Page 294

5 Ways to Stop Apologizing Too Much

June 5, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Is it time to stop apologizing too much?

When utilized well, apologies are powerful. A single sincere apology can prove your ability to hold yourself accountable. It can mend relationships and rifts between people by restoring trust. That’s a beautiful thing! But too much of a good thing tends to end up being harmful. Saying “sorry” constantly is a surefire way to damage relationships and harm yourself. Worse still, it can build up into a habit that’s tough to break.

If so, then here are five ways to stop.

1. Understand Why You Should Stop Apologizing Too Much

To stop a behavior, you have to get to its root. Only then can you examine the source, reflect on it, and find a way to change it. There are lots of reasons that you may be apologizing too much. Here are the most common causes, and if one fits you, it’s time to start working on it!

· If You Need to Stop Apologizing, You Might Be A Perfectionist

If you have impossibly high standards for yourself, every tiny thing that’s not perfect is a mistake. This habit leads to a desire to apologize for not meeting your impossible expectations continually. You might also do this because you fear criticism, which you may view as a stain on the perfection you seek.

· Misplaced Responsibility

For whatever reason, you feel responsible for what others do. This feeling may be a result of codependent relationships or due to past abuse or trauma. You feel the need to apologize for the actions of others, even when you have no part in them. You may even care about others too deeply and feel responsible for their happiness to some degree.

· People-Pleasing

You don’t want to be a burden to anyone, and you want everyone to be happy. Your constant apologies could be a way for you to try and stay on their good side and make them like you. You want to be agreeable and for everyone to get along, and you might even be frightened of conflict!

· Discomfort

Whenever you feel uncomfortable, the awkwardness eats at you, and you need to apologize to make it go away. You might not know what to say and therefore divert to saying sorry.

· Poor Self-Esteem

You always worry that you’re doing something wrong or that others dislike you. This feeling causes you to apologize to make up for your perceived inadequacies, even if they’re all in your head. You might also believe you don’t deserve anything good, leading to even further apologies.

· Anxiety

You always think the worst possible outcome may occur. As such, you apologize for unrealistic possibilities. You may also be extremely sensitive to everyone else’s emotions, so you anxiously apologize the second something seems amiss.

· To Make Yourself Feel Better

Although many apologies that assuage guilt are good, even studies that acknowledge this point out this fact. Saying sorry makes you feel better about yourself and fortifies your personal belief in your likability and morality. Even a sincere apology comes with a tiny bit of selfishness. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be overused for this purpose.

· It’s Just A Habit At This Point

You’ve apologized so often that it doesn’t matter what you’re apologizing for. You built the bad habit, and now it happens so automatically that it’s a struggle to realize you’re even doing it!

2. Build Awareness Of Why You Should Stop Apologizing So Often

Whenever you want to change or break a habit, a level of self-awareness is needed. The same goes for trying to stop apologizing too much. That’s why understanding why you have this habit is the first step, but there’s more work to follow!

You need to take note of the way you apologize and act accordingly to circumvent the bad habit. Here are some tips for building awareness in this domain:

· Take Note Of Why You Can’t Seem To Stop Apologizing

What situations or environments are you most likely to apologize in? Do the apologies flow from your mouth when you’re at work? Or do you do it when you’re feeling very stressed out? Knowing your triggers will allow you to be extra alert to catch the behavior during these times.

· Pause, Take A Deep Breath And Stop Apologizing

When you’re about to apologize, take a bit of a pause. Ask yourself why you need to apologize in this situation. Is it necessary? Have you done anything wrong? What are you apologizing for, exactly? Taking this short breather will give you the chance to catch yourself and replace the apology with something better.

· Think Of How It Negatively Affects You

Constantly apologizing is terrible for your social image and the way people view you. You appear less assertive and may even come across as weak. Research has found that this perceived lack of strength can get you passed over for promotions at work, especially if you’re a woman.

· Think Of How It Negatively Affects Others

Believe it or not, your apologies may be causing more harm than help to the people around you. Studies have indicated that apologies can make you feel more guilty and can even exacerbate pained emotions. This means that by apologizing, you could make those you’re saying sorry to feel worse! While you shouldn’t live life to people-please, if you often apologize out of guilt, this is helpful to keep in mind.

3. Flip The Script

Apologizing too much often happens on impulse. You’re so used to it that you offer a sincere apology when there’s no need for one. To prevent this impulse from wreaking havoc, you’ll have to flip the script. This means replacing the apologies with other phrases that can take their place in your mind. Ways that you can flip the script are by:

Changing the way you express compassion
Opting for expressions of gratitude over apologizing
Phrasing questions more mindfully and carefully

Need help conceptualizing those concepts? Here are some examples of replacements that you can use:

Don’t say, “sorry, I don’t understand.” Say, “Could you help me better understand this, please?”.
Don’t say “sorry for the confusion.” Say, “Thank you for catching that issue.”
Instead of saying “sorry to interrupt.” Say, “I’d like to expand on that.”
Don’t say “sorry for the inconvenience.” Say, “Thanks for taking the time to do this.”
Don’t say “sorry for complaining.” Say, “Thank you for listening.”
Instead of saying “sorry for the late response.” Say, “Thank you for your patience.”
Don’t say, “sorry to have to tell you this.” Say, “I know this is difficult to hear.”

What about script changes for the generic phrase “I’m sorry”? There are numerous alternatives to help you stop apologizing. If you didn’t do anything wrong or notable, you could use:

Excuse me
After you
Please, go ahead
Pardon?
Thanks for bringing this to my attention
Thank you for catching that error

4. Determine Things To Never Apologize For

While you break the habit of apologizing too much, it’s a good idea to have some blanket rules. One good practice is never to apologize for certain things. After all, there are some things that no one should ever have to say sorry for in any situation. Keeping those things in mind will be helpful for this rule. Here are some examples of things that you shouldn’t feel guilty about.

· Asking Questions

Asking questions, whether to learn or for clarification, is not something to be ashamed of. That curiosity is key to success and continual growth. Some people might try to make you feel embarrassed about your questions. Don’t let them make you feel guilty over something as good and productive as gaining knowledge!

· How You Feel

Emotions are things that you can’t control. They’re entirely natural. Apologizing for how you feel is to deny yourself permission to be human. Of course, how you react to those emotions is controllable. You can’t use your feelings as an excuse to be a jerk. If your emotions are the motivation behind negative behavior, you do have to apologize for that. But the feelings themselves aren’t things you should ever say you’re sorry about.

· Needing Time To Yourself

Many people have been conditioned to believe that taking “me time” is inherently selfish. But it’s not! Everyone needs time to be by themselves and with themselves. It’s how you can recharge and practice healthy, positive self-care. Stop apologizing for this very basic need. There’s no reason to feel guilty for taking care of yourself. After all, you’re the very best person to look after yourself!

· How You Look

You don’t owe anyone any sort of appearance apart from general decency. The way you look is just one face of who you are, and it’s not something you should ever feel bad for. Sure, there are dress codes to follow in certain places, but ultimately you should own your appearance!

5. Build Your Confidence–Then Stop Apologizing When You’re Guilty Of Nothing

A vast number of the causes of over-apologizing lie in low confidence levels. When you don’t have confidence, you lack self-esteem, set unrealistic expectations, and desire external validation to an extreme extent. This is why building yourself up can be the most powerful way to stop apologizing too much.

· Be Kind To Yourself

Whenever things go wrong, respond to yourself as you would to a friend. Be understanding and patient with yourself, like you would be with a loved one. Research has shown that self-compassion is closely linked to confidence, as you can constantly learn and grow instead of holding yourself back.

· Do Things That Scare You

Fears often stem from a lack of self-confidence. You’re afraid of failure and setbacks because you don’t believe you’ll be able to overcome them. Prove those thoughts wrong! Studies have found that confidence and the ability to face fears and take risks are closely linked. By fighting your fears, you’re able to prove your capabilities to yourself.

· Use Positive Self-Talk To Help Stop Apologizing

Positive self-talk is the use of mantras and positive statements to instill feelings of confidence. It involves countering your negative inner critic by reaffirming your strengths and capabilities so you can stop apologizing. According to research, this is a highly effective way to build trust! Whenever you feel that you can’t do something, confidently remind yourself of the many things you’re able to do. Name your great traits and your ability to do your best and learn from everything!

Final Thoughts On How To Stop Apologizing Too Much

Apologizing is something that should only be done when necessary. Doing so too much can harm you and your relationships, and it’s a mark of numerous deeper issues. If you find that you should stop apologizing, it’s a good idea to do what you can to unlearn the habit. There are healthier and more productive alternatives to constant apologies.

5 Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Live Meaningfully

June 5, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever been overwhelmed by the number of things scattered around everywhere? Do you feel like you waste money on useless items but don’t know how to change that? Do you feel so caught up in consumerism, you can’t enjoy a meaningful life anymore? Perhaps it’s time to save more money by embracing minimalism.

If your life is too erratic, you might need a change of scenery. In many cases, trying to buy less won’t solve your issues as long as you keep the consumerist mentality. It would help if you had a full-on lifestyle change. And minimalism might be the option you are looking for. You might want to make sure that at the end of the month you’ll have more money in your pocket. Or you might want to focus on things that are more important than expenses. Whichever the case, read on to find out how minimalism can help you save money.

What Is Minimalism?

Minimalism is a design choice and lifestyle in which you use a limited number of simple objects but make the most out of them. Minimalists are determined to own only the things they need, the things that serve a purpose. They have everything they need for daily life without having clutter that they might need lying around. And they don’t have any useless things that they might become emotionally attached to.

While this is first and foremost about what you own, it can also be about who you are. Because they don’t have to worry about always buying stuff, they can focus on other things. Instead of budgeting for what they can get, they budget for what they can do. It makes life more meaningful for them because it allows them to focus on experiences.

The idea that more stuff makes people happy is a myth, or so do minimalists think. They value spending time building relationships rather than working all day to buy more. While they recognize that there’s nothing inherently wrong with material stuff, they see minimalism as a way to achieve freedom. To not be pinned down by debt or worry over paying bills over bills means to be free, in their opinion.

Five Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Lead A Meaningful Life

If you need to trim your expenses or are sick of having clutter all around you, minimalism might be the thing for you. Read on to find out how to implement it and how it can help you financially.

1. Shopping For Quality Rather Than Quantity

This might be the fundamental tenet of minimalism: you should always strive to purchase qualitative items rather than having more. In other words, you need to be intentional with your purchases.

Let’s say you have an office job, and cooking isn’t one of your hobbies. While you might be inclined to fill your kitchen with gadgets, that’s not necessary. If you’re not interested in cooking something fancy, you will never need an asparagus steamer. Make sure that what you get has value for you. If you spend a couple of hundred bucks on a kitchen appliance, you better be sure you get a lot of uses out of it.

This applies to all aspects of your life. Don’t get a dozen shades of lipstick if you know you’ll never use them. Don’t get a ton of pillows just because they look pretty when you know you’ll never display them. The list goes on. This way, you can be intentional with your purchases and make sure you get every dime out of an item.

Along with being intentional, you have to look for quality. If you don’t cook a lot, that doesn’t mean you should get the cheapest pan possible and change it every month. You’re just going to waste money. Buying something more expensive is worth it as long as you know it will last you years.

If you calculate the price per use, something seemingly cheaper might end up being more expensive. That’s not to say that there aren’t moderately priced items that also last a long time. It just means you should do your research and figure out an approximate price peruse. And if you need to splurge a little, you can do it if you’re confident that the item has the quality you need.

If you’re concerned with the environment, buying fewer things that last longer will cut down on your waste.

2. Cut Meaningless Expenses

If you live a chaotic life, chances are your savings account isn’t too happy with your decisions. While some people might be ok with this, most people want to save more money if they can. Cutting down on meaningless expenses is the easiest way to start.

The average American spends about $18,000 a year on meaningless purchases. Try to go over your budget and bank statements, and pinpoint what you can cut down on. If you buy many plastic bags for groceries, you might want to get some reusable bags and cut those useless expenses. Either cut some items entirely out of your life or replace them with more inexpensive alternatives.

If you can do something yourself, you should do it. Let’s say you always get caramel macchiatos from Starbucks. And they might be delicious. But with some coffee, milk, and caramel syrup, you can replicate them at home. You can save you two to five bucks every day. This is also true for food, clothing altering, and so much more.

It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your favorite coffee from a cafe once in a while. It just means you shouldn’t get complacent and rely on someone else doing things for you. If you can do something, there’s no reason you shouldn’t.

3. Invest In Reusable Items to Save Even More Money

Single-use items might be the most manageable unnecessary cost to miss. People are so used to getting plastic bags, water bottles, and so on, they don’t even notice the money leaving their savings accounts. But investing in reusables will do wonders for your savings.

Reusables are a reliable and financially conscious alternative to many single-use items. And you would be surprised to see how many things you can replace. Recipients are the first thing you should consider changing up. Get a water filter and a reusable water bottle instead of buying bottled water every day. Get a reusable coffee cup. And the list goes on. In general, whatever you have that is plastic is replaceable with reusable in some way.

Another way to replace stuff is to consider what old items you could reuse. That old tote bag from the back of your closet could become a perfect grocery bag. An old t-shirt can become a cleaning rag. You can upcycle a lot of things if you use your imagination.

Taking these steps will help you trim your expenses and save more money. And they are sustainable alternatives.

4. Invest In Experiences

One way to make the most out of your money is to invest in experiences rather than material possessions. Once you start focusing on doing things rather than having things, your life will become more meaningful.

If you choose to go on trips, you will create memories that are much more valuable than the things you have. Buying the latest gadget will only make you happy for a short period. As soon as a newer, better device comes out, you will be pressured to buy it. So, it creates a vicious cycle in which you constantly need something newer and better.

But experiences focus on what you see, feel, and do, not what you have. Going on a trip in Bali can be just as valuable as going on a road trip close to home. At the core of these experiences are your genuine wants, not the wants imposed on you by aggressive advertising. Experiences are also about connecting with people. You create strong bonds, and you have memories that will last a lifetime.

This can save money in some cases. Even if it doesn’t, it alleviates the pressure of having to spend every dime on things that don’t make you happy. And what you get out of your investment is much more valuable. This way, it can help you find real meaning in your life.

5. Have A Long-Term Focus on Saving More Money

If you embrace a minimalist lifestyle, you will experience a shift in mentality. This lifestyle encourages a long-term focus that can help you balance your spending.

One change that happens often regards the size of people’s homes. Someone focused on the short-term will want a big, fancy house because that’s the societal goal. But people focused on the long term will get a place the exact size they need. That’s not to say there aren’t minimalists who have bigger homes. But that’s because that’s what they need. But, as people declutter, they switch to smaller spaces because they don’t need anything more. This saves a lot on rent and maintenance costs.

Another example of long-term focus is minimalists’ ability to let go of things they don’t need anymore. Most people have a hard time letting go of some stuff. Even you might have an old jacket that you keep because maybe you’ll use it again someday. But minimalists know that it’s better to let someone else use it and make more space in their closet for something else. That’s why they tend to sell the things they don’t need. This way, they make more money and declutter their space.

Those are just two examples of long-term thinking. But there are many instances where this happens.

Final Thoughts On Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Lead A Meaningful Life

If you want to make sure you can save more money, you might want to embrace minimalism. This lifestyle is all about keeping things simple and being intentional with your spending.

It incentivizes a mentality shift in people that makes them value experiences over material possessions. Instead of having a dozen pans, you should get a couple of outstanding ones. Rather than buying plastic bags for all your groceries, get a tote bag. Finally, instead of always buying bottled water, use a reusable bottle. These changes will help you spend less and live in a clutter-free environment. And, the less you worry about spending and clutter, the more time you have to create memories and connections.

5 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

June 5, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever wanted how to figure out if your relationship will withstand the test of time? Do you ever wish there could be a way to make sure you are fighting for something good?

All relationships are drastically different, and it could be hard to compare them sometimes. If you don’t have a vantage point, it can become difficult to assess whether the situation is good. But that’s the beauty of it all.

Every relationship is unique. Sometimes, you need to have some signs that make you feel sure you’re in for a long time. Fortunately, some signs apply to all relationships that can show you just that. Read on if you want to find out whether your relationship will stand the test of time.

How Does A Strong Relationship Look Like?

People often think of solid relationships as being comprised of two people who are always side-by-side. And that’s just one of the first misconceptions. Having kids, a house with a white picket fence, and looking happy at all times are other signs commonly associated with healthy relationships. But that’s not always the case.

That stereotypical idyllic portrayal doesn’t necessarily point towards a strong relationship. But what does one look like? According to relationship coach Jennifer Howell, a strong relationship is a safe place for everyone involved. You know the connection is stable when you can communicate your wants, needs, and boundaries.

Make sure that, first and foremost, you have a strong relationship. If you want to drag out a toxic relationship, maybe it will last the test of time. But it will only cause you suffering. A toxic relationship will take a toll on your mental and physical health. It can increase anxiety, lead to insomnia, and even impact your heart in a literal sense (increases risk of heart attacks).

As you might well know, you can die from a broken heart. Ensure you have a healthy relationship before focusing on how long it will last. Mary Jo Rapini, a licensed intimacy psychotherapist shares this sentiment.

5 Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

According to a study from 2019, being in a high-quality romantic relationship is associated with an increased quality of life. That’s precisely why people should be single rather than in an unhealthy relationship. But if you are in a healthy relationship, how can you tell it will last a lifetime?

1. You Are Friends

This first one is a bit of a cliché, but it’s the most common sign. People involved in the most vital relationships are friends before anything romantic ever happens. And, if they can stay friends through everything, they’re in for the long run.

The alternative to a friendship-based relationship is a passion-based relationship. And, while passion is necessary, it doesn’t allow for something to develop and grow through the ages. This idea is consistent with research showing that relationships based on compassion and friendship are more satisfying and last longer.

Passion can fade, and when it does, you are left with a shallow relationship. Desire will dissipate at the first bump in the road, and the relationship will crumble. But, in a friendship-based relationship, compassion will keep you together even when times are hard. Another study shows that couples married for over 15 years will list friendships and understand why they lasted. They suggested that it is important to like who your partner is to have a meaningful connection.

Make sure you are friends with your partner before you start dating. This way, you will know you are together for something more than looks. A friend is someone who you like spending time with. You share common values, take care of each other and trust each other.

Friendships create strong emotional bonds. All these qualities are essential pillars for romantic relationships as well. If you add passion and intimacy on top of that, you can make sure your relationship will last.

2. You Have Shared Values

Opinions and a difference in desires can be absolute deal-breakers in an excellent relationship. While you can make it work with someone who sees back when you see white, it will be challenging. But if your values and road in life are similar, you will get each other, and everything will be smooth sailing.

All relationships are different, with different people having different needs. But it’s essential to find the one who can fulfill your needs. A person who wants to travel and have a career can’t make it work with someone who wants to live the suburban dream. If at any point you feel like your relationship is like a game of tug-of-war, chances are you won’t pass the test of time.

If you feel like you and your partner are always on the same page, you are meant to be. Therapist Jim Seibold believes that if partners have similar end goals, they’ll be fit to endure any obstacles. This way, you won’t be separated by a difference in desire. When you don’t share values, you have to waste time trying to work through fundamental differences. This doesn’t include small preferences.

It’s only a sign when it comes to core values. Mutual respect and compassion are still necessary, no matter what. Don’t think you won’t have to make compromises; you definitely will. But if your core values align, you have a strong foundation to build upon.

3. Fighting Fair Can Help Your Union Withstand the Test of Time

The most enduring relationships are those in which you don’t avoid fights but use them to empower your connection. This ability is something most people aren’t aware of. In many people’s heads, an argument is inherently a bad thing. But that’s not always the case.

Strong couples know that fights are inevitable. From the minor things, like someone forgetting to get bread, to big, life altering-events like deciding whether to move. People always have disagreements. That’s just human nature. The question isn’t whether they take place but how they take place.

The couples who have lasted the longest are the ones who understand that conflict should be used to their advantage. Additionally, they know how to conduct themselves in heated situations. Family therapist Winifred Reilly says that a good sign to look out for is that no matter how hard times are, nobody gets nasty. When they don’t pile on unrelated stuff, blame you, and instead, they try to get to the bottom of everything, they’re a good one.

In times of struggle, these people will know how to see through the fog and find a way to grow after fights. They learn to give when they need to and take when they need to. Their relationship is based on compromise. Even though they fight, they still look out for each other’s needs. That’s how they can take the fight and get something good out of it. They might learn a lesson they can apply to make the relationship stronger. If you and your partner have this dynamic, your connection will last the test of time.

4. You’ll Pass The Test Of Time if You Bring Out The Best In One Another

Some people might be great apart, but horrible together. Sometimes, when people couple up, they risk bringing out the worst in each other. From kind, happy, understanding people, they might become stressed, snappy, and a pain to be around.

But in other cases, the exact opposite is true. A relationship that will last time is when people bring out the best in each other. The right person for you is the one that inspires you to become better, even when it feels hard. They make you feel like giving up is not an option, that working on personal growth is always important.

This also happens when people accept each other fully. They become their best versions because they feel comfortable in showing who they are. They feel safe enough to be vulnerable, let their partner in, and learn. You don’t feel scared of how they react when you ask for their help; they will give it to you no matter what. It is a strong relationship based on mutual respect.

5. You Never Stop Dating

The dating phase before you settle into a committed relationship can be the most fun time. But as your relationship develops, some people tend to date less and less proactively. They don’t go on dates anymore and don’t surprise each other. But the people who still go out often are in for the long run after tens of years.

These little acts of affection keep your relationship fresh at all times. If you go on a new date or adventure, you will never get bored every couple of weeks. Don’t slip into a routine, and don’t be content with comfortability. Remember, romance is essential for a long-lasting bond. If you see that your partner goes out of their way to keep everything exciting, you’ve got something good going.

The time you spend together because you go on dates, walks, or just to do things together will be a game-changer. You will keep learning about one another, and this will create a more profound understanding between you. Communicating and having fun are critical for a stable and robust bond.

Final Thoughts On Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

A relationship might seem strong, but that doesn’t mean it will last forever. And it can be challenging to know if this great thing you have now will always be with you. Relationships are all unique, and every couple has different relationship challenges.

It might be frustrating not having a clear guideline you can follow to make sure everything goes well. But you shouldn’t follow someone else’s relationship; you have to focus on your own. Even if that’s the case, there are still some signs you are in for a long run with someone. Open communication, compromise, and a solid emotional bond are the core of a relationship that will last forever.

If you have all that and add some excitement to the bond, you will overcome every challenge you might face.

4 Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever struggled with being all over the place emotionally? Or do you know someone else who’s dealing with that? Do you wish you could find a way to help yourself or other emotionally unstable people?

Emotional instability can be difficult to deal with, especially when you don’t know the signs. The behaviors of emotionally unstable people are erratic and unpredictable at times, so you have to be prepared to manage them. If you want to learn about some traits of emotional instability, keep reading.

What Is Emotional Instability?

Emotional instability (or affective dysregulation) often refers to the psychological condition that makes people experience rapidly changing moods. Strong emotions are felt by the people who suffer this condition. They might start uncontrollably laughing or burst out into tears. According to Ashley B. Hampton, Ph.D., it is centered around unpredictability in emotions and reactions to events. While most people experience a wide range of emotions, most people can manage them. But people who struggle with emotional instability will react to them in powerful ways.

The people struggling with this will also suffer from disruptive patterns of thinking. This mental illness can make them experience unusual things, feel out of place. And they are often bothered by upsetting thoughts.

Emotional instability is a psychological state that can occur to anyone. It is associated with mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and trauma. The most extreme form of emotional instability can become a disorder. Best case, if you have mild symptoms, it means you have a personality with borderline traits.

Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (or Borderline Personality Disorder) is a personality disorder that causes emotional instability. It can cause many complications if left untreated. It can make you feel like you’ve lost control of your thoughts and emotions. You go through highs and lows that affect your health and make it difficult to connect with people.

The causes of EUPD are unclear. They seem to involve genetic, neurological, and environmental factors. Symptoms can develop as a result of not receiving the nurturing they need. It has been shown that it occurs more often in people who have an affected relative. Women seem to be three times as likely to have it than men. It is less common in order people.

4 Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

EUPD requires medical attention and close observation. Moreover, the signs might overlap with symptoms of other disorders, especially because some symptoms are less noticeable.

1. They React In An Unexpected Way

People who struggle with being emotionally unstable can sometimes react in unpredictable ways. Not only are the reactions are unexpected, but they also respond in inappropriate moments.

This can look like someone laughing in a tense moment, crying out of the blue, etc. This happens because the person loses control of their emotions. They can’t manage what they feel and when they feel it.

This happens because of dichotomous (all-or-nothing) thinking. They can rarely see the nuances in situations, which leads to splitting (inability to maintain a cohesive set of beliefs). One day they might think something is fantastic, and the next day they feel it is the worst ever.

Watch For Extreme Mood Swings In Emotionally Unstable People

If they experience rapid mood swings, they will have issues with self-soothing. Sherry Cormier, Ph.D., explains they lack the skills to calm themselves down. They can become overly reactive and respond to the slightest stimuli. They feel everything more intensely. That’s why their reactions might seem exaggerated at times. In their minds, it is appropriate, even though it doesn’t meet social expectations. But that’s just because they find everything hard to process.

People experiencing instability are also very impulsive. It takes a lot for them to take a step back and reflect. It’s much easier to act on whatever thought crosses their minds. They might appear to have poor coping and problem-solving skills. While being a little impulsive isn’t life-shattering, emotionally unstable people take it to the next level. They might break up with their long-term partner without notice, quit their job, and do other similar things.

Being empathetic and compassionate is the best way to help someone in this situation. Emotionally unstable people have a tough time controlling their emotions and are also tired of dealing with extremes daily. Please don’t make them feel like what they’re going through isn’t valid. That’s only going to make them think insane and isolated. Instead, focus on accepting them for how they are and soothing them when they’re going through mood swings. If you see that this behavior is a recurring theme, you might want to consult a specialist.

2. They Experience Rapid Shifts In Mood

Emotionally unstable people are prone to experiencing mood swings. But not just your run-of-the-mill mood swings; full-blown going from an extreme to another in a split second.

While all people get moody sometimes, it can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions for those who are emotionally unstable. They can get triggered by any little thing. A weird look from someone might set them off quickly. Sometimes it’s because they interpret something wrong, and they can get affected.

They can go from laughing and smiling to in a puddle of tears in a few minutes. And because they mostly experience extremes or numbness, the swing is quite visible. This greatly affects their well-being, as they have to feel opposing emotions quickly. They might even give up and go into states that some would describe as psychotic in some cases. This can shock the people around them. But it’s important to understand that you shouldn’t be afraid of the people battling this. Emotional instability is an enormous burden, and these mood swings are common.

If you see someone going through rapidly changing moods, be there to support them. Don’t get weirded out, don’t judge the person, and certainly don’t leave. Try to stay there and offer your emotional support. Get them what they need to calm down. In some cases, medication might help to keep them at a baseline. And if that’s not enough, therapy sessions might be a good try.

3. They Have Unstable Or Shallow Relationships

In many cases, emotional instability develops due to a lack of parental nurturing during a child’s early years. This can be neglect, abandonment, abuse, and more. It is because of this that they have unstable and shallow relationships later in life.

Emotionally unstable people are afraid they will be abandoned. Whether it is because of trauma, or other factors, that fear is real, making them shut themselves off. Additionally, they have to struggle with having a poor self-image. All of these factors create toxic behaviors.

Emotionally unstable people are known for being low on empathy. Their feelings are so much to handle that they must shut themselves off from feeling more. The fact that they have a poor self-image also makes them project their insecurities on others. Because they mostly feel extremes or nothing, most relationships they have are shallow. They are indifferent about those people and probably hang out with them because it benefits them somehow.

Emotionally Unstable People Have Instability

In the cases when the relationships aren’t shallow, they are very unstable. Because they’re afraid of being abandoned and isolated, they can desperately cling to certain people. They tend to idealize people and hold them to unattainable expectations. They are terrified of rejection, so they will cling to you for dear life. Because of their instability, they swing between admiring and denigrating people. And anything can set them off. They are so easily hurt or insulted that one wrong step might make them mad. This is why relationships can become very rocky. If you’re in a romantic relationship with an unstable person, don’t be surprised to break up and make-up often.

If you notice any signs, try to have their best interest at heart. Your relationship might be shallow and unstable, but they might still need you to guide and help them. Be close to them, but not too tight. If you see that they start to idealize you, pull back. If they don’t get the treatment, they won’t be in the right place to have serious relationships.

4. They Run From Their Problems

As a result of low self-esteem and inability to control their feelings, emotionally unstable people tend to run away from their problems. They fear commitment and responsibility, so they often decide to detach from any promises they make.

If they have to fix something in the house, they procrastinate as long as possible. They don’t care about everything being in order, and sometimes they don’t have the energy to fix everything. Their whole lives are so chaotic that they don’t know how to escape them. And they keep putting themselves in new, more chaotic situations.

Sometimes they don’t even acknowledge they have an issue and don’t listen to anyone trying to help them. If you suggest they change something, maybe get their finances sorted out, they’ll freak out and think you’re looking down on them. This, coupled with low empathy, makes them refuse to admit that they must deal with certain things.

If you’re dealing with someone like this, try offering them a helping hand rather than pointing out their flaws. Boost their morale, don’t just go around judging them.

Final Thoughts On Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

Having to deal with emotional instability can be maddening. So, if you know a person dealing with this, all you can do is be there for them to offer emotional support.

They have to deal with so much daily, from mood swings to acting weird, and running from their problems. They go from one emotional extreme to the other in a split second. In severe cases, this can even become a personality disorder. As a friend, you can be supportive and help them calm down when they’re feeling suffocated by their emotions. You can suggest they go to therapy and try CBT or medication if things worsen.

5 Signs That Reveal If Your Loved Ones Value You

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever wanted to have a way to tell if the people you love think the same about you? Do you have a hard time understanding your value and need to know if others value you? Would you like to know how to act if you find out someone doesn’t appreciate you?

Relationships with loved ones are full of beautiful moments, but they can also be exhausting. Sometimes people don’t know how to reach out and ask if friends and family value them. They are stuck wondering without getting a straight answer. It can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity that eat at you for a long time. If you have trouble knowing whether or not you are valued, it’s best to know some signs.

Five Signs That Your Loved Ones Value You

Look for these signs that indicate someone treasures your heart.

1. Loved Ones Who Treasure You Will Listen to You

Communication is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Whether that relationship is with family, a friend, or romantic, listening and being listened to are very important.

When someone listens to you, they show you that they value what you have to say. They want to know your opinion or what you are dealing with so that they can help you. And there is a big difference between listening just because you have to and actively listening. Someone who doesn’t value you will pretend to listen or nod from time to time, and that’s about it. They will brush you off and make the conversation all about them.

But someone who genuinely cares will give you their undivided attention when you want to talk. They will ask questions, give you their advice if you ask for it, and remember what you said in case it will be relevant later.

If you need to vent, they will let you. If you need help, they will try to guide you. While they won’t remember every detail of what you discussed, they will know about the things that matter to you the most. Sure, they might forget some one-off comment, but they will remember what your opinions, likes, and dislikes are.

Not only do they know how to listen, but they can adequately communicate with you. You can be sure you have a strong bond if you don’t feel weird telling them about something they do that bothers you. They can talk about whatever, without things ever getting awkward. They listen to your side, and only when you’re done do they share their opinion. They’re capable of making compromises if needed.

2. They Make You Feel Safe

Everyone knows that you can only have a healthy relationship if the people in the relationship make each other feel safe.

People generally know that someone who values you won’t be physically aggressive towards you. When someone gets so mad that they hit you or ruin your stuff, sometimes even this side is overlooked. Some people were raised in an environment where parents hitting their kids is normalized.

Others have had to deal with other types of domestic abuse. If you have been through trauma like this, know that someone physically aggressive towards you doesn’t value you. The same can be said about people that destroy your belongings. And if you’re in a delicate situation, let a friend know or contact authorities.

But the part that is even more normalized is the psychological abuse. Maybe a loved one is trying to pressure you into doing something. They might gaslight you, make you think you did things that you didn’t do. And there are other forms of psychological abuse. Whatever someone does that makes you feel unsafe, that’s an unjust attitude towards you.

The people who genuinely value you will make you feel safe. They won’t try to control your life, make decisions for you, or cut you off from social support. You can get to express your opinions and desires freely. For example, if you want to go out without them, they won’t make a scene over it. You can trust each other and count on each other to be there when needed.

3. Loved Ones Accept You Instead Of Trying To Change You

Most people have mixed opinions about what acceptance means. For some, it means leaving someone to their own devices without any interference. To others, it means guidance and advice. Some people don’t understand the concept and try to change the people around them.

The best way to describe acceptance is by acknowledging that someone is the way they are at a particular moment. It doesn’t mean you support them no matter what they do. And you can certainly wish to help them change certain things. So, if that’s not how your loved ones act towards you, it means they don’t value you as well as they should.

When a person accepts you, they will offer you guidance and constructive criticism. They aim to help you become a better version of yourself. They won’t try to control you or pressure you into acting in specific ways. You won’t have to deal with injunctions like “if you don’t change, I’m going to leave you.”

An accepting person will recognize that you are your person, and you have the right to do whatever you want to. They will support you when you want to pursue the best path for yourself. Of course, they won’t help you in doing things that could destroy your life. But if you want to move towns in pursuit of your dream career, they will back you. If you are working towards a promotion, they will help you. And if they see you going astray, they will try to get you back on the right path.

If you feel that your friends and family have this attitude towards you, you can be sure they value you.

4. They Pay Attention To The Details

This might not seem vital for a relationship, but paying attention to the details shows that people care about who you are.

The more details someone knows about you, the more they think about you. And someone who thinks about you respects you. It shows that not only do they listen when you talk, but they go a step further. They make a conscious effort to remember the little things. If you ever go to a coffee shop with someone, and they know how to place your favorite order, that’s a sign they value you.

They make an effort to ask about you. They want to know what you like and dislike so that they can use that information in the future. If they know you don’t like a particular food, they won’t make it at a gathering. They check up on you often to see if you’re alright or if you need something.

If you have a friend or relative who doesn’t do these things, that signifies they don’t value you. If you are vegan, but at a family dinner, they do not offer vegan-friendly alternatives, which shows they ignore your needs.

5. Your Loved Ones Keep Their Promises

Someone who values and respects you will make an effort to keep their promises no matter what. If your loved ones always show up when you need them to, you know they care deeply.

People tend to be selfish in life, and that’s understandable. But if they become selfish in relationships, that can become a problem. But you need to understand that people don’t need to make promises if they can’t keep them. If they make them and back out on them once, that’s excusable. But if that happens repeatedly, it shows a blatant disregard towards you.

A person who values you will try their best to make promises only when they know they can keep them. They don’t offer lame excuses to back out of a commitment. If you need their help, they will be there for you. This shows that they reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship.

People who care will give just as much as they get. They match their words with actions. They won’t just give the illusion that they are there for you. Indeed, they will proactively do things. If they promise they’ll show up to an important event, they’ll be there. They won’t make up excuses last minute to get off the hook.

What To Do If Loved Ones Don’t Value You

Two reasons explain why certain people don’t value you. Either you do things that force them to lose respect, or they don’t care about you.

If you’re in the first scenario, where your actions have forced their hand, you need to make an effort to fix the situation. You need to understand what the problem is, what you have done to hurt them. Maybe you don’t offer them the support they need. Perhaps you are a terrible influence. Whatever it might be, you need to find the root cause. One way to do that is to have a conversation with them and take constructive criticisms. Make concessions when needed.

If you’re in the second scenario, that gets a bit more complicated. Therapist Jenny Walkers say that if you feel you need to walk on eggshells around someone, they don’t value you as they should. These people don’t make you feel seen or heard, to the point where they might interrupt you often or ignore you. They don’t value mutuality, don’t show up when you need them to, and they might be abusive. If that’s the case, you need to distance yourself from that person. Let them go if they don’t deserve you. Don’t justify their behaviors, don’t overcompensate, and don’t stay for the wrong reasons.

Final Thoughts On How To Find Out if Your Loved Ones Value You (And What To Do If They Don’t)

It’s important to be valued in every relationship you have. It would help if you felt that others care and respect you. The main sign that indicates people value you is if they put real effort into the relationship. If they listen, communicate, make you feel safe, and keep their promises, that shows you they are genuine.

If you know someone who criticizes you, that indicates they don’t value you the way they should. Those people don’t deserve you, and your best bet is to distance yourself from them as soon as possible.

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever considered that what’s holding you back from being confident are excuses? That your brain is the one keeping you back? What can you do to get over the fears and nurture your confidence?

It can be hard to be confident when it feels like everyone is judging you at all times. Or when it feels like, no matter what you do, it’s not enough. But all these feelings that stop you from believing in yourself are excuses more than anything else. Is there a way in which you can stop making excuses and start feeling confident?

What Is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence is the way someone relates to their skills and abilities. It involves acceptance of your true sense while having a sense of control over your life. You have to trust yourself and know your strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people set realistic standards for themselves, communicate effectively, and can handle criticism well.

People who are trying to build confidence know that they need to take everything step-by-step. Their accomplishments need to be long-lasting. Any new skill you learn, or any setback you overcome, will make you trust yourself a little more. It’s very easy to lose your confidence and a titanic effort to get it back.

Confidence can give people the coping methods to handle failure. Not only that, but it can make you less self-centered. This might seem counterintuitive, but the less you worry about how others see you, the more time you have to be selfless. When you get out of your head, you can engage and socialize genuinely.

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

Self-confidence is an important quality that can motivate people in any circumstance of their life. Every person wants to become more confident. But what someone wants consciously doesn’t always coincide with what their subconscious does. Sometimes, your brain might put up barriers between you and your goals. And, sometimes people use these barriers as excuses. How can someone stop making these excuses and focusing on self-growth?

1. Feeling Unworthy

Feeling unworthy itself is not an excuse but a real issue that people struggle with. But wallowing in it might become an excuse. When people do this to get attention, that’s when it stands in the way of personal development.

When people feel down, they reject their value. It can be too hard for them to grasp that, no matter what others say, they are enough. Society puts too much pressure on people to be and act in specific ways. And when they don’t, they have to endure consequences. This can induce fear, and it can make people wary of trying new things.

Whenever people feel unworthy, they start to doubt their intelligence and strength. You think there’s no way it’s alright to be different. If you can’t do something, you think it’s definitely because you’re not smart enough or good enough. You start counting failures and measuring mistakes. Maybe the first failure is somewhat acceptable. Let’s say the second one is too. But the more you fail, the more you beat yourself down. And if those feelings are left unattended, you might start wallowing in self-pity.

When you don’t trust yourself enough, you might get comfort from other people complimenting you. The more you express that you feel unworthy, the more you can gather pity from others. When people pity you, they cut you some slack.

They act kinder, and they lend you a hand when needed; they compliment you. This emotional comfort can make you use the fact that you feel unworthy as an excuse. If you tell yourself that you are hurting too much to have the energy to work on yourself. You use this excuse repeatedly until it gets too hard to embark on the path of self-growth.

If you start noticing signs that you beat yourself down over every little mistake, be aware that you might be developing unhealthy habits. Don’t allow yourself to start being too harsh on yourself, and don’t give up on feeling confident.

2. Worrying About What Other People Think Can Hinder Feeling Confident

Social standards are harsh on everyone, no matter how “perfect” you might be. But they’re tough on the people who struggle with feeling confident. Having to live by some standards imposed by others makes you obsess about what they think. And the more you worry over that, the harder it will be to manage.

When you constantly worry about how you appear to others, you can risk tying your value to social expectations rather than your happiness. Instead of focusing on being content with who you are, you focus on how others might perceive you. This mindset doesn’t allow for growth, as whatever you change about you will be forced. You won’t change because you want to or understand you should, but because you want to uphold a specific image.

As you try to be as society expects you to be, you will force yourself to be conventional. On the way, you’ll forget that there’s nothing wrong with being unconventional. If you suppress who you are, you might become someone you’re not. At that point, your self-esteem will plummet as everything “good” about you is fake.

The burden of upholding a fake persona is a lot to handle. You might start using the fact that you always worry about your image as an excuse to refuse to work on self-growth. You might be content with superficially working on yourself, and that will distract you from digging deeper.

When you let go of social expectations and start to value your own needs and wants, you can start working on deeper issues. That can result in you becoming more confident.

3. Self-Defeating Assumptions

Too often, people make assumptions about things before even trying them. Without knowing if you have the necessary skills or not, you assume the worst. That makes people give up before they even start.

Self-defeating assumptions can look like “I can’t do this; I can’t do that.” It is a confidence destroyer, as it disallows you from focusing on specific goals. Even the most skilled people might get rattled by a misstep and lose all trust in themselves. Once an athlete gets injured, they might never psychologically recover, even if they heal physically. This might look like talented people giving up their dreams because they start believing they aren’t fit for the job.

Assumptions might make you afraid to dedicate yourself to a goal, as you believe the only possible outcome is a failure. Alternatively, you might set goals that are too big or too distant just because you know you can put those off. Some people risk claiming victory too soon, as they are afraid to keep pursuing a goal.

Some people assume that if they try something, they will fail or they will suffer grave consequences. A woman might not go for a management position in a big company because she is afraid she won’t be accepted by a board filled with men.

There are many examples where self-defeating assumptions can ruin your self-esteem. But this fear it makes you feel will be your excuse to stop trying altogether. If you notice that you are keeping yourself from pursuing your dreams, try to stop this before it goes too far.

4. You Compare Yourself To Others, You May Lack Feeling Confident

While it’s good to have role models, it’s not so good to compare yourself to others. It would help if you didn’t focus on the fact that someone is better than you in a particular area, but on how you can become better yourself. You should aspire to do more and look up to others for motivation, not beat yourself up because you aren’t there yet. Unfortunately, people who constantly compare themselves to others employ the latter strategy.

Two things can happen when you obsess with comparisons: you become envious of others’ successes or lose trust in yourself. While it is good to be self-critical and push yourself, you will never be able to do things exactly like someone else. And it would help if you didn’t want to. If you’re an artist, and you can’t recreate a technique, that shouldn’t be an issue. It would be best to focus on what you can do best instead of forcing yourself to be something you’re not.

The comparison makes you shift your attention from your growth. Instead of focusing on how to harness your strengths, you’ll be busy watching others and worrying about how they see you. Not only is it a distraction, but it’s terrible for your self-esteem. You won’t be able to feel confident if you see someone doing something better than you. Don’t always try to be better than others. Instead, be better than you were yesterday.

5. You Depend On Reassurance

One of the most significant ways people create the illusion that everything is alright is by seeking constant reassurance. Instead of working on their flaws, they depend on others to tell them they’re perfect just the way they are. While it’s essential to have people who support you around you, you shouldn’t want them to sugarcoat what they say.

A big part of having confidence is going through hard times, even if you’re alone. Reassurance in doses can do wonders for people who feel a little lost. But when you start depending on it, it creates a façade of safety. You don’t face your flaws and fears because you keep yourself shielded.

Reassurance is a thing that can help you feel better for a short period. But in the long run, confidence and self-trust will get you through tough times. Try to let go of the need to have someone pushing you from behind. Instead, work on being able to stand on your own.

Final Thoughts On Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

It’s hard to feel confident every second of every day. Some days might be better. Conversely, some might be worse when it comes to how much faith you have in yourself. Confidence is an ongoing journey; you should never stop working on growth and happiness.

On your journey, you must be aware of many obstacles. And you are going to find many excuses to give up. As long as you are aware of those excuses, you can try to avoid them and keep working on feeling confident.

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

1. Understand Why You Should Stop Apologizing Too Much

· If You Need to Stop Apologizing, You Might Be A Perfectionist

· Misplaced Responsibility

· People-Pleasing

· Discomfort

· Poor Self-Esteem

· Anxiety

· To Make Yourself Feel Better

· It’s Just A Habit At This Point

2. Build Awareness Of Why You Should Stop Apologizing So Often

· Take Note Of Why You Can’t Seem To Stop Apologizing

· Pause, Take A Deep Breath And Stop Apologizing

· Think Of How It Negatively Affects You

· Think Of How It Negatively Affects Others

3. Flip The Script

4. Determine Things To Never Apologize For

· Asking Questions

· How You Feel

· Needing Time To Yourself

· How You Look

5. Build Your Confidence–Then Stop Apologizing When You’re Guilty Of Nothing

· Be Kind To Yourself

· Do Things That Scare You

· Use Positive Self-Talk To Help Stop Apologizing

Final Thoughts On How To Stop Apologizing Too Much

What Is Minimalism?

Five Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Lead A Meaningful Life

1. Shopping For Quality Rather Than Quantity

2. Cut Meaningless Expenses

3. Invest In Reusable Items to Save Even More Money

4. Invest In Experiences

5. Have A Long-Term Focus on Saving More Money

Final Thoughts On Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Lead A Meaningful Life

How Does A Strong Relationship Look Like?

5 Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

1. You Are Friends

2. You Have Shared Values

3. Fighting Fair Can Help Your Union Withstand the Test of Time

4. You’ll Pass The Test Of Time if You Bring Out The Best In One Another

5. You Never Stop Dating

Final Thoughts On Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

What Is Emotional Instability?

4 Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

1. They React In An Unexpected Way

Watch For Extreme Mood Swings In Emotionally Unstable People

2. They Experience Rapid Shifts In Mood

3. They Have Unstable Or Shallow Relationships

Emotionally Unstable People Have Instability

4. They Run From Their Problems

Final Thoughts On Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

Five Signs That Your Loved Ones Value You

1. Loved Ones Who Treasure You Will Listen to You

2. They Make You Feel Safe

3. Loved Ones Accept You Instead Of Trying To Change You

4. They Pay Attention To The Details

5. Your Loved Ones Keep Their Promises

What To Do If Loved Ones Don’t Value You

Final Thoughts On How To Find Out if Your Loved Ones Value You (And What To Do If They Don’t)

What Is Self-Confidence?

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

1. Feeling Unworthy

2. Worrying About What Other People Think Can Hinder Feeling Confident

3. Self-Defeating Assumptions

4. You Compare Yourself To Others, You May Lack Feeling Confident

5. You Depend On Reassurance

Final Thoughts On Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Rise and Shine On! Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist

Stay Connected With

Us

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

Rise and Shine On!
Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist