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5 Things That Help A Man Feel Like He’s Wanted

Society perceives that men chase women when they’re interested; some would say that’s the proper way to do things. While that may have been commonplace in yesteryear, today’s woman is confident enough to go after what she wants. And a man wants to feel like he’s wanted.

Women are no longer waiting on a man to make a move, as they have enough assurance and esteem to bust through gender norms.

Is this too much for men to allow a woman to take control? Some cling to the old-fashioned mindset would argue it’s too forward and overbearing of a lady. However, millennials love to pursue each other without playing the old game of cat and mouse.

This article focuses on the needs of men. However, we cover women’s similar desires in a separate article.

Studies Prove Men Need To Be Wanted

he's wantedMen love a bit of pampering, too; it’s not just a woman thing. They want some attention both in and outside the bedroom. A woman won’t open a door or bring flowers to her guy, but she can initiate romantic interludes, flirt, and do other things to get his attention.

Women need to feel that they’re sexually desirable to their partners. However, new research published by Sarah Hunter Murray shows that men have the same feelings. To love and be loved is what makes life worth living, and men don’t mind being complimented and having someone go the extra mile for them either.

Dr. Murray wrote a book about the desires of men entitled  Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships. As a sex researcher, she spends much of her time and studies understanding the roles of both parties in intimacy. People automatically assume that all guys want sex; while that might be true at the beginning of their relationship, things change as the relationship grows and becomes more profound.

Dr. Murray studied over 237 men aged 18 to 65 to find out what they wanted from their partners. All these men were in a committed relationship for more than six months. Nearly 95 percent of those men stated that they wanted more than just sex out of their relationship.

Men want to be desired and have a union that goes far beyond the physical aspects. The only problem is that they don’t discuss it much, as men are more guarded about their feelings. A man is supposed to be in charge and courteous towards the woman. Or so society taught them.

This study proves that these instilled views passed down through generations are changing, and it’s about time. A guy has every right to have his needs, desires, and ego stroked.

How Do Men Feel Desired?

Men are expected to be aggressive sexually, and they should take the “bull by the horns,” so to speak. However, it’s a nice change of pace for men to have their desires considered beyond sex. While intimacy is a huge part of any sexual relationship, it’s not the only thing.

According to these stereotypes, it’s hard to believe, but men want more than just sex from their ladies. Here are five things that men desire that make them feel wanted, and it’s time their lady knows it’s okay to go against societal norms.

1. Flirt

If your wife or girlfriend acts flirtatious with you, you’re more apt to feel sexually desired. Everyone needs to feel wanted, even in a small way. Your lady can flirt by sending you text messages, emails, selfies, or telling you to your face.

Maybe she gives you a distinct look that is seductive. When you see this glance, you can’t help but remember the last time you were together, and you know that she wants to be with you too. Flirting is an excellent way to let the other person know you’re interested, and men need women to tell them what they want as much as they do.

2. Instigate Erotic Activity

It’s not fun if you’re the only one that ever instigates sexual activity. How boring would it be if you did the same things repeatedly? Additionally, it loses its luster if you must beg her to spend some quality alone time together.

However, men love when women control and show interest in them. When a woman shows a man what she wants him to do for her, it shows desire. She wants to be with him, so she lets him know how to please her.

A lady can initiate sexual activities through touch or just telling you, but initiating that first step can send your hormones into overdrive.

flirting with you3. Be A Willing Participant

You’ve probably had some experiences when it felt like you were doing all the work in the bedroom. No man wants a woman to “fake it,” as it makes you feel like a worthless lover. You not only want to make her feel good, but you want her to be involved.

It feels so much better when she’s a willing participant and wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her. Having an emotionally present partner can make your intimacy more enjoyable. If someone is staring at the ceiling just waiting for sex to be over with, it can cause significant issues for your esteem.

If a lady doesn’t desire you as you want, it might be tempting to find someone who does. Could this be why so many relationships end prematurely? You want your lady to block out real-world distractions and get down to business.

Nothing else but you two and your connection should matter during this time. Engaging with your partner both in and out of the bedroom is essential for your relationship.

4. Initiate Physical Contact

Have you ever been with someone who could accidentally brush up against you, sending your hormones into overdrive? The brush of her skin might make you feel butterflies and tingling sensations all over your body. Touch is a powerful tool as it activates the feel-good receptors in your brain, according to an article published by the Texas Medical Center.

It releases the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel good all over. Touch doesn’t even need to be sexual for you to feel desirable from it. Remember games of playing footsie under the table? Why did people play these silly games?

Just a small amount of touch with healthy flirting activates these pleasure centers. Women need to realize that they’re not the only ones who desire to feel the touch of the one they love. Men long for the touch of a woman too.

5. Give Accolades

Women love for men to notice a new dress, a hairstyle, or something they’ve done to make the house look great. However, men also need praise. Everyone wants to receive acknowledgment for a job well done and trying something new or reinventing themselves.

Those comments about their physical appearance give them a little boost in their step and make them want to try harder. Consequently, showing a man comments about their jeans or a new hairstyle might make them more apt to desire intimacy. Assume you got all dressed up in a new blue shirt and nice jeans to go out on the town with your lady.

She doesn’t notice all the effort you put into looking good; all she thinks about is her appearance. She asks you 100 times if she looks okay, but she never tells you how awesome you look that evening. When you get home, will you feel like romance if she banters on all night about her hair, makeup, and physical attributes?

What if that woman turned the focus off her looks and turned them to you? What if she praised your shirt for matching your eyes, acted like the slightest whiff of your cologne got her motor running, and called you her handsome hunk? It’s easy to see that this kind of woman will get more out of you because she strokes your pleasure centers within the brain.

Hearing all this praise makes you feel good and helps you take risks and be more engaged with her. Simply put, a little compliment can go a long way.

he's wantedFinal Thoughts On Making A Man Feel Wanted

The need to be wanted and desired goes far beyond gender. In fact, some consider it a bare essential to a happy life. Not only does it help with the makeup of self-esteem, but without it, something is lacking. To love and receive love is a powerful thing. Nothing can change those incredible, warm emotions.

Whether you’re a man with a woman who needs to do more or a woman who wants to understand your guy better, these tips can help you in your relationship. Everyone needs to feel that their needs are being cared for, and sex is just one aspect. Perhaps, you already do many of these things listed, and you’re a role model for others to show a person they’re loved and wanted.

10 Phrases That Reveal a Relationship Isn’t Meant to Last

Your partner talking to you is a sure sign of how he feels about you. It is also an indicator of the strength of your relationships and if your love is meant to last. Pay attention to how you and your partner communicate because an inability to communicate positively is a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

The way you and your partner communicate can tell you all you need to know about your future together. If your partner says demeaning or intentionally hurtful things to you, pay attention. These issues are sure signs that your relationship is not meant to last because treating someone that way isn’t a sign of respect.

When your partner speaks, take their words to heart because they depict their true feelings. Even if they claim later on that they didn’t mean what they said, you should never ignore it. Saying things and then trying to take them back later shows that their feelings aren’t deep enough.

While everyone makes mistakes in a relationship, you can’t be too easy-going about the things your partner says. Some phrases that you might hear from your partner indicate that the relationship isn’t meant to last. If your partner says these things, it might be time to reassess your relationship or discuss the issues.

Ten Phrases That Reveal a Relationship Might Not Be Meant to Last

Do you recognize any of these signs in your relationships? They might serve as red flags as you move forward.

meant to last1. “I wish you’d wear something else.”

If your partner makes you feel bad for the clothes you like to wear, it isn’t a good sign. They shouldn’t judge you if they genuinely care for you, and it all starts with the clothes you wear. If your partner expects you to change your style once you start dating them, then the relationship isn’t meant to last.

Even if your partner doesn’t love what you wear, they should still respect your choices. All that matters is that you like what you are wearing. A good partner will look beyond your clothes and see the person they love spending time with.

2. “I’ll just break up with you if you don’t do it.”

Someone that threatens to end the relationship if you don’t do something for them is not a good partner. Their threat is a sure sign that the relationship isn’t meant to last because it shows that their love is conditional. Giving ultimatums is never a good thing, and there will always be something new for them to force you to do.

You should always feel secure in your relationship, even when you don’t want to do something. Your partner should respect your boundaries and understand when you aren’t comfortable. Using ultimatums to force you into things is never okay, and it is a huge red flag.

3. “I don’t believe in marriage.”

If marriage isn’t essential to your happiness, either, then this might not be such a bad thing. On the other hand, if you dream of getting married someday, this phrase is a bad sign for your relationship. You can’t expect the other person to change their minds because they fall for you.

There is no point in continuing a relationship when you both want different things in the future. Consider whether both people’s dreams can be achieved simultaneously. If it is impossible to achieve both (like in marriage), it is best to cut ties now.

4. “You are only acting like this because you are crazy.”

If your partner accuses you of being crazy anytime, you speak up. Your relationship isn’t meant to last. It would be best to find someone who will listen to your concerns and not dismiss them in this way. A good partner will want to know the things that bother you to continue being happy.

It is a bad sign when you know that you have valid concerns and your partner calls you crazy. You can expect to be disrespected and invalidated throughout the relationship, so it is best to get out now.

5. “Your dream doesn’t work for my vision of the future, so you need to give it up.”

Any person that expects you to give up on your dreams is someone you should distance yourself from. Finding a partner that supports your goals is essential to living a fulfilling life. They should want to find a way for you to work toward your dreams while they also work toward theirs.

Being in a relationship together doesn’t mean that one person has to give up on what they want. Instead, as the two of you continue with your separate ambitions, you can still strengthen your relationship while pursuing your goals.

love quote6. “I don’t want to commit right now.”

If your partner says they aren’t ready to commit, you can accept that your relationship isn’t meant to last. When a person uses this phrase, they admit that they don’t want a serious relationship. That person is looking for fun and games, and you can’t expect them to settle down for you.

So, when your partner tells you that they don’t want to commit, it is time to start distancing yourself. Find someone who will take the relationship seriously so that you don’t get hurt.

7. “My family doesn’t like you.”

While sometimes it isn’t an issue when your partner’s family dislikes you, it is generally a big deal. The relationship will be stressful the entire time, and it is an obstacle that is hard to overcome. People usually listen to their family’s advice, even if they don’t do it right away.

You would likely feel like you were walking on eggshells every time their family was around. It won’t make you feel comfortable or secure in the relationship, and you always have to worry about being judged unfairly. It isn’t good to feel this way in a relationship, and it might worsen as time goes on.

You will find yourself trying to get them to like you, and they may never change their mind. Plus, you would have to worry that your partner would listen to their criticism and decide to leave you.

8. “I’m going to the bar again this weekend.”

No one should have to ask for permission to go out with their friends, but sometimes it goes too far. You shouldn’t feel like you are always second to the bar and going on with friends. Once in a while, your partner should ask if you would mind if they went out.

They should sometimes ask because you might have wanted to spend time with them. You should feel like a choice in your partner’s life, and this statement is a sign that you aren’t even a priority.

9. “You must be PMSing again.”

This statement is rude anyway, but when used in response to you being upset, it is disrespectful. Everyone can get upset, and their feelings shouldn’t be blamed on something else. Your partner should always consider what is upsetting you instead of being dismissive in this way.

Even if you were upset over something insignificant, your partner should never use this statement. You have a right to express your emotions, and your feelings should always be addressed respectfully. This statement shows that your partner is also immature, a precursor to more red flags.

10. “I wish you were more like…”

Anytime your partner compares you to someone else, it is a red flag. It is disrespectful and an obvious sign that they don’t like you for who you are. Your partner should never want you to be like anyone other than yourself.

If your partner compares you to an ex, the issue is even more severe. It is rude, but it also shows that your partner isn’t over their past relationship. You can’t expect them to fully commit to your relationship if they are still stuck in the past.

meant to lastFinal Thoughts on Phrases That Reveal a Relationship Isn’t Meant to Last.

When you are in a relationship, you should feel secure and comfortable. If your partner uses the phrases discussed, it signifies that your relationship isn’t meant to last. You don’t deserve to feel insecure or unhappy, and you deserve respect no matter what is going on.

If you find that your partner uses these disrespectful phrases, don’t allow the behavior to continue. You can try to address the issue before walking away if you want. Be prepared to end, though, because all phrases are signs that it isn’t meant to last.

You should never feel like you must change to appease your partner. They should accept you for the person you are and care about you no matter what. Keep these phrases in mind as you listen to your partner speak, and pay attention to signs that it isn’t meant to last.

10 Chest Exercises to Lift and Firm a Saggy Chest

The improved muscle mass will give your chest area a firm and lifted appearance when you exercise your chest. You can do many chest exercises at home, making it easy to exercise with nothing more than a little bit of motivation. Some chest exercises require essential exercise equipment, but many don’t need anything more than enough space to move around.

A sagging chest occurs as you age because collagen production decreases. Add breastfeeding, pregnancy, or hormonal imbalance to the mix, making the sagging worse. A change in breast size due to weight loss can also cause your chest to sag.

Luckily, many exercises target that area of your body and can help you feel better. Chest exercises help you feel better about your appearance, but you will also have better posture. With improved posture, you will experience less back and neck pain.

These chest exercises focus on the pectoralis major and minor, which are the main muscles in your chest. The workouts also target Cooper’s ligaments, which are present in women and help with breast support.

10 Chest Exercises to Lift and Firm a Saggy Chest

chest exercises

With chest exercises that target these areas, you will surely experience a natural lift and firmness in your chest.

1. Dumbbell Squeeze Press

This effective chest exercise helps strengthen your pecs and other upper body muscles, including deltoids and triceps. It doesn’t require much movement from the shoulder joint, which eases some of the pain you might experience with other exercises.

This exercise requires a dumbbell, but you can use a heavy book if you don’t have one. This workout is a relatively easy chest exercise that makes a huge difference when done correctly. You’ll get the desired results if you add it to your daily exercise routine.

2. Plank

There are a few ways to use planking to strengthen your chest muscles. Depending on your skill level and the areas you want to target, you can choose the best plank. Some planks require dumbbells while others don’t, which is another factor to remember.

Traveling Plank

A traveling plank strengthens your chest muscles while also enhancing your posture. As many muscles engage simultaneously for this exercise, your core will strengthen. You don’t need any equipment to do this exercise, making it an even better choice.

The Up and Down Plank

This plank is another great way to strengthen your chest and core simultaneously. It is more challenging than other versions, so it isn’t for everyone. If you can do it, though, it is highly recommended.

Dumbbell Plank Rotation

The dumbbell plank rotation targets your chest and other upper body muscles while also working your waist. It helps lift and firm a saggy chest, improves posture, and enhances motor coordination and flexibility. However, you will need dumbbells for this plank.

3. Chest Flys

A few variations for the chest fly work to lift and firm a saggy chest. Depending on your chosen method, you can do it with dumbbells or a closed-loop resistance band. The methods are all very similar, so first, familiarize yourself with the fundamental way.

No matter how you decide to do it, the chest fly exercise targets your pectoral muscles, shoulders, and triceps. Chest flies lift and firm your chest area and stimulate blood flow in your chest space, too. It opens up your chest and eases uncomfortable tension.

4. Wide to Close Push-Up

This type of push-up combines wide and close push-ups, creating the perfect exercise for lifting and firming a saggy chest. The wide-to-close push-up targets your chest muscles while strengthening your shoulders and core. You start in a push-up position, but the rest of the process might be new to you.

If you have never done it, you might want to try it on an incline first. Or, if you need more of a challenge, you can do it from a push-up position while on your feet. Begin with the regular version of the wide to close push-up before switching it up.

5. The Cobra Pose

This yoga pose is a chest exercise that opens your chest while lifting and firming. It also enhances the mobility of your spine, making it easier to stand straight and tall. Your chest will look even more firm and tight by standing with a good posture.

The cobra pose is similar to a push-up, but you will arch your back and keep your legs on the floor. If you need to make this yoga pose easier, you can do it on your knees instead.

6. Chest Press with Dumbbells

The dumbbell chest press will help strengthen, firm, and lift a saggy chest. You can do this exercise on the floor, bench, or even on a stability ball. Two dumbbells are required, so make sure you have a few handy before you begin.

If you have an exercise bench, you can also try the inclined version of this exercise. It helps with strengthening your muscles evenly on both sides of your body. You will experience firmness in your chest and help you keep your shoulders back instead of slouching forward.

7. Camel Pose

This yoga pose is often overlooked as being a beneficial way to lift and firm a saggy chest. However, it stretches and opens up your chest area, naturally enhancing your chest muscles. It also targets your stomach and quadriceps, making it beneficial.

The camel yoga pose is similar to a backbend and requires shoulder flexibility and arm strength. It extends your backbone, improving mobility while firming and lifting your chest. Plus, as you make this pose part of your daily routine, your posture will improve immensely, too.

8. Dumbbell Pullover

This chest exercise trains the chest and back muscles simultaneously, lifting and firming all the way around. Doing this exercise, your chest will open as your spine lengthens and stabilizes. Once that happens, you will notice that your chest area seems to have lifted.

The dumbbell pullover will strengthen the muscles on both sides equally, allowing everything to look proportionate. This exercise is essential for people working with their arms out in front of them daily. As they work with their arms out, their chest closes, and their shoulders and back round forward, making the chest sag more.

However, with this exercise, the chest will open back up. Once it is open, you can keep your shoulders back, naturally lifting your chest.

9. Side Arm Lift

The sidearm lift exercise targets your pectoralis major and your deltoids simultaneously. It will also improve blood circulation to your chest. With increased circulation, your chest area will quickly appear firmer. The muscle tissue will enhance on both sides equally, too.

When you do the sidearm lift exercise, you can do it without any equipment. To make the workout a little better, you can also use dumbbells. This exercise is easy to do anywhere, making it perfect for when you are traveling.

10. Isometric Chest Exercise

Isometric exercises don’t require movement like most other exercises. Instead, they involve contracting all of your muscles in the targeted area and holding it for an extended time.

Your strength and skill level will determine how long you hold it each time. Remember that you can increase the length of time as you become more comfortable.

You can do an isometric exercise on any body part, but targeting your chest can help lift and firm this area. This exercise requires no equipment and is easier than other chest exercises.

If you have never done an isometric exercise, it is easy to learn and implement into your daily routine. It immediately stimulates your muscle tissue, improving stability and firming the area.

Final Thought on How Performing Chest Exercises Can Help to Lift and Firm a Saggy Chest

While you can’t stop the aging process, you can slow it down and reduce the appearance of a saggy chest. Using chest exercises to lift and firm will help hide some of the damage that has already happened. Plus, strengthening the muscles will prevent additional sagging in that area.

As you improve your muscle mass and posture, you will notice a significant change in your physique. Your chest will seem lifted and firmer, and you will feel less tension and discomfort. Plus, your self-confidence will increase, another bonus that can’t be ignored.

You don’t have to implement all of these chest exercises in your routine immediately. Try one or two at a time and decide whether to use it regularly. Some workouts will be better for you than others, so determine what you are comfortable with.

8 Ways Motivation Helps You Fight Depression, Anxiety And Stress

Motivation is a powerful concept that determines what guides, inspires, and aids in your maintenance of actions taken toward goal-achievement and initiation of effort. It’s the driving force or the trigger behind your actions, especially those more difficult to handle. It applies to many things, from hunger motivating you to cook to be willing to make sacrifices for personal improvement.

The forces that dictate your motivation and activate behavior aren’t just related to the initial push. They’re also associated with sustaining action toward goals and the desire to continue learning and growing. Here are the two most widespread forms of motivation:

  • Intrinsic (internal) motivation, and
  • Extrinsic (external) motivation.

Both forms of motivation can be helpful in different ways and circumstances. However, it is generally understood that intrinsic motivation is more valuable. It relies on yourself instead of other factors to keep you going. Still, both forms of inspiration can be helpful to everyday life. The problem, of course, is that sometimes, it’s hard to drum up that motivation, especially if you grapple with mental disorders.

But motivation has vast positive effects on everyday life that make it worth building and perpetuating. The same things that make motivation hard to develop can benefit from motivation itself. How does this work? Here are eight ways motivation enables you to fight depression, anxiety, and stress.

1.    It Makes Your Pursuits More Intense

motivationWhen you’re motivated, your efforts are invigorated and more concentrated, making your pursuit of goals more intense and well-directed. You may put more effort into your everyday tasks, pursuing dreams and to-do lists by taking more initiative to produce quality results.

It sounds impossible to do this when dealing with anxiety, depression, and general stress. But research states that motivational intensity can modulate and moderate negative emotional and psychological experiences, such as anxiety, stress, and depression, according to research.

In other words, if you’re able to get motivation kickstarted, it can form a positive cycle. With inspiration comes intensity of action, and with the power of action comes greater resilience against psychological distress and negative emotional states.

2.    It Reduces Feelings of “Forced” Action

Many people lack understanding of conditions like anxiety, depression, and stress. These people can often try to make you feel like you have to do things for their sake or that you need to prove yourself useful by making shows of overcoming your psychological problems. Unfortunately, studies show that being coerced into doing this reduces positive thinking and ruins your self-esteem.

When you’re motivated to do things, you don’t feel forced to do them by others. You can do whatever you need to do without pressure from other people’s ignorance to prove something to them. This can help you fight off the bad feelings of mental conditions and even reduce their symptoms.

3.    It Makes You More Persistent

Feelings of depression, stress, and anxiety can make giving up or abandoning efforts seem like an attractive idea. It’s hard to want to keep going when you have depression telling you it’s hopeless, anxiety pointing out worst-case scenarios, and stress making everyday life difficult.

That’s where motivation comes in, bringing with it the crucial trait of persistence. Persistence is an essential component to forward movement, and inspiration lends itself to persistence, leading to more motivation! This kind of cycle is beneficial for battling mental conditions because:

  • You’re less likely to give up when you face difficulties or failure
  • You’re able to handle challenges with greater resilience
  • Your fears and worries don’t get in the way of your forward movement

Studies have shown that a healthy mix of internal and external motivation, bonded positively, can lead to increased persistence in working, achieving goals, and increasing effort towards achievement.

4.    It Improves Self-Determination

Self-determination is an interesting (and scientifically proven) concept. It’s relatively complex, but the gist of it lies in self-motivation. Specifically:

  • All individuals naturally tend to grow towards proper psychological integration in personal improvement.
  • Individuals who grow towards integration can develop proper self-regulation, known as autonomy, removing their need for excessive heteronomy or external regulation.
  • External motivation, while still helpful, has decreasing effects on someone who is intrinsically motivated by self-determinations
  • Self-determination means you are more likely to want to do things for yourself and feel more empowered to do so

Self-determination is intrinsic motivation in its most accurate form. When you develop motivation, you’re building yourself towards self-determination, which is a powerful trait in fighting anxiety, stress, and depression. Genuinely self-determined individuals often enjoy reduced symptoms of these problems.

Do note, however, that this is a longer-term goal. Repeatedly practicing and developing motivation will bring your closer and closer to self-determination. Still, it will take a fair bit of work to get there – and a lot of positive thinking!

motivation to beat stress5.    It Helps You Learn – If It’s The Right Kind

Learning when you’re mentally struggling can be challenging for various reasons. Worse still, it tends to be a self-perpetuating downward spiral. This is why many people with mental disorders or who deal with psychological distress have difficulty learning environments or holding down new jobs. For example:

  • Finding things difficult when learning can make you feel more depressed due to perceived hopelessness, continuing to focus on learning even harder.
  • Having many things to learn can be overwhelming and cause a lot of stress, leading to exhaustion and burnout that make further learning difficult.
  • Dealing with the ups and downs of steep learning curves can lead to fears of being unable to manage, making anxiety much worse, and abandoning efforts for personal protection.

Being motivated can help with the learning process, improving your ability to stay concentrated and keep moving forward. However, it’s important to note that the right kind of motivation is needed for the most positive effects.

Extrinsic motivation, or motivation that comes from external praise, recognition, or awards, may negatively affect learning efforts. This is because:

  • The promise of rewards can be distracting.
  • External rewards are short-lived and decrease in attractiveness each time
  • Depression can make external rewards uninteresting

On the other hand, intrinsic motivation, meaning a self-motivated desire to learn for personal enrichment, fulfillment, or improvement, works much better. While any motivation is better than none at all. Indeed, you will see the best results by discovering if you know how to self-motivate.

6.    You Care Less About What Others Think

Depression can ruin your self-esteem, which makes you seek external validation. Anxiety can make you constantly fret over how others perceive you. Stress can lead to a desire to have people in your circle placate you. In other words, many forms of psychological distress involve an ongoing desire to please others or care what they think.

Motivation, specifically of an internal or intrinsic variety, might help you fight these impulses. When you’re motivated, you aren’t as dependent on others for validation and feel better about ignoring naysayers and negative people. It’s easy to see why this can be good for your mental and emotional wellbeing!

7.    It Makes You More Engaged

When you feel depressed, anxious, or stressed, you’re likely to lose interest in the things around you. It’s hard to stay engaged when your depression makes you feel like there isn’t any joy in life around you, and you’ve lost your positive thinking to the fears of anxiety and the panic of stress.

According to studies, motivation can help you manage these issues by increasing your levels of engagement with tasks. Motivation helps you:

  • Feel more satisfied with the work and jobs that you are performing
  • Become more involved in the tasks that you complete and are more eager to take responsibility for them
  • You are less likely to become disengaged to the point of abandoning your efforts

In this situation, intrinsic motivation is more valuable than extrinsic, and self-motivation is the key to improved engagement. You can still engage for external awards, but the effort is less likely to be lasting.

8.    It Makes You Comfortable With A Lack Of Control

No one can control every single outcome in life. But the fact is that things will happen whether you want them to. For those with depression, a lack of control can be terrifying. Moreover, the desire to keep everything under control can be overwhelming for those managing stress or anxiety.

When you have intrinsic motivation, you get fulfillment even from things that happen unexpectedly and that you can’t control. You become more aware that luck isn’t something you can dictate, and you find joy and enrichment in the ability to learn from whatever life throws your way. That’s a powerful thing to experience and can help you take the reins back from anxiety and depression. Ironically, being comfortable with a lack of control makes you more in control!

steal your joy memeFinal Thoughts On Some Ways Motivation Helps You Fight Depression, Anxiety, And Stress

It can feel tough not to be able to drum up motivation quickly. The catch-22 of needing the motivation to create motivation can be a problematic and paradoxical puzzle to navigate. This is especially true if you have too much stress, anxiety, or depression, which can impede your motivation when you need it the most.

Remember, there is no shame in asking for help from others if you need it. If you struggle to find the motivation or depression, anxiety, and stress make everyday life difficult, it’s good to seek help from a therapist or mental health professional. Trained professionals are capable of helping you manage your psychological issues while training you in motivation-building techniques.

Regardless of how you go about it, few can deny the powerful and impressive effects of motivation, especially intrinsic motivation. Building this kind of motivation can take a lot of effort, but the results speak for themselves and make it all worth it – significantly when your mental well-being improves because of it!

5 Ways You’re Being Too Hard on Yourself and How to Prevent It

Do you tend to be hard on yourself? Many people make the mistake of expecting a lot out of themselves – specifically way more than they’d ever reasonably expected of others.

Being too hard on yourself can damage your self-esteem and lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and stress. So what can you do about it? Here are five ways you’re too hard on yourself and ways to prevent it in 4 methods.

5 Ways You’re Too Hard On Yourself

Give yourself a break!

hard on yourself

1.    You Focus, A Lot, On Mistakes

It’s hard to ignore mistakes and failures, and it’s not inherently wrong to think about them and reflect on them. In fact, that kind of reflection is necessary for positive personal growth.

But there comes the point when that becomes unproductive, and your excessive obsession over your mistakes hurts you more than it helps you. Being hard on yourself to the point where mistakes are all you can see is counterproductive. For example, this happens when:

·         You Ruminate On Mistakes

A few mistakes are typical. The trouble comes into play if you tend to prolong them by dwelling on them or ruminating on them for hours, days, or weeks. It may even be so bad that you regularly think about years-old mistakes and allow them to affect your current actions.

·         You Demand Instant Learning

Yes, everyone should learn from their mistakes. But it takes time to do that! You can’t know immediately and be perfect the next second if you expect that of yourself—the mistakes you make while learning can feel even more overwhelming.

·         You Ignore Successes

It’s easy to focus too much on failures you’ve experienced than on celebrating your many successful outcomes. Successes may feel underwhelming or insufficient to you, whereas losses feel significant and drastic.

2.    You Take Everything Personally

Days can have a mix of good and bad things in them, and being on the receiving end of whatever the universe feels like throwing at you can be a little tiresome sometimes. The problems begin if you start to assume that all these things are related directly to you, as if it’s your fault or, perhaps, like you’re the martyr of a long, never-ending plot that the universe has against you. Here are some examples of this:

  • When someone is rude or harsh to you, you assume that you’ve done something terrible instead of realizing that someone’s actions are a reflection of them, not you.
  • You blame yourself when other people do bad things; for example, if someone doesn’t turn up for an appointment, you blame yourself for not reminding them sooner.
  • When you get stuck in traffic, you roll your eyes and think that, of course, this has to happen to you specifically today.

There’s a difference between taking reasonable personal responsibility and going overboard into a doormat, self-loathing territory. You’re too hard on yourself if you keep assuming that everything that goes wrong is your fault.

3.    You Have A Complex Relationship With Criticism

Criticism can be a positive force, but if you’re often hard on yourself, you likely have a bit of a love-hate, up-and-down sort of relationship with that concept. You have contradictory ideas about criticism that tend to wind up with you on the short end of the stick. Here are some signs that this is the case:

·         You Criticize Yourself All The Time

In your head, you highlight all your flaws and weaknesses. You focus on your mistakes and ignore anyone who tries to uplift or praise you. You’re constantly beating yourself up over tiny mistakes and keep trying to change every aspect of yourself.

·         You’re Worried About What Others Think

You don’t like receiving criticism from anyone other than yourself, so you spend a lot of time trying to avoid it. You don’t believe that people could genuinely like you, and you push yourself to prove yourself worthy of being accepted by them. And then you still think they dislike you or secretly make fun of you behind your back!

·         You Panic When You Receive Criticism

When someone gives you constructive advice or criticizes you respectfully and reasonably, you freak out. You go to a dark place in your mind, and your self-esteem plummets, even though the comment was kind or even asked for. It gets even worse when you receive unfair criticism – you internalize it and don’t look at it objectively.

4.    You Go The Extra Mile, Always

It’s great to go the extra mile now and then! A show of dedication or a final push of sacrifice to get things done is fine when it happens in moderation. But if you always go the extra mile and constantly feel like you need to work harder and be better, you’re too hard on yourself.

You’ll get tired and burned out from always doing too much. Rests and breaks are necessary in life, and you can’t devote your focus to every single area of the world at once. You’re not obligated to go the extra mile constantly, so don’t push yourself to those limits at the risk of your health!

5.    You’re Getting Physical Symptoms of Stress

Did you know that severe stress can manifest in physical symptoms? Studies have found that stress can:

  • Weaken your immune system and lead to frequent illness
  • Cause headaches and migraines that are debilitating
  • Lead to fatigue, even after sufficient sleep, and feelings of tiredness and exhaustion throughout the day

While these symptoms can be present due to other reasons, if you’re already exhibiting other behaviors where you’re too hard on yourself, it’s time to stop and ask if your physical symptoms are also a result of that. The stress that you put yourself under isn’t healthy and can damage your physical body in the long run!

4 Ways To Prevent Being Too Hard On Yourself

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1.    Change How You Define Success

Many people have a very concrete definition of success. They consider it to be a total triumph of excellence that is huge, significant, and flashy. But that’s not always the case. While it’s good to strive for high standards of challenging achievement, it’s also good to learn to recognize small wins and little positive steps forward. These are kinds of successes, too. For example, small successes may include:

  • Learning from a mistake and applying that knowledge
  • Overcoming a fear or anxiety relating to something
  • Taking a step in the right direction in a difficult journey
  • Recognizing the value in your small ideas and hard work and effort, even if they don’t bring forth huge fruit

Learn to pat yourself on the back for the little things you do, and you’ll enjoy a much happier, healthier view of life!

2.    Be Grateful Every Day

Gratitude is a powerful force in life. It’s a fantastic way to learn to be kinder to yourself, and it even has a positive effect on overall mental and physical health. When you learn to be grateful, you learn to seek the good in the world around you – and the good in yourself. Here are some ways to be thankful every day:

·         Keep A Gratitude Journal

Write down three things you’re grateful for every single day, even on days when it feels like nothing went positively. Find things, even bare minimum ones, to appreciate and write down. You’ll have a memory book filled with happiness by the end of it.

·         Take Note Of Positive Things

Whenever something good or even just nice happens in your day, pause to take note of and appreciate it mindfully. Think about how nice your breakfast tastes, or how cool it was that you saw a bird perched on that car, or how nice it feels to be kind to strangers. You’ll slowly reprogram your brain to see the positive things in the world.

·         Find Good In Bad

When you’re in a negative situation, put your positive thinking forward by looking for the silver lining. You can think about the lessons you’ve learned from the bad situation, find small slivers of hope in the cloud, or be grateful for the help you have or your strength in fighting it all.

·         Thank Others Regularly

Say thank you to waitstaff and shopkeepers.Express appreciation for the people around you. Tell those close to you in your life what you love about them. Spread gratitude around and put smiles on faces!

3.    Look At The Big Picture

Many people who are too hard on themselves tend to focus on the little details in life. Looking at the big picture is a great way to combat those experiences. Being hard on yourself means you zoom in on tiny things, like:

  • Small mistakes in otherwise well-done work
  • Moments in your past that were embarrassing
  • Times went you said something that came off incorrectly

These tiny details aren’t great to focus on because they’re so small! While they can add up, they also ultimately don’t matter in the long run if you know how to address, manage, and resolve them quickly.

Instead of focusing on the little things, look at the bright side and the bigger picture. Think about your overarching progress, the big strides you take, how far you’ve come, and how big your goals are. These are the things that matter.

4.    Use Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk refers to the act of speaking well and highly of yourself to boost your self-esteem, find intrinsic validation, and affirm your strengths. It means taking note of verbalizing your abilities and hyping yourself up with positive affirmations. When you say these words, you’re giving yourself a break and reminding yourself that you’re a good person with many strengths. Here are some examples of things you may say:

  • I have the ability to overcome obstacles.
  • I am a good person, and I show it in my actions.
  • The work that I do matters.
  • I love myself.
  • I’ll do my best in all situations.
  • I can get through difficult times; I have done so before, and I will do so again.

hard on yourselfFinal Thoughts On How To Prevent Being Too Hard On Yourself

At the end of the day, you are the only person you can rely on 100%. Give yourself a break and be kind and compassionate to yourself, and you’ll find that it’s much more effective in your personal improvement than being hard on yourself.

Neuroscientists Reveal a New Theory of Dreams and Why They Happen

Neuroscientists’ new theory of dreams suggests that we dream to understand our experiences better. Dreams have fascinated humans throughout history, and the question of why we dream remains a mystery. However, new research within the scientific community seems to have gotten closer to the answer.

The hypothesis published May 14 in the journal Patterns suggests that our dreams help our brains better generalize our daily experiences. Neuroscientists have many other theories, but the abstract nature of dreams themselves has contradicted previous hypotheses. This research, however, gets to the heart of the matter, taking an objective rather than a conceptual approach.

Dr. Erik Hoel, a research assistant professor of neuroscience at Tufts University, reveals a new theory of dreams. He calls it the overfitted brain hypothesis, which states that the brains of organisms fit too well to their daily exposure to stimuli. In turn, this causes poor generalization and overfitting. Dr. Hoel believes dreams serve as a way to correct the brain’s generalization errors. Dreams help the brain “zoom-out” to get a clearer picture of life’s experiences.

“There’s an incredible number of theories of why we dream,” says Hoel. “But I wanted to bring to attention a theory of dreams that takes dreaming itself very seriously — that says the experience of dreams is why you’re dreaming.”

The theory of dreams compares the brain to machine learning

take care of yourselfIn the paper, Dr. Hoel compares the brain to machines programmed by AI to perform specific tasks. When AI becomes too familiar with the data, it’s trained. It often assumes that it will encounter these same scenarios everywhere. In other words, as the AI learns, it performs well on one dataset but doesn’t adjust well to others.

Data scientists fix this common problem by programming a bit of chaos into the data. In one regularization method called “dropout,” scientists ignore specific data. In this way, the AI avoids overfitting and generalizes experiences more efficiently.

You can compare this to random black boxes suddenly appearing on an internal screen of a self-driving car. The car would see the black boxes and focus instead on the bigger picture of its surroundings. The AI will understand the broad driving experience better by not getting caught up in the details.

“The original inspiration for deep neural networks was the brain,” Hoel says. And while comparing the brain to technology is not new, he explains that using deep neural networks to describe the overfitted brain hypothesis was a natural connection. “If you look at the techniques that people use in the regularization of deep learning, it’s often the case that those techniques bear some striking similarities to dreams,” he says.

What does this mean?

Keeping this in mind, this theory of dreams suggests that we dream of having a more well-rounded understanding of the world. Much like deep neural networks involved in AI and machine learning, our brains become too familiar with a specific dataset in our daily life.

Dr. Hoel says that the brain creates a strange version of our lives in our dreams to combat this monotony. This compares to dropout in technology, which makes sense because our brains are massive computers.

“It is the very strangeness of dreams in their divergence from waking experience that gives them their biological function,” he writes.

There’s already evidence to support the new theory of dreams.

Hoel says that some neuroscience research already exists that proves the overfitted brain hypothesis. For instance, studies have shown that humans can induce dreams about something happening while awake. Repetitively performing a new task can prompt your brain to dream when you sleep. Dr. Hoel explains that excessively training the brain triggers overfitting, so the brain generalizes the task by dreaming about it.

However, Hoel says that more research is needed to confirm whether this is, in fact, the purpose of dreams. He explains that studies should include thorough behavioral tests differentiating between generalization and memorization and how sleep deprivation affects both.

Also, he wants to investigate the idea of “artificial dreams.”

The overfitted brain hypothesis came to him while contemplating the purpose of fictional works of art like movies and books. He posits that these art forms may act as substitutes for dreams.

He suggests that we may even create these outside stimuli to delay the cognitive effects of sleep deprivation. It may serve as a waking dream by emphasizing its dream-like nature through virtual reality technology, films, books, and TV shows.

Of course, you can always switch off learning in AI neural networks, Hoel says, but brains don’t work that way. Brains should always keep learning new things, and that’s where the overfitted brain hypothesis comes into play. Dreams help keep life interesting, taking the monotony out of our everyday existence.

“Life is boring sometimes,” he says. “Dreams are there to keep you from becoming too fitted to the model of the world.”

This is undoubtedly an interesting new theory of dreams that captures the complexity of the human brain. It makes sense that our brains would create plans to escape our otherwise repetitive existence. Hopefully, future studies will make even more fascinating discoveries about the purpose of dreams.

theory of dreamsFinal thoughts on a new theory of dreams and why they happen by neuroscientists

An exciting new theory of dreams suggests that we dream of a better understanding of everyday life. Neuroscientists compare our brains to machines in that both can perform complex tasks by learning specific datasets. However, our brains tend to get “stuck” in a particular learning pattern, preventing us from fully understanding reality. Scientists believe that we dream of understanding everyday life better and avoiding overgeneralization.

Perhaps this study will lead to an even deeper understanding of this theory of dreams. Scientists have contemplated the meaning of dreams for centuries, but they’ve gotten a little closer to solving the mystery with this study.

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