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These Three Little Words Can Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

December 23, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Children can become extremely persistent when they want something. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how many times you say no, and they’ll keep returning to ask again. When your child doesn’t stop nagging for what they want, it can become frustrating and overwhelming for the parent.

Even if you become annoyed, you can’t give in when your child keeps whining about something. While you might want to do whatever it takes to stop their nagging, it won’t solve the problem. Instead, it shows them that whining works to get what they want.

Studies show that when a child nags and whines, it’s one of the most distracting sounds. Since giving in to your child won’t solve the problem, it’s essential to find another way to handle it. Many people believe a child will outgrow it, but that’s only possible if you teach them to overcome it.

When your child keeps whining to get their way, you’ll want to find a way to stop the issue for both of your sakes. Luckily, there is an easy way to stop whining as it happens and prevent it later on. The best way to end your child’s whining only takes three little words, making it ideal for parents.

What Causes Children to Start Nagging?

Children don’t nag to be annoying, as experts say there is sometimes a good reason for their behavior. Whining is a learned behavior that children can pick up at any age, and understanding is helpful to child-raising

Children continue the behavior because parents tend to give in when they want their child to stop. Every time a parent experiences a moment of weakness and gives in to their child, it teaches them to keep whining.

Additionally, a child’s whining is often a cry for attention. Psychologists say that sometimes, when a child nags, they want their parents to spend time with them. Consider whether you’ve been busier lately and if so, consider spending some one-on-one time with your child so you can reconnect.

Three Words to Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

To help your child overcome whining, you must help them unlearn the behavior. The three words that will stop the whining come from the co-author of the book series Positive Discipline, Lynn Lott. These words work on children of any age, including as young as two and as old as teenagers.

The three words you should say to your child to stop whining are “asked and answered.” Your child won’t know what you mean the first time you say it, but you can walk them through the steps. Once they are familiar with the phrase and its meaning, it’ll help stop the whining for good.

The “asked and answered” phrase should work well when a child starts nagging. They’ll ask once for something, and when you say no, come back minutes later to ask again. After a while, they may resort to throwing a tantrum.

How to Introduce These Three Words

Rather than repeating yourself or losing your temper in these situations, introduce the concept of “asked and answered.” Start by asking your child if they’ve ever heard of “asked and answered.” The child will likely tell you they haven’t, leading to the explanation.

Then, ask your child if they asked about the specific thing they wanted. The child will answer affirmatively, and then you should ask, “Did I answer your question?”. When the child replies, they’ll likely say that you did answer but then go on to plead their case.

After that, ask your child if you seem like the kind of person who will change their mind when asked repeatedly for the same thing. Ask these questions helps your child grasp that you answered the question and won’t change your mind.

Then, if they ask again, you can say, “asked and answered.” When your child becomes familiar with this concept, you won’t have to explain it again. Instead, you can say the three words when they ask for something a second time, and your child will likely stop asking.

Be Consistent

After introducing the “asked and answered” phrase to your nagging child, you must stick with it. Your child might question or beg even after you say the three words, so you’ll want to walk away. Your child will see that you won’t respond anymore, solidifying the concept in their mind.

Unlearning their whining habit can be difficult for a child, but consistency makes it possible. Continuing to answer their question after you said “asked and answered” will only reinforce their negative behavior. It will take some patience, but your child won’t nag anymore before you know it.

You’ll also want to get the child’s other parent and anyone involved in the child-raising on board with this concept. If every adult caregiver in the child’s life responds with “asked and answered,” it’ll help the child learn it more quickly. When every adult is on the same page, it prevents anyone from undermining your efforts and undoing progress.

Seven Additional Ways to Stop a Child’s Nagging

When children nag, stopping the behavior is essential. The three words discussed above are a great tactic, but you can implement other methods too.

1. Adjust How You View Nagging

Sometimes, children nag to get what they want but also whine to express their emotions. If they are frustrated or feel unheard of, whining is sometimes the only other option they can come up with.

Consider what might trigger the child’s behavior and assess whether something might be causing it. It might be worth switching up your routine if it happens simultaneously each day.

2. Call Them Out

When whining is a habit for your child, they might not even realize they are doing it. Calling them out will help them recognize the behavior and address it. Don’t be mean when you call them out, but do it gently or humorously so they know you aren’t mad.

Even when a child’s whining gets on your nerves, you don’t want to belittle them for their feelings. You don’t want to mock the child but bring awareness to their behavior. Additionally, it helps them understand that their whining is unpleasant.

3. Establish Rules About Nagging

When you set household rules about whining, it is clear that nagging is unacceptable. Rules might be necessary if you know that your child isn’t using whining to express themselves. When a child whines to get their way, it’s a negative behavior that must be unlearned.

You will want to create rules specific to your household and your child. Everyone’s rules about whining will differ, and it is okay as we all parent differently. One option is to create a rule that children must ask nicely for something and accept the answer graciously.

You’ll also want to determine the consequence for the action. For instance, you could tell your child that if they choose to break the rule, you’ll walk away and not listen until they stop. Or, you could put them in a quiet place where they feel safe to work through their emotions.

4. Give a Warning

When whining becomes a habit for children, it can be hard to break it. If you’ve set a household rule about whining, consider giving a warning before committing the punishment. A warning won’t undo your work, but it allows your child to get it together.

Remind the child that there is no nagging and that there will be consequences if they don’t stop. However, don’t give more than one warning, as it rewards their behavior. This joyous discipline can make all the difference in overcoming whining.

5. Stay Calm, Even if the Nagging Drives You up the Wall

Even when you are beyond annoyed, you must remain calm. If you allow your child to see you lose your cool, it’ll reinforce their whining. When your child sees that you are affected by their behavior, they will feel that they are getting an appropriate reaction from you.

When you feel like you might lose your temper or patience, take a moment to regroup. Take some deep breaths and close your eyes for a few seconds. You can address the situation once you feel a little calmer.

6. Ignore the Nagging

If you pay attention to your child when they act out, it reinforces the negative behavior. Even if you give negative attention, it’s better than nothing in the eyes of a child. Instead, encourage behavior modification by ignoring attention-seeking behavior.

When you ask your child to do something, and they whine, stop talking to them after giving a warning. Pretend that you don’t hear their whining, and go back to what you did before. It’ll be hard to tune out the whining, but your child will stop when they realize you won’t put up with it.

7. Reinforce Positive Behavior

When your child stops whining, make it a point to give them some positive attention. Praise them by pointing out how quietly they are doing something. When you praise their good behavior, it encourages them to seek positive attention.

Final Thoughts on These Three Little Words Can Stop Your Child from Nagging for Good

A nagging child is one of the worst things a parent can hear, but you can put an end to it. The three words “asked and answered” can remind your child that you won’t change your mind. Before you know it, they won’t whine as much, and you’ll find some peace.

However, these three words aren’t the only thing you can do to stop and prevent whining. Use the words and some other tips to ensure your child unlearns their negative behavior.

20 Micro-Habits That Increase Success and Happiness

December 23, 2021 by Kristen Butler

Would you choose happiness if you could have one thing in your life? Humans have looked for true happiness since the dawn of time. Why is it so hard to find the one thing that will make you feel and be a better person? Perhaps, some people look too hard and put too much effort into it. A micro-habit is a slight change you can make that adds up to more significant, long-term changes.

Consider them “baby steps” in changing habits that impact your self-growth and success.

It is time to start! So adopting these micro-habits are an excellent way to begin your journey toward a happier life. Doing a few of these “baby steps” might not give you the warm fuzzies you dream of. But over time, they can help you make great strides towards changing your life.

Micro-habits That Increase Success and Happiness

Adding good habits to your day is warranted if you want to change your life and be happier. Here are twenty micro-habits that can help with your self-development.

1. Start Your Day with Gratitude (An Essential Micro-Habit)

Each day when you get out of bed, you need to start by thanking the Universe for your blessings. Don’t grumble about the things you don’t have but be happy for what you do. Waking up with a heart of thanksgiving will alter your entire day.

Micro-habit to Increase Thankfulness:

Keep that first grateful thought of the day in mind for just a moment, savor it, and reflect on it.

2. You Need Eight Hours of Sleep, But Start With This One Thing

The Sleep Foundation states that you need to get around seven or eight hours of rest for your body to rejuvenate each night. Not getting the minimum can drastically impact your mood and overall health if you’re not getting the minimum. Sleep must be a priority.

Micro-habit for Reaching Your Goal of a Full Night of Sleep:

But you can set the stage for working up to eight hours by starting with a single positive action–going to bed at the same time every night. This single action helps shift your focus to gearing down for the evening. When you do this every night, your body will signal your brain that it’s time for sleeping.

3. Make Time for the People You Love

No one gets to the end of life and thinks they should have worked more or made more money. Instead, they wish they spent more time with the ones they love. Take time for those who mean so much to you, as no one is promised tomorrow.

Micro-habit to Enhance the Quality of the Time You Spend:

Our phones dictate our lives these days. When you engage with your beloved family or friends, power it off and put it away. Also, invite your loved ones to do the same.

4. Smile Often

Smiling not only helps you feel better but also encourages those around you. Have you ever been down and out, and you see someone else’s smile radiating the room around you? The world would be better and much happier if people smiled and complained less.

Micro-habit to Put a Smile On Your Face:

Be mindful of your facial expressions. Without realizing it, you signal non-verbal cues by a smile. You convey a warm and welcoming personality. Mindfulness about your facial expressions can help you share your friendly nature.

5. Learn To Say “No”

Having too much on your plate can make you tired, grumpy, and not have time for self-care. However, when you learn to say “No,” it’s a game-changer. Not only do you take control of your day, but you’re setting limits that say what you can and can’t handle.

Micro-habit to Help You Decline Requests Politely:

Take time to learn and memorize a polite but firm way to say no. “No, thank you,” is often the most appropriate reply–no excuses needed.

6. Wake Up Early

If you want to get the day off on the wrong foot, then get up late and be rushed. Set your alarm for an earlier time than you need to be up, and you will have time for breakfast and to catch up with your spouse. Sometimes life is so rushed that you miss those little things, like coffee with your love before work.

Micro-habit to Help You Rise and Shine:

Set your alarm every evening faithfully. This single action is the most effective way to ensure you awaken on time.

7. Don’t Fill Your Schedule Too Full

Stop cramming your schedule so full that there’s no way humanly possible to do it all. You’re setting yourself up for defeat. One of the best micro-habits to observe is learning only to put a few things on your plate.

Micro-habit to Manage your Time Better:

Use a time management app or calendar on your phone or fitness watch. Public speaker and author Paul Cummings once wrote the following excellent advice:

“Write down goals and follow through on them one step at a time. What gets written down gets done.” -Paul Cummings

8. Eat a Healthy Plant-based Diet

Axe the junk food and fast-food garbage from your menu. Your health is a priority, so you need to make time to eat healthily. If you feel tired and run down all the time, your diet could be to blame. You can’t feel happy and have success if you’re proverbial tank is always on “E.”

Micro-habit to Eat Healthier:

Sign up for a vegetable and fruit delivery service. If you have plenty of healthy goods on hand, you’ll be more likely to eat them. You can sign up for a subscription with just a few quick clicks.

9. Have a Good Attitude (An Important Micro-Habit to Know)

Some say that happiness is a choice. How you look at things and your response means everything. Rather than being sour and downtrodden every day, choose to have a good attitude.

Micro-habit to Have a More Positive Attitude:

Seek a positive solution to whatever problems life throws your way. For instance, imagine your co-worker shifts the blame for a missed project deadline to you, but you completed your share of the work on time. Instead of blowing up at their accusation, withhold your response, gather your documentation, show them how the accountability falls to both of you, and figure out how to fix this issue before your next project. A well-played, thoughtful, solutions-oriented response will get you further in life.

10. Spend Your Money on Experiences, Not Things

Don’t become house or car poor because you want to keep up with others. Spend your money on experiences with those you love the most rather than material possessions that can be gone in the blink of an eye. Creating memories is way more important than living in a palace.

Micro-habit to Enjoy Your Life Journey:

Most people opt into dozens of retail shopping “newsletters” or “deals.” Retailers craft each pitch to tempt you based on your past purchase behaviors and interest. Opt-out of these offers to remove the temptation to purchase the latest or greatest widget. You’ll have more cash to spend on travel and other fulfilling experiences.

11. Celebrate More

Take time to celebrate the milestones and achievements in life. Don’t be too busy for birthdays, anniversaries, or having a special dinner with your child who got an “A.” It means everything to your happiness and success as a parent and spouse.

Micro-habit to Mark Milestones:

Send a card to mark an occasion–not an email, a text, or a social media post. Sending cards may seem quaint or old-fashioned, but that’s the point. It’s a thoughtful, classic gesture that we often overlook.

12. Be Kind to Others

You can be the difference in a world full of chaos and cruelty. Being kind to others costs you nothing, and its paybacks from the Universe are innumerable. When developing new habits, make kindness a top priority.

Micro-habit to Become Kinder:

Share an inspiring story of kindness or information about someone who makes a difference in the world on your social media. Non-profits or grassroots organizations receive much of their funding via social media buzz. This “share” only takes you a quick minute, but the impact can be profound.

13. Add Some Exercise to Your Day

To look and feel good, you need to move your body more. If you lack positivity, then boost those brain chemicals through exercise. According to Brain Line, when you exercise, you get more blood flow to the brain area, which helps give it more nutrition.

The extra blood boosts the production of your neurotransmitters. These hormones help you feel great and ward off mental illness and other problems. Exercise is vital for your survival.

Micro-habit to Become More Active:

Park your car farther away from your destination. Getting in those extra steps add up quickly, inspiring you to find new ways to get fit.

14. Use Positive Affirmations (PoP staffers’ favorite micro-habit)

To be successful and happy, start speaking positive affirmations into the atmosphere. Your words are compelling, and saying positive things over yourself every morning is a micro-habit that you must observe.

Micro-habit to Add Daily Affirmation to Your Schedule:

Read one affirmation a day. PoP makes this easy, delivering a daily dose of positive thinking right to your inbox. Subscribe below.

15. Learn Mindful Living

Life is often seen as a rat race, but you must take time to stop and smell the roses once in a while. Stop living so fast that you miss something meaningful with your family, friends, or self. There’s a whole world passing you by, and you’re too busy to see the beauty of it.

Micro-habit for Mindfulness:

Your fitness watch or phone provides you free access to one-minute breathing or mindfulness exercises. Download one of these apps and indulge in a one-minute cleansing breathing session once daily.

16. Be a Better Communicator

Do thoughts tend to enter your brain and fly out your mouth before you even think? It would help if you learned how to take short pauses before speaking. These few seconds can help you prepare what you say to convey your message clearly and effectively. It’s always best to make sure what you say enhances the conversation and not hinder it if you want to be a better communicator.

Micro-habit for Pushing the Pause Button on Your Replies:

When someone asks you a question, use a quick visualization technique. Imagine a pause button in your mind and then visualize pressing it for a brief second. That two-second delay gives you the time to formulate an appropriate response.

A CNBC report touted a two-second pause as a way to boost your communication skills.

17. Scroll Less

How much daily do you spend on your cell phone, computer, or tablet? Did you know the average person spends about 5.4 hours a day? This comes from a study conducted by Tech Jury. If you’re overworked and don’t have enough time to do what you want, you might consider scrolling less and engaging more.

Here are some simple ways to spend less time on your electronics:

No phones at the table or while eating
Only check your emails two to three times each day
Have a set time in the evenings when you put the phones down and interact with family
Set a timer for scrolling limits
Keep the news off your phone
Limit social media to minutes, not hours
Notice the signs of addiction and monitor your time

Micro-habit to Stop Obsessing Over Media:

As mentioned in point #3, put away the phone, tablet, laptop, or device. It’s just that easy. You deserve the break!

18. Carefully Choose Your Sphere of Influence

Every person has a sphere of influence, which is their inner circle of people. These folks are the ones that support you when life is tough, and they’re there cheering for you when things are great. If you have a circle filled with negative people, it can significantly impact your entire well-being.

Choose your inner circle of friends wisely, and include positive folks that help you become a better person.

Micro-habit to Expand Positive People in Your Inner-Circle:

Minimize your contact with negative people. Your sister, cousin, or neighbor will always be present in your life. But you can keep check-ins with negative people to a minimum without completely cutting them out of your life. Once you eliminate the negativity, you will attract more positive outcomes.

19. Live Simplistically and Become a Minimalist

Another one of the great micro-habits is to learn to live. Life doesn’t have to be challenging if you know how to simplify. What is simple living?

Well, you should keep a minimalist home that’s comfortable. It would help if you strived for happiness rather than money. Here are some things to work on for simple living:

More time – unplugging and having time for self-care
More money – avoiding spending impulses and learning to save
Cleaner home with less stuff, less to clean, and an uncluttered space
Deeper relationships – spending time nurturing relationships that mean the most

Micro-habit to Become a Minimalist:

Organize all the paperwork on your desk. Shred old documents that you don’t need. Scan paperwork you must keep (don’t forget to back it up). Finally, assemble a box to store away financial records you must retain and find a storage place to keep them. Once you see how easy it is to organize your space, you will also see how easily you can apply this method in every home room.

20. Use What You Have by Upcycling

One of the reasons people are so unhappy is that they can’t beat “the system.” You need money to eat and live, but you could do with less. Do you overspend and make impulse purchases only to find that you’ve overextended yourself once again?

You can reuse, recycle, and upcycle and create savings. As it’s been often said, “Mind your pennies, and then the dollars will take care of themselves.” Learn to give an account for every cent you spend.

Micro-habit to Upcycle Things You Have On-Hand:

Find an interesting new way to use just one cluttery item that you accumulate. For instance, perhaps wash out an empty yogurt cup to corral the pile of paperclips in your desk drawer.

Final Thoughts on Micro-habits for Success and Happiness

The good news is that you don’t have to do all these micro-habits to be happy. You can pick and choose the ones that work best for you. Some people may need to do most of them, while it may just take you a few to get where you need to be.

However, the key is working towards self-development and cultivating good micro-habits that will alter your life. Adopting some new habits from this list will help you believe you can do anything you want.

20 Life Lessons from an Undefeated Samurai Warrior

December 23, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

The undefeated Samurai, Miyamoto Musashi, was one of the most well-known warriors in the world. He did things differently than others, helping him rise to the top and stand out. However, Musashi’s life lessons aren’t only beneficial to him because everyone can learn from his wisdom.

Musashi was a unique warrior because he used two swords simultaneously to win over 60 duels. For many years, his life lessons were followed religiously by people everywhere. As his wise words become more popular, more people are beginning to utilize them in their own life.

The warrior is viewed as a symbol of creativity, mental fortitude, honesty, and respect. They’re also known for carrying swords everywhere they go and using that as their weapon of choice. Their principles are intriguing and, while you don’t have to use a sword, you can learn a few things.

Twenty Life Lessons from an Undefeated Samurai Warrior

These warriors are commonly thought of as fighters because of the duels and sword use, but there is much more. The warriors stressed staying calm as their key to success and optimal performance. If you want to utilize some of their life lessons, this wisdom from Musashi can help you get started.

1. Accept Life for What It Is Right Now

If you want to be strong, you must accept all of the hardships in life. Things won’t always work out the way you want them to, but you must get it and learn to work with what you have. When you can accept life as it is, you’ll overcome your doubts, fears, and challenges.

You can’t always force things to work out the way you’d hoped, and this is an important life lesson to understand. Learn to recognize that everything happens for the greater good, and you’ll develop a positive mindset.

2. Don’t Do Things Only for Pleasure

Live in the present without going out of your way to chase pleasure. Instead, appreciate enjoyment when it comes naturally to you. Not seeking pleasure requires self-discipline so that you only pursue meaningful things.

Musashi lived this way because happiness and pleasure are fleeting, whereas finding meaning, growth, and mastery are long-lasting. He also believed that seeking fun would distract him from the essential parts of his life.

3. Be Decisive and Avoid Acting on an Impulsive Emotion

Musashi believed that you should know what you want. Acting on an impulsive emotion shows that you didn’t think your decision through before making it. When you’ve already decided on something in your mind, don’t let your emotions sway that choice at the last minute.

Being decisive and avoiding emotional decisions are what allowed Musashi to go undefeated. Once he made up his mind, he didn’t waste any time before acting on it, and he didn’t waver.

4. Don’t Focus on Yourself Too Much

If you self-obsess, you miss out on the meaningful parts of life. Remember that you are small in comparison to the universe, so there is much more to focus on around you. If you ever think that you are the center of the universe, this is a life lesson to remember.

When you don’t self-obsess, you’ll begin to grasp the unpredictable reality of life. It helps you use better judgment, become more adaptable, experience growth, and develop a positive mindset.

5. Don’t Let Jealousy Affect Your Life

Jealously can destroy you because it is an intense form of hatred. Jealousy is toxic and interferes with your chance to experience joy. Focus on being grateful for what you have, and jealousy won’t affect you as much.

If you ever compare yourself or your life to other people, it’s a sign of jealousy. Avoid these comparisons because they’re unfair and offer little benefit to your life.

6. Don’t Desire Things You Don’t Have

You shouldn’t want more than what you already have. Instead, wait for other things to come to you while you appreciate what you have right now. Desire can motivate you to take action, but it’s usually guiding you in the wrong direction.

While you can’t always eliminate desires, you can practice detachment. When you decouple from your desires, you can focus on the essential things in life.

7. Don’t Regret Anything

You can’t change the past, so learn to accept it for what it is. Regret won’t fix anything, and it takes you away from the present. Remember that everything in life happens for a specific purpose, even if you can’t see it yet.

When the time is right, you’ll understand why things happened like they did. Don’t waste time and energy on regret because understanding will occur. While mistakes hurt, you must break free from shame and learn from your mistakes instead.

8. Don’t Be Saddened by a Separation

Losing someone you love is hard, but long-term sorrow prevents you from moving forward. You won’t feel better if you remain stuck in a state of sadness, and it won’t change what happened. Whether the separation is from death or something else, you must look ahead and accept the situation.

Grief is normal, but acceptance and understanding are also essential. Everything in your life is temporary, and acknowledging this helps you prioritize and appreciate things more fully.

9. Don’t Complain or Hold Grudges

Everyone complains sometimes, but you shouldn’t make it a habit. It damages your mental health and forces you to carry your problems everywhere. When you resist complaining, you can leave your issues behind and avoid the trap.

Holding grudges can affect you the same way complaining does. It affects you more than the person you’re angry with, and it hinders your ability to move forward. Letting things go rather than complaining or holding grudges helps free you from unnecessary attachment to negativity. This knowledge will prove to be one of the most challenging life lessons you’ll learn.

10. Don’t Allow Lust to Take Over Your Life

While humans are erotic by nature, you shouldn’t allow lust to control your life. Many people let this happen to their life, and it causes distraction and destruction. Instead, focus on love and healthy relationships to get the most out of life.

11. Don’t Have Any Preferences

By not having preferences, it allows you to keep your options open. Avoid becoming narrow-minded so that you can accept any action as you move forward. You never know how things will work out, and avoiding preferences will prevent disappointment and resistance.

12. Do Things Differently Than the Rest of Society

People tend to be a slave to society, following one another and doing all the same things. Society makes you think you need material possessions and must do something a specific way.

However, Musashi emphasized the importance of not following society. Do things your way, and focus on building your character rather than going along with everyone else.

13. Don’t Indulge in Gluttony

When you eat, think of the food as fuel for your body. Thinking of food this way prevents overindulgence and gluttony.

You don’t have to overdo it to receive adequate nutrition. Please don’t abuse the pleasure of food because Musashi understood and made it a life lesson that food is a tool to obtain good health.

14. Take on a Minimalist Lifestyle

You don’t need lots of material possessions to be happy in life. Get rid of things you don’t need in life to focus on simple living. Avoid becoming attached to frivolous items, and you will obtain clarity and be present.

15. Learn to Form Your Own Opinions

Musashi didn’t believe everything he heard, and you shouldn’t either. Don’t follow the crowd, and be sure to follow your ideas and opinions. Your opinions might not be favorable or supported by others, but stick to your path anyway.

16. Be Respectful but Don’t Rely on the Guidance of Others

Musashi respected the gods but didn’t rely only on their guidance. He knew that he must save himself and follow his path rather than wait for answers from the gods. Likewise, he showed respect to everyone around him too.

When you’re respectful to others, it brings order and harmony to your life. However, you sometimes have to turn down their opinions. While they might mean well, their guidance can’t lead you down the path intended for you. That could be one of the most challenging life lessons to accept.

17. Don’t Fear Death

If you are afraid of death, you can’t fully live your life. You’ll fear the outcome of risky actions, preventing yourself from living in the present. When you aren’t afraid of death, it helps create a sense of urgency, presence, and ambition.

18. Avoid Using Weapons Unless Necessary

While Musashi was famous for using two swords in many duels, he didn’t do so without reason. Unless your life is on the line, you should never use weapons. Additionally, he believes that the weapon owner must learn to master the tool.

19. Eliminate Distractions and Live in the Moment

Musashi eliminated distractions whenever possible, and you can follow his life lessons and do the same. Get rid of any possessions you don’t need so that you can live in the present each day. When you live a minimalist lifestyle, you can eliminate distractions and focus on the essential aspects of your life.

20. Live with Integrity and Honor

You must follow your beliefs and do what you think is morally correct. Living with integrity means you’ll never have to wonder if you did the right thing. Musashi knew that living with integrity ensures honor and respect, as well.

Final Thoughts on Life Lessons from an Undefeated Samurai Warrior

While you won’t enter dozens of duels and use swords to win, you can still learn from the life lessons of an undefeated warrior. Musashi offered these life principles to help others find strength and success in life.

By following Musashi’s guidance, you can improve certain aspects of your life. Living by these guidelines can help you find strength, live in the present, and remain honorable and humble.

15 Things Never to Say to Someone Estranged from Their Parents

December 22, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Adult children becoming estranged from their parents isn’t uncommon, but it remains a tricky topic to discuss. Everyone has different thoughts regarding children and parents who don’t speak, so it’s easy to slip up and say the wrong thing. If you don’t fully understand the situation, refrain from commenting on the subject entirely.

However, you can’t ignore people or pretend everything is normal, either. The subject will come up, and it’s hard to know what to say when you want to show empathy. No matter what your opinion is on the subject, there are some things you should avoid saying entirely.

If you have never been estranged from a parent, it’s impossible to understand how someone feels. Even if you have been in a similar situation, you can’t know how another person’s experience differed from yours. You never know what someone has been through or what their parent did, so it’s best to avoid judgment.

Fifteen Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Estranged from Their Parents.

Even if you support the decision of someone estranged from their parents, you must be careful about what you say. You might think something will bring them comfort or help them out, but it might make them feel worse. If you know someone who doesn’t speak to or see their parents, remember to be careful about what you say.

1. I could never cut my parents out of my life.

While this statement might be true, it’s a little insensitive. Cutting your parents out of your life isn’t easy, and this comment makes it sound like it was a light decision. They may also think that it implies they did something wrong.

Saying you could never do it can make it seem like nothing is worth making this difficult decision. Avoid comparing the other person’s situation to your life because you never know their family problems.

2. They want what’s best for you, even if you disagree.

While a parent thinks they know what is best for their child, it’s not up to them to decide their child’s life path. Sometimes a parent will be selfish and try to live vicariously through their child, even at the expense of their child’s happiness. While this isn’t always harmful, there can be consequences for the child along the way.

If a parent is so disappointed by their child’s life choices, they might take it out on the child. When they do, it can cause the connection to fall apart. Since this is the case, you should avoid defending the parents’ behavior when speaking with the estranged person.

3. You’re going to regret this estrangement when they die.

People who cut off their parents thought about regret when they chose. They still decided that walking away was the better option. If you want to support them, you must avoid saying things that could make them feel guilty.

You might think you’re being helpful, but you’re only pushing the idea of cultural disapproval. Chances are, the adult child doesn’t regret their decision to cut their parents out. Instead, they regret that their parent couldn’t do what was necessary to alter the connection.

4. Since you cut out your family, you’ll probably do the same to me.

This statement is not only insensitive, but it’s rude. Someone’s decision to leave their parents doesn’t come lightly, and this comment is hurtful. Not only will it hurt them, but the statement isn’t true, either.

Just because someone stopped talking to a family member doesn’t mean they won’t love you unconditionally. Before an estrangement occurs, there is typically a long and complicated relationship. Don’t make someone feel like you don’t trust them or like they have to prove anything to you.

5. You turned out just fine, so they can’t be too bad.

While you might think that this is a compliment, it’s the furthest thing from one. Not only does it invalidate the person’s experience, but it also gives their parent credit for what the child has accomplished. Consider whether or not the child turned out so well is because they chose to walk away.

6. Explain what they did that was so bad.

No one should have to explain themselves to you, especially concerning something so personal. You don’t need to know why someone walked away, and you don’t have a right to know. Those who cut out their parents likely don’t enjoy discussing their experiences.

Additionally, this statement implies that the person needed permission to end the relationship. Regardless of their reasoning, they chose to walk away from a toxic connection and require no explanation.

7. You should give them some grace because nobody is perfect.

This statement is another one that invalidates the person’s feelings and experiences. Chances are, they didn’t cut their parents out of their lives for a minor grievance, so don’t pretend to know. It isn’t a situation related to imperfections but about toxicity and healthy connections.

8. You only get one set of parents, and look at all they did for you.

Please don’t point out that someone only gets one set of parents because they already know that fact. Additionally, don’t mention what their parents did for them, either. Parents are legally required to feed, shelter, and clothe their children, so you can’t count those as moments of going above and beyond.

Many adult children walk away from their parents for reasons related to their childhood. They may have been deprived of love, touch, and learning opportunities that would have allowed them to thrive. Additionally, they could have been subject to abuse you don’t know.

9. You can’t cut them out–they’re your parents.

You must avoid this phrase whether someone is estranged from one or both parents. Being a parent doesn’t give someone a free pass to cause toxicity in their child’s life. Family problems go much deeper than people let on.

It’s also important to note that the estrangement likely took longer than it would have if they weren’t the child’s parent. The child might not have ever put up with toxic situations for as long as they did if the abuser hadn’t been family. Reminding them of their parents in this way won’t help the situation.

10. Stop living in the past and move on.

When someone stops talking to their parents, it doesn’t mean they live in the past. Instead, it shows that they have already moved on from the past. They chose to leave a toxic situation and move forward positively.

This statement isn’t helpful, and it is inaccurate. Everyone has the right to move forward at a different pace. Everyone can decide who plays a role in their present life, so leaving the parents behind might be how they move on.

11. Maybe you should try forgiving them.

This statement is frustrating because the child has often forgiven their parent. Estrangement comes after many instances of negativity, so you shouldn’t imply that the child didn’t try. They can only forgive someone so many times before they cut them out for good.

12. Your parents did their best given what they had.

Don’t make excuses for a parent that is estranged from their child. They could have provided their child with the love and acceptance they needed, even if the parents didn’t have much to work with. There is no reason for neglect, mental or physical abuse, or other toxic behavior.

13. Your parents love you more than anything.

This statement is another guilt trip that may or may not be accurate. While parents can love their children and still hurt or disrespect them, they might not love them at all. You shouldn’t be the one to say that they do when there is no way for you to know for sure.

14. Your life could have been worse, so maybe you should appreciate what you had.

Every situation could have been worse, but you don’t need to say it. When someone goes through a traumatic experience, comparisons to other problems are unnecessary. They are hurting regardless of you thinking it could have been worse.

Additionally, walking away from their parents doesn’t mean the person didn’t appreciate anything. Instead, it means they need to make healthy decisions for their life.

15. Not speaking to your parents is selfish.

Children that cut their parents off have usually had enough of their parent’s lack of respect. The child has likely tried to set boundaries, offer forgiveness, and build a healthier relationship. Putting themselves first and doing what is best for their life is never selfish.

Final Thoughts on Things Never to Say to Someone Estranged from Their Parents

Adult children estranged from their parents don’t have an easy decision. They’ve likely been hurt repeatedly by their parents and decided to leave the toxicity behind. Don’t say things that’ll make them feel bad about the situation.

Avoid assuming that you know what happened in the estranged person’s life. Even if they’ve given you a little information, there is no way for you to know the full extent. Avoid giving your opinion or saying hurtful things; focus on showing empathy instead.

15 Quotes That Remind Us Why We Should Keep It Real

December 22, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

As you go through life, you’ll have plenty of chances to keep it real or pretend to be someone else. These quotes can help inspire you and give you the confidence to stay true to yourself in every instance. Being authentic is essential in life and can improve your personal and professional relationships.

When you keep it real, you’ll feel better each day because everyone is unique and on a unique path in life. The differences between each of us are what keep things interesting in life. Plus, your unique qualities are what make you special.

Staying true to yourself allows you to live life to the fullest potential and experience meaningful moments. If you keep it real, it’ll improve your sense of self-worth and the quality of your life as a whole. It also helps you gain clarity about your life and yourself, making it easy to focus on the essential parts of life.

When you show who you indeed are, it ensures you attract other honest people in your life, too. These quotes can help remind you why you should be yourself each day. Consider writing down the quotes that resonate within you to reference throughout your day.

Fifteen Quotes That Remind Us to Keep it Real, Always

1. “Share your weaknesses, share your hard moments, share your real side. It’ll either scare away every fake person in your life, or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called “perfection,” which will open the doors to the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of.” – Dan Pearce

When you share your weaknesses and difficult moments, you can ensure everyone in your life cares about you. If people are only in your life because they believe you’re perfect, you aren’t building healthy relationships.

By showing all of yourself rather than just the highlights, you might inspire others to be authentic, too. Then, you can build healthy relationships based on who you indeed are.

2. “I have reached a point in life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try & impress anyone. If they like me the way I am, good, and if they don’t, it’s their loss.” – Corazon Aquino

Not everyone will like you, and there is nothing wrong with that. No matter what persona you portray, you won’t impress every person around you anyway.

Instead, be yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Either the other person will like you, or they won’t, but at least you can honestly say you kept it honest.

3. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” – Steve Jobs

Not only is your time in life limited, but it’s passing regardless of what you decide to do. If you constantly worry about what other people want you to do, you’ll waste your life living for someone else.

4. “The easiest way to gain someone’s trust is to deserve it. This should be pretty easy, assuming you’re just being you and being real. Minimal effort too.” – Ashley Lorenzana

If you exhibit honesty, other people will have no problem trusting you. When you want to gain trust, you must do things to deserve it first. Plus, you won’t ever have to worry about honest people getting angry or losing their faith in you.

As Lorenzana explains, it shouldn’t be hard to gain trust as long as you show people who you truly are. Plus, life gets a little easier when you aren’t lying or hiding who you are.

5. “Just keep being true to yourself, if you’re passionate about something, go for it. Don’t sacrifice anything, just have fun.” – Blake Lewis

When you aren’t true to yourself, you miss exciting opportunities and experiences. Go after the things you’re passionate about, and don’t miss out just to fit in. This life is yours to live, so don’t spend your time chasing things that don’t matter.

6. “Tell people how it is, be real, and be honest. If you see something wrong, make sure you speak up. Being this way will naturally eliminate the snakes and fakes.” – John Maiorana

When you keep it real and say what’s on your mind, it eliminates toxic people from your life. You don’t want fake people or anyone who wants to hurt you in your life.

Toxic people don’t like honesty, meaning they will leave your life without any effort on your part. You’ll attract other honest people into your life by living in reality and being yourself.

7. “Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” – Julius Hare

If you want to become a better version of yourself, the first step is to be yourself. Don’t change who you are or hide certain things about yourself. Instead, embrace what makes you different and learn from your mistakes as you go along.

8. “Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

While it’s easy to tell people what they want to hear, it won’t get you anywhere. False flattery does nothing for your relationship. However, speaking your mind and being honest with people will help build something meaningful.

9. “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Everyone is unique and should feel free to be themselves. As Roosevelt explains, you don’t only have the right, but you must keep it real. Your differences are the things that set you apart and allow you to reach your full potential.

Don’t miss out on finding and pursuing your destiny by trying to be like everyone else. Use your uniqueness to better yourself and improve your life.

10. “Sadness is a part of life; Love is the heart of life; But facing pain and to come out strong is the real art of life.” – Wrushank Sorte

Don’t hide your feelings in hopes that they disappear or no one notices. Sadness, love, and every other emotion are a part of life. Face what you’re experiencing and deal with it, and you’ll become stronger because of it.

11. “I feel that the simplicity of life is just being yourself.” – Bobby Brown

Life can be hectic and stressful, and people are always looking for ways to simplify their day. The answer is easier than you think because, as Brown explains, the best way to find simplicity is to be yourself.

When you are genuine all the time, you won’t have to stress about how things will go. You won’t worry about people finding things out about you, and you won’t get caught up in another persona. Being yourself takes quite a bit of effort out of your day.

12. “To be one’s self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity.” – Irving Wallace

People tend to conform when they’re scared, whether they are right or wrong. You can avoid this issue when you keep it real because you won’t be fearful. Living this way shows more courage than conformity, so always stay true to yourself and your values.

13. “I am kind of person who will love the real version of you no matter how bad and broken than accepting the perfect and polished but fake version of you.” – Mahrukh

The people who care about you don’t want the fake version. Your loved ones desire the real you, which is the one that shows when they are hurting. When you show people this side of yourself, it brings you closer together, promoting a healthy relationship.

Plus, when they can see that you are broken, they can help. If you always hide when something is wrong, your loved ones never know when you need their support. As you stay true to yourself, it’ll help you live in the current reality of your life, allowing you to overcome.

14. “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe

Imperfection is always better than fitting in with the crowd. You can’t set yourself apart or live a meaningful life if you do the same thing everyone else does.

15. “You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand.” – Irene C. Kassorla

No other person can write your story, so be sure to make it worthwhile and meaningful. You are the only one who can choose which path you take and which decisions you make. Don’t copy someone else’s story when you could make it enjoyable.

Final Thoughts on Quotes That Remind Us to Live in Reality

While it might be tempting to follow the crowd, you should always keep it real and be yourself. Do the things that make you happy and bring meaning to your life. When you stay true to who you are, you’ll have better relationships and enjoy life more.

If you ever struggle to be yourself, these quotes can remind you why you should keep it real. When you remember these reasons, you’re sure to speak up and be honest.

Doing These 5 Things Will Invalidate Someone’s Feelings

December 22, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you ever wish you could be more in tune with other people’s emotions? Do you ever feel like you risk making someone feel guilty about their feelings no matter how hard you try? Are you ever scared you might invalidate someone else’s feelings?

One integral part of having healthy relationships is forming an emotional connection. It would help if you related to people, understood them, and were empathetic. But sometimes, it’s impossible to be aware of the best way to comfort someone. Sometimes you have so much on your mind that the last thing you want to do is act like a therapist.

Because of how crazy your own life can be, you often risk brushing over other people’s emotions. The risk of getting into a situation where you invalidate others’ opinions is very high. Most people invalidate others’ feelings by mistake. Some do it because they are malicious. No matter the intent, here are five things that will invalidate someone’s feelings.

What Is Emotional Invalidation?

Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts and feelings. It’s a process through which someone feels like what they do, who they are, and what they experience is unimportant. When this type of behavior directs towards you, it leaves a mark.

Emotional validation is what makes people feel safe in a relationship. It is also vital in facilitating communication between people. When someone feels like their emotions are validated, like they are seen and heard, they will let their walls down. This creates a deeper connection between individuals. Emotional validation is one of the most important things a parent can do to raise a child properly.

In most cases, people invalidate others’ feelings unintentionally. They do it because they’re not listening or are preoccupied with their issues. Often, people invalidate others’ emotions because they can’t process what the other is feeling. But sometimes, people use emotional invalidation as a manipulation tactic. They might do it to gaslight you or to make you question your feelings and sanity.

Regardless of how kind or malicious your intent is, here are five things that will invalidate someone’s feelings and how to avoid them.

5 Things That Will Invalidate Someone’s Feelings

1. Trying To Downplay An Occurrence

If you’re in a situation when you’re trying to comfort someone, it might seem like a good idea to downplay the events. It seems normal to make the other person believe that what they’ve gone through isn’t that bad. But this attitude is very unhealthy.

If someone is confiding in you, they want you to be understanding. They don’t want you to minimize their pain. This attitude marginalizes someone’s pain and forces toxic positivity on them. Often this happens because people are uncomfortable talking about feelings, especially negative ones. It’s hard to sit in front of someone and have them talk about their hardships. That’s why people sometimes ignore others’ feelings. They believe they’ll go away.

If you’ve ever said things like “it could be worse,” you weren’t helping anyone. You were downplaying what they’ve been through. In most cases, statements like this cause negative feelings to amplify. When someone’s hurt, isolated, or rejected, the last thing they want to hear is that they should be thankful something worse didn’t happen.

Instead of minimizing and ignoring others’ emotions, you should understand that all pain should be addressed accordingly. Just because it could have been worse doesn’t mean the person you’re talking to isn’t hurt. Try to be understanding and listen. What matters is how that person feels, not how you think they should feel. Just because that situation doesn’t seem wrong to you, it doesn’t mean that it’s not bad for them.

2. Being Flippant Can Invalidate Feelings

Sometimes people ask for your help in the most inopportune of moments. No matter how hard you want to help someone, you have your stuff to deal with. If someone complains to you about their issues when dealing with difficult things of your own, you’ll naturally become dismissive. You might start having a flippant attitude towards that person.

While this attitude might seem justified, this invalidates other people’s emotions. No matter what you’re dealing with, that’s no excuse for a flippant attitude. It’s much better to tell people that you can’t help them at that time instead of helping them half-heartedly. Being dismissive of people’s emotions makes them feel emotionally suppressed and brushed aside. If you act like this towards someone, you risk antagonizing them. They might distance themselves from you and close themselves off.

It might seem easiest to tell someone to “just get over it,” you should always try to show kindness. Try to be empathetic and understand that people who reach out to you need your help. If you can’t offer them that support, the least you could do is not make them feel wrong about how they think.

3. Not Paying Attention To Others

It can be hard to read people sometimes. But, even if the people around you don’t tell you they’re hurting, that doesn’t mean they’re not battling something. One of the worst ways you can invalidate others’ feelings is by not paying attention to them.

When someone is close to you, they expect you to be able to tell when they’re feeling down. And when you can’t do that, they feel hurt and betrayed. Even though it’s not your responsibility to figure out every little thing that makes someone hurt, you should still pay attention to signs. When someone’s feeling down, many cues can let you know somethings off with someone.

When you ignore people, you make them feel like they’re not vital to you. It makes them think that they’re not important enough to you for you to notice they’re going through something. Sometimes not paying attention to others doesn’t even mean ignoring them. It means that you give unsolicited advice, or you accidentally say hurtful things.

You might not want to invalidate someone’s feelings in this way. But it can still happen very often because of low EQ or because you’re distracted. You should always make an effort to ask the people around you how they are. Try to watch them and look for any cues that might tell you they’re not OK. And, if you want to say something, make sure you won’t be insensitive.

4. Blaming Others Can Invalidate Feelings

When someone confides in you, you might be inclined to try teaching them a lesson. This often happens because you want them to know how to avoid getting in that situation again. But, more often than not, scolding someone makes them feel guilty for no reason.

When you see that someone is hurt, your first instinct might be to find a solution as quickly as possible. Because of this, you might start talking and talking without listening to what the other person has to say. While this attitude comes from concern, it can quickly turn into a lecture.

And, when people are lectured, they quickly get defensive. You might unintentionally corner them and make them feel like they have to defend their actions. It can seem like you’re blaming them.

If someone is a victim in a situation, you never want to make them feel like they brought that upon themselves. But by scolding and blaming them, that’s just what you’ll do. You never want to come off as preachy or judgmental. It would be best if you listened to what the other has to say before you start lecturing them. Try to offer empathy and understand where they’re coming from. Otherwise, you will close up the person hearing what you have to say.

5. Making Comparisons

When trying to console someone, it can seem beneficial to respond to their emotions by sharing your feelings. Taking an abstract concept such as feelings and comparing them to a concrete experience might seem like a good idea. In theory, it should make it more approachable and easier to deal with. But comparisons are just another way of invalidating what other people feel.

Comparisons are bad because they focus on that person’s feelings and move them to something else. You even risk making the conversation all about yourself. When dealing with a hurting person, switching the focus from them and their issues will make them feel unimportant. A statement as innocent as “something like that also happened to me” can make them feel ignored. It’s like their problem is not important enough to you by itself. It has to be associated with something from your life.

At least comparing their situation with something that happened to you comes from a place of kindness. But you can make worse comparisons than that. Saying something like “others have it much worse” will minimize what they go through. Such comparisons invalidate their feelings even more. No matter how much worse you think it could get, you should always focus on their problem if you want to help them. Try to be empathetic and understanding because all issues are important, no matter how big or small they are.

Final Thoughts On Some Things That Will Invalidate Someone’s Feelings

Invalidating other people’s feelings is potentially the worst thing you can do in a relationship. No matter if they’re friends, family, partners, or any other people, everyone deserves to be heard when they’re hurting. But it can be hard to understand precisely when and how you invalidate others’ feelings.

When trying to comfort people, you can sometimes try toxic techniques. You might think that trying to downplay and ignore a situation will make it go away. Or you might try lecturing and scolding people to make sure they don’t get in bad situations again. You might even try to compare their situation to things you’ve been through to show them how to get out of it.

Or maybe you’re just busy, and you don’t have time to pay attention to how other people are, so you start being dismissive and flippant. But all of these things make others feel ignored, blamed, and invalidates their feelings. Instead, you should always listen and try to be as empathetic as you can.

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