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8 Ways to Talk to Your Partner About Counseling (Without A Fight)

June 27, 2022 by Chris Butler

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if love was all you needed? While you may love your partner dearly, if you’re together for any length of time, you will have issues. It’s not enough to say you will get over them because you’re committed and love one another. You may need to bite the bullet and get counseling or couples’ therapy to help get you through this season in your relationship.

Counseling is an excellent way for you and your spouse to work out any issues that are troubling you, including exploring the benefits of marriage counselling services. With the help of a third-party neutral, you can speak your mind without fear of judgment. The therapist can help you make sense of your troubles and offer alternatives you may not have realized were available. Aspen Psychology Group is a great marriage counselling service in Calgary known for its compassionate approach, experienced therapists, and effective strategies that help couples navigate challenges and strengthen their relationships.

The only problem is that many people aren’t willing to go the psychotherapy route, as they feel it’s invasive or a waste of time, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Eight Ways to Get Your Partner to Go to Counseling

Maybe you’re willing or even eager to get help, but your spouse isn’t keen on the idea. If you’re not careful, you could end up fighting about all the reasons why you don’t need counseling, and this is counterproductive to fixing the current issues.

You need to appeal to them from a different angle than one of mental health, especially if they buy into the stigma of such things. Here are a few ways to convince your partner to seek help and work out your troubles so that you can make your relationship last.

1. Don’t Point Fingers When You Discuss the Topic of Counseling

If you want your partner to do something healthy toward healing your relationship, you don’t want to start by pointing fingers at them. It takes two people to tango, and you want to appeal to their sensitive side. The worst thing you can do is put them in defensive mode from the start.

Make everything you say about “we” and not them. Remember the old saying that you’ll get more flies with honey than vinegar? Well, it’s undoubtedly true. Be nice, and you probably will get further than if you make the reason you need help all about their wrongdoings.

2. Let Them Know Your Intentions to Attend Therapy

You may want to tell your partner your intentions for Couples therapy Northern Virginia from the start. Tell them that you don’t want to end your relationship and that you’re not looking for a way out.

You want to work together and find common ground so that you can rebuild your once strong connection. You might get more cooperation when you make it about your future instead of just digging up the past.

3. Don’t Get Defensive

Just as you don’t want them to go into defense mode, you want to make sure you don’t. If your partner doesn’t want treatment, they might start trying to blame you for things. Please don’t take the bait when they try to create an argument and blame everything on you, as this is very common in people who are resistant to discuss their troubles.

4. Be Truthful About the Issues That You Want to Discuss in Counseling

You’re not going to do either of you any good if you’re not truthful with one another. It’s easy to say, “nothing’s wrong.” However, if there were nothing the matter, then you wouldn’t be considering going to counseling. Communicate with your partner about the things in your relationship that you feel need a third-party intervention.

5. Set Clear Goals to Work Through Conflicts Together

If they’re still resistant, why not define goals on what you want to accomplish. Plead your case to them so that they know you want to be constructive and not destructive towards them. Sit your partner down and tell them this is what you want to accomplish.

Let them know that you want to have a future with them and desire to grow old and be together forever. If that’s not your goal, you need to define what you want to do and why you think this is the route. It wouldn’t help to show them a few studies about how couples counseling works wonders.

According to Pub Med Central, couples’ psychotherapy has proven very effective when handling dysfunctional relationship patterns. If your issues are severe enough, it could be that you find yourself turning towards unhealthy or even toxic behaviors, like verbal or physical abuse. If you truly love one another and want to make it work, your partner will have no issues defining some goals and planning your future.

6. Move Past the Stigma of Getting Therapy

When you say counseling to many folks, they see it as a dirty word. They have a sense of pride and feel that they don’t need anyone getting in their business. It’s much like the stigma that’s observed with mental health.

Just because you seek help doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship either. Allow your partner to see things as a preventative measure. Remind them that this is a trained professional who can give you the tools you need to have a successful relationship.

Additionally, this can help you avoid more significant issues, including a breakup, down the road. You want to take care of any issues and learn how to work better together.

7. Don’t Trick Them – Be Honest About Your Motives

The worst thing you can do is trick your partner into counseling without their permission. While you may feel it’s what’s best in the situation, they get to make the decisions for their life. You can make the issues much worse when you force their hand into something they disapprove of.

Telling them that you’re going to meet with friends or that they need to go to the doctor with you will cause trust issues. An ambush to a therapist’s office is not how to accomplish relationship healing.

8. Choose the Counselor Together

One of you might come up with the idea to seek counseling, but it should be a decision you both make on who to see. Read reviews together and go through the list of available therapists Sacramento. You want to make sure you make your partner feel like they had a hand in making these decisions, as they can be defensive if you make all the choices for them.

If they tell you that you can choose whoever you want, you have their permission to find the best person according to your preferences. The last thing you want is to select the person and your spouse not agreeing, and they can feel like you’re ganging upon them.

Finding Alternatives to Therapy or Counseling

It’s not always easy to address issues in your relationship, especially when you want the fairy tale association depicted in movies. However, you must realize that these tales are not based on reality, and the real world can be challenging. When you suggest going to counseling, it can be quite a significant ordeal, and you may not know how they will respond.

Once you break the ice, they may be adamantly against any help, but they might be open to other methods. Here are a few ways to heal your relationship without using a therapist’s office.

1. Couples’ Therapy Retreats

Many couples’ retreats all across the country are geared towards strengthening your connection. You can have fun, mingle with other people, and have an eye-opening experience of what’s wrong, what’s right, and how you should fix it.

This allows you to do some therapeutic work together without sitting in an office and having someone analyze and write down your issues. It works pretty well for many couples who want an alternative to traditional methods.

2. Online Counseling and Relationship Courses

Maybe you can’t get them to go away for a weekend retreat, but you can get them to do an online class. They may see this as a more relaxing session as they can do it from the comfort of home. It removes the stigma of going to a doctor’s office and having someone get intimately into their business.

3. Read Self-Help Books

There are many authors, also doctors and counselors, who write books about relationships. These allow people with busy schedules and fear going to an office to get help on their terms. With the millions of books out there, it’s effortless to find one about your current situation.

4. Go Alone

If your partner refuses anything you’ve offered, you can go alone. Are you in a toxic relationship that you need someone to open your eyes for you? Their refusal shows that they’re unwilling to work on these issues, which can be eye-opening.

Final Thoughts on Going to Counseling to Save Your Relationship

Dr. Jill Suttie from the Greater Good Science Center from Berkley University states that talk therapy helps heal psychological wounds. While it’s not always comfortable to talk about the things bothering you in therapy, it’s always worth the effort.

4 Reasons You Attract the Wrong People (and How to Fix It)

June 27, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Love and human interaction are some of the most beautiful things someone can experience. But it can also cause you a world of pain. This is because love blinds people and makes them ignore red flags. Sometimes, we love unconditionally and stay with the wrong people even though it hurts us. Pure human nature makes us want to fight tooth and nail for love–even the toxic people in our lives.

And we do it even to our detriment, hoping we’ll be rewarded for our struggles someday. But that day seldom comes; we are left alone to tend to our wounds. You attract the wrong people for many reasons, but these relationships can’t last, regardless of the context. Of course, you’d like to create connections with people who can treat you right. But most times, you might not know where to start.

One of the first steps you need to take is to raise your vibration. You might not have heard of this concept before, but it’s not some revolutionary idea. Raising your vibration means learning to be aware of your thoughts and emotions. So, keep reading if you want to understand why you always gravitate towards the wrong people and how to raise your vibration.

4 Reasons You Attract the Wrong People

These behaviors invite toxic people into your life without realizing it.

1. You Ignore Red Flags

When it comes to the people you care about, you can quickly tend to ignore all red flags. This outcome is because you’d like to hope for the best, even though your subconscious might tell you your hopes are in vain. Most of the time, it’s not that you are not aware that something’s off. You are trying to ignore anything that could burst your little bubble of happiness.

When you first meet someone, you are bound to create a first impression based on superficial appearances. So, if you meet someone new and your first impression is positive, that’s what you’ll want to stick with. Even if signs suggest you are incompatible in the future, you’ll still do everything you can to ignore them. This is also motivated by your need as a human to always be correct. This is ingrained in your human nature. As a result, you stick to your story even though you know you made a mistake.

It can also be because most people don’t trust themselves and don’t believe their intuition is correct. Even though your gut might tell you to get away from someone, chances are you won’t do it because you are waiting for proof. The thing is that when you eventually get that proof, it might be too late. You would have already had to deal with a toxic relationship.

2. You Are Reckless and Impulsive

If you keep finding yourself in bad relationships, you might need to consider that something in your behavior craves that. If you are more reckless, you will be attracted only to toxic people. Do you know how they say opposites attract? Well, reality begs to differ. The more unstable and scared of commitment, the more likely you will attract the wrong people.

Studies show that when people are impulsive, they’ll want to live their life to the fullest without considering the risks. Because of that, an impulsive person isn’t interested in the relationship itself as they are in having fun for as long as possible. They’ll often stumble upon emotionally unavailable and toxic people in a desire to switch partners.

This behavior seems true for reckless people and all types of pathological personality disorders. The same research suggests that the more neurotic someone is, the more attracted they’ll be to people who are also neurotic. So, if you attract the wrong people, that might mean you need to do some introspection.

3. You Don’t Think You Deserve Love

All people desire human connection and are afraid of being alone. So, they search for any relationship, even though they might end up with the wrong people. But that can become dangerous if you don’t think you deserve love.

Someone who believes they are not even worth the time of day won’t be picky about what partner they choose. They’ll accept anyone as long as they have someone who can make them feel less alone. If your self-esteem is almost non-existent, you’ll never be motivated to stand up for yourself. Insecurities, negative self-talk, and other insecurities will make you vulnerable, so you won’t want to fight for what you deserve.

And self-hate, or the idea that you aren’t worthy of love and happiness, will push you towards the worst relationships. You might even think that you don’t deserve anything but a bad relationship. What’s even more dangerous is your susceptibility to manipulation and abuse if you don’t love yourself. If your partner tells you that you are worthless and don’t deserve to be treated right, you’ll be more likely to believe them.

A study on this topic shows that people who think they don’t deserve love believe they could never be good enough for anyone. They think they are uninteresting, and about half of these people will even change their personalities to be accepted. They have a strong need for approval and care a lot about what people think of them. All of these factors considered, it’s clear that someone like that will take whoever they can get. They’ll accept even the most toxic partners and enter the worst relationships.

4. That’s What You Learned

It is not an accident or bad luck that you always attract the wrong people. This behavioral pattern became ingrained in who you are as a person. And your past is a significant factor that shapes who you become and how you will create connections. How your parents treated you and the relationships you saw around you will influence what you seek in a partner.

If fights and toxic behaviors surround you, that is what you expect. If parents or other guardians abused you as a child, you might likely accept being treated wrong as an adult. And the relationships you saw as models are just as influential in shaping your response. If you saw relationships in which people displayed toxic behaviors, that will seem like the only possible relationship.

You may not know better. You don’t fully understand that people can be kind to each other. You’ll know abuse and toxicity. In a way, you find comfort in the familiarity of toxic behaviors. But despite a rocky childhood, you need not attract the wrong people.

How to Raise Your Vibration and Stop Attracting the Wrong People

If you repeatedly find yourself stuck in bad relationships, working on yourself is the only way to escape that cycle. One of the first steps to take is to raise your vibration. In other words, you need to become aware of your emotions and thoughts to reshape your behaviors. It would be best if you learned to vibrate higher to feel lighter and happier.

On a scientific level, these vibrations of different states create a scale of consciousness. The more conscious you are the higher your vibration. Thus, the more at ease you will be around other people. One of the best ways to raise your vibrations is by practicing gratitude. This can be as easy as stopping what you are doing right now and just looking around. Try to understand what you feel and what you should be thankful for at this moment. Be grateful that you are alive and have a home, a job, and a family. Be thankful for that promotion you earned or any good outcomes in your life.

You can let go of all negative feelings when you start feeling gratitude. Instead, you will begin to feel fulfilled and happy. Besides appreciation, you can also try to feel love, be generous and forgive those who have wronged you. It’s a good idea to start meditating, even if you do it for five minutes per day. This will give you some time alone to focus on the signals your mind and body are giving you. This way, you can better understand what you need.

You can become content and happy inside when you start raising your vibration. You will finally fully understand your worth. Furthermore, you will recognize what you deserve and should look for. You will be unafraid of being alone anymore so that you won’t settle for toxic people. You’ll learn to wait for someone who deserves you, rather than be with someone so you are not alone.

Final Thoughts on Why You Attract the Wrong People and How to Fix It

Finding love is one of the most beautiful things that can ever happen to someone. It can make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. But feeling may not last, especially if you fall for the wrong person. Being in a bad relationship can quickly become the worst experience of your life. And you might not even want to attract those people, but it keeps happening to you. Well, that can be because you give off negative energy through low vibration.

There are behavioral and psychological reasons why you attract the wrong people. People tend to ignore red flags and hold on to the hope that their partner is a good person. They refuse to let go of that perfect image of their partner they have in their head. But it can also be because you are reckless and afraid of commitment and attract the same type of people.

One of the most common reasons people always attract the wrong people is how they develop early habits. If you experienced toxicity and abusive relationships, they laid a low expectation of what relationships should be. If you want to let go of that pattern, you need to raise your vibration. Work on making yourself genuinely happy and content. When you learn to love yourself, you will recognize your worth, attract better relationships, and avoid toxic people.

4 Mental Health Habits That Increase Positive Thinking

June 26, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you struggle to think positively? Are you a huge critic of yourself? Do you tend to be excessively negative? These things can feel crippling and contribute to symptoms of depression and anxiety while adding a lot of stress to your life. They’re a product of poor mental health habits that don’t serve you or your life in any positive way.

But there’s good news! You can unlearn these harmful patterns by replacing them with healthier habits that boost your well-being and provide more encouragement than critique. Here are four mental health habits that increase positive thinking.

Mental Health Habits #1 – Gratitude

Gratitude is not just a trait. It’s also a skill. Many people falsely believe that being thankful is part of someone’s temperament, so you’ll never be one if you’re not a grateful person. This is not true at all. In reality, gratitude is something trainable, and it’s one of the mental health habits that is very much worth the effort.

Studies show that high levels of gratitude can increase your health and happiness throughout your life on a long-term level. Better yet, gratitude is self-perpetuating. The more you practice gratitude, the easier it will be to continue being grateful. The more you find things to appreciate, the more naturally those things will stand out to you. Regarding mental health habits, it’s the gift that keeps giving.

Here are some of the best ways to practice gratitude to increase positive thinking.

· Increase The Frequency With Which You Say “Thank You.”

If you’re well-mannered, you likely already say “thank you” to many people. But do you always mean it 100% every time you say it, or is it more of a thoughtless routine? Make an effort to actively be genuinely grateful every time you say “thank you.” Consider the value these individuals add to your life and appreciate their efforts. Please take note of small things that the people in your life do for you every day that you’ve grown accustomed to and make it a habit to thank them.

· Volunteer For A Charitable Cause

There are many charitable groups in the world and a fair number likely fight for causes you believe in. Take some time out to regularly volunteer with these groups. Research shows that this will make you much happier in life! Volunteering for an hour or two once a week or every two weeks can work wonders. Many forms of volunteer work serve as positive mental health habits and great ways to help other people, so it’s a win-win on a large scale.

Look For Things To Be Grateful About

Sometimes, it’s hard to find reasons to be grateful, but you can also seek them out if you try hard enough. One of the best mental health habits is looking for silver linings in everything around you. Mindfully appreciate your favorite things and note how much you like them and what you like. Seek out the positive side of every bad situation. Appreciate even the things that you know you deserve to have. Romanticize life and find something to be grateful for every day! Some people benefit from keeping a gratitude journal that they fill in as part of their daily routine.

Mental Health Habits #2 – Meditate

It sounds cliche, but meditation is one of the best mental health habits to add to your daily routine. Studies indicate that it can improve your mental health by reducing stress and anxiety and boosting your ability to regulate and process emotions to manageable interpretations.

Meditation isn’t just about sitting quietly and “emptying your mind,” despite its stereotypes. Most forms of meditation require an understanding of mindfulness. Mindfulness is being present, focusing on the here and now, not the past or future.

You can meditate in lots of different ways. Here are a few standard methods.

· Visualization

In a simple and effective meditation style, visualization means imagining or envisioning your desired outcomes and states of mind. This can be anything from imagining yourself succeeding at a massive goal to imagining yourself feeling happy and at peace. This works well because your brain often has trouble differentiating reality from imagination. When you imagine these things, your brain genuinely believes in them, making you think you can do anything and filling you with positive thinking. Research indicates that visualization skills help to boost optimism and resilience, and they’re among mental health habits capable of retraining your current mindset to something better!

· Body Scan Meditation

As its name suggests, a body scan involves you “scanning” your body for signs of different forms of stress and emotion. Essentially, you sit or lie in a comfortable position and stay still. Then, you move your attention and focus from one body part to the next, starting from your toes and making your way up one piece at a time until you get to your head. During this process, you notice the different things that each body part feels: tension, discomfort, pain, or even relaxation. Doing this allows you to understand better your physical body and how it works in different situations, which helps in your ability to regulate emotions for better positive thinking.

· Witness Consciousness

This unique practice is among the mental health habits that fall under mindfulness. To perform it, you actively choose to “witness” your various thoughts and emotions, accepting different sensory information without reacting to or judging them. The goal is to watch them as you would watch birds in the sky – as a separate third party. When you get better at this, you can view your feelings when processing them, which can improve positive thinking. You no longer define yourself by your emotions or get overwhelmed by them and can think and feel freely instead.

Mental Health Habits #3 – Seek Out Inspiration

There’s nothing wrong with doing things just for doing them. But if you want to incorporate good mental health habits for positive thinking in your life, it’s good to find something to be actively inspired by.

This doesn’t mean seeking external validation from others. Instead, it refers to finding internal fuel that keeps you going from the inside. When you do this, you’ll think much more positively and have a mindset geared towards improvement and growth. That, in turn, boosts your confidence and keeps you happy. Here are some ways to do this!

· Find Inspiration Everywhere

There are so many things that can serve as fuel for your motivation. Fiction, famous figures, art, the news, real stories, and the people around you can all be sources of inspiration. The goal isn’t to compare yourself to these things but to aspire to learn from them and use those lessons in your own life. That kind of inspiration is never in short supply, so expose yourself to new things to find more sources!

· Fill Your Life With Good People Who Have Good Mental Health Habits

Positive people create a positive environment conducive to good mental health habits. You’ll be inspired by others and encourage them in turn. Think of all the motivation and support you can get from a positive social circle. You’ll also benefit from friendly competition, new perspectives, and more, all of which will further boost your mental health. If you don’t have many close people, you can make friends in clubs and groups by volunteering at charitable organizations and seeking communities to make friends!

· Make Great Goals

It’s easy to stagnate when you’re not challenging yourself with new goals. It’s okay to take it easy, but you should always have something that you’re working towards in the long run. Measurable, reasonable, and challenging goals can motivate you, giving you something to strive for. A mix of long-term and short-term goals keep you sharp, and you get to congratulate yourself after each goal you meet to boost your confidence. You get to learn new lessons from each plan you move towards.

Mental Health Habits #4 – Use Positive Self-Talk To Counter Your Negativity

Often, you will be your own worst enemy regarding your mental health. Few things are as harsh and cruel as your inner critic can be. Having seen yourself at all your lowest moments, it’s easy to judge yourself, even when you’d never do that to someone else in your position.

This is why countering your negativity is one of the most critical mental health habits that can improve your life and outlook on the world. Teaching yourself how to respond to negativity as it arises in your mind is crucial to happiness and life satisfaction.

That’s not to say that some negativity doesn’t have its place. It’s good to process and allow yourself to feel negative emotions when they come along. And it’s also good to be reasonable, address your mistakes, and admit to the dire situations in life. But that negativity should not focus on your everyday world and existence.

This is where positive self-talk comes in. Positive self-talk means using positive statements to talk about yourself. This teaches your subconscious to internalize positive rather than negative things about you. Essentially, this involves replacing negative critical voices in your head with reasonable and positive ones by pausing to respond to essential thoughts. Research shows that this is a big player in boosting your happiness and mental well-being.

Positive self-talk means reframing negative statements by seeking their silver linings. For example, your inner critic might say, “I sucked so badly at that presentation! I’m going to get fired!”. You can respond with positive self-talk by saying, “I did the best that I could, and I’ve learned how to do better next time. One bad day isn’t the end of the world. I’m a good worker, and this doesn’t overshadow my capabilities and successes!”

Final Thoughts on Some Habits That Improve Your Mental Health Habits

Positive thinking is a crucial component of a healthy and happy life. Without it, it can be challenging to feel encouraged and inspired every day. Good mental health habits can boost your well-being and help improve your life in huge ways!

4 Behaviors That Reveal Childhood Abandonment

June 26, 2022 by Zane Landin

Have you ever lost someone close to you? Do you describe yourself as a ‘people pleaser?’ Do you constantly worry someone is going to leave or betray you? If you can relate to the statements above, you may be experiencing childhood abandonment issues. Depending on the severity, these issues happen when people experience unhealthy, intense fears of losing people, places, or things in their life. They always fear they will experience being abandoned again. It is possible they can manifest at any point in your life, but usually, they begin during childhood.

We usually picture traditional abuse coming from parents or caregivers when we think of childhood abandonment. They can stem from that, but any relationship could be the root cause of abandonment issues. There are several reasons why someone may fear being abandoned and avoid being rejected or hurt. It doesn’t only point to a specific event; it can be born from a pattern of events. Children who lose someone close to them may grow up fearing they will lose the people they care for. These issues are primarily created based on childhood trauma and neglect. When a parent or caregiver denies their child the freedom to express themselves, places stress and pressure on their daily lives, dismisses their feelings, neglects them, and even treats them like a friend or peer rather than a child can contribute to potential abandonment issues.

Four Behaviors That Could Reveal Childhood Abandonment

When a child’s physical, mental, and emotional needs are unmet, they develop an insecure attachment style, which John Bowlby first proposed in 1969. Mary Ainsworth expanded on this work in the 1970s. They suggested that attachment styles often emerge in early childhood development stages from the relationships with their parents or primary caregivers. Parents or caregivers can better support their children by seeking mental health professional help, reassuring their love, providing validation, communicating, being open-minded, showing empathy, and ensuring they can express their emotions.

People with abandonment issues can have these different behaviors. They might end their relationships over something frivolous, push people away, always feel the need to please others, remain guarded with their emotions, avoid being vulnerable in any relationship, distrust someone’s intentions and assume they are negatively motivated, struggle to find a support system, disengage from relationships altogether to prepare for and avoid the rejection, and in extreme cases, resort to violence and manipulation.

While several behaviors people have experienced childhood abandonment may demonstrate, we describe the top four in detail.

1 – Being a People Pleaser Reveals Childhood Abandonment

Have you ever heard of being a “people pleaser?” Recently, this has become a popular term for people who tirelessly expend their time for others. They always will say “yes” to every request, even when it is not in their best interest. They’re very dependable and helpful and always willing to volunteer their time for someone or an organization. They tend to stretch themselves very thin because they are too busy supporting others. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. But if you fail to satisfy your own needs or neglect your wellbeing, it becomes an issue.

People pleasers tend to agree with whoever is near them to avoid confrontation, constantly apologize for things they had nothing to do with, and have a hard time telling people ‘No.’

Their worth comes from how much they can support people and how they are perceived. This goes back to childhood abandonment because they want to keep people close to avoid rejection or being abandoned again. If they are always pleasing the ones around them, there is no reason for them to leave. Unfortunately, they may be taken advantage of for their good nature and build resentful thoughts. There is nothing wrong with respecting yourself and establishing the boundary by saying ‘no.’

2 – Feelings of Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem Come When Someone Abandons You

People with feelings of abandonment commonly experience a high sense of unworthiness, low worth, and insecurity. Growing up without receiving warm guidance, they will likely question what they did wrong. Those debilitating thoughts might surface in their relationships when someone feels bad about themselves. These insecurities traverse into trust issues. This is why people with abandonment issues have a problem with trusting others. They convince themselves they are unworthy of love.

3 – People Who Experienced Childhood Abandonment Can Become Attached Very Fast

Many people with abandonment issues may become attached to people too fast. This may sound like a good thing. But it is essential to ensure they are on the same page with the other person. On the receiving end, it can be overwhelming for the other person when you develop feelings too quickly or overshare things about your life. They could potentially avoid or leave you, worsening your abandonment issues because you had no idea what happened. Because insecurity is a familiar feeling associated with abandonment issues, you will internalize the situation, decreasing your self-esteem. You will reflect on everything and fixate on what you think you did wrong.

They want to feel close to someone. If someone has abandoned them, they may become clingy because they need the support and attention they had before. Since they believe rejection and abandonment are inevitable, they want to feel close to someone, even if they don’t know the person well. It is a real positive feeling when they discover the person they can connect with. For some, it may be the first time they’ve felt validated. It is hard not to become quickly attached when you finally find the support you need.

4 – Difficulty Being Vulnerable Comes With Being Abandoned

As previously stated, vulnerability is hard for people to show with abandonment issues. They may be very guarded. If someone growing up has been vulnerable with their partner or parent, and their loved ones dismissed their feelings, they slowly create a wall between themselves and the world. They have felt invalidated and don’t want to feel like that again. This is why it is so hard for them to be vulnerable. They don’t want to experience opening up and not receiving validation.

Final Thoughts on Coping With Childhood Abandonment: What You Can Do Next

If you align with any of these behaviors, it is essential to identify them before they become unhealthy for you or your relationships. Consider going to therapy to address your concerns with them. If treatment is not possible, try your best to open up to your relationships about these issues. They may be able to provide the support or guidance you need to navigate emotionally. If your needs are unmet, take the time to practice self-care for your emotional well-being. If you know someone with abandonment issues, give them the space to be themselves and affirm your support for that special person.

4 Grounding Techniques to Stop Overthinking

June 26, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Learning grounding techniques and proper breathing can be a game-changer in our busy lives.

We live in a society that scrutinizes our every move. There’s extreme pressure on people to be perfect and lead meaningful lives. But there’s little regard for what the desires of the individual are and what a meaningful life means for them.

Most people are expected to follow a predetermined road: go to an elite school, graduate with honors, get a high-paying job and start a family. But not everyone wants to do that. Some people would be perfectly content with traveling and never starting a family. But these expectations are just too much, and they put pressure on everyone—coupled with the fact that humans are inherently insecure. As a result, you get someone who overthinks everything they do.

With how the world is, no one is safe from the dangers of overthinking. It makes you lie awake at night and question every decision you ever made. It can be so crippling that you could even start avoiding making decisions. Overthinking is a severe problem, yet people don’t want to talk about it.

Without having had a serious conversation about it, most people don’t know how to deal with it. Instead of being able to shut down these intrusive thoughts, they spiral. And this can cause various other issues and mental health problems. So, how can you avoid overthinking? And what are some grounding techniques that can prevent you from spiraling?

Why Do People Overthink?

Overthinking is what happens when you start ruminating about the past or future. If anyone ever told you that there’s no such thing as thinking too much, they told you a fib. Often, people are so scared and insecure that they think to the point of creating fake scenarios that have no chance of happening. While overthinking is not a medical term, the “thinking too much” idiom is used in psychological fields to describe serious mental health concerns.

Most, if not all, people overthink certain things at some point in their life. This habit, in itself, is not a mental health issue. But it’s often a symptom of mental health struggles. Worry, or overthinking, is a common symptom of generalized anxiety disorder. Sometimes, it can even be a cause of anxiety. While you won’t develop an anxiety disorder because you overthink, you can become more anxious the more you worry. Overthinking also relates to depression and other mental health concerns.

Stress

Chronically stressed people will be more likely to worry and overthink. When you are wary of the outcome of your every decision, you will think about it repeatedly. This rumination doesn’t help you at all. On the contrary, it causes your stress to worsen. Even people who aren’t chronically stressed can stress themselves out by overthinking. You need to be aware that stress puts a strain on your body. Besides the mental damages, it can cause serious physical issues, even heart disease, if left untreated.

Fear

Fear and insecurities can also cause people to overthink. When you are afraid of the outcomes of your actions, you’ll tend to question every move you make. The same goes for insecurities. You’ll ruminate if you don’t have faith in yourself or think you can’t achieve something. This lack of confidence can even cause you to aim lower than you should. If, for example, you think you aren’t smart enough, you won’t apply to the best schools, even if you could get in.

Overthinking can be a severe impediment and can cause you suffering. Unfortunately, there isn’t a pill or a specific treatment you can get to cure it. In all honesty, overthinking is incurable. But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep it at bay. And one of the best ways to do so is by using grounding techniques.

4 Grounding Techniques to Stop Overthinking

Grounding techniques can treat or alleviate mental health issues. You can do things to stabilize and bring yourself back to the present. They are especially effective as you can do them yourself, without any need for assistance. Grounding techniques can be quick fixes that help you solve the problem for a little while, or they can be exercises you engage in daily and take longer to complete. The latter is what will help you stop the habit of overthinking.

1. Breathing Exercises

If you struggle with worrying and overthinking, you can try some breathing techniques to help soothe you. You can use many types of breathing techniques, some more complicated and structured than others. You can use these exercises daily or even help you calm down when you start spiraling.

The most uncomplicated technique is breathing deeply through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. When you inhale, try counting slowly to five. Do the same when you exhale. At first, you might not be able to reach five. But, the more you repeat it, the calmer you’ll get. This method works best if you get into the most comfortable position possible.

Whether that’s lying, sitting, or standing up, that’s up to you and your circumstances. You can also try keeping your eyes closed, as it helps you focus on your breathing without any distractions. Do this for three to five minutes, and you’ll notice that your mind will start to clear. You can use other techniques, but this is the easiest, and it’s convenient, as you can do it anywhere.

2. The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

5-4-3-2-1 is probably the most common grounding technique psychologists recommend for many mental health struggles. It’s used so often because of how easy it is to do. Its effects alleviate feelings of fear, stress, anxiety, and more. But, most importantly, it helps clear your mind quickly.

This exercise is straightforward to learn and remember. As the name suggests, it is number-based. First, you need to identify five things you can see around you. Next, spot four things you can feel. Then, point out three things you can hear and two things you can smell. Lastly, identify one thing you can taste in your environment.

This exercise stimulates all your senses, which helps bring you back to the present. As you connect with the physical world, all the things going on in your head will fade.

3. Take a Walk – Stay Mindful of Your Breathing

Whenever a mental health issue is talked about, walking is suggested as a method of dealing with it. This suggestion is based on scientific evidence. Because of that, taking a walk is often recommended as a grounding technique.

Walking promotes the release of endorphins, which stimulates relaxation and improves your mood. But that’s not the only advantage. While walking, you can focus on your surroundings and become one with nature. That’s why many counselors recommend taking walks through parks or other green places. Without all the distractions of society, you can listen and take in your surroundings. This activity can help you loosen up and let go of negative thoughts. If you can’t go for a walk, any physical activity can do the trick. Doing yoga or going to the gym also helps your brain release endorphins. You might not be able to take in nature, but you’ll still escape the environment that caused you to overthink in the first place.

4. Meditation Grounding Techniques

Meditation has become increasingly popular in recent times, even in Western countries. People from Eastern nations have always practiced it, but recently, the other hemisphere adopted it. There are many reasons why people meditate. Some do it simply as a form of self-care. But it’s often recommended as part of the treatment for many mental health conditions.

Meditation is potentially the most holistic grounding technique you can engage in. There are many meditation techniques with different levels of difficulty and efficiency. To summarise, meditation is about mindfulness. No matter what method you use, the aim is to connect with your body and surroundings. The simplest way to do that is to find a quiet place and a comfortable position.

Then, it would help if you started taking in the signals your body is sending. What do you feel? Does something hurt? What does your body need? When you figure that out, you can start taking in your emotions. What do you think, and why do you feel like that? While taking in these signals, you also need to focus on your breathing, as if you were doing a breathing exercise. If your mind starts wandering, refocus your attention on your breath. Your mind will stop spiraling by the end of your session, and you will be more in tune with your body’s wants and needs.

Final Thoughts on Grounding Techniques to Stop Overthinking

Overthinking is something that everyone has to deal with at some point. Because of society’s pressure, you might worry about or question everything. While not a mental health condition, overthinking can either cause or be caused by such conditions. Generalized anxiety disorder, for example, can cause someone to overthink and worry about everything.

If you struggle with overthinking, it affects all areas of your life. Someone who overthinks will have trouble making decisions and even end up self-sabotaging. While there isn’t any medication that can cure your overthinking, you can always use grounding techniques. These techniques can get you out of your head and keep you present in the real world. In other words, they ground you when your mind starts spiraling. The benefit of these techniques is that you can cater them to fit your needs and possibilities.

You don’t need to have a perfect environment to do them. Most of these you can do anywhere and anytime you need to. You can use these methods to alleviate the issue at the moment, or you can do them daily as a long-term solution. Breathing techniques, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and meditation are some of the best exercises to help you stop overthinking. But even something as mundane as taking a walk and listening to your surroundings can do the trick.

3 Things That Cause Water Retention (and How to Fix It)

June 26, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever had to deal with excessive swelling and discomfort? Are you suddenly gaining weight without having changed your diet and lifestyle? Do you notice changes in skin color or even shiny and puffy skin? All these symptoms point toward water retention.

Water retention is quite common, yet people don’t know how to identify it. Also known as fluid retention, it’s one of the body’s primary mechanisms for maintaining fluids. But, for various reasons, the body doesn’t always hold just the right amount. Often, there are problems with different mechanisms of the body that make it so that more fluids are retained than necessary. When that happens, you will suffer from various symptoms, mainly swelling and discomfort.

For most cases of water retention, the issue will resolve itself. Still, water retention can aggravate and cause serious problems, in which case you’ll need to consult a doctor. The best way to avoid dealing with the issue is to prevent it altogether. While some causes are unavoidable, you can manage many of them. In most cases of water retention, your lifestyle causes the issue. If you tweak some of your habits, you’ll significantly lower the probability of dealing with this issue. To better understand why water retention happens, keep reading.

Symptoms of Water Retention

As you might already know, the human body is composed of up to 60% water. So, it’s no surprise that it needs to retain fluids to function normally. For this reason, there are mechanisms to ensure that some of the fluids that enter the body stay there. As the human body isn’t perfect, sometimes these mechanisms fail, and the body retains too many fluids. And this retention induces some unwelcomed changes and symptoms.

Swelling

The primary symptom of water retention is swelling, affecting all parts of the body. Still, this swelling is more noticeable in the extremities (hands, arms, feet, legs, and ankles). This is probably the first symptom you’ll notice if you are dealing with water retention. This leads to discomfort and can even cause severe pain. This swelling, also known as edema, can be categorized as pitting and non-pitting. Pitting edema is when, if you press on the skin, it will leave a dent. Non-pitting edema is when no imprint appears after pressing on the skin.

Unexplained Weight Gain

Another common symptom is sudden weight gain, known as water weight. The body can retain up to five pounds of excess fluid alone. This often causes bloating in the stomach area but can even be noticed in other body parts. If, for example, your rings don’t fit suddenly, that’s because your body retained fluids. The weight you gain often goes away in a few days when dealing with water retention. But you might be dealing with weight fluctuations if you’re struggling with retention.

Changes in the Skin

Changes in skin color and texture are other potential changes. Puffiness and shiny skin can signify that your body holds too much fluid. But they aren’t something to be worried about, as they don’t cause any pain or physical discomfort.

3 Causes of Water Retention

If you have swelling, look for these things.

1. High Salt Intake Contributes to Water Retention

Salt is one of the parts of our diets that we can’t seem to let go of. Without it, almost any food is bland. It is a flavor enhancer, meaning that it boosts the taste of everything we eat. It’s so versatile that even recipes for sweets require it. But salt is tricky to deal with, as an excess can cause various health issues. One of the outcomes of excess consumption of salt is water retention. This is because salt has a high percentage of sodium, which plays an essential role in regulating fluid retention.

Without consuming any sodium, your body would almost not be able to retain any fluids. Because of that, the average adult needs to consume no less than 180 milligrams of sodium per day and no more than 1500 milligrams. Consuming more than 2300 milligrams is already an issue. Yet, the CDC has concluded that the average American adult has an intake of over 3400 milligrams of sodium per day.

An intake of 400 milligrams of sodium equals eating a gram of table salt. Even this tiny amount causes retention of around two pounds of water. So, the more salt you eat, the more water you’ll retain. But overconsumption of sodium causes many other health concerns, like high blood pressure. If this overconsumption happens over a prolonged period, the risk of heart attack and stroke increases.

2. Swelling Resulting from Menstruation and Hormonal Changes

The hormonal imbalances that cause water retention affect women primarily because of menstruation and menopause. Of course, specific hormonal imbalances can cause water retention in men too. But the menstrual cycle makes it so that hormonal imbalances happen more often, thus disproportionately affecting women.

Most women experience mild symptoms of bloating and swelling the day before their menstruation starts. In some cases, these symptoms can appear as early as five days before menstruation begins. This last instance is often indicative of PMS (premenstrual syndrome). But, in most cases, water retention peaks on the first day of menstruation. Studies show that this peak happens when oestradiol and progesterone levels are at their lowest during the cycle.

Water retention is also common during pregnancy, as protein levels increase during this period. Also, the extracellular fluid, plasma, and blood volume increase, meaning that your body holds more liquids than it usually does. But water retention can also happen during menopause, as in this period, the body deals with a considerable loss of estrogen. This loss is associated with increased salt sensitivity, meaning your kidneys retain more salt than usual.

3. Diseases Can Cause Water Retention

While this is not the leading cause of water retention, it’s the most serious. Various diseases can affect different mechanisms, causing the body to retain more water than it should. You won’t be able to tell right away that an infection causes this retention. But, if it persists, you should be aware of the possibility of a more significant problem causing it.

The kidneys control the levels of fluids in your body, along with other things. They also filter the blood and remove toxins from the body. Some of the substances that are filtered through the kidney are reabsorbed, like water. Others, like potassium, are eliminated through urine. Any issue affecting the kidneys can cause severe damage. Chronic kidney disease is the leading public health concern worldwide.

And one of the problems it creates is water retention, as the kidney can’t accurately control the levels of fluids in the body. The kidneys start releasing fewer fluids, sometimes causing kidney failure in the worst case. Dialysis can only solve the issue to a certain extent. In some cases, a kidney transplant is the only treatment.

Another severe disease that can cause water retention is heart failure. This is also connected with the kidneys, as a weak heart pumps less blood to the kidneys. As less blood is pumped, thus the kidneys receive less blood. As a result, they don’t have enough fluids to pump back into the body. So, to keep sending enough blood to the kidneys, the blood retains more fluids.

How to Reduce the Swelling

In most cases, water retention is an issue that will get solved by itself in a few days. Still, a healthy lifestyle and diet can be good to prevent and treat it. Using less salt in your diet is one of the first things you need to do if you’re struggling with water retention. Exercise is also good, as it eliminates excess fluids through sweat. Even though it seems counterintuitive, drinking more water can also help ease symptoms of water retention.

To ease immediate symptoms of swelling, you can try massaging the affected areas by stroking the heart. This will improve blood circulation, thus helping the body release fluids. Elevating the affected part of the body above the heart will get the same effect. A doctor can even recommend some exercises you can do to ensure your fluid level is always under control.

If you can’t solve the issue of water retention by changing your lifestyle, you can check with your doctor and get prescribed diuretics. These are pills that help the body release excess fluids through urine. You also need to be aware that the water retention might indicate underlying medical conditions. If the issue persists, you need to schedule an appointment with a doctor for a check-up.

If the issue is hormonal, some pills can help you stabilize your hormone levels. In the worst-case scenario, the water weight will show that you are dealing with serious issues, like chronic kidney disease or heart failure. In that case, your doctor will recommend hospitalization or at least ongoing medical supervision.

Final Thoughts on Things That Cause Water Retention and How to Reduce the Swelling

Water retention is quite common, and various factors can cause it. In most cases, it’s nothing to be worried about. Our bodies constantly fluctuate depending on how we go about our day. Some days you’ll eat more salt or exercise less, which will cause some water retention. Even hormonal imbalances caused by natural things, such as menstruation and pregnancy, can affect how much fluid the body holds.

Though water retention is generally nothing to be worried about, it can also indicate severe underlying conditions. Any disease that affects the kidney will inevitably cause water retention. The most worrying illnesses that cause it are chronic heart disease and heart failure. Even hormonal conditions can cause it.

In most cases, the water retention will solve by itself in a few days. If you have a healthy lifestyle, you won’t even have to deal with this issue very often. But, if the problem persists, you need to see a doctor for a check-up. If the cause of water retention is a disease, you will need to get the proper treatment.

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Eight Ways to Get Your Partner to Go to Counseling

1. Don’t Point Fingers When You Discuss the Topic of Counseling

2. Let Them Know Your Intentions to Attend Therapy

3. Don’t Get Defensive

4. Be Truthful About the Issues That You Want to Discuss in Counseling

5. Set Clear Goals to Work Through Conflicts Together

6. Move Past the Stigma of Getting Therapy

7. Don’t Trick Them – Be Honest About Your Motives

8. Choose the Counselor Together

Finding Alternatives to Therapy or Counseling

1. Couples’ Therapy Retreats

2. Online Counseling and Relationship Courses

3. Read Self-Help Books

4. Go Alone

Final Thoughts on Going to Counseling to Save Your Relationship

4 Reasons You Attract the Wrong People

1. You Ignore Red Flags

2. You Are Reckless and Impulsive

3. You Don’t Think You Deserve Love

4. That’s What You Learned

How to Raise Your Vibration and Stop Attracting the Wrong People

Final Thoughts on Why You Attract the Wrong People and How to Fix It

Mental Health Habits #1 – Gratitude

· Increase The Frequency With Which You Say “Thank You.”

· Volunteer For A Charitable Cause

Look For Things To Be Grateful About

Mental Health Habits #2 – Meditate

· Visualization

· Body Scan Meditation

· Witness Consciousness

Mental Health Habits #3 – Seek Out Inspiration

· Find Inspiration Everywhere

· Fill Your Life With Good People Who Have Good Mental Health Habits

· Make Great Goals

Mental Health Habits #4 – Use Positive Self-Talk To Counter Your Negativity

Final Thoughts on Some Habits That Improve Your Mental Health Habits

Four Behaviors That Could Reveal Childhood Abandonment

1 – Being a People Pleaser Reveals Childhood Abandonment

2 – Feelings of Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem Come When Someone Abandons You

3 – People Who Experienced Childhood Abandonment Can Become Attached Very Fast

4 – Difficulty Being Vulnerable Comes With Being Abandoned

Final Thoughts on Coping With Childhood Abandonment: What You Can Do Next

Why Do People Overthink?

Stress

Fear

4 Grounding Techniques to Stop Overthinking

1. Breathing Exercises

2. The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

3. Take a Walk – Stay Mindful of Your Breathing

4. Meditation Grounding Techniques

Final Thoughts on Grounding Techniques to Stop Overthinking

Symptoms of Water Retention

Swelling

Unexplained Weight Gain

Changes in the Skin

3 Causes of Water Retention

1. High Salt Intake Contributes to Water Retention

2. Swelling Resulting from Menstruation and Hormonal Changes

3. Diseases Can Cause Water Retention

How to Reduce the Swelling

Final Thoughts on Things That Cause Water Retention and How to Reduce the Swelling

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