, there are some instances in which your partner will have reasons to be jealous. If your ex is now your best friend, that’s suspicious. But those are not the cases we’re talking about. We’re discussing when your partner asks you to give up on friendships and family. And they don’t have to ask you directly to cut ties with important people. They have to push you to make many small relationship sacrifices. In time, all those sacrifices will add up, and you’ll risk losing essential people. Don’t give up on the ones you love just for a relationship.

Final Thoughts on Relationship Sacrifices That Aren’t Worth It

Having a romantic relationship is not something you need to achieve at all costs. In many cases, you’ll have to learn to choose between continuing that relationship and pursuing your happiness. When deciding, you must remember that not all relationship sacrifices are worth it. Learning to care for yourself and fulfill your needs is much more critical.

Don’t ever give up on your career or your dreams. Relationships come and go, but opportunities to pursue something you’ve always wished for are rare. Make sure you never sacrifice your personality to get someone to like you. And don’t push people you love aside to appease your partner. If you are in a healthy romance, your partner will always support you. They will never want you to make relationship sacrifices that hurt you. Instead, they’ll do their best to see you succeed.

Study Explains Why Social Support Increases Mental Health

August 28, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Since humans first roamed the Earth, we’ve relied on social support to mitigate life’s struggles. As social animals, we receive physical and emotional benefits from our connections with others. In recent times, we lived in tribes and derived meaning from a life based on a tight-knit community. Our mental health declined only once we scattered into small family units.

While we no longer live in villages, our primary needs haven’t changed in the modern world. We all must work in a larger society to survive, but we require intimate connections with others. Having this type of social support buffers the stresses of life and boosts mental health.

Many studies have shown positive relationships and better quality of life. Below, we’ll go over one of these studies that reveals the importance of social support in modern times.

Social Support Buffers Negative Effects From Poverty

Unfortunately, many people in the modern world suffer from loneliness, especially among younger generations. The advent of social media, along with longer work hours, means less time for in-person connections.

People had more time to foster genuine relationships when life didn’t move quickly. Nowadays, our conversations have become hurried and strained as we struggle to keep up with our responsibilities.

That may explain why people in developing countries have better mental health than in industrialized nations. One study found that people in wealthy nations had higher rates of depression than those in poorer countries.

Researchers believe the high depression rates in developed countries may result from a more significant income gap between the rich and poor. Also, wealthy countries tend to focus more on the individual than the community, causing poor mental health.

This doesn’t mean people in poorer countries don’t suffer from depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. They face challenges, such as political and financial instability, lack of healthcare, and other problems.

However, they generally have a closer community to rely on than those in wealthy nations. This alone could help stave off depression and negative thoughts caused by adversity. So, perhaps developed nations should focus on increasing social support rather than GDP.

Obsession with material goods and money doesn’t equate to happiness. The study referenced above found that the US has the second-highest rate of depression among wealthy countries. Let’s delve into the study showing why the community can foster mental wellness in rich and underdeveloped nations.

Study Reveals Why Social Support Boosts Mental Health

Iranian researchers performed a meta-analysis of 64 studies that measured mental health concerning social support. Most of the studies analyzed (77%) included men and women, and 90% were performed between 2006 and 2013. The target population of one-third of the studies included university students and people in the workforce. Older adults and patients made up another quarter of the study participants.

The study authors found that positive social support impacted women more strongly than men. They suggest that men feel more hesitant to share problems with others because of gender roles. So, they tend to rely on their social network less than women.

The researchers found that social support also boosted mental health in parents with disabled children, immigrants, and transgender individuals. Furthermore, social support benefited university students, workers, and veterans, reporting higher happiness levels.

Female heads of households, infertile couples, school students, abused women, and older adults showed an average impact on mental health from social support.

So, it’s clear from the study that positive relationships with others can increase mental health and security. People with better social support benefit from enhanced communication skills, which keeps depression and anxiety at bay.

Also, a community can provide a buffer against stress and boost performance in other areas of life. If people have a strong foundation, they can provide for others in their community better.

Finally, social support allows people to feel loved, protected, respected, and a sense of belonging. Everyone desires to be accepted and know they have people to look out for them.

Researchers explain that people with poor social support tend to have worse mental and physical health. This makes sense because loneliness or insecurity heightens cortisol levels and weakens the immune system.

People in solitary confinement for long periods provide a perfect example of this theory. Comparing them to people living in a small tribe in a developing country, it’s apparent that we need each other to survive.

Tips on Finding and Creating Social Networks to Better Mental Health

Mounting evidence shows that lacking social support can lead to mental and physical health problems. Early humans lived in small tribes and counted on one another for survival. Now, we depend on a massive civilization to supply our everyday needs. This made life easier in many ways, but we’ve traded close connections for material comforts.

However, we can still foster meaningful relationships with others in several ways.

Make an effort to connect with coworkers. Do you have a few coworkers that you enjoy being around? If so, ask them to hang out after work sometimes. It takes effort to create close relationships, but reaching out will provide opportunities for social support.
Reach out to family in your area. If you’ve neglected your relationships with family, try reconnecting with them. They probably miss you and value your presence in their life. We all get busy sometimes, but family will always have your back.
Join groups in your area. Look on Facebook or other social networking sites for groups with mutual interests. If you have something in common with others, it makes it easier to connect with them.

Final Thoughts on Study Showing That Social Support Protects Mental Health

Since humans have existed on this planet, we have lived close to nature and one another. We’ve expanded our society by working on larger goals, like exploring space and medical advancements. Modern life does have its perks, but the focus on achievements has left many feeling isolated and lonely.

Studies show that social support can mitigate the effects of stress and promote better mental health. So, if you feel disconnected from others, reach out more to those around you. You’d be surprised to find coworkers, friends, and family probably feel similar and would welcome the invitation to reconnect.

Research Reveals That Children Who Do Chores Might Be More Responsible Adults

August 27, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do your children do chores? They should! There are many benefits to performing everyday chores, and kids can learn a lot from doing simple, age-appropriate tasks around their homes. These chores can even lead them to grow into responsible adults. Learning to honor this responsibility helps increase maturity.

It sounds a little hard to believe, but think about it! Adults are the product of how their parents raised them and their past life experiences. If children don’t have the opportunity to be shaped by positive learning experiences, they grow up missing those vital parts of healthy adulthood.

The same goes for responsibility. If not given responsibility via chores, kids don’t learn that critical value. Research reveals that children who do chores might be more responsible adults.

1. They Develop Work Ethic Admired in Responsible Adults

Work ethic is something that all responsible adults share. They have an inherent belief that there is moral benefit and value in diligence, hard work, and the strengthening of character via this work. Essentially, it makes people want to work hard and be determined to complete their efforts.

When children learn to do chores, they value work as their own act. Kids who have adults do everything for them aren’t able to form the connection between work and its value, as they’ve never had to perform that work themselves. They don’t understand the labor involved in that work and expect that anyone can and will do it for them. This is detrimental to the formation of responsible adults.

According to research, multiple factors help to develop a positive work ethic. Doing chores will help your children to learn all of these factors. Here are those factors and why chores help with them:

· Prioritized Focus

Prioritized focus means automatically being able to focus on what someone can do over things they can’t. It also means concentrating on areas that fall under one’s responsibility or where one can provide the most impact. Doing chores will give kids a good idea of what they can do and how they can help around the house, and they’ll carry that knowledge into future learning as they develop more prioritized focus areas.

· Responsible Adults Take Goal-Oriented Action

Chores are simple tasks with clear goals, and you can tell your children what purpose each chore has. For example, putting away toys aims to keep things clean and clear to avoid potential injury. Or sweeping the floor has the goal of a tidy, hygienic, dust-free space. When performing these chores, children will learn to focus on achieving the goals of each task, thereby learning to take steps towards goals productively. They’ll also have more commitment to their long-term goals, which is crucial for their success!

· Reliability And Availability

If you model chores correctly to your children and guide them when they struggle to stay focused, you teach kids to be available for their tasks. Throughout the duration of a job, kids will learn to remain open and conscientious to make the chore easier, faster, and less stressful, forming a positive relationship with work and effort.

· A Cycle Of Positive Motivation Through Delayed Gratification

When children do chores, they learn that doing a good job has a good result from which they and everyone else benefit. This, in turn, helps motivate them to do a good job again the next time, even if it’s difficult and the reward takes time to receive. This positive cycle keeps many responsible adults going through complex tasks, and it’s an integral part of work ethic. Studies show that motivation via delayed gratification is central to future success in children.

· Self-Reliance Grows Responsibility

While children will need guidance when performing tasks at first, they will eventually be able to perform chores independently. Most kids love being given that kind of independence and will look forward to being able to do things themselves as grown-ups do. This serves as the basis for healthy self-reliance in children.

· Responsible Adults Display Ethical Behavior

It sounds far-fetched, but children learn the foundations of ethical and moral behavior by doing chores. This is because they’re able to value the effort and labor involved in performing various tasks, which makes them more empathic. Instead of expecting people to do everything for them and devaluing seemingly “simple” tasks, they learn to value the contributions of others and grow less entitled.

2. Responsible Adults Build Self-Esteem

It’s easy to point at someone irresponsible and assume that they’re lazy or the wrong person. In reality, there’s nuance to what creates and doesn’t create responsible adults. Multiple factors go into the way that adults complete tasks and perform work. While these factors are not an excuse for poor behavior, understanding them will help you to gain perspective on the values your children need to become responsible adults.

According to research, one of these factors is self-esteem Fortunately, chores can build self-esteem. However, this only works if chores are deemed everyday responsibilities and do not have a negative association. This means that unless circumstances are truly extenuating, kids should always have to do their assigned chores without exception. So you should not let them off chores, even if:

They are exceptionally busy with schoolwork, upcoming exams, or extracurricular activities.
They’ve performed very well in school, in extracurricular activities, or character, and they want to be let off chores as a reward.
They become angry or upset that they must do chores because they’re busy or stressed out.

What happens if you let your kids not do chores for these reasons?

You end up communicating to them that their performance in school or other activities is an essential thing in their lives. When your children end up “failing” at one of these things, they lose their only pillar of competency.

Failure is a normal part of life, so attaching so much value to this specific kind of success can cripple self-esteem. Adults who grow up with their value tied to academic success become “irresponsible” because they feel worthless and put all their time and effort into proving themselves worthy with other forms of apparent external success, burning themselves out in the process.

Children are happier knowing they can always contribute to their house and home even when they “fail” in other areas. They also have the skills to keep up with daily routines, even under other forms of stress. This doesn’t just create responsible adults, but it also helps kids better care for themselves physically and mentally as they grow, says research.

Listen to why your child does not want the responsibility so you can respond kindly.

Note that this does not mean not listening to or validating your child’s emotions, concerns, or fears related to chores and stress. You shouldn’t take a “because I said so” approach to enforcing chores as critical tasks. The goal is to teach children to manage and balance all their responsibilities because, in adulthood, duties will not go away just because they are busy.

If your child expresses a desire not to do chores, listen to them and their reasons. Open a conversation about the importance of the responsibility. Remember that for kids, a lot of small things to us are very big to them, so validate your child’s concerns and don’t let them feel unheard. You know how to best speak to your child, so turn this into a teachable moment for them!

Of course, you can provide options such as asking other siblings for some help, and you may also use your best judgment to decide which tasks are appropriate. What matters is that the jobs should be a regular part of everyday life and essential as all other daily routines and that children still do them.

3. Responsible Adults Learn Important Life Skills

Responsible adults always seem to have things figured out – but they didn’t start with all that knowledge! They learned the life skills that they needed along the way. It’s the job of parents or guardians to equip their kids with the knowledge they need by:

Directly teaching life skills to their children
Giving their children the opportunity to practice various life skills
Fostering an environment where making mistakes while learning is not punished but supported
Bolstering their children’s confidence and self-efficacy so that they can learn other life skills on their own
Modeling life skills in front of their children, allowing them to learn by example
Praising children for their interest in learning various skills

For children to grow into responsible adults, they have to know how to perform everyday responsibilities, and they can learn that through chores. The goal is for your kids to be able to perform specific tasks independently by a certain age. For example, young children should learn to tie their shoelaces, and teenagers should be able to cook simple food.

Essentially, whatever life skills your children will have to use when they grow up and live alone are skills that they need the chance to learn and do through chores! Once they understand how to do a task, they can receive a reasonable amount of independence in performing it.

Final Thoughts On Why Children Who Do Chores Grow Up To Be More Responsible Adults

Chores should be a regular part of a child’s routine. Young children can do simple tasks that help adults with easy chores. In turn, they can accept more and more responsibility as they grow up. Ideally, you’ll want to introduce easy chores gradually into your child’s life as soon as possible, but it’s never too late to start a new habit. It may be tougher to convince older kids of the merits of chores, but it’ll be worth it!

It’s important to note that while chores can promote responsibility, children will need help and further guidance to learn and internalize the lessons of chores truly. Children will grow frustrated or have trouble understanding why they perform specific tasks, so be patient and ready to soothe and teach them as needed. Some kids need particular types of guidance that require more effort, and some may find certain chores harder than others, so keep that in mind, too!

Keep Clapping for Others Until It’s Your Time to Shine

August 27, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

As humans, we all want to reach our full potential and shine. But the road there isn’t always easy. Along the way, we must deal with the fact that others will achieve greatness before us. This competition should motivate us in theory–and we should keep clapping for others. But it sometimes does the opposite. It makes us feel unworthy, or like we are not good enough to make our dreams come true.

You lose control of the situation whenever you let other people’s actions influence yours. Even if you think that fighting others helps you, it will just distract you from your goal. Maybe you don’t believe the people who got ahead are worthy of their spot. Maybe they took what you thought should be yours. But even then, you should still clap for them. You should still be supportive even if they don’t deserve what they have. But that’s not just for altruistic reasons.

Supporting others has a positive effect on you and your development. It’s all about the mindset. Good things will come your way if you are a positive and supportive person. Plus, everyone has their own time to shine. Even if yours comes later in life, that’s ok. It will still come, and forcing your moment will only harm you.

When Is It Your Moment to Shine?

You can say that people shine when they have reached their full potential. They are fulfilled in all areas of life and can excel in what they love. It’s when they aren’t forced to work an awful job for a living. Instead, they have built a career they love and work with pleasure. But everyone’s moment to shine looks different and comes at other times.

Some people are extraordinary, and they shine at a young age. In this category, we could easily fit the kids who are so bright they graduate early. The kids who make ground-breaking discoveries and end up working at NASA are also part of this group. For most people, their time to shine comes later, though.

Most people make the mistake of thinking that to shine is to do something out of this world. But that’s not true at all. To shine is to reach one’s potential, whatever that might be. More importantly, it means to be happy in your skin. A mother will shine when taking care of her kids. Teenagers will shine when they finally figure out what they like. You don’t need to be revolutionary to shine.

That’s not to say that revolutionary people don’t shine. They do, and usually more than others. But that’s just because their life’s work brings them the most joy. Therefore, it’s hard to reach your potential without some ambition. You will always be mediocre if you barely get out of bed to go to work or school. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But most people would like to become a better version of themselves.

Why You Should Keep Clapping For People Until It’s Your Time to Shine?

You can only grow if you intentionally work towards your goals. But your mindset and support from others also play an essential part. To harvest the correct mindset for growth, you need to learn to clap for others. Don’t tear them down on your path to success. There’s a time for everyone, and it’s better to support people than tear them down.

1. It Supports a Positive Mindset Until It’s Your Turn to Shine

It can be frustrating when you’ve worked all your life but see the people around you succeed. It’s natural to want to see them stumble or even fail. But allowing this feeling to take over will hurt your mindset.

Many people must sit around while people who do not work as hard seem to get everything. They get promotions, better jobs, or the perfect partner. This can deem unfair, but it’s not. Life is not always rational. Many things happen because of luck or chance. Or maybe those people have other qualities that make them worthy of everything.

For example, not all employees will give promotions to the most innovative or hardest working employee. Sometimes, they will give them to someone who’s been with the company for years. Or to someone who can bring a specific specialized skill to the team. But this isn’t limited only to jobs. When someone shines, they did something to deserve everything they have. When you try to tear these people down, you only reaffirm the false notion that they aren’t worthy.

Or that you are somehow more worthy than them. That’s not a proactive and positive mindset; it won’t help you improve. Instead, it will keep you complacent. If you keep telling yourself that others only got where they are because you were mistreated, that’s just an excuse. And in life, reasons will only hold you back.

If you want to shine, you need to have a positive mindset. You must be willing to do the work and have the patience necessary to succeed. If you clap for others, you acknowledge their worth and qualities. This will change your mindset, making you understand there’s a place for everyone. Nobody stole your opportunity. It just wasn’t yours, to begin with.

And it wasn’t meant to become yours. You’ll stop fighting to win other people’s places. Instead, you’ll work to create your own. You won’t allow complacency to take hold of your life. When you shed all that negativity, all your work will seem easy and fun. Plus, you can never reach your potential if you carry hatred in your heart. Hatred holds you back and makes you less likable.

But, when you start finding joy in others’ successes, that’s when you can be pleased. There’ll be no negativity clouding your judgment and emotions.

2. Clapping for Others Allows You to Learn From Others

A person can’t shine without having gone over some hurdles before. Usually, the people who have reached their fullest potential are the ones who have gone through the most. They have felt failure and disappointment on their skin. Having gone through all that makes them the perfect people to learn from.

If you are antagonistic towards these people, they won’t be interested in teaching you anything. You’ll be stuck hitting your head against a wall you could have avoided if someone else had told you how. That’s why clapping for these people helps you. Besides being a nice thing to do, it makes these people like you. So they’ll be more inclined to share their life experiences with you. But they don’t even need to make an effort to teach you.

You can learn things simply by being around them and having an open mind. You’ll never take what they do seriously if you view them with contempt. You’ll always think that there’s nothing they can show you. But that way, you miss out on gaining new skills. Not clapping for others will not hurt them.

They’re already shining, so your opinion doesn’t affect them. But it will keep you from reaching your potential because you’ll have to learn everything alone.

3. Clapping for Others Brings You Closer to People

You like being surrounded by friends and family. But one thing you’ll have to learn is what to do if the people around you shine and you don’t. This happens much more often than you might think, and it can be hard to deal with. It can make you feel like you are less than them or aren’t working hard enough. But neither of those things is true.

It just means that you haven’t had your opportunity yet. If you give in to your instincts and start hating the people around you for their success, you’ll make everything worse. You can’t hide that you are jealous or look down on someone. At some point, they’ll pick up on it. You’ll push people away when that happens, and you even risk isolating yourself.

Try to understand that these people are worthy of everything they have. And it would help if you were excited that they finally got everything they wanted. When you start clapping for them, they will feel your support. This is how you strengthen the relationships you have in your life. But bringing people closer is not the only benefit.

You can even befriend new people because you were supportive when they needed you. You’ll eventually build a support system that’s also beneficial for you. You’ll have reliable friends you can always lean on, even if you fail. Your friends and family are the only ones who can help you shine. So, you need to keep them close and cherish them.

Final Thoughts on Why You Should Keep Clapping For People Until It’s Your Time to Shine

Everyone had their own time to shine. Chances are, at least a few people you know will shine before you do. That’s just how life goes. Besides hard work and talent, people need a bit of good luck to reach their full potential. Sometimes, it helps to be in the right place at the right time. So don’t despair if you see others succeed before you do. Just keep working and don’t stop believing you can become whatever you want. Your time will eventually come.

Until It’s your time to shine, you need to clap for others. This isn’t just a nice thing to do. It’s also what helps you the most. When you root for others, your mentality changes. Instead of thinking that everyone is beneath you and they don’t deserve what they have, you become more mindful. You start understanding that everyone has their place and deserves what they have. This helps you be more proactive and positive.

It helps you take action rather than wallow in self-pity. Clapping for others also makes people like you. Because of that, they’ll be more inclined to help you and share some of their wisdom. This helps you avoid making the mistakes they did, thus reaching your potential much sooner. Lastly, you’ll create a more robust support system to help you become your best self.

Science Explains the Connection Between Breastfeeding and Depression

August 27, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Many new mothers feel a deep connection to their babies while breastfeeding them. For most, the experience allows them to bond with their child and evokes warm, comforting feelings. However, not all mothers thoroughly enjoy breastfeeding their babies. Indeed, it may cause depression and anxiety for some women for various reasons.

When new mothers experience near-constant low moods, it could signal postpartum depression. However, negative feelings that arise only after a feeding session may point to another condition. Scientists believe something called dysphoric milk ejection reflex, or D-MER, could be to blame.

This relatively unknown condition causes mothers to feel waves of intense depression during or after breastfeeding. Many women don’t understand why they feel this way and may even blame themselves. Since the condition isn’t widely known or studied, some new moms may feel isolated or alone in their experience.

However, one study found that up to 9% of breastfeeding women experience D-MER at some point. Currently, scientists have begun studying why certain women develop the condition and how to treat it.

What is D-MER?

Dysphoric milk ejection reflex causes a sudden influx of intrusive thoughts and heavy emotions during breastfeeding. It usually occurs as the milk begins flowing and may last for a few minutes.

Some people may dismiss these feelings, believing that it’s a psychological reaction to breastfeeding. However, experts have discovered that D-MER results from a physiological response caused by fluctuating hormones. So, women who experience this condition can feel better knowing it isn’t just in their heads.

Common Symptoms of D-MER

Symptoms may vary from person to person, but D-MER generally causes intense negative feelings. The most common signs of dysphoric milk ejection reflex include:

depression
anger
anxiety
hopelessness
feelings of paranoia or panic
self-hatred or criticism
feeling homesick or nostalgic
a sense of overwhelming dread
suicidal thoughts

Women may experience all or only a few symptoms, ranging from mild to intense. Most breastfeeding moms will notice them shortly after feeding and in the minutes following. Some women who experience mild or moderate symptoms may continue breastfeeding without issues. However, moms with more severe symptoms may have such overwhelmingly negative feelings that they must formula feed instead.

Some women may feel confused since D-MER mimics the same symptoms as postpartum depression. However, the primary way to tell the difference involves the timing of symptoms. D-MER is likely to be blamed if it only occurs during or immediately following breastfeeding. However, most moms find relief from their symptoms after a few minutes of feeding.

With postpartum depression, the feelings linger and can affect daily functioning, not just during breastfeeding. It may impair moms from adequately caring for themselves and their babies. D-MER causes a flood of negative emotions like depression, but the feelings usually dissipate.

Unfortunately, some women may experience both conditions simultaneously. Doctors may prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications for postpartum depression. Or, they may suggest therapy and self-care techniques such as relaxation or yoga.

If you have been experiencing symptoms for over two weeks, visit your doctor. They can help you formulate a treatment plan that works for you.

Why D-MER Causes Depression During Breastfeeding

The dysphoric milk ejection reflex may cause depression because of physiological responses during breastfeeding. While experts aren’t sure of the cause, they posit that D-MER occurs due to a sudden decrease in dopamine levels.

Other scientists believe it happens because of elevated oxytocin levels released during milk ejection. This could trigger the fight-or-flight response, making women feel a combination of intense depression and anxiety. Stress or trauma may exacerbate these symptoms in some women.

Treatments for D-MER

Unfortunately, since D-MER isn’t an official diagnosis, no medications exist to treat the condition. While it resembles postpartum depression, doctors may not prescribe SSRIs due to a lack of research. However, many women find that self-care techniques alleviate or reduce symptom severity.

Also, simply knowing about the condition helps ease anxiety surrounding the experience. Once you understand that a physiological response triggers the feelings, it doesn’t seem as scary.

Doctors suggest relaxation techniques to help manage symptoms and make breastfeeding more comfortable. The methods will be most effective if you practice while feeding in addition to periods of solitude.

Self-care exercises to reduce breastfeeding depression include:

playing calming music while breastfeeding
drinking plenty of water and having your favorite snacks handy
reducing caffeine intake
placing a heating pad around your neck and shoulders to reduce tension
taking a warm bath
practicing mindfulness, meditation, or yoga
performing deep breathing exercises to lower anxiety
having skin-to-skin contact with your baby
having a support group with whom you can talk about symptoms

You can also enlist the help of lactation consultants or breastfeeding counselors who have experience with the condition. Sometimes, online support groups can offer additional support and connect you with other mothers experiencing D-MER.

For example, the Facebook group launched by lactation consultant Alia Macrina Heise could provide a great resource. She began researching D-MER after experiencing strong negative feelings while breastfeeding her third baby. Many women consider her an expert on the condition since she first drew attention to it in 2007.

Final Thoughts on Why Breastfeeding May Cause Depression

Have you ever experienced depression while breastfeeding your baby? If so, know you’re not alone in these feelings, which aren’t just in your head. Experts have found that a physiological response can cause dysphoric milk ejection reflex or D-MER. They believe a sharp decrease in dopamine levels during breastfeeding could lead to intense depression. However, most women only experience the condition a few minutes after feeding.

Unfortunately, some mothers have such severe symptoms that they can’t properly manage the condition. This may lead them to bottle feed due to the anxiety of breastfeeding. Scientists have found that self-care techniques such as meditation could help alleviate symptoms. No approved medications currently exist for D-MER, however.

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