Page 405

10 Ways to Help Fearful Children Overcome What Scares Them

December 12, 2021 by Deborah Tayloe

Children are fearful by nature. As parents, you must be equipped to handle things like night terrors, phobias, and irrational thoughts. If only kids came with a manual, it would be so much easier to raise them.

When it comes to your children, you often feel like you’re feeling your way through a darkened room, trying to find the best route to get to the light. As an adult, you’re fearful of certain things, like public speaking, going over bridges, or climbing to great heights. No one would tell you that your worries are “all in your head,” so you must validate your child’s apprehensions.

Ten Ways to Help Fearful Children Overcome What Scares Them

You hold sole responsibility for your child’s care. Of course, this caregiving is a significant responsibility that doesn’t go away the moment they turn 18 years old. Everyone needs a few pointers when it comes to your kids, so here are ten ways that you can help them overcome the things that scare them.

1. Use Compassion and Not Punishment When Dealing With a Fearful Child

Sara was sure monsters lived under her bed. Every night when her parents tucked her in, she would cry and scream for an hour or more. She could hear them breathe and see their shadows, or so she thought.

Her parents became so angry at the bedtime disruption that they started grounding her if she threw a fit. Sara internalized her worries, as she didn’t want to get in trouble, and soon she was terrified to go into her bedroom at all. How could Sara’s parents have handled this situation differently?

Sure, we all know that the monsters weren’t real, but they were genuine to young Sara and her overactive imagination. Her parents should have used compassion and come up with creative ways to get control over the situation.

The Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles advises using “monster spray,” among other tactics. Every time the child sees something that scares her, she uses this powerful spray to make them disappear. Sure, it’s just water with some lavender essential oil in it, but it gives you a tool to use to help overcome the nightly struggle.

2. Don’t Belittle Fearful Children

Telling a child that their worries are dumb or nonexistent isn’t doing anything to help. Instead, listening to the child explain everything that scares them and offering sound solutions can be beneficial. For instance, if Johnny has nightmares every night and is afraid to go to sleep, why not get him a dream catcher that will snatch all those bad dreams away?

Sometimes, being a parent means thinking outside the box and trying new and innovative things. Please don’t belittle them or put them down because they have anxieties, but you must understand and be there for them.

3. Never Leave Them Alone in Distress

Though it may be frustrating when your child is in distress, the worst thing you can do is leave them alone in their terror. Sure, you want to walk away and let them cry it out, but a parent must stay with their kid in the hard times. Divert their attention by focusing on their strengths and how amazing they are in so many things.

A child often needs to be held and feel your warm embrace when their world seems traumatic. Turning and walking away when they’re fearful can cause all sorts of insecurities.

4. Teach Them to Pray

It’s said that prayer changes things, and many believe this to be true. You don’t have to be a religious person to be spiritual. Most folks believe in a higher power, whether it be God, Allah, the Universe, Buddha, or Baal.

Calling on a higher power in times of great distress is an excellent way to release some of the anxieties your child may have, and it’s comforting to know that someone or something more significant is watching over them.

5. Don’t Let Fearful Kids Use Avoidance Tactics

If you’re afraid of bridges, you might divert your route so that you don’t have to cross any. However, you’re only making way for your anxieties to fit into your world. If you used exposure therapy, which means you face those bridges head-on, it wouldn’t be long until it wasn’t such an issue.

Never let your children rearrange their world due to their anxieties. If you let them sleep on your floor because they’re afraid of an imaginary ghoul, they will be in your room for a long time. It’s unhealthy to encourage them to avoid certain things when standing beside them as they face the mountains head-on is much more effective.

6. Utilize Counseling to Beat The Anxiety

There are many times in your child’s life when their problems will be much more significant than you can manage, and they can’t handle them alone. Professional reinforcement is often warranted. When your child is fearful of many things, it can indicate a mental health disorder, like panic or anxiety.

You want to ensure that you get them the proper help early on, so they can learn practical tools to cope.

7. Help Them Retrain the Brain

One thing kids often fret over is shadows in the bedroom. Sure, their little minds play tricks on them, and they can imagine that they’re many ominous things. Why not make the shadows fun?

While they may see monsters and demons and all sorts of scary things in their current state, why not show them the good things they can see? Shadows can be pretty fun, especially when you have a flashlight and can add to them. Educate them on what causes a shadow, show them where the image on the wall is coming from, and help them retrain their brain not to be so fearful.

8. Let Them Sleep with the Lights On

There may be a time when your child needs to sleep with the lights on. It’s often that most situations occur at night, so why not set the mood for sleep? A nightlight, or a dim lamp, are great tools that won’t interfere with their sleep.

As they become more comfortable, you can go in and turn off the light after they fall asleep. How many times have you slept with the light on as an adult after watching a movie or being upset? Being in the dark can be pretty scary, so why not let the light help them drift off into dreamland?

9. Monitor What a Fearful Child Watches on TV

Sadly, TV and the internet are full of violent and scary shows that your child has no business watching. Rather than giving them free rein with the TV, set parental controls based on their age. Children ages 3-12 are the most impressionable and apt to be fearful, so monitoring what they watch is a great place to start.

According to Mom Junction, you must be proactive about your kid’s television viewing. With the help of 100 board-certified physicians, they’ve come up with an approved list of shows for these age groups.

10. Don’t Play into Their Fear

Some parents don’t know what to say or do when their child is facing these massive anxieties. So, they play into them thinking it will help, but it’s only making matters much worse. For instance, Jenny is throwing a fit and doesn’t want to go to bed.

She is sure that as soon as she goes into her room, the monster that lives in the closet will come out and get her. Rather than her mother assuring her that there’s no monster and comforting her, she tells her that she better get in bed, or the beast really will come to get her.

Saying things like this can have a dramatic impact on your child’s mental health, and it can cause a lifelong battle with the apprehension of nighttime. The mother is probably frustrated and at wit’s end, but these lighthearted comments only add insult to injury.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Help Fearful Children Overcome

Most parents find that it’s just as challenging for them to manage their child’s fearful nature as it is for the child. However, it’s essential to talk to them and let them be heard. The worst thing you can do is to brush the issue under the rug, talk down to them, or make them feel like they’re being irrational.

It’s pretty standard for children to be scared when they go to bed, start a new school, or have other obstacles in life to overcome. Thankfully, they have parents who nurture them and love them through the good and bad times. When they’re fearful and having a rough season in life, this is when they need you the most.

Come up with some innovative ways to handle their apprehensions, like monster spray, and you can overcome the battles they face. Then, maybe it’s time to work on tackling some of your anxieties too. Everyone has them and watching you work on the things that bother you can be a solid indicator that you can conquer anything.

Signs An Introvert Needs Personal Space: 12 to Watch For

December 11, 2021 by Deborah Tayloe

Everyone knows people who aren’t social butterflies. For them, personal space is as vital as the air they breathe. Maybe you or your partner are introverted at heart.

Loners can enjoy lasting relationships just as well as extroverts, but the difference is that they often feel nervous and out of place in large groups. For them, spending one-on-one time with a spouse or a couple of friends is more appealing.

A recluse seldom relates well with others and has very few genuine relationships. They block others from their lives and prefer to be alone for good. Loners only need temporary solitude to recharge their batteries.

Twelve Signs Someone Needs Personal Space

Are you giving your reclusive partner enough space to thrive? It’s an essential part of their well-being. Here are twelve signs that your person may need some solitude and how you can help.

1. They Seem Moodier than Usual

Everybody has an occasional off day when they feel tired, grumpy, and unsocial. If they’re a loner, this sudden moodiness is often a sign that they need personal space. It’s especially noticeable if your friend or loved one is usually mellow and cheerful.

Just because your person is experiencing a bout of irritability doesn’t give them the right to take it out on you. While it’s easy to take their actions personally, allow some time apart so they can get back to their old self.

2. They’re Indecisive When Somone Encroaches on Their Personal Space

Whether you’re in a personal or professional relationship, both sides have opinions. Sometimes, your friend or family member may feel overwhelmed, and they’ll avoid the most basic decisions. When you ask for their opinion, they might say, “It doesn’t matter,” or “Whatever you want is fine.”

Loners don’t like to be put on the spot, even if they have a strong opinion. If they feel like they’re being smothered, they may go along with what you say to end the conversation. It’s one of their maladaptive tools to get some personal space.

You don’t need the burden of being the only decision-maker in the relationship. If your person is hesitant to offer an opinion, try to start small. Deciding where to have lunch or what to watch on tv one night puts the ball back into their court.

3. They Become Argumentative

Believe it or not, there is such thing as too much togetherness. When a friend or loved one is generally reclusive, they may find it difficult to tell you to back off some. Instead, they keep their anxiety bottled up, which may lead to bickering and picking arguments over the simplest things.

This is probably your cue to take a step back and give them some personal space. However, tell them that you’ve noticed the frustration lately and ask if they need to talk about it. Your introverted friend may open up and discuss why the two of you need some occasional alone time.

4. They Have Closed Body Language When You Invade Their Personal Space

Meaningful conversations include sharing thoughts and ideas and actively listening to the other person. Not only do people hear your voice, but they also read nonverbal cues provided by body language. Open body language is relaxed, friendly, and slightly bent toward the speaker.

When an introverted person needs some solitude, their closed body language will be your hint. According to an article published by Forbes, some of these subtle negativities may include crossed arms, crossed legs, or no eye contact. The person may be hearing you, but their body language says they aren’t listening.

Calling them out on their lack of interest can only make the situation worse. You’re better off staying calm about the issue and giving yourself some alone time. Meanwhile, your friend will get the space they need to revitalize and be more social again.

5. They Conveniently Change Their Daily Routines

Perhaps your friend or mate is such a creature of habit that you can set your watch by them. One of the many things loners like about solitude is that nobody’s there to interrupt their schedule. When they start to feel like you connect to them at the hip, they may suddenly change their routine.

You may notice that their sleep schedule may change to where they have some alone time in bed or at the breakfast table. They may also work later hours or stay gone later than usual when running errands. Your person craves this solitude and may feel too insecure to tell you.

If you want to improve your relationship, then pay attention to this silent hint. While you give the introvert the solitude they need, you can use some to revive your spirits. They will respect you more for allowing them this precious time.

6. They Feel Overwhelmed Due to a Lack of Personal Space

Yes, friends, family members, and partners need each other when life is unbearable. It’s exhausting trying to juggle responsibilities at home and work. Loners often do their best creative problem solving within their personal space.

Let your person know that you’re there for them. Tell them that you understand that they may need to be alone to sort out problems and solutions. Giving each other some space can be healthy for your relationship.

7. Notice Their Pattern of Solitude

When you’ve been in a relationship long enough with someone, you know their patterns. If your person is a loner, their need to escape the world can almost be anticipated. For example, they may need some quiet time.

Of course, it’s essential to pay attention to each other for a relationship to survive. However, there are times that your mate may need regular solitude to be more receptive to your needs. Soon, you’ll be in sync with each other’s patterns and can be more empathetic.

8. They’re More Sensitive Than Usual

Perhaps something that attracted you to your partner is that they’re susceptible. Their sensitivity can boost their creativity and empathy. Unfortunately, it can also make them anxious, self-doubting, and distrusting.

When they need some alone time, they may seem incredibly nervous and high-strung. The introvert may be extra sensitive to light and sound, and they’re easily agitated. They may be melancholy when they’re usually in a good humor.

Discuss their extra burst of sensitivity and see if it’s an internal conflict or its external circumstances. Give them a few hours or even a couple of days to revive by themselves. Then, get together and see how the time alone helped you both.

9. They Seem Distant When They Need Personal Space

Even the best of partners and parents need some alone time for their mental well-being. If your person isn’t getting the solitude they need, then they may become emotionally distant. Instead of spending quality time with you and your family, they may be lost in their thoughts and have little communication.

Give your person their space, and they’ll probably rebound after some alone time. If not, there could be some other problems in the relationship that need addressing. Only time and honest discussions can reveal the next step.

10. They Never Mention Solitude

Your person may not tell you how much they need alone time because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. No matter how many signs point to it, they may not broach the subject. Meanwhile, your relationship becomes strained.

You’re the one to address the elephant in the room. Let the introvert know that you understand the need for solitude and suggest ways to get it. It will help them be more open with their feelings and needs.

11. They Create Reasons to Be Alone to Get a Little Personal Space

It may be a red flag when your partner is more eager to run errands and work on solo projects. Even those few minutes alone in the car or the garage can be therapeutic for their mind and spirit. It’s their way of subtly getting some alone time without admitting it.

If they enjoy driving or doing projects on their own, let them do it. They’re creating the personal space they need while keeping their self-esteem intact. However, they should still want to spend a lot of quality time with you.

12. They Lose Their Individuality

Just because you’re in a loving relationship doesn’t mean you give up your individuality. You and your mate will still have individual hobbies and interests that the other doesn’t share. A loner who’s lost their individuality may forgo their thoughts and opinions and copy yours.

Don’t be intimidated when your partner wants to pursue a hobby or activity alone. It just gives you more time to explore things that you’ve wanted to do. Then, you’ll both have new ideas to share, and your time together will be more memorable.

Final Thoughts on Personal Space

These signs of needing personal space also may overlap with symptoms of depression. An article published by Psychology Today says that the tell-tale signs of depression are still different. Your person may need intervention if they’re battling depression rather than a lack of solitude.

It’s healing to spend time alone and reconnect. If your partner isn’t getting that time, you can help. The more space you give each other for private mediation and reflection, the better your communication and relationship.

15 Traits a People Person Displays Without Realizing It

December 11, 2021 by Chris Butler

Are you a social butterfly, or do you shy away from crowds? Sociable people create lively conversation and adventuresome friendships. They always seem to be bubbly and ready to have fun. These folks have several traits that make them crowd lovers.

Extroversion is the need to relate to others best in a group situation. Introversion personalities are usually loners and only interact with others on an as-needed basis. You may see yourself in one personality or a mixture of traits.

First, you needn’t be ashamed if you’re an introvert. You’re still just as intelligent, gifted, and compassionate as a friendly person. Introverts need more solitude to recharge themselves.

According to an article published in Psychology Today, Dr. Carl Jung designated the introversion and extroversion personality types. However, Jung believed that most people were ambiverts, meaning they could be either.

Do you prefer to be friends with an introvert or an outgoing person? Which personality makes the best friend to have? The answer may surprise you. Either personality type could be your best friend.

It depends on understanding each other and someone’s outlook on life. If you want an outgoing, bubbly partner, then an extrovert might be for you. For one-on-one friendships, introverts might be better.

The Fifteen Key Traits of a People Person

How do you know if your personality is mainly sociable? Many of the traits are apparent, and some are a bit subtle. Here are fifteen characteristics that suggest that you are a social butterfly.

1. If You Are a People Person, You Shine Best in a Crowd

When you’re a people person, you don’t shy away from crowds. You’re at your best when you’re mingling in a group. Even if you don’t know anybody in the room, you’re not too shy to introduce yourself and interact naturally.

The only downside to being so people-oriented is that you often feel lonely. You usually don’t spend much time relaxing alone at home, even on the weekends. Being among a group of chatty pals revives your spirits and satisfies you.

2. You’re a Skilled Conversationalist

A valuable benefit from being an outgoing person is that you’ve honed your conversational skills. Your fascination with socializing probably began at a young age. Sociable children are often just as comfortable talking with adults as with their peers.

You’ve also discovered how essential it’s to have active listening skills. While you do have the gift of gab, you are genuinely interested in what others have to say. You maintain open body language, and others gravitate to your positive energy.

3. You Have Varied Interests

Since your best conversations are in a group, you can’t run out of subjects to discuss. Fortunately, you’re a people person who is probably a voracious reader and is well-traveled. Also, you glean knowledge from conversing with people from many walks of life.

While you may not be a walking encyclopedia, you can often discuss various subjects intelligently. You may have many hobbies and interests and are eager to learn more. You’re a student of life who will be perpetually in class.

4. You Know a Lot of People

Sociable people have an inept skill for networking, so you’re bound to know hundreds of people. You’re the person who addresses those who work in public by name. As the old saying goes, you never meet a stranger.

Ironically, many of your professional and social connections may be superficial. You have tons of acquaintances, and your social media friends list is overflowing. However, you may tend to have few close friends that you’ve had for years.

5. A People Person Likes to Take Risks

As a people person, you’re used to interacting with others, which boosts your esteem. You also pay particular attention to their stories and examples. If your friends can take risks successfully, you suppose that you can do it, too.

In an article published by Behavioral Brain Science, R. A. Depue and P. F. Collins discuss the link between extraversion and incentive motivation. They found that sociable people get a burst of dopamine when they take risks, perceiving this as a reward. So, these folks are more apt to be daring to get more pleasure and happiness.

6. You Adapt Well

If being around others is your passion, then you’ve learned to adapt early in life. You may have been the new kid in school, but you soon found your place. While introverted people may be overwhelmed with changes and unfamiliar faces, you take it in stride.

You are flexible and aren’t afraid to try new ideas and techniques. Although a set of principles and opinions guides you, you can respect other viewpoints. Sociable people can usually find a level of comfort in most situations with some adaptations.

7. You Are Usually Optimistic if You Are a People Person

Party poopers aren’t extremely popular in a crowd, but that’s not your issue. Another attractive trait of a people person is your positivity. While you still have the occasional blues, you tend to be upbeat, and it’s contagious.

Your genuine smile also displays your optimism. You don’t dwell in a fantasy world, but you generally see the best in people and situations. According to the law of attraction, your positive affirmations attract more positive things to you.

8. You Can Discuss Your Feelings

Whether you’re in a group of people or chatting with your best friend, you’re not afraid to share your feelings. Sociable people usually tune with their inner voice and don’t stifle emotions. Your gift of conversation helps you be genuine with others about your deepest thoughts and feelings.

9. You Don’t Need a Lot of Solitude

Introverted people are more comfortable when they’re spending time alone. A people person takes the occasional break from the world, but not often. Sometimes, a solo trip to the market or a solitary walk-in nature is all you need to recharge.

You find that your hobbies are even more enjoyable when you’re doing them with other people. When the solitude gets too much, you’re the first to grab your phone or jump on social media. There are times when you must be alone, but you refuse to be lonely.

10. You Are a Natural Leader

Since friendly people like you connect well with others, you probably have natural leadership qualities. You’re comfortable in a group, express yourself well, and want everyone involved. Friends and coworkers also consider your empathetic ear and willingness to find solutions.

11. Your Self-Confidence is High

When you reminisce about your high school prom, you recall two types of people. Sociable kids were laughing, dancing, and having a wonderful time. The shy “wallflowers” were on the sidelines who could only watch others having fun.

It’s not that the friendly ones were more attractive or were better dancers. They had more self-confidence because of their interactive skills. If you were one of those fun-loving dancers, your confidence probably followed you into adulthood.

12. You Don’t Have Problems Finding Dates

Although some people find a bashful date alluring, they are few. Most folks are attracted to vibrant personalities who are excellent conversationalists. If this is you, you’ve probably never had many problems finding potential love interests?

13. Others Don’t Have To Guess What a People Person Is Thinking

It’s hard to have a professional or personal relationship with people who can’t or won’t communicate. It’s a perpetual game of “guess what I’m thinking,” which only builds frustration. When you’re a people person, you don’t have problems conveying your thoughts and opinions.

However, this positive attribute can have negative consequences when you reveal too much. Some of your past experiences and opinions are best kept to yourself. It takes discretion and tact to be open without being blatant.

14. You Probably Have Better Job Opportunities

Another benefit of being a people person is your knack for networking. It usually doesn’t take long to develop a good rapport with coworkers, bosses, and clients. You can articulate your skills and experience well, which can help with promotions or other job opportunities.

15. You Work Best in People-Oriented Careers

Working with others is what makes friendly folks thrive in their careers. While most introverted people enjoy solitary jobs, you would dread such work. Instead, friendly people like you gravitate toward people-oriented careers.

You would excel in any job where the focus was people. It could be helping careers like medicine, law, education, or counseling. You’d also be a natural success in sales, customer service, or training.

Final Thoughts on the Traits of a People Person

It takes a variety of personalities for the world to function, both introverts and extroverts. If you are your best in a crowd, you have natural gifts to help you professionally and personally. You’ll never be without a friend or a meaningful conversation.

7 Principles of Positive Leadership

December 11, 2021 by Scott Glassman, Psy.D.

The 19th-century Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.” It seems Kierkegaard understood where we would be now: coping with a resurgent pandemic, caught in vast social divides, and faced with a climate on the brink. Perhaps unknowingly, he foreshadowed a need for positive leadership.

And he’s giving us some good advice. We must take in life’s most difficult lessons if we wish to become more than who we are now, and all that we could be in the years to come.

So what kind of leadership do we need to grow beyond these challenges?

How do we “live forward” in positive ways?

To begin to answer those questions, I created a Positive Leadership Lab on Clubhouse, an audio-only space that encourages the sharing of ideas from many different perspectives. We invited leaders from various fields, including film, marketing, business, life coaching, and psychology.

The seven principles we came up with are not an all-encompassing list. Still, they serve as an essential starting point for realigning ourselves as a global community with a more hopeful way forward.

Positive Leadership Principle 1: Deep Listening, Authenticity, and Compassion

Positive leadership involves listening carefully and deeply. Being heard at a deep level means being seen, understood, respected, and cared for.

This stands in stark opposition to the kind of shallow listening that passes time before one can speak again.

Deep listening and the understanding that emerges from it is an indispensable part of authentic communication. Without this listening, it may be harder to trust our leaders since doubt will linger about whether one’s personal needs, beliefs, values, and lived experiences have been truly felt.

Listening in this way also deepens compassion, and the more understanding we feel, the more likely we will help one another through the hardships of life.

Positive Leadership Principle 2: Sensitivity to the Full Range of Being

The full range of human experience embodies both the positive and negative sides of life. One discussion participant suggested that positive leaders are those who “show up with an open heart” to all the feelings that may arise in those they strive to help.

Sensitivity to the full range of including the idea that we are always becoming. The human condition demands that we are always in some state of flux or growth—painful at times, pleasant at others.

Positive leaders embrace this reality and respond to it with acceptance and valuing rather than irritation or denial. There are valuable lessons in life’s trials that call for sensitive exploration.

As part of this exploration, positive leaders are open to showing vulnerability. They freely admit that they stumble like anyone else. There was a consensus in the discussion that portraying oneself as superhuman weakens social connections and widens the gap that leaders need to cross to create positive change.

Embracing the full range of being is also a kind of unconditional love. It encourages others to adopt acceptance and kindness as guiding forces in life.

Positive Leadership Principle 3: Mindfulness and Positive Intention

Every one of us is a born leader because we stand at the helm of our own lives. We choose what we invest our attention in.

We can become great leaders through our choices by setting good examples for others: in words, speech, and actions. This process begins with cultivating our inner life to flourish and “pour into” the world.

The poet Emily Dickinson wrote, “the inner paints the outer.”

In such few words, she captures the truth that there is a direct connection between our thoughts and feelings and how we experience others and the world.

Leading ourselves at the highest level means being mindful of small moments of joy and meaning. When we catch those moments, we are reinforcing the value of appreciating, savoring, and loving. We are choosing joy in this way. There is deep intentionality here.

Positive leaders can more easily extend their care and concern toward others’ well-being from this mindful stance.

Positive Leadership Principle 4: Gratitude, Kindness, and Creating Positive Emotional Spaces

Happy leaders are more effective leaders, and we know that practicing gratitude contributes to that happiness. Researchers find that gratitude expression, in fact, is associated with better sleep, less depression, and stronger relationships. When it comes to culture-building and creating positive environments, gratitude can be a transformative force in the workplace and at home.

Expressing appreciation fuels kindness. Positive leaders who create kind, hopeful, and joyful environments establish a climate for inspiration and fulfillment, leading to more gratitude and compassion.

Research has also documented the social spread of positive emotions. If you feel happy, it increases the likelihood that someone in your social network will become happy. Positive leadership that values gratitude and kindness is better suited to spark and sustain growth-oriented emotional spaces.

Positive Leadership Principle 5: A Solution Focus

Someone mentioned in the group that positive leadership is solution-focused. It is essential to understand the causes of problems and mistakes to avoid repeating them. At the same time, we want to remove blame and anger from diagnosing obstacles.

Being solution-focused means leaning forward rather than backward. This focus allows us to use the experience to inform the next steps rather than ruminating and punishing others for their missteps.

Innovation and progress, in large part, depend on how we respond to problems and unforeseen stresses. Building positive emotional spaces can help us become more effective in solving problems. According to some studies, our minds are more likely to open up and find new resources when we feel good.

We also share equal responsibility in creating and maintaining solution-oriented environments. In this way, positive leadership is not a one-way street or a top-down process. Effective leaders see themselves as partners in change more than the directors of it.

Positive Leadership Principle 6: Humility, Service, and Advocacy

Cathy Quartner Bailey wrote,

“Great leaders don’t set out to be a leader . . . they set out to make a difference.”

Bailey meant that positive leaders are likely to set aside ego-driven pursuits like status, personal aggrandizement, and power.

While positive leaders allow their mission to guide them, ideally, their focus is not on themselves. It is on the individuals, families, and communities they seek to help. In that way, positive leadership is about service over gain.

True humility rests in the ability to marvel at the human experience, respect forces greater than the self, honor the wisdom in every person, and continually enact the belief.

“I am not better than anyone else.”

By being humble, service-focused, and mission-driven, positive leaders empower those that they guide. In essence, they create other leaders rather than organizations.

Service in positive leadership highlights advocacy, lifting those who are vulnerable, marginalized, victims of stigma, or unheard in any way—who want or ask to be advocated for. A positive leader’s voice can amplify the voices of those who may not be heard as loudly or as clearly with respect, authenticity, and deep caring.

A positive leader takes on a great responsibility to carry forward and champion all people’s essential and inherent dignity. There is a felt obligation to protect that dignity and celebrate people’s strengths, values, ideas, and life stories.

Positive Leadership Principle 7: Moral Direction and Inspiring Others

During our discussion, we returned to the idea many times that positive leadership has a forward-looking stance. It is crucial to think prospectively about how we are changing the world for future generations. If our goal is to build healthier societies, we can start modeling the kind of leadership in everyday conversations with youth.

One participant captured this idea in a Biblically inspired statement,

“Sow a good seed and you will reap a just reward.”

We can inspire young people to appreciate positive leadership qualities like gratitude, empathy, deep listening, mindfulness, courage, mission-driven action, and openness. Building character in this way relies on a solid moral direction at the source.

Positive leaders seek to do no harm. They work from a place of beneficence, support autonomy, and strive to understand and care for others. Any moral effort will create more hopeful futures since morality acts as a compass for thought, action, and feeling.

We Can Build a Better World Together

By the end of our time together, participants on our panel felt more like gardeners than moderators.

We had gathered and planted seeds for something beautiful to grow, conceptually and practically, around how we can collectively push through the fires burning around us to build a better world. That vision begins with imagination, specifically imagining a world that would have invited us to live in it.

Shakespeare wrote,

“What’s past is prologue.”

The bard and Kierkegaard both challenge us to look back over our shoulders when necessary, to learn, and to remember our core values. At the same time, we must keep ourselves focused on the horizon.

There is good reason for optimism as we look out onto that horizon.

Corporations increasingly recognize positive leadership. They reflect this commitment in creating roles dedicated to emotional wellness, like the Chief Happiness Officer position at Google. The more that positive leadership becomes woven into corporate structures, the more we can amplify the values and moral forces that can lead us to higher levels of awareness.

Positive leadership sustainability also means allowing ourselves to be imperfect along the way to find our best selves. Self-compassion becomes a core for that sustainability.

As one panel member put it, “sometimes we need to put on the oxygen mask first before we can help others.” Within any growth or transformational process, there are painful moments and points at which we feel lost.

It can help to think of ourselves more like “caterpillars becoming butterflies” over and over again, until one day we realize that we remain transformed. We can see how our wrong turns in that growth process ultimately become our greatest teachers.

If all of us think of ourselves as leaders and students of life at the same time, we become ready to create a civilization that holds peace as a core value. And if we take thoughtful steps toward the horizon of our ideals, leading with the heart, there will be many things future generations will be proud of us for—more perhaps than we ever imagined.

Research Reveals How Hydropanels Could Deliver Safe Water to Everyone

December 11, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

New research shows that hydropanels could provide clean drinking water to parched communities worldwide. This innovative technology would especially help Native American populations, such as the Navajo Nation residents in the Four Corners. They are 67 times less likely than other Americans to have safe, running water in their homes.

Fortunately, companies have begun tackling this dire problem by installing hydropanels near the homes. Over 500 homes on the Navajo reservation in Arizona and New Mexico have these devices.

The hydropanels work by absorbing water from the air and transferring it to a dispenser in the homes. Each panel produces about 1 gallon of fresh drinking water every day. Two units can provide a whole family’s drinking water, according to Source, the company that creates them.

However providing the right water pump for your well and maintaining it in prime condition is key to keeping clean, fresh water flowing throughout your house. As with any mechanical system, these pumps don’t last forever but with the help of a team experts like well pump repair Veron WI offering a reliable maintenance plan then it will long last for sure!

Before this technology became available, families in the Navajo Nation got water from regulated watering points, often miles from their homes. They drove several times a week to haul water back to their communities. Now, they have a much more convenient option with the hydropanels.

According to the UN, the water crisis spans the globe and affects many communities. Over 2 billion people lack access to clean water, and by 2025, 50% of the global population will experience water shortages. With climate change worsening each year, droughts, melting glaciers, and depleting fresh water will become more common.

However, Source says that their hydropanels can provide a viable solution to water-stressed areas. The panels run on atmospheric water generation (AWG) technology, which sucks clean water from the air like a vacuum. While the technology isn’t new, it previously required abundant energy and high humidity levels. Source says they can power the panels on renewable energy and produce drinking water even in dry climates.

Researchers Reveal How Hydropanels Can Bring Safe Water to Everyone

Cody Friesen, an associate professor of materials science at Arizona State University, founded the company. On trips to places like Indonesia and Central America, he noticed they received abundant rainfall but had no drinking water. This need ignited the spark in him to make every area water accessible.

Since the air holds six times as much water as rivers, Cody began researching ways to harvest water from the air. After many hours of brainstorming, he discovered that hydropanels could produce clean water for millions.

The panels draw in the air with fans and convert water vapor into a liquid inside the device. Then, the water gets filtered and mineralized with essential minerals like magnesium and calcium. The panels receive energy from the sun and can work in many locations, including low humidity, high pollution, or off-grid areas.

Where is this technology in use?

So far, many businesses have utilized hydropanels, like hotels, stores, resorts, and restaurants, in addition to private residences. Source also built water farms in Australia, Dubai, and Arizona, suitable locations due to the arid climate and vast, open lands.

They’ve also installed the panels in villages, hospitals, and schools in India, the Philippines, and Kenya. They partnered with NGOs, development banks, and governments to make the project possible.

In addition, Source brought hydropanels to a remote community of Wayuu indigenous people in Bahía Hondita, Columbia. Located on the top of the Guajira peninsula, the drought-stricken area desperately needed water access. According to Conservation International, which partnered with Source on the project, the Wayuu people used to walk for hours for clean water.

Last year, the company installed 149 hydropanels for the population of 500 who reside there. Data gathered from the panels shows that they produce about 3.2 liters per day, on average. In comparison, the Navajo panels harvest between 2 and 4 liters per day each, depending on their location.

The hydropanels show promise but face an uphill battle

Investors such as Blackrock and Bill Gates’ climate fund, Breakthrough Energy Ventures, have invested over $100m in Source. Venture capitalist Chamath Palihapitiya also donated $7m to install the panels in California, where droughts have become more persistent.

Despite these significant investments, others have criticized the company about the technology’s costs and efficiency. Currently, two panels cost between $5,500 and $6,500, with installation included. Each panel requires about thirty square feet of space for operation.

One panel could produce five liters of water each day, but data collected from Source shows that clouds or low humidity significantly impede production. In these conditions, water produced decreases to less than two liters a day and stops altogether in freezing weather.

What the critics say

Christopher Gasson of Global Water Intelligence, a market intelligence firm, offered harsh criticism. He said that the hydropanels have a significant flaw: producing too little water for the size and price. According to the UN, one person requires about fifty liters of water per day for drinking, cooking, and cleaning. With this in mind, Gasson believes each person would need 17 hydropanels to meet their basic needs.

He added that the hydropanels couldn’t adequately address water scarcity because of these underlying problems. Instead, he says the water crisis requires an overhaul of public infrastructure, including improvements to city water supplies, water filtration units, and water kiosks.

Rhys Owen of BlueTech Research, another market intelligence company, added that AWG might work where people have no other water source. A research paper published in 2021 seems to provide evidence for these claims. Scientists found that AWG could effectively replace bottled water but aren’t economically feasible for drinkable tap water.

However, Friesen dismisses the critics, saying that he anticipates an increase in productivity and falling costs. He added that people once criticized solar panels for their expense and inefficiency, but they’re now the leading renewable energy source. Prices have fallen dramatically due to increased demand and improvements in installation.

In addition, he added that better infrastructure wouldn’t help smaller, isolated communities. Because of climate change, these remote populations can’t solely rely on rainwater either. So, he hopes the hydropanels will help bridge the gap in these areas.

Final Thoughts: Hydropanels could provide fresh water for millions

While the company faces heavy criticism, Source founder Cody Friesen believes he’s found the answer to water scarcity. His hydropanels have already helped indigenous communities in the US, Colombia, India, and the Philippines. He hopes that with decreasing costs and improved productivity, his invention will reach even more people.

10 Relationship-Building Skills That Help Kids Be Happy

December 10, 2021 by Kristen Butler

One of the most significant issues with child-rearing these days is a lack of time. Many parents struggle to juggle the daily grind, and there’s little left for social interaction with the family in the evenings. Your children need you to teach them and help them become better people, and this all starts with some lessons in relationship-building.

Kids need to learn healthy ways to express their emotions early in life. Even as a child, the natural thing to do is rage and have little explosions from their anger. However, you can teach them there’s a better way.

Being socially intelligent allows them to make friends and be happy in all sorts of situations, but it’s not a task for the weak, as it’s not something you can accomplish overnight. Has your child ever banged their head on the wall, bit someone, slapped you, or did another physical activity when they were upset?

This is because they haven’t learned the proper way to channel those negative emotions, but that’s why you’re there to help.

Relationship-Building Skills Kids Need in Life

Building relationships is essential for your children’s social intelligence and to be strong adults. If you don’t know where to begin these life lessons, you can start with the following skills.

1. How to Show Empathy (one of the most critical components of relationship-building)

Healthy relationships come from validating each other’s feelings. So, empathy is one of the essential relationship-building skills you can teach your kids. Even young children can learn how to place themselves in the other person’s shoes.

Through social interaction and role-playing, kids develop empathy. For example, you could ask them, “How do you think Susie felt when you took the crayon she was using?” or “See how the kitty purrs and is happy when you don’t pull her tail?” It would be best if you used common examples to teach them how to treat others, which shows how they want someone to treat them.

2. How to Cooperate

According to an article published by Parents magazine, children usually get their first sparks of independence as early as six months old. They soon realize that they are individuals and can do a few things independently. Your child will assert themselves more into their second year by saying they can do something themselves.

While you want your youngster to develop independent skills for adulthood, they also need to learn the value of teamwork. Relationship-building skills like cooperation offer a lifetime of benefits. They know how to work together with you and your siblings more than with peers at school.

Cooperation and compromise are complementary skills. Your children find the joys of accomplishment when they work with others. They learn how to give and take so everyone involved is satisfied.

3. How to Apologize, a Core Part of Relationship-Building

It doesn’t take long for the youngest children to differentiate the fundamentals of right and wrong. You praise good behavior and correct misguided words and actions as a parent or teacher. Many adults still lack a vital relationship-building skill to apologize and make amends with sincerity, which causes many issues in life.

It’s never too soon to teach your toddler how to say, “I’m sorry,” and show them how to correct the behavior. When they apologize, respond with “I forgive you” rather than “oh, it’s okay.” They learn that it’s not “okay” to break the rules or to hurt someone.” Plus, you are teaching them the integral value of forgiveness.

After you correct the infraction and make age-appropriate amends, wipe the slate clean. One habit you don’t want your child to develop is holding grudges. Show them how to take responsibility for their mistakes and encourage them to work not to repeat them.

4. Respecting Personal Space

Along with budding independence comes the child’s awareness of personal space. This margin between people usually varies by country and culture, explains an article published by the Language Education Access Foundation. According to the report, most Americans feel comfortable with a personal space of about twenty inches.

As your children’s primary caregiver, they bond to you by proximity. Their idea of personal space is soon redefined as they practice relationship-building skills at home and in public. Parents and teachers explain proper distancing with examples and cues.

You can describe this concept to younger children by telling them that everyone has their own “bubble.” Would you mind helping them imagine themselves in a bubble about an arm’s distance from others? The personal space also reinforces the rule of keeping their hands to themselves.

Whenever the youngster forgets and is too close to another’s individual’s personal space, gently remind them. Hold your hands out at arms distance and say, “Remember your bubble.” Socially intelligent children usually internalize personal space as they mature.

5. Think Before You Speak

If you’re a parent or teacher, you’re aware of how painfully honest children are with others. While they don’t intend to be offensive, they usually say whatever’s on their mind. Tact is one of those relationship-building skills that aren’t inherent and must be learned.

You reinforce the concept of thinking before speaking as you teach and model empathy. What parent hasn’t had to smooth over something embarrassing their youngster blurted to someone at some point? Practice different scenarios at home and teach your children to empathize with others’ feelings before they say something.

6. Accepting and Celebrating Differences

Children often lack tact at times, but they are usually more accepting of others than many adults. In her article published by the American Psychological Association, Kristin Weir discusses prejudice as a learned attitude and behavior. By nature, children are accepting but can be taught prejudice at the youngest age.

Use examples that little kids can understand to teach them how to respect differences. Like flowers, people come in all different colors and from all over the world. Instead of rejecting differences in others, diversity is a beautiful thing to celebrate.

Be an excellent example to your children by modeling acceptance and cultural awareness. Teach them to be sensitive to others who have physical and mental challenges. Respecting differences and inclusiveness are essential for healthy personal and professional relationships.

7. Being Responsible

Of course, teaching children to be responsible continues from the cradle until they are adults. Each life lesson is tailored to their age and cognitive ability. Plus, they look to you to be their example.

Raising strong kids includes teaching them how to own their responsibilities. You’re not doing any favors by allowing them to slack, blame others, or be unreasonably dependent. Assigning age-appropriate chores around the house, caring for a pet, and doing homework are basic lessons that are vital for them to learn.

8. Developing Excellent Communication Skills for Better Relationship-Building

Another essential relationship-building skill is how to communicate well. These skills begin in the home and will continue in school. Please encourage your children to express themselves clearly and to listen to others.

They may not have any problem voicing their thoughts or opinions, but active listening is more challenging.

9. Coping With Frustration and Anger

Children seem eager to resort to physical violence to handle their problems. Depending on their age group, they may bite, punch, hit, slap, or knock another child down. It’s essential to teach practical coping skills to children when they feel frustrated so they don’t let their anger get the best of them.

Adults aren’t the only ones who need to walk away and count to ten, as children can benefit from these cooling-off periods too. The very foundation of time out is to give them time to pause and think about their actions, which usually results in a change in attitude.

10. Accepting Constructive Criticism

It’s hard to hear that you are wrong or you can do better, regardless of your age. Even as a child, you want to please those around you. You can change the way people think about this topic starting from a young age.

To help them with this:

Be sure you don’t use negative facial expressions, as then it becomes destructive.
Allow your kid the opportunity to speak, and never yell when giving them sage advice.
Ask them how the comment made them feel, and work with them to see how it wasn’t a personal attack.

Make sure you throw an “I understand” in the mix so that they know you’re at least trying to see their point of view.

Final Thoughts on Sharing Relationship-Building Lessons With Your Children

Children are like an unmolded piece of clay, ready for the potter to mold it. However, with some work and positive relationship-building skills, they can be sculpted into a beautiful soul. The potter’s wheel shapes and makes the clay into a vessel of honor, which is similar to the role of a parent.

Your job is great, but so are the rewards. Your children will be happier and more well-rounded when you teach them how to have great relationships throughout life. No, it’s not going to happen overnight, but you can take pride that all your training will appear at times when you least expect it.

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!