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Stanford Professor Explains 4 Ways Being Cynical Is a Trap

February 9, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

People are growing increasingly cynical–and that’s a dangerous trend. This trait inherently believes in the fact that others are motivated by selfishness and greed.

In fact, the Pew Research Center and its years of studies and statistics have indicated that fewer and fewer Americans trust each other as time goes on. In other words, lots more people are cynical now than they were a couple of decades ago.

For many, cynicism is a protective mechanism. There’s a lot of negativity in the world, and those who continue to be optimistic can often find their hopes dashed as such. Thus, many turn to a darker view of the planet and its population. When you prepare for the worst, you can’t be hurt by those things. It’s like a shield.

As it turns out, this probably isn’t the best way of thinking – or so says Jamil Zaki, the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab director. He’s also a professor of psychology at Stanford University. Jamil Zaki’s work primarily covers empathy and how it can be built and has worked on the subject printed in various renowned publications. In other words, if there’s anyone qualified as an expert on this idea, he’d be your guy!

According to Jamil Zaki, the epidemic of cynicism that we face now is a dangerous spiral, and it’s a cycle that we need to break. In August 2021, he spoke at an official TED conference with some exciting insights into the dangers of this way of thinking. Here’s how a Stanford professor explains four ways being cynical is a trap.

1. Being Cynical Breeds More Cynicism

We often have an idea of cynics that indicates they’re outliers. We think of them as the grumpy older man yelling at kids to get off his porch. Or perhaps we think of them as jaded, troubled individuals – people outside of the norm. But as cynicism climbs in the face of the world’s problems, that cynical nature only multiplies.

Jamil Zaki references an exciting study in southeastern Brazil concerning a pair of fishing villages separated by 30 miles. One fishing village requires sea fishing, where villagers must work together in groups. One fishing village does lake fishing, and each fisherman works individually.

The study took members from both villages and put them through a series of social tests. As it turns out, those from the sea were better at cooperation and trusting others. Meanwhile, those from the lake village tended to compete with others and were much more mistrustful. The environment that they were used to entirely dictated their behaviors. On top of that, the longer they’d spent in each domain, the more deeply entrenched these values were.

Of course, there’s a lot of nuance to a study like this, but Jamil Zaki’s point is simple. An environment of cynical negativity only perpetuates itself. When everything around you is negative, it’s hard to break free from that mindset, polluting everything you do. Worse still, it’s likely to infect other people.

This is the significant danger of the trap of being cynical. A cynical community will beget more cynicism. The things you fear will manifest into reality, almost through a self-fulfilling prophecy. That social world molds and shapes humankind, shaping the natural world in turn. Until we all start working on being more trusting, that cynical nature will prevail!

2. Being Cynical Damages Your Trust For Others

As we’ve mentioned, being cynical involves being distrustful of others. You naturally believe in the negativity of human nature and therefore have difficulty trusting that others have good intentions.

Many people believe that this mistrustful nature is more accurate than those who aren’t cynical. There’s an idea that cynics are people who are “wise,” or people who have glimpsed the truth of humanity. Others view them as more intelligent than total optimists. Supposedly, they’re able to see the “true nature”s of people well and don’t fall for lies and deceit.

But, as Jamal Zaki explains, this is not the case! In fact, this is a total myth. A study has shown that cynical individuals tend to have trouble detecting lies. They assume that liars are all around them and get it wrong constantly. Meanwhile, those who aren’t harmful and have a higher generalized trust can tell when someone’s behaving questionably.

This is just another way that being cynical is a trap. You get so lost in a negative perception of those around you that you end up:

Refusing to trust people with genuine intentions further isolating yourself and even pushing others into more cynical beliefs.
Treating those who don’t deserve negative treatment with rudeness and distrust, harming and alienating others.
Seeing the eventual isolation of this behavior as “proof” that your cynicism was proper.

Outcomes Of Cynical Thinking

So, cynics tend to isolate and alienate themselves due to their mistrustful nature. Aside from creating a trap of incorrectly “proven” mistrust, it also cages cynics in for another reason. Specifically, it causes a kind of social isolation that makes cynicism rise. Jamal Zaki explains that pessimists are more likely than non-cynics to:

Refuse intimacy from others
Hurt the people around them as a defensive mechanism
Have suspicions about their friends and family
Spy on colleagues and people they should be cooperating with
Refuse to cooperate with the people around them
Mistreat those around them

This trap of cynicism exists because you create the conditions that you fear most when you’re cynical. You tell a tale to yourself and others that the planet is simply full of villains and bad people, which is a false tale. But when you treat others poorly due to your cynical nature, you create “villains” in your life story out of them.

3. Cynicism Depletes Empathy

The more cynical you are, the less likely you are to be empathic towards those around you. Empathy is Jamil Zaki’s specialty, and he’s conducted all sorts of studies into the matter. Many of his findings indicate that being treated with empathy opens up the door for positive conversations and togetherness across different demographics and groups.

For positivity to bloom, respect has to be given to all parties. This is the best way to bridge divides between different groups of people. Research proves that cynical beliefs about human nature lead to disrespect, which leads to further cynicism. This means that the line between perpetrators and victims becomes progressively more blurred in a vicious cycle.

Disrespect is also often a product of a lack of empathy, and this deficit goes hand-in-hand with cynicism.

A Lack Of Empathy Causes Poor Outcomes

Without empathy, you may experience the following outcomes:

Have difficulty understanding the impact of your actions. When your behaviors stem from cynical beliefs, you fail to understand what consequences may spring from those actions. You don’t connect the dots from cause to effect accurately, which fuels your cynicism further.
They are overly judgemental of others. Cynicism means you require things to be “just so” before they satisfy you. This means that you can be highly critical of those around you, the world of your environment, and even yourself. You can’t understand the potential reasons that underlie what you perceive as imperfections or flaws.
Can’t maintain good relationships. It’s tough to have positive social interactions when you cannot practice empathy with those around you. Eventually, tensions and conflict will arise. This further isolates cynical individuals.
They are less inclined to help and cooperate with others. Remember the study about the fishing village? Cynical people can create an environment where no cooperation, prosocial, or helping actions are performed. This highly individualistic society traps people in a world where everyone honestly behaves selfishly.
Don’t communicate well. When you don’t share, no one knows that you have an issue with something. When no one knows that you have a problem with something, you continue to build up resentment and start to believe that other people are out to get you.

4. You Can’t Fix What You Think Can’t Be Changed

The most dangerous trap of being cynical is how it involves an inherent belief that the negative things you perceive cannot be changed. Human nature is naturally evil. People are just inherently selfish. The world is just always going to be full of troubles. That’s “how it is,” and you’re “wise” as a cynical person for knowing that.

Jamil Zaki does explain that cynicism is, of course, not the sole root of many of the world’s problems. You can’t fix severe issues with pure optimism. But he also states that it’s impossible to change our harmful practices and broken systems if we believe that they exist because people are purely and entirely selfish and evil. To escape the world’s difficulties, we have to trust that they can be changed and better systems upheld.

Of course, this isn’t to say that skepticism has no value. Wanting evidence for what you hear is good. But taking it too far and entering the realm of cynicism, Jamal Zaki states, will only harm our potential for change. Noticing kindness, goodness, and compassion in the world is crucial to believe in the potential for collective transformation and improvement. It also allows us to collaborate for positive change better.

Once again, we only need to think back to the study on fishing villages. We don’t want to create an individualistic environment where competition and distrust reign supreme. No, we want what the sea fishermen have: a healthy sense of cooperation, organization, and care for one another. And the only way to foster that environment is to drop the cynical way of thinking and adopt something geared towards positivity!

Final Thoughts On Some Ways Being Cynical Is A Trap

Being cynical is falsely considered a sign of wisdom, as if it’s proof that someone has glimpsed the true nature of humanity. In reality, it only drives us further apart, isolating us, breeding further cynicism, depleting empathy, and preventing change.

So avoid the self-fulfilling prophecy of cynicism. Don’t assume the worst out of the world around you. Work better to understand yourself and the people in your environment, and you’ll begin to see the goodness that exists on our planet!

Sleep Scientist Explains 4 Ways Deep Sleep Improves Health

February 8, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Deep sleep, also known as delta sleep or slow-wave sleep, is an integral part of the natural human sleep cycle. At this point, your brain waves slow down, along with your breathing and heartbeat. Your muscles relax, and it becomes pretty tough to wake you up, even with a loud noise. Being woken at this point can cause drowsiness and disorientation.

Our understanding of sleeping and its stages has come a long way in recent years. Deep sleep has gotten a good deal of that spotlight! As it turns out, this stage of sleep can play a considerable role in restorative rest and is necessary for good sleep quality. In fact, its effects may benefit various aspects of physical and mental health. And you don’t have to take our word for it – experts agree!

Dr. Dan Gartenberg is one such expert in the field of sleep. Often called “Dr. Snooze,” he founded SleepSpace and worked on better understanding sleep throughout his career. He has backing from the National Institute of Health and National Science Foundation to work on technologies that improve our experience and knowledge of sleep.

In 2017, Dr. Gartenberg spoke at an official TED conference on the benefits of deep sleep. The short talk was primarily a backdrop to explaining a new technology that he and his team had developed to simulate deep sleep better. Still, some nuggets of information in his speech can be used alongside other findings to paint a picture of the importance of this sleep stage. Here’s how one scientist explains four ways deep sleep improves health.

1. Deep Sleep Repairs The Body

There’s a reason that deep sleep is also known as “slow-wave sleep.” During this period, you have long-burst brain waves, which Dr. Gartenberg explains are highly different from usual waking waves. These “slow waves,” scientifically known as delta waves, allow your brain to convert various waking interactions into data for your body to use.

This phase is an essential part of damage repair. Your body goes through many things daily and is exposed to various forms of potentially harmful input. This input can come from stress, the body using your proteins, and even ultraviolet rays. As you sleep, your body repairs itself, and deep sleep is crucial in that process.

Regular brain waves transfer information, and slow waves do too. They allow your cells to recover and convert daily input into your personality, long-term memory, and learning. Delta waves become less and less abundant as you age, says Dr. Gartenberg. This means that deep sleep can even mark youth, showing how vital this stage is!

Research shows that deep sleep is crucial in memory consolidation. This refers to how your brain makes various connections in your sleep, linking sensory input, events, and even emotions. This helps you learn and develop, and it also helps your body learn how to repair and rejuvenate you each night.

2. Deep Sleep Strengthens Immunity

To maintain your immune system, your body needs to be able to repair and refuel itself. This is why sleep is central to immunity. When you get enough rest, especially from a deep sleep, your body can produce new proteins, repair neural connections, and get vital boosts.

But when you don’t get enough sleep, you get weaker pretty quickly. You’re always tired, and your body has to focus on keeping you awake and on your survival. This leaves it with fewer defenses against various forms of illness. Here are some of the ways that sleep links to immunity:

· Cold Resistance

You are more likely to develop a cold when you get too little sleep – more than four times more likely, in fact, than those who get seven hours or more of rest! Studies also show that the fewer hours you sleep, the less the risk.

· Inflammation Decrease

You have less inflammation. Inflammation in the body is triggered by dysregulation of the central nervous system. When the nervous system experiences stress, it releases several neurotransmitters that increase inflammation in the body. This response can help your survival. However, when done incorrectly, it can lead to several issues and diseases. Dr. Gartenberg clarifies that Alzheimer’s, cardiovascular problems, and similar inflammatory disorders can arise from poor sleep. Research shows that disturbed sleep, significantly when deep sleep is disturbed, can trigger inflammatory signaling and worsen your health. This can lead to many chronic problems.

3. Loss Of Deep Sleep Causes Riskier Behavior

To keep yourself safe, happy, and healthy, you need to make decisions for your benefit. When making riskier choices, you need to have your wits about you. Dr. Gartenberg mentions that you’re more likely to make rash decisions when you get poor sleep. It would help if you had a deep sleep to feel rested and safer when you wake up.

But why does this happen? Poor sleep can impact your executive function, encompassing various forms of complex thinking. Affected systems can include the following:

Alertness
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Memory
Planning
Social interactions
Work and physical tasks

Just a single night of poor-quality sleep can significantly affect your executive function, according to studies. To function well throughout the day, you must maintain a decent amount of concentration and alertness for various tasks. This promotes better performance and more innovative thought processes. This will also aid your emotional regulation, so you aren’t too irritable or moody.

Worse still, lacking good sleep can be just as dangerous for you as being inebriated. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for example, states that getting fewer than 6 hours of sleep can cause you to fall asleep behind the wheel. Further research indicates that each additional hour of sleep you lack significantly worsens your car accident risk. You’ll also be at risk of getting into various workplace accidents, say other studies.

In other words, deep sleep improves health in a relatively straightforward way: it helps you don’t make better decisions and avoid careless mistakes that could cause you bodily harm.

4. Deep Sleep Balances Metabolic Factors

Dr. Gartenberg briefly mentions in his talk that insufficient sleep can be a risk factor for diabetes. But why, exactly, is that? It turns out that deep sleep – and all sleep stages – are rather crucial in maintaining and repairing the body’s metabolism.

Your body needs to measure your energy and make decisions based on the fuel it needs to balance out your metabolic rate and naturally nourish yourself in a measured way. Without the power of deep sleep, you’ll feel exhausted, sending your body into a panicked haywire! Here are some ways that deep sleep can balance metabolic factors:

· Higher Satiety

To regulate your hunger levels, you need balanced hormones ghrelin and leptin. Ghrelin signals hunger, and leptin signals fullness. Unfortunately, studies show that insufficient sleep can cause you to overproduce ghrelin and underproduce leptin. This makes it hard to determine when you’re full, causing constant hunger and overeating.

· Fewer Cravings

Your body tends to promote food cravings that can provide it with what it needs. As such, when you don’t get enough sleep, your body starts to think it needs a lot more calories for energy. This means that it sends out signals for high-calorie, unhealthy cravings, especially ones involving tons of fat and sugar, according to studies.

· Balanced Blood Sugar

The hormone insulin is central in balancing blood sugar, but you’re likely to have trouble producing this hormone if you don’t get enough sleep. Studies show that people who lack sleep have a worsened risk of developing insulin resistance and even type 2 diabetes.

· Lowered Obesity Risk

Sleeping less than seven hours daily heightens your weight gain risk and is linked to higher body mass indices. Given all the previous factors we’ve mentioned regarding satiety, cravings, metabolic syndrome, and blood sugar, this is no surprise. Studies show that you can become 41% more likely to become obese if you don’t sleep enough! Essentially, you need to feel well-rested to have a healthy metabolism, and you can’t do that if you don’t get deep sleep. Your motivation to exercise also takes a nosedive when you’re tired, as you don’t have the energy to be active.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways Deep Sleep Improves Health

It’s so normalized to get lousy sleep or insufficient sleep that people don’t bat an eye at it. Some people are even proud of their lack of sleep, competing with everyone around them. Dr. Gartenberg himself calls this out in his talk. He mentions how we often wear a lack of sleep as a badge of honor. Unfortunately, this only furthers the health crises we face due to how common a lack of sleep is!

One of the trickiest parts about needing deep sleep for good sleep quality is that it’s so easy to disrupt this stage of the Circadian rhythm accidentally. Even getting 8 hours of sleep each night doesn’t guarantee achieving proper deep sleep! That’s why good sleep hygiene is necessary, and it’s why sleeping well is a science that we need to understand better.

If you feel tired or exhausted after getting good sleep and maintaining a good sleep schedule, it’s time to up your sleep hygiene. It may also be a good idea to speak to a doctor about your sleep struggles if they have begun to affect your everyday energy levels. Even if you don’t have a sleep disorder, a professional can help you determine how to improve the rest you get.

Ultimately, remember that you need deep sleep for your health. It’s important to prioritize getting sufficient rest each day, and incorporating it into your routine. Trust us – and Dr. Gartenberg – when we say your mental and physical well-being will thank you for it!

Psychology Explains 6 Problems Caused by Childhood Emotional Neglect

February 8, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Emotional neglect in childhood is incredibly harmful, and the effects last well into adulthood. As an adult, you might experience negativity for seemingly no reason. However, many adults feel this way because of childhood neglect.

As children develop emotionally, they need kindness, love, and nurturing. When they receive anything other than these, it causes severe problems that affect them long-term. Then, as adults, they continue struggling because of the neglect they experienced as a child.

Most children who experience neglect do not realize it is happening because they view it as a shared experience. When they learn to block, ignore, or minimize emotions, it causes immediate and long-lasting effects. Anytime parents display a consistent pattern of neglecting their child’s emotional needs, it’s considered neglect.

No parent is perfect, and everyone will mess up sometimes. It only becomes neglectful behavior when a parent repeatedly fails to respond to their child’s needs. Understanding emotional neglect, the problems it causes, and how to overcome them can make all the difference.

What is Emotional Neglect?

While you have likely heard of emotional neglect, it can be a bit complicated. It is neglect when parents don’t respond to their child’s emotions. This type of neglect isn’t something parents do, but it describes what they don’t do.

In this neglectful situation, the child will miss out on emotional awareness, emotional validation, and meaningful discussion. It’s often difficult for a child to recognize that the experience isn’t healthy because they’re used to it.

Children don’t always know that their parents should notice and identify their emotions. Additionally, kids don’t always know that their parents should be interested and concerned about their child’s feelings. What’s more, kids that experience neglect don’t even know that their parents should talk with them about their emotions.

When parents regularly do these things, it teaches their children to acknowledge when they feel something. Plus, it teaches their child to identify their emotions and show interest and concern for them.

Parents that talk to kids about emotions teach the child to express themselves. This vital life skill sets the child on the right path for being emotionally aware, enriched, and connected.

However, it is severely detrimental if a parent doesn’t notice, show interest, name, or talk with a child about emotions. The child misses essential emotional development, and it leads to harmful consequences. Eventually, the child becomes an adult who continues to ignore their feelings.

Examples of Emotional Neglect

One example of neglect is when a child tells their parent they are sad, dismissing the situation. Anytime the parent fails to listen and help the child cope, it’s an instance of neglect. After a while, the child believes their emotional needs are unimportant and stops looking for support.

Another example is when a parent demeans their child for having emotions. When a parent calls their child a crybaby or tells them to stop acting like a baby, it’s neglectful behavior. Other phrases that harm a child include things like these:

“You don’t believe that.”
“It didn’t happen that way.”
“You don’t feel that way, so stop saying it.”
“Stop being so sensitive.”

The effects of emotional neglect are often subtle, but they intensely affect the person. Failing to notice when your child does something well is another form of negligence that severely affects them.

What Causes Neglect

The causes of neglect are hard to understand and often multifaceted. Most parents try their best, and even those who emotionally neglect their children usually don’t mean to do it. Adults who emotionally neglect their children commonly experience some of the following:

Depression
Mental health disorders
Personal lack of emotional fulfillment
Lack of healthy parenting skills
Substance misuse or abuse
Anger or resentment
History of neglect from their parents

Problems Caused by Emotional Neglect in Childhood

What damage does this abuse cause? Take a look at these potential outcomes.

1. Discomfort with the Expression of Emotions

Neglected children become adults who have a hard time expressing emotions. They’ll also feel uncomfortable or awkward when other people express themselves. Even expressions of happiness and positivity will make them uncomfortable.

Children who are ridiculed for their emotions grow up being uncomfortable about them. They might have been put down, ignored, or punished for their feelings. Eventually, these kids believe emotions are unimportant, wrong, or unacceptable.

2. An Overwhelming Sense of Emptiness or Emotional Numbness

Children experience emptiness when they grow up without emotional validation. This feeling lasts throughout the person’s life because they learn that their sensations don’t matter. Unfortunately, the child learns to push their emotions away from those closest to them, even themselves.

When they push their emotions away, it leaves them feeling empty inside. They won’t process or experience their feelings, and they will assume no one else understands them. As adults, these people will always feel like something is missing because they don’t experience emotions.

3. Negative Self Thoughts and a Lack of Self Esteem Come from Emotional Neglect

Neglect in childhood will cause the person to believe they are inexplicably flawed. They will feel inadequate or ashamed of their inferior state because they never learned how to cope. Plus, they likely never received praise when they did something well, so they have low self-esteem and negative thinking.

These people lack self-esteem and experience intense negative thinking. They often feel disappointed in themselves and angry for unexplainable reasons. As adults, they will think back on social situations and beat themselves up for what they said, even if everything was okay.

Additionally, they judge themselves more harshly than they judge others. They hold themselves to a higher standard and assume they aren’t good enough when they don’t live up to their unrealistic expectations.

4. The Feeling That They are Different from Others in a Strange Way

When a child experiences neglect, they grow up thinking they are different from others. While everyone is different somehow, these children believe that they are different. It leaves them feeling bad about themselves, and the sensation lasts throughout their lives.

The neglected person will feel like they don’t belong anywhere, even with their closest friends and family. They might seem distant or aloof and want to be left alone. They’ll often feel uncomfortable in social situations because of their disjointed mindset.

Their sensation of being different in a strange way causes a lack of emotional connections. They won’t easily let their guard down or share what’s important to them. It can cause tension and turmoil in current relationships and make it hard to form new ones.

5. Frequently Feeling Guilt and Shame

Any child who experiences neglect is likely to feel guilt and shame throughout life. Part of the reason they experience these emotions is that they grew up with parents who emphasized materialistic things. When a child feels like their parent isn’t paying attention to their feelings, they’ll feel guilty for the thought because of all their parent does for them.

Their sensations of guilt and shame can lead to an inability to ask for help. They feel like it makes them appear weak, and they’ll avoid that feeling at all costs. Additionally, they won’t speak up for their needs as often because they feel like no one understands them.

6. Not Understanding Emotions and How They Work

People who were neglect victims don’t understand emotions or how they work. Their parents never taught them to identify and handle their feelings, so they don’t know what to do. They might often feel upset or angry without reason, and they’ll struggle to calm down.

Because of this, they’ll struggle to participate in social situations. Since they can’t understand emotions, something seems to hold them back, and they feel empty inside. Children who learn to suppress their feelings become adults who don’t understand them.

Additionally, their lack of understanding can create issues with implementing boundaries. They won’t know how to establish boundaries for themselves or respect boundaries in others.

How to Undo the Damage Caused by Emotional Neglect

While the problems caused by neglect can last throughout the person’s life, there is a way to overcome them. Overcoming the damage can make all the difference in living a healthy, meaningful life. These tips will help you undo the damage caused by childhood neglect.

Talk to a Therapist

A therapist or psychologist can help people of any age learn to cope with their emotions. Therapists can help overcome long-lasting damage caused by neglect. A therapist can help with recognizing and experiencing emotions.

Be Curious Rather Than Judging

Whenever you judge yourself, switch your mindset and be curious about yourself instead. If you’re hard on yourself, try thinking of where your behaviors originated.

Ask yourself what you’re feeling and think about whether it’s a reminder of something painful from the past. Curiosity allows for awareness and insight, shutting down the negativity.

Build Emotional Intelligence from the Ashes of Emotional Neglect

Children who experience emotional neglect in childhood don’t know much about recognizing and distinguishing emotions. One way to overcome the problems is to learn more about emotions in yourself and others.

Final Thoughts on Psychology Explains Six Problems Caused by Emotional Neglect in Childhood

The first step to overcoming the problems associated with childhood emotional neglect is to learn about it. You can develop those skills when you understand what you missed out on as a child.

Once you’ve learned about neglect and how to overcome it, you can stop minimizing or avoiding your emotions. Then, you can start living a fulfilling and meaningful life today.

Psychologist Explains Why Some People Are Always Irritable (and How to Stop)

February 8, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you ever notice that some people are often irritable and seem to be perpetually plagued by gloom and moodiness? Their mood swings can be unpredictable, and it’s like they’re a walking ball of stress. Their irritability can make them somewhat challenging to be around, making interacting with them difficult – especially if they’re someone you care about.

On the TED Ideas website, psychologist Guy Winch expertly writes about people’s irritability and why some individuals tend to be in a perpetually bad mood. TED, which stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design, is a highly renowned nonprofit organization famous for facilitating the spread of ideas across numerous topics. It’s built up quite the reputation, and you have to be pretty good in your field to contribute to the group!

But you don’t have to take TED‘s word for it! As a licensed psychologist, Winch has given three TED talks, has published self-help books based on science, and has become a leading voice in the field of emotional health. In other words, he knows his stuff, and he’s a good voice to listen to when it comes to subjects as touchy and complex as this.

So if you know someone in your life who seems to be irritable all the time, you can take some steps in understanding their behavior and examining your own through Winch’s work. Who knows – you may learn how to manage those actions from others and yourself! Here’s how a psychologist explains why some people are constantly irritable and how you can help.

Why Some People Are Always Irritable

1. Irritability Fuels Itself

One of the biggest struggles of irritability is that it perpetuates further irritation. Someone irritable will have a lot of trouble coming out of that mood. Winch explains that this is because:

· It Reinforces Negativity

When someone is irritated, negative experiences and situations amplify inside their minds. Everything that’s even a mild annoyance is fixated on, even subconsciously used as validation for a bad mood. The more someone zeroes in on the negative events in life, the more irritable one becomes. Thus, they focus on further negativity. The cycle isn’t just self-repeating – it gets progressively worse quickly, like a downward spiral.

· Breaking Out Of Irritation Is Hard

Irritable people seek validation for what they feel. They unconsciously find ways to indulge their emotions. Those who try to help them are turned away and responded to negatively, hostile, or even aggressive. Those who try to help might feel like they have to walk on eggshells or that there’s no way to win.

· Positive Events Have Little Effect

When someone is lost in an irritable mood, they miss out on the good things around them. Things that usually bring them joy become disinteresting. Sometimes, those things can seem annoying, too, as if their positive nature is goading them. This can make it very tough to mitigate or diminish that irritability. If even someone’s go-to cheer-ups don’t work, little else can!

What does this mean for people who tend to be irritable? They could be caught in this self-perpetuating, progressively worsening cycle with no easy way out. They could have been trapped in this mindset for a long time that it’s become close to impossible for them to find any escape.

2. They’re Around Irritable People

People often can’t choose who they work with, and sometimes they can’t decide who they live with. This is not to say that people should never improve their situations. But things like colleagues and a current living situation are tough to get out of immediately.

This means that people can sometimes be around irritable, toxic, and harmful people. Research shows that negative moods are often contagious. Someone who has to spend their time around negative people is likely to experience much more stress, causing them to be easily annoyed or frustrated.

It certainly doesn’t help that irritability is an undeniable emotion. Even those who try to hide the feeling are likely to let some of it slip out. This makes it even more easily contagious! You may have also noticed that you feel worse around someone who’s irritable, meaning you’re affected by the atmosphere they emanate, too. It brings down the mood of a room, further increasing the irritation of everyone in that environment and fueling the original person’s annoyance.

3. Other Medical Reasons

Irritability is not necessarily an abnormal thing. Even the most typically agreeable people can experience periods of irritation. It’s a normal and even healthy human emotion sometimes! But for some, these periods can feel almost uncontrollable and can last for weeks, months, or even years.

If you know someone who seems to be chronically irritable, there’s a potential for an underlying disorder beneath that symptom. Studies show that irritability may be a symptom of:

Depression
Anxiety
ADHD
Mood disorders

People may also be irritable due to physical illness, significantly if that illness affects their energy levels, causes constant pain, or has other tough-to-manage symptoms.

If someone you know has a disorder that contributes to their irritability, it’s likely not the best idea to try to break them out of that. The idea that they should “cheer up” can be incredibly condescending to those with these problems.

Instead, you might suggest a visit to a mental or physical health professional or – if you’re able to – ask how you can help for their specific needs. As such, keep in mind that as we discuss how you can help those who are constantly irritable, we’re not referring to those trying to manage complex underlying conditions!

How You Can Help Overcome Irritable Feelings

1. Communicate When You feel Irritable

The first step in handling any conflict with another person is communication. People may be unaware of their irritability or may not know that it’s affecting others. However, if you plan to communicate, first prepare for a somewhat tense discussion. Few people enjoy these kinds of conversations, and they may be uncomfortable with their actions being under such scrutiny. Here are some tips to encourage their receptiveness.

Ask if they have time to talk. Don’t just spring the conversation on them when they’re busy or in a rush.
Validate their emotions if they share them with you. Remember that this person’s irritable behavior doesn’t come out of the blue. There are causes for their feelings and actions, and while they’re not excuses, they’re explanations. Validating them will get you off on the right foot.
Emphasize your concern for them as the leading cause of the conversation. It would help if you weren’t focusing on how their actions affect you as the main point. Kindness should be the driving factor behind your communicative efforts if you want to help them.
Gently inform them about the way their mood has been impacting you. Winch states that it’s possible to do this while still validating the stress they feel and understand them.
Please acknowledge that you understand you’re asking them to do something difficult. It’s hard to control irritable thoughts, and they can feel very justified at the moment. Tell them that you sincerely appreciate any effort they’re putting into being more mindful about their actions.

2. Offer Methods To Soothe Their Difficulties

Many different stress-management techniques can reduce or ease irritability. You can recommend them to someone in your life who needs them and isn’t sure how to proceed. Winch recommends the following three methods, though there are many more options:

· Cognitive Reappraisal

More commonly known as “reframing,” this is a method by which individuals regulate their emotions to change the perspective of a situation that upsets them. In other words, it allows individuals to see a silver lining in different circumstances. Studies show this can reduce irritable feelings and distress.

· Gratitude Journaling

Gratitude journaling involves listing a minimum of 3 things per day that you’re grateful for. Research indicates that it can have notable effects on one’s emotional state and dramatically change how one looks at the world.

· Mindfulness

Mindfulness, which is the act of being present, allows people to label their emotions and remain grounded in reality. Studies indicate that it may reduce the severity of emotional reactions to various sources of distress.

Remember that not everyone wants advice like this, and some may consider it condescending. If you’re careful and empathic while delivering this information, you can get your message across tactfully. It may be a good idea to ask the person in question if they want your advice before providing these suggestions.

If you believe that someone’s irritable behavior is a symptom of a more serious underlying condition, you can recommend professional help.

3. If All Else Fails, Set Boundaries

You can’t always help irritable people. You may not be able to provide the specific help that they need, or they may not be willing to listen to you. This is especially true for those you may not be close to or may not spend that much time with.

The best way to “help” your relationship with them is to set some hard and fast boundaries in this event. Winch explains that if you’ve tried to address the issue to no avail and with no effort on their part to manage their behavior, it’s a good idea to start limiting your content with them.

For some people, these irritable moods may arrive in waves. This means that giving them some time to themselves can allow them to reach a better emotional place naturally.

Just remember that you don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of poor treatment. If someone’s irritable behavior has continued and is affecting you, and there are no signs of listening to your communication about it, it’s time to put some distance between you.

Final Thoughts On Reasons Why Some People Are Always Irritable, And How You Can Help

People can be irritable every day, but some experience this emotion more frequently and intensely than others. These may find themselves trapped in self-perpetuating irritation cycles. They could have a medical issue, or they could be forced to spend time with irritable people. Whatever the case, helping them can be a difficult task, but understanding where they come from is the first step.

How to Take a Power Nap in 5 Easy Steps, and When You Should

February 8, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

There’s nothing better than a nice, refreshing power nap. When you were a child, you fought your parents on laying down for an afternoon snooze. However, as an adult, you relish the moments you get to sleep during the day.

Did you know that some cultures feel so strongly about the afternoon nap that they give employees time to go home and rest? According to Oura, it’s called a Siesta, and it’s pretty standard in climates where the weather is hot. Siesta means nap or Sleep, but this Spanish term is used to help employees during the day’s heat.

When the countries are closer to the equator, the temperatures are much hotter. So, employers often give extended lunch periods for the employees to eat and relax before coming back to work. In Italy, this rest break is called the “Riposo.”

What Is a Power Nap?

What do you consider a nap? Do you take a one, two, or three-hour snooze? According to the Cleveland Clinic, you don’t need that long to refresh and rejuvenate your body. A power nap, per the article, is anything from ten to twenty minutes in length.

Napping doesn’t have to be an extended period, but some people have their thoughts on this matter backward. You probably think that a ten-minute snooze sounds crazy, as it takes some people more than that amount of time to get to Sleep.

However, studies from Oxford show that you only need about a ten or twenty-minute power nap to reset your energy levels.

While the study saw some benefits after a ten-minute nap, the energy levels increased after twenty minutes. The only issue the scientists warned about is this. If you sleep for more than thirty minutes, the people studied had a sleep inertia effect that made them sluggish.

While most American employers won’t give you a two-hour break for a nap, you can take a power nap during your lunch. The key is to wake yourself before you go into the REM or deep state of rest. When you awaken yourself once you’ve entered REM, it’s going to be counterproductive.

Too Long a Power Nap Can Disrupt Your Sleep Cycle

To fully understand the value of a power nap, you need to know what happens when you sleep for too long. Your sleep divides into four cycles, which are:

•Entering Sleep Mode

When your body first starts to sleep, you’re in a twilight phase. This part of your rest will last anywhere from two to seven minutes, so you don’t linger here long. It’s where your body and mind are shutting down so that you can get to sleep.

At this phase, you can quickly awaken as you’re not thoroughly entranced. So, a child yelling for you or a TV can wake you up without much effort.

•Light Sleep

Now, you’re sleeping soundly. It’s not going to be easy to wake you, and you won’t respond to anything but loud noises. You will be in this phase anywhere from 15-25 minutes,

During this time, your blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing all slow down, as do your metabolic functions. Your eyes are no longer dancing back and forth, as they’ve fixated so that you can rest.

When folks question how long they should nap, they shouldn’t let their bodies go beyond this sleep level. So, if you’re asleep for more than 25 minutes, you’re going to head into a deep slumber that makes it harder to wake.

It’s tougher to recover if you don’t linger long enough in the REM sleep state. If you want to take a power nap, you must remember it’s not like going to bed for the night, so you need to make sure you time your afternoon break appropriately.

•Deep Sleep

Your body is ready to repair and restore any damage, and it’s going into the deepest part of Sleep. Your brain waves are slow, and you’re going to spend around 25 percent of your rest time in this phase, according to Biohack Sleep.

It will take you about one hour to get from stage one to this one, but once you arrive, you’re in a trance-like state. Though you’re in a deep state of rest, you won’t dream in this phase.

•REM Sleep

You’ve probably heard a lot about this sleep level as it’s called rapid eye movement, or the phase where you do all your dreaming. This state can last up to an hour, and as an adult, you spend about 20 percent of your rest time here. Oddly enough, your brain is quite active even though your body isn’t.

If you were to look at a brain scan, it would appear that you’re awake. However, you’re asleep. If you get awakened from this phase, you will find yourself disoriented, and it takes a few minutes to get your boundaries. Also, if you don’t spend sufficient time here, it can make you dizzy and off the next day.

How to Take a Power Nap

You’ve learned about the sleep cycles and how long you should stay asleep, and now it’s time to learn about how to take a nap in just a few straightforward steps. Here are five easy ways to get some quick refreshment.

1. Find a Comfortable Spot for Your Power Nap

The key to getting the rest you need is to find a comfortable spot to sleep. You may use your cubicle at work or your car on your lunch break. Just make sure things like the temperature and noise level are conducive to rest.

You don’t always need a pillow and blanket to rest your mind, and in the instance of these quick naps, it’s probably not a good idea to have one. You might be tempted to sleep longer if you make yourself feel like you’re going to bed.

2. Set an Alarm but Turn Off Electronics

Whether you’re at home or in the car, you need to make sure you turn off all your electronics. Since your nap is such a short period, you don’t want anything to interrupt you. You can set the alarm on your phone to ring even though all other alerts are silenced.

Resist the urge to scroll to get yourself to sleep, which can keep you from drifting off. Plus, the blue light from your cell phone may prohibit this rest period.

3. Keep Your Eyes Closed

You want to meditate to get you to a place of rest. Meditation can help to calm you, relieve your stress, and help you get some restorative sleep. Don’t be tempted to look around, as you want to keep those eyes closed to focus on just your breathing.

4. Get Up From Your Power Nap When the Alarm Sounds

It’s going to be tempting to hit the snooze button and go back to sleep for a longer time. However, this can mess up your sleep at night and make it harder to get anything done. If you don’t set the alarm and rest on your break at work, you risk not getting up.

5. Shaking Off Your Slumber

If you feel exhausted after your nap, you can try doing some exercises to wake you up. Jumping jacks work great at getting the blood pumping and ensuring that you’re fully awakened. If you take your nap on an hour’s lunch break, you should still have enough time to eat and do five minutes of exercise before you get back to work.

When to Take a Power Nap?

Many people take their naps at different times during the day, but you must take this rest period before three pm. If you nap too late, then you risk the chance of having your Sleep interrupted. When you have insomnia or aren’t getting sufficient rest at night, a small 10-minute nap isn’t going to do much for you.

It would be best if you had a restorative sleep, which can’t occur in such a short period. The power nap is meant to be used as an enhancement to your day, and it cannot replace a good night’s rest.

Final Thoughts on Taking a Power Nap

Many people face the afternoon slump after lunch. Research has proven that having a power nap can be the answer to giving you more energy in the afternoons. Taking time to rest has been a tradition in many countries, where nap time is revered and scheduled.

While American companies have a great deal of work to do to create peaceful environments, you can take your lunch break to rejuvenate. All you need is 10-20 minutes to enhance your energy levels. Now, it’s enticing to sleep the entire lunch hour or rest longer if you’re at home, but don’t fall into temptation.

You may find that you will be up all night and clock watching if you sleep too much at lunch. Used properly, a power nap can be a valuable tool to help you get through the long days and to help reduce your stress levels.

How to Recognize the 10 Signs of Low Self-Esteem (and How to Boost It)

February 7, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

It’s sometimes easy to recognize low self-esteem, but other times the signs aren’t so obvious. People who lack confidence try to hide it, but knowing the signs of low self-esteem can help you identify it. Self-esteem refers to a person’s opinion of themselves, including their identity, competence, and sense of belonging.

If someone lacks self-esteem, they will create habits to try and manage the pain from negative self-thoughts. Sometimes it gets so bad that they formulate their entire lifestyle around protecting themselves from their fear of failure and rejection. It affects every area of a person’s life, making it essential to recognize and address it.

Many surprising traits are associated with a sense of unworthiness. The signs of low self-esteem can be a surprise because they’re often connected to positivity and being an easy-going person. However, these are traits that self-conscious people exhibit to cope with and prevent uncomfortable situations.

Ten Signs of Low Self-Esteem

By recognizing the signs of low self-esteem, it’ll help you determine whether you suffer from it. Many people with low self-esteem have a false image of themselves, but you can overcome it and learn to love yourself again. Likewise, it’ll help you see signs of low self-esteem in others, allowing you to help them, too.

1. Being Passive About Life

People with low self-esteem often blame themselves for everything that goes wrong. Sometimes, they blame themselves for things that might go wrong but haven’t happened yet.

When they blame themselves for things that haven’t happened, it leads to them not doing anything. The person finds comfort in being passive because they can’t mess anything up or cause problems if they don’t try.

2. Indecisiveness (one of the most often-overlooked signs of low self-esteem)

A lack of confidence can lead to indecisive behavior. The person won’t want to make decisions, and they’ll feel torn between choices even when the best option is clear. They’d prefer to let others decide for them, ignoring what they want or need.

Plus, when self-conscious people make choices, they’ll often question themselves later. They won’t have an easy time standing by their decisions, and they might change their mind at the last minute. Their indecisiveness might come from not believing that they can make good decisions.

However, their behavior sometimes stems from being blamed too often or harshly in the past. If the person is afraid of being accused, they’ll want someone else to decide and take the blame if things go wrong. Plus, they won’t feel like they messed up if not everyone is satisfied.

3. Frequent Boredom or Believing that They are Boring

People with low self-esteem struggle to feel intrigued by things and often feel bored. They’ll feel unworthy of enjoyment and pass on fun experiences instead. Sometimes they choose to miss out on the fun because they dread the thought of potential failure or disappointment.

Self-conscious people also tend to believe that they are boring in general. They often feel like they aren’t distinguished, attractive, or intelligent enough to be anything other than boring. If they ever felt shamed for seeking attention or talking too much, it could be the reason for their behavior.

4. Procrastination

Those with low self-esteem tend to procrastinate, but not for the reason you might think. The person procrastinates on their tasks to avoid being judged or watched by others. If anyone else can see what they’re working on, they will try to wait until they’re alone again to restart.

As they try to avoid letting others watch them, they’ll also cause other issues in their life. They might often be late or miss pre-scheduled appointments. Additionally, they might lose out on opportunities and miss deadlines.

5. Self-Isolation Is One of the Earliest Signs of Low Self-Esteem

If someone isolates themselves because they think no one wants them around, it’s a sure sign of a lack of self-esteem. They’ll believe that nobody can like them enough to want to spend time together, and they want to avoid rejection. To prevent the rejection that they think is inevitable, they choose to stay away from others whenever they can.

6. Being Overly Generous

Typically, generosity is a good trait for someone to have. However, being overly generous indicates a lack of self-esteem. Someone who feels inadequate will try to compensate for what they believe they’re missing by giving so much to others.

The person might give gifts or money to gain recognition and feel wanted or needed. Another sign is that they give attention and time to people when they should be doing something else. These people end up regretting the sacrifices, making their lack of self-esteem even lower.

7. A Surprising Sign of Low Self-Esteem: You Struggle with Perfectionism

With a lack of self-esteem, people often feel unworthy. To make up for the feeling, they stress over every task and aspect of their life, trying to make it perfect. They desire a sense of acceptability, approval, and worthiness, but they never seem to achieve it.

Additionally, these people tend to believe that their life should be as perfect as those they see on social media. They tend to fall into the trap of social comparison, leaving them always wishing for more. Their social comparison worsens the situation as no one can live up to social media highlight reels.

8. They Make a Habit of Not Making an Effort

When you notice that someone never seems to make an effort at anything, it could be that they lack self-esteem. People who lack confidence are afraid of being mocked or punished if it doesn’t go as planned.

Rather than face those fears, people with low self-esteem don’t make any effort at all. They feel that if they don’t try, they can’t fail. This trait often causes underachievement because they’d instead not gain anything other than risk ridicule.

People with low self-esteem don’t always believe they deserve more. Since they don’t think they deserve more, they won’t make an effort to seek better opportunities or experiences.

9. They are an Overachiever

While some people with low self-esteem are underachievers, many become the opposite. Sometimes people with a lack of confidence do whatever they can to prove themselves to others. They’ll work hard to be the best in school, work, social situations, and anything else.

Even as they achieve their goals and do better than others, they might not feel fulfilled. They might feel like a fake, or they’ll feel like they didn’t truly earn anything. So, they continue to push harder and do more.

10. They’re Mean to Others and Judge People

People with low self-esteem tend to be mean to others using snarky, critical, or aggressive comments. They want to hurt others the same way they are hurting at that moment. Plus, it’s a way that they can overcompensate for experiencing weakness.

People with a lack of confidence often judge other people, too. They believe that being judgmental makes them superior, while they really do it to feel better about their insecurities.

Eight Frequent Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem often stems from childhood trauma. Some of the negative experiences they might have had early in life include the following:

Frequent punishment that was too extreme for the offense
Emotional or physical neglect
Chronic abuse
Intense standards from their parents
Being bullied
Exposure to the stress or despair of others
Lack of praise when they did well
Little or no warmth and affection

Harmful Outcomes That Result from the Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Having low self-esteem goes beyond not liking who you are. When you lack self-esteem, it also means that you don’t believe you deserve love or have beneficial thoughts and opinions. It means you doubt everything about yourself, your mindset, and your goals.

You likely won’t treat yourself with kindness and respect if you have low self-esteem. It’ll create a vicious cycle you can’t pull yourself out of, and you’ll allow others to treat you disrespectfully, too. Self-esteem depletes you of motivation to chase your dreams and develop healthy relationships.

Additionally, low self-esteem links to mental health issues, including these:

Anxiety (general or social)
Eating disorders
Risky behavior
Substance abuse
Emotional distress
Panic disorder
Unnecessary stress
Depression
Suicidal thoughts

Now That You Know the Signs of Low Self-Esteem, How Can You Boost It Again?

Building confidence is easier than you think once you recognize the habits and signs of low self-esteem. Once you know the defense mechanisms you subconsciously put in place, you can overcome them.

Stay Hopeful

Spend time each day focusing on hopeful thoughts that make you feel positive. Think of the things you are good at and how they can help you later.

You can also think of past experiences when you worked through hard times. Thinking of these things will help you remain hopeful going forward.

Take Care of Yourself

When you lack self-esteem, you might feel like you deserve self-care. However, you deserve self-care just as much as everyone else, so take time to love yourself. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs, and you’ll notice an improvement in your self-esteem.

See a Therapist

Talking to a therapist about your problems can help you overcome them effectively. They can offer support, give suggestions, or let you vent and work through it. When you have someone to talk to about your insecurities, it’ll help boost your confidence and allow you to see yourself for the great person you are.

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

Make a conscious effort to pay attention to your thoughts, and you can catch any negativity before it takes over. Replace every negative self-thought you have with someone positive, and it’ll quickly become a beneficial habit.

Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes

If you continually beat yourself up over past mistakes, it’s time to forgive yourself. With forgiveness, you can get past the experience and move on. Then, you can focus on what you can do better in the future and limit your negative thoughts.

Accept Yourself for Who You Are

Let go of the idea that you must be perfect to have value. When you can accept yourself for who you are right now, you’ll see your worth and gain confidence. You can still have goals and strive for more, but be happy with how your life is right now.

Value Yourself

Take the time to think about all you have accomplished in your life. Take pride in your accomplishments and remember your worth. You are talented and contribute to the world in ways you can’t see, so never forget your value.

Final Thoughts on How to Recognize the 10 Signs of Low Self-Esteem (and How to Boost It)

People exhibit these signs of low self-esteem to disguise their lack of confidence. They don’t feel good about themselves, so they find ways to mask it or make up for it.

By watching for these signs of low self-esteem in yourself and others, you can work to overcome them. As you overcome the symptoms, it also boosts your self-esteem, helping to remedy the underlying problem.

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