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Expert Explains How Long It Takes to Heal After a Breakup

January 14, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Breaking up with someone is challenging whether you make the decision or the other person did. It leaves you feeling vulnerable, and you might constantly be on the verge of tears. Wanting the pain to end is likely at the front of your mind when suffering after a breakup.

It might seem like the pain will never end, but you’ll heal after a breakup. While all timeframes for letting go are different, you will experience happiness in life again. Many factors play into how long it’ll take to heal, so don’t rush your journey.

A breakup causes heartbreak, resulting in intense emotional pain. You lost someone you loved or cared about deeply, and it’s sure to affect you. It’s only natural that you have a hard time with it, but you can find comfort knowing the pain won’t last forever.

Before you know it, the pain will only be a distant memory. You’ll look back on this time in your life and see the joy that you didn’t recognize at the time. Give yourself time and trust that you’ll feel better and find happiness.

How Long It Takes to Heal After a Breakup

Scientists have narrowed it down while there’s no definitive answer to how long it’ll take you to heal after a breakup. Research shows that it takes about eleven weeks to recover after a breakup. Not only will you heal, but you’ll also begin to see the beneficial effects of the split.

Researchers studied a group of college students who had recently gone through a breakup. After an average of eleven weeks, the participants experienced increased positive emotions, empowerment, confidence, and happiness.

Having an endpoint in mind will help you with moving on. It’ll help you feel better, even if you don’t follow that exact 11-week timeline. Some people will take a little longer, while others seem to move on in a matter of weeks.

Another study found that participants gradually experienced less distress over ten weeks. After the 10-week mark, the participants felt better. This information was discovered by having participants complete a survey every two weeks.

Research also indicates that participants had positive experiences resulting from the breakup. People said that they learned a lot about themselves and grew emotionally. Use this information to find comfort and hope you’ll feel happy and experience benefits from this situation.

How Short-Term and Long-Term Relationships Change the Recovery Time

If you’re coming out of a long-term relationship, including marriage, the recovery time will likely be longer than the eleven weeks. Experts say it can take around two years to get over a long-term relationship break up or divorce.

However, your timeframe might differ no matter how long your relationship was. Breakups are tough, so don’t make it any harder by stressing about a timeline. Take it at a comfortable pace and acknowledge your progress along the way.

You might need more time to recover, especially if the relationship was meaningful and fulfilling for you. Whether you heal within the 11-week mark or not, find comfort knowing that you will find happiness again.

Consider the factors determining how quickly you might heal, then give yourself a little grace. You can speed up the process and help yourself using tips that have helped others before.

Your Healing Depends on These Four Influencing Factors

While you can use the 11-week mark as a guideline, your recovery time will depend on several factors. If you’ve experienced multiple breakups, you’ve likely noticed the process varied for each. Keep that in mind as you move forward, and consider the following:

1 – How Committed You Were

The more invested you were in the relationship, the more complex the breakup will be. If you thought your relationship had potential, but your partner unexpectedly ended things, you might take a little longer.

The breakup will be even more difficult if you have already moved in together. Discussing marriage or children also shows a serious commitment that could make letting go harder.

2 – Infidelity

If your partner cheated on you, your process might take longer. Not only are you coping with the end of your relationship, but you also must cope with the broken trust. Betrayal can have lasting effects on your mental health, making it harder for you to trust people in the future.

3 – The Relationship Quality

Being in a healthy relationship has a positive effect on your overall well-being. However, it might be a relief if you and your partner fought often, had communication problems, or experienced high tension levels. You’ll be upset and heartbroken initially, but moving on could happen sooner than expected.

4 – Whether You Were Dumped or Did the Dumping

While it’s still hard, ending a relationship will make moving on easier. However, if you were dumped, moving on might take longer.

The person who gets dumped often experiences feelings of rejection, making them question who they are. So, not only will they have to overcome the heartbreak, but they’ll have to heal from the other negative emotions, too.

Four Helpful Tips for Moving on After a Breakup

You can try a few things to help you along to ensure the quickest process possible. While you must give yourself time to heal, you can take steps in the right direction. These tips can be helpful if you can’t stop thinking about your ex.

1 – Write About the Relationship

Before you start writing, make sure to think of the positive aspects of your relationship. The American Psychological Association shared that writing about the positive parts of your relationship can improve your emotions. You can type out your feelings or write them in a journal but focus on positivity.

Additionally, writing about your relationship will help you stop thinking about it. As you get your thoughts out on paper, they’ll pop up less frequently. Not thinking about your ex is a definite step in the right direction.

2 – Take Time to Grieve After a Breakup

The end of your relationship marks a turning point in your life. Things will be different now, and it’s okay to grieve for what you’ve lost. Breakups come with many painful feelings, and you must work through them.

Pushing your intense feelings away and pretending you’re fine won’t help. You must face and address the emotions you experience during this time. The only way to let go is to work through feelings of sadness, betrayal, anger, despair, and anything else.

3 – Spend Time with Friends and Loved Ones

Social support can make all the difference in moving on. Your friends and loved ones can offer emotional support as you discuss what happened. They can also help distract you by doing things you enjoy or surprising you.

Most importantly, your friends and loved ones can provide company when you don’t want to be alone. Chances are, you’ll find that you don’t want to spend time alone after a breakup. You must surround yourself with people who love and support you rather than whoever is available at the time.

4 – After a Breakup, Be Sure to Practice Self-Care

After a breakup, you might not want to get out of bed or take care of yourself. This behavior is okay for the first few days, but you must get together and practice self-care. Returning to your routine can bring a structure back to your life, helping you redevelop a sense of normalcy.

Take care of your physical needs first to ensure you have the energy and nutrition it takes to heal. Focus on eating well, drinking water, exercising, and sleeping well. Then, focus on your mental health and address any concerns.

Additionally, set aside time to relax and pamper yourself. While pampering yourself isn’t the only thing self-care is about, you still deserve it during this challenging time.

How to Know When You’ve Healed

There’s no way to know when you’ve healed after a breakup, but there will be some signs. You might notice that you:

Can think about the good times together without experiencing pain
Stop avoiding shared activities or favorite places
Feel complete and whole as an individual
Are interested in dating again

Final Thoughts on Expert Explains How Long it Take to Heal After a Breakup

Healing after a breakup takes different timeframes for everyone. However, you can find comfort in knowing that many people feel better after only 11 weeks. No matter how long it takes, you will feel better and find happiness again.

Give yourself time to heal and be patient along the way. It’s an imperfect process that is different for everyone. Remember that you’ll recover, and use the tips mentioned here to help move forward.

10 Behaviors That Make Someone Well Liked

January 14, 2022 by Kristen Butler

Do you have the “it” factor that everyone wants? Why do some people tend to have tons of friends and are so well-liked, while others struggle to find just one person they trust? The truth is that what makes someone “liked” is subjective, as each person has their view of what signifies a good person.

Some believe it has everything to do with one’s temperament, past experiences, sensitivities, or mood. Someone nice and friendly certainly would have a good attitude and be well-liked. Right? However, likability can have nothing to do with how nice a person appears.

One individual might do good in one group of friends, but their popularity wouldn’t be so high with another group. Simply put, many mitigating factors draw a person to you, equating to a well-liked person.

Ten Behaviors That Make Someone Well-Liked by Others

Do you have qualities about you that tend to make people feel drawn to you, or do you tend to be off-putting to folks? Some people make friends quickly, while others need people to take time to get to know them.

You can’t always judge a book by its cover; some people appear friendly but are nothing of the sort. Here are some characteristics that make someone a well-liked person.

1. Good Natured People Are Well-Liked

You want jolly folks when you choose the people for your inner circle. Everybody loves the person who makes you laugh, cracks jokes, and is a pleasure to be around. The good-natured personality of someone is a significant defining factor in whether or not they’re famous.

Take, for instance, Molly. She worked at the local donut shop, and customers made a memorable trip to see her on her shifts. What was fabulous about Molly making people drive and fight traffic to talk with her?

Well, each day, she made it her goal to smile, ask each customer how they were doing, and pause to listen to what they said. She remembers things too, as she took a personal approach with her customers. She constantly told jokes and never seemed to have a dreadful day, even though she certainly did.

So she always slapped on a smile and made her customers feel like they were number one. People loved her because she made each one of them feel special. She remembered their kid’s and pets’ names and was always a welcoming face.

So, being jolly and good-natured can win you some brownie points in the likability factor.

2. Well-Liked People Are Responsible

In life, you must be responsible, or you will be dubbed as an immature or careless person. If you had two employees, one of them always showed up on time while the other negated responsibility, which one would you like more? People like those who step up to the plate and act accountable.

3. Uses Non-Verbal Communication

Your non-verbal communication is just as loud as your verbal. For instance, have you ever seen someone that talked with their hands? Animated people often make a variety of faces, move their hands back and forth for effect, and tend to get involved in their conversations.

According to Marbella International University Centre, they’ve found that your non-verbal communication remains steady. It’s able to transcend various languages and dialects. People can understand you better when you use this type of communication.

While folks may not always understand every word that comes out of your mouth, you must never underestimate body language’s power.

4. Honest People Are Well-Liked

You like people you can trust. Remember that story about not judging a book by its cover? Well, it’s more important than you think. Consider this example.

Mr. Gallimore ran a small plumbing company. He often had issues finding good help, as the job required long hours. During one hiring phase, he had two candidates that applied. One man, Tank, was covered in tattoos and wasn’t a snappy dresser.

At first sight, Tank was rough around the edges and wasn’t the most business-professional. The other man, Stephen, showed up to the interview dressed to the nines. Gallimore was impressed that every hair was in place, and he talked a big game.

Doing what he thought best, he hired the man who looked presentable and as if he had it together on the outside. The man embezzled thousands of dollars within six months of working for him. He was the worst employee in the company’s history.

Mr. Gallimore ran into the man he didn’t hire and decided to give him a chance. Though Tank was still a bit rough by business standards, the exterior didn’t showcase the gem on the inside. He was the best employee.

He’s now part-owner of the company and carrying on the legacy. People like honest and trustworthy folks; you can’t always tell that just by looking at someone. You must get to know a person inside and out before you deem if they’re amiable.

5. Well-Liked People Display Self-Confidence

Someone who displays self-confidence knows the importance of taking care of themselves. They’re a kind soul who hangs with positive people. They don’t talk down to themselves or others as they know their worth.

6. Versed on a Wide Variety of Subjects

It’s engaging in communicating with someone who is well-schooled on various subjects. This person can fit in most crowds as they always have something to say. They keep up on current events and are open-minded about taboo topics like politics and religion.

This person is knowledgeable, a good conversationalist, and can teach you something each time they speak. Life experiences make for good topics, and they have plenty of them to report.

7. Excellent Listeners

While speaking and communicating is good, being a good listener is an even higher priority on the well-liked list. Don’t you hate when you’re trying to have a conversation and keep being interrupted because the person needs to interject something? Someone who’s a good listener knows that communication is a two-way street, and sometimes you must sit back and listen silently.

8. Keep Good Eye Contact

Many people let their nerves or anxiety get in the way when having a conversation. Have you ever seen someone who looks in the corner while talking? It may have nothing to do with why they’re acting this way, but it’s very off-putting that they can’t look at you when they speak.

Keeping good eye contact is very important in any communication. How often did your teacher tell you in school, “All eyes on me?” They wanted you to look at them as they know this is how to keep your attention.

So, being well-liked means, you need to learn the importance of good eye contact.

9. Well-Liked People Are Giving

While you should never be in a relationship based on what someone can give you, those with a giving heart are more endearing. There’s something special about a person that doesn’t look down on those in need, takes food to someone who had a loved one pass, and sends flowers to cheer someone up. Having a giving nature makes you more of a likable person.

10. Able to Prioritize

Lastly, keeping your priorities in order is as important as being responsible. When looking for a friend, you want someone who has things in order and doesn’t run around in a frenzy all day.

Applying These Skills to Your Life

Looking over this list can be pretty eye-opening. The good news is that you can use this information to your advantage. However, it would help if you understood that your amiability depends on the situation.

Have you ever seen someone who seemed so endearing in one circumstance, but when you met them again, they didn’t seem as pleasant? Additionally, each person has various qualities that they deem as easygoing. When applying this to your life, you mustn’t get hung up on doing things that will make you more well-liked, as there’s a good chance you’ll be wrong.

You must show vulnerability when interacting with folks. People like someone honest, so you shouldn’t try to fit into a proverbial box to make folks like you.

The best way to use your time is to be authentic. You will be endearing to some folks and not well-liked to others, but you find your niche in life. People will discover things about you they like and some things they don’t, but most importantly, how you feel about yourself.

Your self-esteem and sense of worth will make you more apt to be appealing to others.

Final Thoughts on the Behaviors of the Well-Liked Individuals

Folks who selflessly give their time to others are good conversationalists, humble, and can make you laugh. They’re often the ones you see as well-liked. However, many reasons why a person might connect with one individual or another.

Generally, it doesn’t always mean they check the boxes and fit into the cookie-cutter mold of a likable person. Some things are essential, like laughing at yourself, being passionate about the things you like, and giving back. You will be well-loved and respected if you can incorporate just these three things into your life.

Doctor Explains Why You Should Never Rush Your Poop

January 14, 2022 by Chris Butler

Like most people, discussing bowel movements is personal and taboo. However, your stool and how often your bowels move can reveal much about your overall health. You may have concerns about whether you poop too much or not enough.

The Importance of Poop to Your Digestive Health

As off-putting as the subject is to some, your body’s digestive system is fascinating. It starts when you eat food. The food travels from your mouth to your stomach and then intestines, which absorb the nutrients, and then it discards the waste through your colon. If you couldn’t poop, your body would back up with toxins, and you wouldn’t survive.

Phase 1: Your Mouth

When you eat, your teeth grind the food into mush as the tongue mixes it with saliva for easy swallowing. Your tongue pushes the pulverized food down your throat and into your esophagus. While you’re savoring each tasty bite, your esophagus works the food down to your stomach for further digestion.

Phase 2: Your Stomach

According to an article published by the Cleveland Clinic, the size of the stomach is a little different for each person. Your gut is also more prominent when it’s stretched out with a big meal. It’s a powerful organ that mixes strong acid with the food and churns it until it’s almost a liquid.

Phase 3: Your Small Intestines

The liquidized food is ready to be sent into the small intestines for complete digestion. As it works through the complex maze of the intestines, tiny hairs called cilia to absorb nutrients and water. These are passed through your gastrointestinal capillaries into your bloodstream to nourish your entire body.

Phase 4: Your Large Intestine and Final Waste Product

After the small intestines do their work, they send the remaining bulk to your large intestine, also called your bowels. Your colon has the final task of absorbing any remaining nutrients and liquid. All that remains is a semi-solid waste that will be temporarily stored in your lower bowel, called the rectum.

Within about 72 hours or more, nerves in your lower bowels signal your brain that it’s complete and ready to be emptied. You get that all-so-familiar feeling that it’s time to sit alone in the bathroom for a while. Everyone’s had the dreaded experience of getting the urge in public, and no restrooms are available.

An article published by the Mayo Clinic states that most people completely digest a meal within two to five days. Per the article, it depends on the person’s bowel habits and health. For example, your food on Monday will be part of your stool on either Wednesday or Saturday.

What Your Poop Says About Your Health

Bowel habits vary among people, but most folks say it’s a strangely relaxing experience. Suppose you are constipated or have trouble with hard stools; your time on the toilet might be a little longer. If you have other digestion issues that cause diarrhea, your visits may be more frequent.

It’s only human nature to observe your stool quickly before you flush. While it sounds like gross curiosity, your feces can give you clues about what’s going on in your body. Some of these clues could indicate severe health conditions that you must address.

1. Poop Color

Have you ever wondered why most people’s stool is brown? It’s not because all you’ve been digesting is brown food. There are more bacteria in your feces than food waste. However, digestive enzymes and bile give it the typical brown color.

Your feces can be other colors, and each one can indicate something awry in your body. If your food moves through your digestive tract too quickly, the overflow of bile may turn your waste green. If you notice gray stool, you may not have enough bile, indicating a liver problem.

Discovering blood in your stool can be an early warning sign of colorectal cancer. Your feces may be almost black and tar-like because of internal bleeding or bright scarlet if the blood is more in the rectum or anal areas. Unless you’ve been consuming colorful red food or drinks, take this discovery seriously and seek medical attention.

2. Poop Shape

Your large intestine is shaped like a hollow tube so that you can pass your bowels easily. It’s only natural that healthy stools look like small, smooth crescents. If you notice hard, pebble-shaped feces, you may be constipated. Conversely, shapeless and liquified feces indicates diarrhea.

3. Poop Smell

Whether you are royalty or a regular person, everybody’s poop stinks. The bulk waste temporarily stored in your rectum is full of fermenting bacteria, hence the putrid smell. However, especially rotten-smelling feces may signify an intestinal infection or another health issue.

Of course, you shouldn’t over-analyze each trip to the bathroom. Just be aware of any changes that are unusual for you. Listen to your body and know what each system is telling you.

You Should Not Worry About Rushing to Poop

There are no definitive answers to the best time to poop. That’s because everyone’s bowel habits are unique. You know what’s normal for you or when you’re having a problem. It may be fine for your bowels to move once a day, while another person might go two or three times daily.

After all these years, you’re on an automatic bowel schedule. It’s as soon as you awaken in the mornings or any time after you eat. Illness and other external situations may deviate your regularity for a bit, but you’ll usually go back to your routine.

Dr. Jen Gunter, an OB/GYN and pain medicine physician, advised in a Ted Talk that once-a-day pooping is a myth. In fact, she calls it…and we quote…” a load of crap.” So don’t worry–as long as you’re eating a fiber-filled diet and empty your bowels regularly, you should follow your body’s pace.

What Influences Your Bowel Habits?

Internal and external factors can directly influence the frequency and how your bowels move. These factors may be acute or chronic, and they’re normal. You can always seek medical advice if you feel like something isn’t right.

1. Your Diet

It’s helpful that whatever you eat will affect your bowel habits. If you consume a diet loaded with sugar, fat, and preservatives, you’re prone to have frequent bathroom visits. Your bowel habits will be more productive with a healthy diet that’s high in fiber.

2. Your Age

As you get older, your digestive tract slows down a bit with the rest of your body. It’s common for seniors to develop chronic constipation and other bowel issues. Some medications can cause hard stools, also.

3. How Much You Drink

If you want smooth, healthy stools, you need to stay hydrated with plenty of water. Did you know that you can often be dehydrated without knowing it? Freshwater flushes your kidneys and your bowels of waste and other toxic microbes.

4. Your Medical History

If you have gastrointestinal disease or a history of it, it’s bound to affect how you go to the bathroom. Most known are Crohn’s disease, IBS, and ulcerative colitis. These often cause mild to severe symptoms that result in either constipation, diarrhea, or both.

5. Your Activity Level

Did you realize that your activity level can affect activity inside your body? A sedentary lifestyle can cause your bowels to be sluggish, and you’ll often have painful gas, bloating, and constipation. Try to get at least a half-hour each day of exercise to keep your body and your bowel habits in optimal shape.

6. Social Situations

Let’s face it; you are much more comfortable pooping at home than you are at work or in a public restroom. It’s normal to feel self-conscious about such a private but necessary bodily function. Maybe you’re one of the countless people who hold it in and make a beeline to the bathroom when you get home.

7. Your Hormones

Your body creates hormones to help control almost all your body’s systems, including your digestion and waste. If you’re a woman, you may notice that you’re pooping more on the days leading up to your menstrual cycle. It’s the overflow of estrogen and progestogen that keeps your bowels busy.

How Much Poop Is Too Much?

Considering your bowel habits and any possible factors, only you know what’s normal for you. However, sudden bouts of diarrhea can cause you to dehydrate and become malnourished quickly. Such instances are even more severe if you’re a senior or have health problems.

Straining from constipation can cause painful hemorrhoids that itch and bleed. Plus, it can point to a more severe problem such as a bowel obstruction or stomach issue. If your normal becomes abnormal, it’s time to seek medical attention.

Why Shouldn’t You Multitask on the Toilet?

Does your bathroom do double duty as the family library? An article published by Geisinger warns that sitting too long on the toilet can put pressure on your anus and cause hemorrhoids. If you’re a bathroom reader, limit your selection to short stories.

Do you use your time on the porcelain throne to scroll through social media or text? According to an article published by Phys, you’re apt to touch your phone before you wash your hands. According to the report, at least one in six smartphones is contaminated with fecal matter. So keep it out of the bathroom.

Final Thoughts on Why It Is Fine to Poop at Your Own Pace

Your bowel habits are unique, and you know what’s right for you. Practicing a healthy lifestyle that includes nutritious food and exercise may make a difference. It may not change how often you go, but it may make the experience better for you.

20 Unrealistic Expectations to Let Go for a Happier Life

January 14, 2022 by Kristen Butler

You have days when you feel that you’re not good enough. You also have days where you feel guilt and have a negative attitude because you’ve made some bad choices. Is it possible that unrealistic expectations are destroying your journey through life?

It’s hard to keep up with all the expectations placed on you by society and yourself. Society expects you to be the perfect parent, a great worker, a superb daughter/son, and an outstanding member of your community. When you add it all together, it equates to one big impossibility.

Twenty Unrealistic Expectations You Must Let Go

You’re a human being who will make mistakes, and you can’t beat yourself up each time you stumble and fall. Guess what? Your journey through life is all your own, and you can make it more enjoyable by letting go of some of these unrealistic expectations that are holding you back.

1. Expectations of Perfection

You’re not going to be perfect no matter how hard you try. There’s never been a person on this earth who has been given an award for perfection. Even the wealthiest person on this planet still makes mistakes every day, but it’s learning what to do with those mistakes that counts.

2. Conflict is Avoidable

If you’re one of the people that go out of your way to avoid conflict, you’re avoiding the inevitable. Competition is all around you, and there’s no escaping it.

You can tactfully stand up for yourself and learn to move on without making a big issue of it. If you tower in avoidance to keep conflict to a minimum, then you’re not taking up for yourself.

3. Expectations That Life Should be Fair

Life is never fair, nor will it ever be. Good and bad things happen to everybody, though sometimes it seems like you’re coming up with the short end of the stick. Remember, just because you see someone else in their excellent season doesn’t mean they haven’t gone through a horrible one in the past.

4. Making Money is Your Goal on Earth

If you think that the only reason you are here on earth is to work and make money, then you’ve lost sight of the big picture. Author Linda Howe wrote a book entitled “INSPIRED MANIFESTING: Elevate Your Energy & Ignite Your Dreams.” The purpose of this writing is to help you understand why you’re here for such a time as this.

You have a dream inside you that’s waiting for you to bring to fruition. You have a unique offering that you’re supposed to share with the world, and you need to tap into what this gift is to contribute, according to Fire It Up With CJ.

5. Everyone Will See Your Point of View and Agree

In a perfect world, everyone would understand your opinions and agree with them. However, this is one of the unrealistic expectations people wrestle with. It would be a boring planet if everyone saw things that same and agreed.

6. College is The Ticket to Financial Freedom

Setting expectations for yourself like this is dangerous. Many people believe that a big-paying job will fall into their lap if they go to college. It does happen for some people that way, but you still need to work your way to the top.

Ask one of the tens of thousands of lawyers who start barely making enough to cover their student loan payments. Your goal setting better include a long climb to the top after school, as you still have so much to learn.

7. Trying to Keep the Perfect Home (One of the most unreasonable expectations)

Who cares if your house isn’t perfect and there aren’t vacuum track marks on the carpet? If there’s a dirty dish or two in the sink, let it go till tomorrow. Spend your time making memories and not keeping a museum.

Now you don’t want your house to become unsanitary, but it’s okay if things are unkempt occasionally; after all, you do live there.

8. You Should Have No Problems

You’re going to have problems. Even if you’re the most humanitarian person with tons of money in the bank, you’ll still have issues. Hollywood stars are prime examples that fame and fortune don’t erase your troubles.

9. Expectations That Opportunities Will Fall into Your Lap

Nope! You’re going to have to work for everything that you do. Even if your parents or a friend handed you a job on a silver platter, you’re still going to be required to work long and hard to keep it. There’s no such thing in life as a free lunch.

10. Fairytales Exist

Stop watching all the fairytale movies and realize that the girl doesn’t always get her prince, and if she does, he isn’t always prince charming. One of the most significant unrealistic expectations you can set on yourself is thinking that your love life should resemble one of these movies.

Real-life doesn’t work that way, but you can find someone who completes you and makes you happy. Yes, you might have to kiss a few “frogs” to find your soulmate.

11. Catastrophic Expectations; Thinking Failure is Imminent

If you think that you’re going to fail when you set out to do something, you will forget. Stop thinking so negatively, as it’s only going to hinder your success.

12. Folks Know What You Want

Do you think that people can read your mind? How will they know what you want if you don’t tell them? When it comes to relationships, it’s essential to learn that people need effective communication to make things work.

13. Your Children Are Angels (You’re casting unfair expectations onto them!)

No kid will be an angel, and if you put these expectations on them, you’re asking for trouble. To be a good parent, you must allow them room for failure, as this is how they grow and learn.

14. Material Things Bring Happiness

Keeping up with your relatives and family members on material possessions will not make you happy. Many people lie in bed at night worried about paying for all their indulgent purchases. According to Explore Health, many folks with money troubles have a higher rate of depression and anxiety, so is it worth trying to put on a facade?

15. Successes Come Without Failure

Milton Hershey is a prime example of a great man in history who fell many times before success. According to Biography, Hershey filed for bankruptcy three times before making his candy business a success. Would you keep trying so hard?

You’re going to make mistakes, and things will not be perfect, but you must try again. Who knows, the next time might be the charm?

16. Trying to Make Everyone Like You

Another big unrealistic expectation is thinking that everyone will like you. Sometimes people’s personalities don’t mesh, and there will always be those who don’t see things your way. It’s not possible for every single person in your vicinity to like you, so stop trying to please everyone.

17. Things Will Go Your Way

Wouldn’t it be nice if you dictated your day, and everything went as planned? Sadly, you’ve got to be flexible and be open to changes because things are constantly moving and shifting.

18. You Can Change People

Why do so many couples get together with the thought that they can change one another? If your partner has some bad quirks, the chances are that they will still have them ten years from now. It’s a significant unrealistic expectation to think that you can change people and make them more suitable to your liking.

19. You Must Change Your Expectations and Standards to Fit In

Speaking of change, you don’t have to change one thing about yourself to fit in. Your true friends will like you for who and what you are, and if they ask you to change, then they’re not truly a friend. Unless you have horrible habits like lying or stealing, you don’t need to alter yourself to appease others.

20. Feeling Entitled

Though they say the best things in life are free, you must remember that you get what you pay for. How many times have you bought the less expensive product thinking it was a good deal, only to find out that it wasn’t? One thing that comes to mind is dish detergent.

That dollar bottle of detergent seems like an excellent budget offering, especially if money is tight. However, when you need to use half the bottle to get the suds of the name brand, you find that it wasn’t such a money saver. Life is very similar, as sometimes you got to pay a little more, but the end is worth it.

Final Thoughts on Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Dr. Miranda Morris from Psych Central believes that unrealistic expectations are part of the human experience, but you need to adjust your outlook. Stop being so harsh on yourself and those around you, as it causes you unnecessary anxiety and can lead to depression. Learn to live in the moment and take things as they come and stop crying over failures and embrace these catastrophes that were meant to teach you.

15 Ways Tone of Voice Can Help (or Hurt) Communication

January 13, 2022 by Chris Butler

Humans communicate with each other in many different ways. How you say, things are just as important as what you say. Your tone of voice can make a difference in getting your message across to others.

The beauty of the human language is the nuances like body language and vocal cues. Your tone can reinforce or contradict what you’re trying to articulate. Often, people aren’t aware of their tone until a caring friend brings it to their attention.

Even the most straightforward variation, such as emphasizing different words in the same sentence, can change the inferred meaning. Many misunderstandings happen because listeners take the speaker’s tone the wrong way. The tone makes the difference between effective communicators and ineffective ones.

Fifteen Ways Your Tone Impacts Communication Skills

If you want to have meaningful conversations in your personal and professional relationships, you must learn to control your tone. Use positive body language and facial expressions and practice being an active listener. Here are fifteen familiar voice tones and what they may say about you.

1. A Deep Voice

When you talk to someone in a deep, resonant voice, it commands attention. It conveys maturity and authority in a leader that people want to trust, says an article published by American Scientist. This is often the tone advertisers use to get the public’s attention and suggest a positive image for their goods and services.

Your voice’s pitch influences how others perceive you as a speaker, mainly when using a deep voice. However, using a deep tone that’s not natural for you can also imply anger or aggression. It can also mean using boldness when you’re scared or intimidated.

2. A Soft, Quiet Tone

Using a soft, quiet tone of voice can convey several meanings in your conversations. Some people have a mild disposition with a naturally gentle voice, both women and men. It can also give the impression that you are timid or weak, depending on the situation.

A soft tone can also convey a lack of words from being surprised or overwhelmed. It’s also the tone that you may use when you are consoling someone or you’re sad, confused or lack self-confidence. Some people speak quieter when they are seething with white-hot rage.

3. A Firm and Confident Voice

If you want to be genuine and trustworthy, you must speak in a tone of voice that is firm and confident. Such a tone is essential for people in sales or business transactions. It implies that you believe in yourself and that you’re a person of your word.

This tone lets your partner know that you’re being candid in personal relationships. Your firm voice shows that you mean what you say and can be trusted. It’s also a tone that lets your children know that you’re the parent and the authoritative figure in the home.

4. Calm Breathing

Did you know that listeners also get unspoken communication from your breathing patterns in your tone of voice? It’s a quick giveaway to your emotions and how you feel about what you’re saying. If these components aren’t congruent, they can tell.

You probably experience calm breathing during normal conversation unless you have a respiration issue. It’s relaxed, natural, and comes across to the listener as authentic. However, your breath may change during a conversation when you convey emotion while telling a story.

5. Short, Quick Breaths

Rapid breathing during a conversation either shows strong emotion or that you’ve run to talk to somebody. It can also imply that you are anxious or distressed. Short, quick breaths are often present when you are worried about how the listener will respond to what you’ve said.

Such breathing can also give others the impression that you’re flighty or unsure of your words. The next time you find yourself out of breath while conversing with others, take a few deep breaths and calm yourself. Anxiety can often make people chat rapidly and loudly, which takes a lot of breath out of them.

6. Deep, Strong Breathing

When your tone of voice is matched with intense, deliberate breathing, it’s as emotional as using quick breaths. It suggests that although the person may not like what you’re saying, you remain persistent and determined.

It’s also a typical breathing pattern for energetic and deep in thought. However, if it’s combined with aggressive expressions and body language, it shows that you have bottled-up anger. Intense, deep breathing is even more alarming when the tone is cold and malicious, like Darth Vader.

7. Using a Normal Volume

The volume of your voice works in tandem with your tone of voice and other vocal cues. An article published by Frontiers in Psychology explains that voice volume is often determined by culture. Even in the same culture, average volume can vary from region to region.

You instinctively use this norm when communicating in public or within your circle. When you speak in a sufficient volume, it shows that you have self-control and are willing to be an active listener. Your volume only changes when it emphasizes your emotions.

8. A Loud Tone

Some people are just loud talkers by nature. They don’t mean to yell or be obnoxious because it’s their normal voice. They can be noisy when they’re happily chatting, or they can turn up the volume when they are angry or in despair.

In general, a loud tone of voice expresses highly emotionally-charged words. Maybe you’re one of the countless people who raise their voices only in anger or extreme situations. Blaring conversation can also suggest impatience or aggression.

9. A Whispered Tone

A whispered tone of voice is usually reserved for confidential conversations or in an atmosphere that needs silence, like a hospital or library. Other than that, whispering isn’t acceptable in polite society. A quiet tone can imply that you are shy or have low self-esteem.

If your voice is too whisper-soft, people may not hear the whole conversation, which can cause misunderstandings. Maybe you try to control your anger or distress by using a hushed tone. It all depends on the context and body language.

10. Rapid Speech

The speed of your conversation is also culturally determined. Even in America, people in northern states usually speak quicker than those in the southern states. However, some people have a brisk speech by nature.

A rapid speech pattern is typical of people who are nervous or high-strung. If this is your tone, you may give the impression that you’re in a hurry and aren’t listening. Consider taking a breath and reducing your chattering speed.

11. Slow, Deliberate Speech

People in deep concentration often use slow, deliberate tones because they are “thinking out loud.” This may be your case, or your speech pattern could be part of your culture. Or you may be a person who tries to be precise with your words.

Often, teachers may reduce the speed of their conversation for younger students to understand new concepts. However, it’s condescending and arrogant if you use such a tone with adults. It’s also a usual pattern used to convey frustration or anger.

12. Irregular Speed

People who are unsure of what they’re saying may vary in speed within their conversation. Their thoughts and emotions are all over the place, and they can’t adopt a regular rate or tone of voice. It may denote anxiety, confusion, or an impasse.

13. Well-Defined Articulation

People view you as friendly, confident, and intelligent when you speak clearly. Correct diction and articulation are imperative for leaders and public speakers. It’s also important to communicate clearly within your circle to avoid misunderstandings.

14. Overly Emphasized Articulation

If you’ve taken speech, acting, or voice lessons, you learned to practice proper articulation techniques. Maybe you stood in front of a mirror and said practice phrases for hours on end. If your tone and articulation are overly done, you may give others the impression that you are fake or snobby.

15. Imprecise or Stumbling

It’s easy to get embarrassed or confused and stumble on your words a bit. Such clumsiness can be endearing for teenagers who are newly discovering love. Sometimes, adult lovers experience awkward moments when they are expressing sentiments.

Stumbling speech can also message that you’re insecure or don’t have enough knowledge about your subject. You may feel so overwhelmed that you’re at a loss for words. Depending on the circumstances, it can also be a sign of aggression or inhibition.

Final Thoughts on How Your Tone of Voice Impacts Your Interactions

You can say the exact three words and give them several different meanings by the tone you use. If you want to be an effective communicator in personal or professional conversation, your tone of voice can make all the difference. Carefully monitoring your verbal and nonverbal cues will help get your message across correctly, and it will also avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

15 Signs Someone Struggles with Work Fatigue

January 13, 2022 by Chris Butler

Your job is essential as it’s what pays the bills, but you’re tired of overworking and missing out on life. However, have you ever wondered if the chronic exhaustion you feel everyday ties to burnout? You may be experiencing work fatigue, and all this overworking is starting to take a toll on your body.

According to a study conducted by Occupational Health and Safety, more than 47 percent of Americans admit that they’re too tired to function on their job. Could it be the long hours each day or the fact that there’s not good work and life balance for many? Whatever the reasoning, it’s time to make changes to increase happiness and alleviate worry. In case you get injured in a work-related accident, be sure to protect your rights by hiring a Milwaukee workers compensation lawyer.

Fifteen Signs You Struggle with Work Fatigue

If you think you’re one of the millions who suffer from work fatigue, you need to know the signs. Being too tired on your job can have grave consequences, primarily if you operate machinery or do other dangerous tasks. Here are the most common symptoms of overworking as observed by the mental health community.

1. Work Fatigue Causes a Decrease in Productivity

Your energy is down, and so is your productivity. You were once a top performer for the company, and now you seem like it’s all you can do to get the bare minimum done. Maybe you’re in a slump. But if this has been ongoing for some time, you may be suffering significant fatigue from overworking on your job.

2. Susceptibility to Illness Has Increased

It doesn’t matter what bug is going around; it seems that you catch it all. You’re not usually a sick person, but these days that you pick up a virus if someone even sneezes in your direction. When your body is exhausted, your resistance is low, making you more susceptible to illness.

3. Tired All the Time

If you sleep ten hours or a standard seven, you still feel exhausted. Your sleep doesn’t have anything to do with how you think because you’re tired all the time. You can’t do the things you love to do anymore because your energy level is nearly zero. Is it possible that you lay in bed at night and are overthinking every little thing?

4. Calling Off a Lot

While you’re thankful for your job, there are many days you cannot muster the strength to go to work. You’re not one that usually calls off, but here lately, you’ve called off more than your share. You may have been reprimanded for calling off so much or even written up.

You’ve also become very good at making excuses to stay home, but the real reason is you’re so overworked and exhausted that you can’t imagine facing an eight-hour workday.

5. Work Fatigue During the Day Can Cause Poor Sleep at Night

You’re so tired, but you can’t sleep from overthinking. You stare at the ceiling, counting sheep and praying for the sandman to come to visit you. According to the American Psychological Association, when you’re under stress, the HPA axis comes into play.

The hypothalamus gland tells the body to increase the production of cortisol to handle the stress load. The overproduction causes your system to be on high alert, as it’s your body’s way of getting you through a tough challenge. While that’s good if you’re running from danger, it makes for a miserable night when you’re trying to sleep.

6. You’re Constantly Looking for Another Job

You know your job is the center of your problem, so you’re doing your best to find something else. You feel trapped because you can’t find employment with the benefits and payment you need, but you don’t know if you can stand one more minute at this job.

7. People With Work Fatigue Feel Annoyed and Irritated

You feel tired and irritable and prefer to hang by yourself these days. You’ve probably had many people tell you that you’re grouchy and not your usual self. You’re just miserable and can’t imagine staying eight hours in a place when you’re so tired all you want to do is go to sleep.

8. Headaches and Muscle Tension

When you worry, and you add exhaustion to that, you’re going to have headaches and tension. Tension headaches are among the worst, and they can be just as bad as a migraine. According to the Mayo Clinic, these headaches don’t come with vomiting or light sensitivity, but they can make you feel miserable.

It feels like a band around your head, as well as tenderness in the shoulders, neck, and back area. Though you can experience these a couple of times a week, some people have a chronic condition that occurs each day.

9. Disgruntled with Fellow Workers and Managements

When you’re overworking, you tend to have plenty of time for overthinking too. You worry about management and your other coworkers and what they think about you. Your work fatigue is taking over your life, and it’s causing you to be petty.

Have you ever heard that you should never wake a sleeping bear? They’re pretty fussy when they’re disturbed. When you’re tired all the time, you may feel like someone woke you from hibernation, and you’re not in the mood to be there.

10. Making Too Many Mistakes May Stem From Work Fatigue

Since your mind isn’t on your work, you’re making all kinds of mistakes. The blunders can happen on the job, which can get you reprimanded, or the forgetful fog you feel can extend to other aspects of your life. You may forget to get your kid from daycare, as all you’re focused on is getting home and sleeping due to your exhaustion.

Many times, exhausted people are guilty of overthinking unimportant things and messing up the important stuff.

11. Have a Negative Attitude Towards Work

Talking about work has become taboo as people know how you feel. They know that you’re at a place where you can’t stand your job, but your negative attitude doesn’t just stop there. You’ve become very pessimistic about anything and everything, and part of this is from overworking and not getting the rest you need.

12. You’re on Autopilot

Have you ever got in your car and driven somewhere without knowing the roads you turned on or anything about the trip? You remember putting the keys in the ignition, and you remember arriving at your destination, but everything in-between is just a blur. This phenomenon happens because you’re on autopilot.

According to Psychology Today, being on autopilot can have some advantages, but it means that you’re missing out on things right in front of you. You’re not being present in the moment, and you’re missing out on so much. Autopilot can be dangerous, too, so you need to stop overthinking and quit worrying and focus on being present.

13. You Dread Going to Work

If you’ve raised kids, you know that getting them to clean their room is nearly impossible. Have you ever tried getting them in the car when they didn’t want to go? They will kick and scream as you guide them towards your automobile. However, these days, you’re like that child when it comes to working.

You’ll keep hitting snooze on your alarm clock, and you will do anything to get out of it. When you dread going to your job, it’s probably in part because you’ve developed work fatigue.

14. Concentration Issues

Your mind is here, there, and everywhere, and you can’t seem to focus. You feel like a child with ADHD, even though you’ve never received a diagnosis. Whether at home or work, you can only concentrate on overthinking things and the exhaustion you feel.

You feel scatterbrained, and there’s no way to stop the worry and dread of your job. This lack of focus might also spill into your daily routine.

15. Little to No Motivation

If you lack motivation, your feelings and overwhelming stress may have led you to depression. While you can have one or the other, they often overlap. It’s important to remember that when you feel exhausted and can barely lift your head off the pillow in the morning, the exhaustion is wearing you both physically and mentally.

How many times have you uttered the words “I just don’t have any motivation to do anything?” This can all be a product of your worry and exhaustion caused by work fatigue, or it could be an underlying mental health condition. Either way, it’s essential to investigate further.

Final Thoughts on Coping With Work Fatigue

While overworking and excessive worry can cause you significant fatigue with your job, the causes of the way you feel may go beyond the workplace. If you feel so overwhelmed with your job, maybe it’s time for a change. When changing jobs isn’t possible, it’s time to sit down and talk to management.

Maybe some things are happening at your job that management isn’t aware of. How can they fix things if they don’t know they’re occurring? They might be able to do some shift changes to remove troublesome people from your work hours, or they may need to rebalance the workloads and add additional staffing.

Overthinking and ruminating about the situation will only tire you even further. Be proactive about the issues of work fatigue, and you can keep yourself from being overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion.

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