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Here’s Why Attraction is More Than Just Good Looks

February 5, 2024 by Chris Butler

Chemistry goes far beyond physical beauty.

When we think about attraction, it’s easy to jump straight to thinking about a partner’s physical appearance. After all, a stunning smile or captivating eyes first might draw our attention. But, looking deeper, it becomes evident that the chemistry in strong relationships often extends far beyond just good looks.

This article will look at how different factors play into attraction. Many are looking for someone who has a good personality, a funny sense of humor, shared values, intelligence, or the ability to “keep it real.”

The Undeniable Role of Chemistry in Attraction

Before looking into the often-indefinable qualities that make someone attractive, let’s take a look at chemistry – the initial pull toward someone. This concept is real, with studies describing the link between chemistry and attracting a partner or mate.

Chemistry in attraction is akin to a mystical force. It is an elusive “spark” that ignites when two people connect. It’s an unspoken, often instantaneous bond transcending mere conversation or physical appeal. Imagine it as a secret language only understood by the hearts involved.

This chemistry arises from a complex blend of inexplicably aligned physical, emotional, and intellectual compatibilities. It’s like a dance where both partners move in perfect harmony, often without understanding the steps.

The Intangible Nature of Chemistry

What makes chemistry so fascinating is its intangible nature. You can’t see it or touch it. You cannot measure it. Still, its presence is undeniable. It’s in the way your heart skips a beat when that person is near. Or, it is how a simple conversation can light up your entire day. This chemistry is often felt in a shared glance or a lingering touch. You can also see it in that effortless conversation that could go on forever.

It’s more than just shared interests or physical attraction. Rather, it’s a deeper connection that makes you feel understood, valued, and genuinely seen.

The Unpredictability and Magic of Chemistry

The unpredictability of chemistry adds a layer of magic to the concept of attraction. It’s not confined by our usual preferences or the “types” we typically go for. This unpredictability is what makes chemistry so exhilarating. You might find it with someone who, on paper, seems opposite to you, yet in their presence, you feel an undeniable connection.

Chemistry Defying Expectations

Chemistry often defies logic and expectation. It’s common to hear stories of people who met their significant others under the most unexpected circumstances or with someone they initially thought was not their “type.” This element of surprise in chemistry makes it all the more intriguing. It challenges our notions of what attraction should be, pushing us to explore connections outside our comfort zones.

The Transformative Power of Chemistry

The presence of chemistry can transform how we view someone. It can turn an ordinary encounter into something profound, leaving a lasting impression that continues to resonate. Chemistry can make someone’s imperfections seem endearing, their quirks charming, and their presence indispensable. It’s a reminder that attraction is not just about ticking boxes or aligning with preconceived standards but about the unique and often unexpected connections we form with others.

We cannot ignore the role of chemistry in attraction. It’s a powerful, often unexplainable force that is pivotal in connecting with others. With its unpredictability and transformative power, this chemistry adds depth and excitement to the human experience of attraction. It reminds us that sometimes, the most profound connections are the ones we never saw coming.

The Role of Personality in Attraction

Personality plays a crucial role in how we perceive others and how they perceive us. Qualities like kindness, humor, and intelligence often rank high on the traits that make someone attractive. These characteristics can create a magnetic pull that is just as strong, if not stronger, than physical appeal.

Humor and Attraction

Humor, in particular, has a unique power in the realm of attraction. A shared laugh can bridge gaps, ease tensions, and build a connection that transcends physical appearance. When someone makes us laugh, they light up an area of our brain that associates them with joy and positivity, making them more attractive in our eyes.

Intelligence and Emotional Connection

Intelligence, both emotional and intellectual, plays a significant role in attraction. Holding a stimulating conversation or empathizing with our feelings can create a deep, lasting attraction. This emotional connection often grows stronger over time. Indeed, it will usually outlive the initial allure of physical attractiveness.

Physical Attraction: Beyond the Surface

While physical attraction is, without a doubt, a part of the equation, it’s more complex than it seems. It’s not just about the symmetrical features or a perfect body. It’s sometimes the imperfections that draw us in.

We may also admire how someone’s eyes light up when they talk about their passion, the infectiousness of their genuine smile, or how they move – all these elements can be incredibly attractive.

The Science of Physical Attraction

Science tells us that physical attraction isn’t just about societal beauty standards. It’s often rooted in biology and evolution. For instance, certain physical traits might subconsciously signal health or fertility, making an individual more appealing. But it’s essential to remember that these preferences can vary greatly from person to person.

The Impact of Shared Interests and Values

Sharing common interests and values can be a significant factor in attraction. Meeting someone who loves the same music, enjoys similar hobbies, or shares our worldview creates a sense of camaraderie and understanding. These shared experiences and beliefs can form the foundation of a strong, enduring attraction.

The Role of Values in Long-term Attraction

Values, in particular, are critical when it comes to long-term relationships. When our core beliefs and principles align with someone else’s, it fosters a deeper level of respect and admiration. This alignment can be a powerful force in sustaining attraction over time.

The Influence of Confidence and Self-Esteem

Confidence and self-esteem are often cited as highly attractive traits. Something is compelling about someone who carries themselves with a sense of self-assurance. This doesn’t mean arrogance or ego but rather a quiet confidence that speaks to self-awareness and self-respect.

The Attraction of Authenticity

Part of what makes confidence so attractive is its association with authenticity. When someone is comfortable in their skin, it allows their true self to shine through. This authenticity is magnetic, drawing others towards them.

The Power of Body Language

Body language is a silent communicator in the world of attraction. Someone may first notice how someone stands facing them directly and then makes admiring eye contact. Or they may pick up on the subtlety of their gestures, like a small smile, which can convey attraction more powerfully than words. These non-verbal cues often speak the loudest in the initial stages of attraction.

Understanding the Subtleties of Body Language

Reading and understanding body language can provide insight into how attraction works. A tilt of the head can mean curiosity to learn more about you. You might also notice the direction of someone’s feet pointing toward you in approach. Or, you might notice the mirroring of your movements. Each of these can indicate attraction.

Final Thoughts on Why It’s Time to Admit That Attraction Is More Than Looks

Attraction is a multifaceted phenomenon that transcends mere physical appearance. It’s a blend of personality, shared interests, confidence, body language, and that mysterious spark of chemistry. Understanding these elements can enrich our relationships. It can also broaden our perspective on what makes someone attractive. Remember that attraction is a symphony. It is not just a solo performance, and it takes two to participate. This complexity makes it so intriguing and beautiful.

Here’s Why Toxic People Project Their Toxicity

February 4, 2024 by Deborah Tayloe

When the toxicity gets to be too much, remember these facts.

We all live in a world with a wide range of people with unique personality traits – and shortcomings. That makes it essential to understand why some people develop toxic behaviors. Perhaps more importantly, we must understand why they then project their toxicity onto others.

This article will help you better understand the psychology behind such toxic behaviors. It will also help you realize why they may behave so badly. But why does that matter to you? A little empathy might help them get on the right track.

Understanding the Bad Behaviors of Toxic People

Toxic behavior is a term we often use in casual conversations, but we may not pause to understand exactly what it means fully. The terminology refers to those actions and attitudes that can harm or negatively impact the well-being of those around them.

The behaviors are many. But they can include the following:

Subtle manipulative behaviors

Here’s a hypothetical example. Imagine you work with a colleague called Jane. She often notices and compliments you for all your hard work. But then she uses that flattery to trick you into taking on her share of the company’s workload. While it’s disguised as kindness, she’s actually manipulating you.

Overt aggression

Let’s look at another hypothetical scenario. John, your co-worker, often raises his voice and bullies other team members when they make minor mistakes. He openly threatens to report co-workers to the manager, thus threatening his teammates’ source of income. John uses aggression and fear to manipulate people. But he does tend to get his way in the workplace.

On the surface, these seem like pretty mean people. But if you could peel their behaviors back like an onion, you would likely find many personal struggles and psychological issues.

What Causes Toxic People to Behave This Way?

Toxicity is usually an incredibly complicated issue. We’ll look at some hypothetical toxic people and their projections to illustrate each point. Here are a few factors that might explain the “why” of such unacceptable behaviors:

Toxic people are insecure and have low self-esteem

Often, people who exhibit toxic behavior battle deep-rooted insecurities. They also have a pervasive sense of low self-worth. These negative behaviors, such as overly critical comments or sarcastic remarks, can secretly be a shield to protect their fragile self-esteem.

For instance, Emily is insecure about her professional achievements. To cover her insecurity, she frequently undermines her more successful colleagues. She may do this not to diminish their accomplishments but to cover up her inadequacies – real or perceived.

Toxic people and past traumas

Traumatic past experiences can play an enormous role in shaping current toxic behaviors. Individuals with unresolved traumas might unconsciously project their internal conflicts onto others.

For example, David was neglected in his childhood. Today, he destroys relationships with his clingy or overly suspicious behavior when he meets someone new. This projection is a way to cope with deep-seated fears and anxieties rooted in past experiences.

Toxicity means a need for control

For some, exhibiting toxic behavior is a means to exert control, often stemming from a sense of helplessness in other areas of their life. This need for control can manifest as micromanaging in the workplace or extreme possessiveness in personal relationships.

Take Sarah, who feels out of control in her personal life. She learned to be overly controlling at work, imposing strict rules and monitoring her team’s every move. This behavior is how she compensates for her feelings of vulnerability elsewhere.

Toxic people and environmental influences

The environment one grows up in, including family dynamics, societal pressures, and cultural norms, significantly impacts the development of toxic behaviors. These behaviors are often both internalized and normalized over time.

An example of this is Alex, who grew up in a family where parents often resolved conflicts through yelling. In that case, Alex might adopt this behavior unconsciously, believing it to be a normal communication method. The learned behavior reflects the environmental influences that shaped his understanding of interaction and conflict resolution.

The Projection of Toxicity

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism. During this process, toxic people transfer their unwanted feelings, thoughts, or traits to another person.

The concept of manipulation in close relationships has been studied extensively. That included looking at its connection with different personality traits. Research conducted by the University of Michigan and published in the Journal of Personality identified twelve manipulation tactics used in close relationships.

They also linked these manipulative tactics to five major personality dimensions. As a result, they connected how individual traits influence the use of specific manipulative behaviors. The study’s findings highlight the complexity and variety of manipulation in interpersonal relationships, underscoring the importance of understanding personality factors.

This research can provide valuable insights into the behaviors of toxic people. These primarily include blaming others, judging and criticizing, and manipulating relationships. By understanding the psychological underpinnings of these behaviors, we can better navigate and address the challenges posed by toxic relationships.

Here are three ways toxic people might project their toxicity:

Blaming other people for their setbacks

Toxic individuals often blame others for their shortcomings or failures. This projection is a way to avoid facing their issues. It helps them completely avoid responsibility or fixing their setbacks.

Judging and criticizing

Persistent judgment and criticism towards others can be a projection of their internal self-criticism and dissatisfaction.

Manipulating relationships

Toxic people might manipulate others to fulfill their needs. Thus, they frequently project their insecurities and desires onto those around them.

How to Deal with Toxic People Effectively

Toxic people present a challenge – you want to understand or help them. But it would be best if you did so in a way that doesn’t trap you in their negativity.

Some find it easier to disassociate themselves from the toxicity. But that might be nearly impossible in some situations (like within a workplace).

Setting boundaries with toxic people

Establishing firm boundaries is essential when you are dealing with a toxic person. For example, imagine John, who limits communication with a co-worker who belittles him often. John communicates very clearly what behavior he won’t tolerate. He also limits interactions strictly to professional necessity. This decision was wise, as it safeguards his emotional well-being when dealing with the toxicity.

Practicing empathy

Understanding the reasons behind toxic behavior doesn’t excuse it. However, it can help someone take a more empathetic approach.

Consider Lily, who realizes her friend’s constant barrage of critical comments stems from an unresolved insecurity. By understanding this, Lily can approach interactions compassionately while maintaining her boundaries.

Seeking support when dealing with someone’s toxicity

If toxic behavior impacts you deeply, it’s important to seek support. In the worst cases, a support network may be a significant other, a friend, or even a professional counselor.

Take the case of Sam, who feels overwhelmed by a family member’s manipulative tendencies. Sam reaches out to friends to ask for support. While Sam’s friends are concerned, they can’t offer much guidance. Eventually, Sam seeks the help of a therapist for guidance and support. This network can provide the necessary perspective and coping strategies to handle the situation effectively.

Self-care is essential when coping with toxicity

Dealing with toxic people is stressful – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Spending time after dealing with their behaviors is helpful to decompress and look after your needs. You might like exercise, journaling, or saying affirmations. You do whatever helps you reclaim your positivity.

Maria has a close family member constantly belittles her, making her feel small. She knows the person started doing this to feel better after a traumatic incident. While somewhat puzzled by this behavior, she tries her best to be kind. The person’s hurtful words leave her incredibly frustrated. But she has a good way to cope. After interacting with this family member, she runs three miles to “sweat out” the anger that builds up. It works like a charm for her!

Note: Alex, Lily, Sam, and Maria are not real people. Instead, they are merely hypothetical examples to illustrate these strategies.

Final Thoughts: Toxic People Project Toxicity, But You Can Counter Their Tactics

Understanding the roots of toxic behavior is the first step toward healthier relationships and creating more compassionate environments. It’s important to approach this topic with kindness. It’s also helpful to desire to understand rather than judge that other person.

Change starts with awareness. And awareness starts with an often difficult but necessary conversation.

When you explore the complexities of human behavior, we can create a more empathetic, kinder, and supportive community where positivity and mental well-being are at the forefront.

Let’s leave this with some food for thought: What will you do the next time you have to deal with a toxic person?

71-Year-Old Wins Diving Gold Medal, Vows to Compete Until 90

February 4, 2024 by Power of Positivity

Meet an incredible senior who proves that age is just a number.

Sports news is often a youth-dominated world of sports. In the sporting world, age is frequently viewed as a limiting factor. However, extraordinary stories occasionally surface. These incredible exceptions to the rule show people breaking through these age-related barriers. They also help in redefining our perception of what it takes to compete. One such awe-inspiring tale is that of 71-year-old diver Jorge Zegarra. Zegarra’s recent triumph in a global diving competition has become a poignant reminder that age is, indeed, just a number.

The Unwavering Spirit of Jorge Zegarra

Jorge Zegarra’s journey to the top of the diving world is a story of resilience, dedication, and passion. Returning to the sport after a significant hiatus, Zegarra, who dedicated 36 years to working within the diving federation, faced the daunting challenge of re-entering a highly competitive environment. Because of his dedication, his remarkable comeback came at the age of 71. His triumphant return speaks volumes about his enduring love for diving and his commitment to excellence.

Zegarra embarked on a rigorous training regimen, setting his sights on the prestigious World Aquatics Masters Championships in Kyushu, Japan, in 2023.

This event is usually known for promoting swimming across generations. It also famously provides a sense of community among participants and local citizens. Thus, the location was the perfect stage for Zegarra to compete again.

A Golden Performance Against All Odds

Competing in the 70-74 age category for the 10-meter platform diving event, Zegarra stunned audiences and competitors alike with his exceptional performance. Scoring an impressive 120.40 points, Zegarra showed the world not only his technical prowess but also his unwavering spirit. Zegarra’s victory, securing the gold medal against accomplished divers like British Jim McNally and Belgian Giovanni Dolcimascolo, transcended the sport itself.

This win was more than just a medal for Zegarra. Many observe how it was the culmination of a lifelong journey in diving. His coach, Gioconda Cabrejos, shared the immense joy and pride this sports medals achievement brought, highlighting the significance of this moment in Zegarra’s career.

A Testament to Timeless Passion and Determination

Jorge Zegarra’s story is a powerful example of how age need not be a barrier to achieving greatness. In fact, his resolve to continue pursuing his passion for diving into his 90s reflects a mindset that challenges conventional views on aging and athleticism. Zegarra’s dedication to his sport inspires individuals of all ages and backgrounds. As a result, he shows how it’s possible to compete with passion and perseverance.

Breaking Age Barriers Beyond Sports

The story of Jorge Zegarra resonates beyond the world of sports. It finds a similar story in the journey of 73-year-old model Colleen Heidemann, who has similarly shattered age stereotypes, this time in the fashion industry. Heidemann’s successful modeling began a career at an age when most would consider retiring. Hers is the tale of belief in one’s limitless potential to pursue one’s passions without regard for age.

Other Inspiring People Who Were Able to Compete in Their Senior Years

The world is chock full of senior citizens who continue to defy age and achieve remarkable feats in various fields. In addition to Zegarra and Heidemann, you may enjoy reading about these inspiring senior citizens:

Seniors who continued to compete into their golden years:

Hiromu Inada: At 86, this Japanese Ironman athlete became the oldest person to complete an Ironman triathlon. That grueling race includes a 3.86 km swim, a 180.25 km bike ride, and a full marathon.
Iris Apfel: A style icon and New Yorker, Apfel, at 98, signed a modeling contract with IMG Models. Thus, she left her enduring impact in the fashion industry.
Ernestine Shepherd: This 83-year-old from Baltimore began her journey as a bodybuilder at 56 and holds the title of ‘oldest competitive female bodybuilder’ by the Guinness Book of World Records.
Kathryn “Kitty” Hodges: At 103 years old, Hodges became the oldest female tandem skydiver, proving it’s never too late to embark on thrilling adventures.
Betty White: The legendary actress, well-known for her role in “The Golden Girls,” continued her acting career and humanitarian work well into her 90s. Of course, White was beloved by all. Largely, she earned respect for being a perfect example of career longevity.
Harriette Thompson: This American runner ran her first marathon at 76 and continued running marathons into her 90s. She set a record for the fastest marathon time for a woman over 90 to compete at the San Diego marathon.
Julie “Hurricane” Hawkins: At 105, Hawkins became the first female track and field athlete to set a world record in the 100-metre dash for the 105+ division.
Nola Ochs: Ochs made headlines as the oldest person to graduate from college at age 95. Later, Ochs went on to complete a master’s degree.
Rosemary Smith: At 79, this Irish race car driver became the oldest person to drive a Formula 1 car.
Teiichi Igarashi: At 100, Igarashi became the first centenarian to climb Mount Fuji, Japan’s tallest mountain.
Dame Judi Dench: Achieving fame in her 60s, Dench has received all seven of her Oscar nominations after age 60. Dench won the honor of Best Supporting Actress at 64.
Momofuku Ando: At 61, Ando formed Nissin Corporation. They famously became the producers of Top Rame and Cup Noodles. As a result of Ando’s concept, his company redefined the instant food industry.

Final Thoughts on How Zegarra Won and Promises to Compete Until 90

These inspiring stories of Jorge Zegarra and Colleen Heidemann are powerful reminders that age should not dictate our abilities. Nor should we allow it to limit our dreams. They represent a broader narrative of resilience and passion. They also tell the story of the enduring human spirit that continues to compete and win regardless of the passage of time. As society evolves, these narratives are essential in reshaping our perceptions of aging. Thus, these examples encourage us to approach our lives with the same vigor and enthusiasm, regardless of age.

18 Things to Never Say to Someone With Depression (and What to Say Instead)

February 3, 2024 by Deborah Tayloe

Here’s how to be more supportive for someone who’s depressed.

Depression is a multifaceted mental health condition that affects millions worldwide. Its causes are as complex as the condition. It may stem from genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors. Understanding these underlying causes is crucial in empathizing with and supporting those who are depressed.

In this article, we will first look at a few key causes of depression, providing a foundation for understanding this condition better. Then, we’ll look into a crucial aspect of support and communication: what not to say to someone with depression. We’ll cover eighteen unhelpful or potentially harmful phrases and offer compassionate alternatives to help foster a supportive dialogue. Once you start recognizing the complex nature of depression and learning the most supportive ways to communicate, you can be better supporters to those experiencing this challenging condition.

What Causes Depression?

Depression is not simple; rather, it is a complex mental health disorder. It comes from a variety of potential causes. Researchers find no singular cause of depression but point out how it may come from many factors. It’s also worth mentioning that research continues to evolve as scientists continue to learn more about our brains.

Genetic Factors and Depression

Depression can run in families. Some studies suggest the presence of a genetic link. If you have a close relative with depression, you are more likely to experience it yourself. However, no single gene is responsible for depression. It’s likely a combination of several genes that increase susceptibility.

Brain Chemistry and Neurotransmitters

The brain’s neurotransmitter systems, particularly serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, play a key role in mood regulation. Imbalances in these chemicals can lead to depressive symptoms. Medications that alter neurotransmitter levels are often used in treating depression, which supports this theory.

Hormonal Changes

Hormonal imbalances can trigger or worsen depression. For instance, changes in hormone levels during periods like puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, postpartum, and menopause can increase the risk of developing depression. Thyroid problems or changes in other hormonal systems can also contribute to depressive symptoms.

Physical Health Conditions

Chronic illnesses like cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and Parkinson’s disease can increase the chances someone will have depression. That is likely due to the stress and physical strain of dealing with a serious illness. Additionally, the medications that doctors prescribe to treat these conditions can have side effects that worsen the depression.

Environmental and Social Factors

Environmental stressors such as exposure to violence, neglect, abuse, or poverty can make individuals more prone to depression. Traumatic events, the death of a friend or loved one, a difficult relationship, work stress, or social isolation can also trigger depressive episodes. Chronic stress can alter brain function, contributing to the onset of depression.

Psychological and Personality Factors

Certain personality traits may also increase the risk of depression. These personality traits can include:

Low self-esteem
Being overly dependent
Self-criticism
Pessimism

Additionally, traumatic experiences during childhood, such as physical or emotional abuse, can affect the way a person reacts to fear and stressful situations as an adult.

Lifestyle Choices and Depression

Lifestyle factors can influence mental health. Some impactful factors include the following:

Eating a poor diet
Being sedentary
A lack of sufficient sleep
Substance abuse and alcohol consumption

Each of the above can lead to or exacerbate depression.

Never Say These Things to Someone Struggling With Depression

Before diving into the specifics, it’s essential to recognize the power of our words. Depression isn’t just a bad day or a fleeting feeling of sadness. Our language should reflect an understanding and respect for anyone who is depressed.

1 – “Just cheer up!”

This phrase, though often well-intentioned, oversimplifies depression. It’s not a matter of willpower or a choice that can be easily reversed.

What to Say Instead: “I’m here for you. Is there anything I can do to support you right now?”

2 – “It’s all in your head.”

Being depressed is indeed a mental health issue. Still, this statement can come off as dismissive of the person’s real struggles.

What to Say Instead: “Your feelings are valid. I’m here to listen if you wan to talk about what you’re going through.”

3 – “You have nothing to be depressed about.”

Depression doesn’t discriminate based on external circumstances. This statement invalidates the person’s experience.

What to Say Instead: “Depression can be really tough. I’m sorry you’re going throug this. How can I help?”

4 – “Others have it worse than you.”

Comparisons are unhelpful. They can make someone feel guilty for struggling with their mental health.

What to Say Instead: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Your feelings are important. Let’s work through this together.”

5 – “You’ll get over it.”

This phrase can sound dismissive. It might also imply that the person’s depression is temporary or insignificant.

What to Say Instead: “I’m here for you for as long as you need. We can face this together.”

6 – “You’re just being lazy.”

Depression can drain energy and motivation, making daily tasks challenging.

What to Say Instead: “I see you’re having a hard time. How can I assist you with you daily tasks?”

7 – “Happiness is a choice.”

This phrase oversimplifies the complexities of depression. Sadness and depression are not the same thing. This language may also feel accusatory to someone who struggles with mental health.

What to Say Instead: “I care about your happiness. I’m here to support you in fi ding ways to feel better.”

8 – “This is all in your mind.”

While depression is a mental illness, it’s not something that can be willed away or ignored. (See #2!).

What to Say Instead: “I understand that what you’re experiencing is very real. I’m here to support you.”

9 “You don’t look depressed.”

Depression doesn’t have a specific look. This comment can make people feel misunderstood or like they need to prove their struggle.

What to Say Instead: “Depression affects everyone differently. I’m here to understand and su port you, no matter what.”

10 – “Snap out of it!”

This phrase is not only unhelpful but can also be hurtful. It implies that overcoming depression is easy and within immediate control.

What to Say Instead: “I’m here for you. We can work through this toge her at your pace.”

11 – “You’re just overthinking.”

While overthinking can sometimes lead to mental health struggles, this comment can sound dismissive of the person’s feelings and experiences.

What to Say Instead: “It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?

12 – “You should get out more.”

Isolation can be both a symptom and a cause of depression. However, this advice is an oversimplification. People feeling depressed often have difficulty even waking up and showering in the morning, let alone going out to interact with the world.

What to Say Instead: “Would you like some company for a walk or a change of scenery? I’m here if you need me.”

11 – “You’re just seeking attention.”

This accusation can make someone feel ashamed or misunderstood, discouraging them from seeking help.

What to Say Instead: “I see that you’re struggling, and I want to help. Your feelings matter to me.”

12 – “You should be more positive.”

Yes. a positive outlook can be beneficial. Still, it’s not a cure for depression. This advice can feel dismissive.

What to Say Instead: “I’m here to help you find moments of positivity, but it’s okay to feel how you feel.”

13 – “Depression isn’t real.”

Denying the existence of depression is both harmful and untrue. It’s a recognized medical condition.

What to Say Instead: “I understand that depression is a serious health condition. How can I support you?”

14 – “Stop feeling sorry for yourself!”

This phrase can make someone feel guilty for their condition, which is beyond their control.

What to Say Instead: “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s talk about what you’re eeling.”

15 – “You should try being more social.

Socializing can be challenging for someone with depression. This advice can seem like a too-simple solution to a complex issue.

What to Say Instead: “If you feel up to it, maybe we can spend some time together. But no pressure.”

16 – “It’s just a phase.”

Depression is not something people will magically outgrow. This phrase minimizes the person’s experience.

What to Say Instead: “I’m here to support you, no matter how long it takes.”

17 – “You have to be strong.”

These words imply that experiencing depression is a sign of weakness, which isn’t true.

What to Say Instead: “Showing your emotions and asking for help takes strength. I’m proud of you for that.”

18 – “I know exactly how you feel”

Even if you’ve been depressed before, everyone’s experience is different. This sentence can come off as presumptuous.

What to Say Instead: “I may not fully understand your experience, but I’m here to support you in any way I can.”

Final Thoughts on the Things You Should Never Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

Supporting someone with depression requires empathy, patience, and an open heart. Remember, the goal isn’t to fix their problems but to provide comfort and understanding. By choosing our words wisely, we can create a safe space for those battling depression. Your words must help them feel seen, heard, and valued.

15 Things Never to Say to an Adult Child Struggling in Life

February 2, 2024 by Deborah Tayloe

Saying these to an adult child can strain your relationship.

Life can be incredibly complicated challenging, especially for adult children struggling with “adulting.” As parents, it’s natural to want to offer advice or share your wisdom, but sometimes, what we say can do more harm than good.

This article will examine fifteen phrases you should avoid saying to your adult child facing difficulties and why they might be unhelpful or hurtful.

Why an Adult Child May Struggle

Understanding the root causes of why an adult child may be struggling is key to providing appropriate support and empathy. Adulting is complex and comes with challenges, some of which can be overwhelming.

Here are some common life situations that may cause issues for adult children:

Your Adult Child May Face Financial Difficulties

One of the most common stressors for adults is financial strain. These could stem from unemployment, underemployment, student loans, or simply the cost of living. Financial stress can lead to myriad issues, including anxiety, depression, and a feeling of being stuck or unable to progress in life.

Your Adult Child Had a Romantic Breakup

The end of a significant relationship can be a profound source of distress. Romantic breakups can lead to loneliness, a loss of identity, and questioning plans. The emotional toll of a breakup can impact other areas of life, including work and social interactions.

Your Adult Child Experiences Workplace Pressures

The workplace can be a considerable source of stress. This pressure could be due to a demanding job, conflicts with colleagues or superiors, job insecurity, or feeling unfulfilled in their career choice. The pressure to succeed and climb the career ladder can be overwhelming, leading to burnout and mental health issues.

An Adult Child Can Have a Physical or Mental Illness

Dealing with a physical or mental illness can be incredibly challenging. It can affect every aspect of life, from daily routines to long-term plans. Mental health issues, in particular, can be debilitating, affecting their ability to function, maintain relationships, and meet societal expectations.

Yes, Your Adult Child Might Face Peer Pressure

Even as adults, individuals can face peer pressure. That can manifest in various ways, such as pressure to conform to social norms, maintain a certain lifestyle, or make choices that align with their peer group. That can lead to feeling lesser-than, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

An Adult Child Might Not Cope Well with Life Transitions

Adult life is full of transitions, such as moving to a new city, starting a family, or changing careers. While often exciting, these transitions can also be sources of stress and uncertainty. The pressure to make the ‘right’ decisions can be daunting and can lead to self-doubt and anxiety.

Recognizing these common struggles can help you approach your adult child with greater understanding and empathy. It’s important to remember that these challenges are a normal part of life and that your support can make a significant difference in how your child navigates these difficulties.

Here’s How These Phrases May Damage Your Relationship With Your Adult Child

The words we use with our adult children, especially when struggling, carry immense weight. The phrases we’ve discussed can inadvertently harm the delicate parent-child relationship. Understanding the potential impact of these words is crucial in maintaining a healthy, supportive bond.

Eroding Trust and Openness

When you use phrases that minimize or dismiss their feelings, your child might start to feel that their emotions and experiences are not valid or important in your eyes. It can lead to an utter breakdown in trust and openness, as they may no longer feel safe or comfortable sharing their struggles with you.

Creating Emotional Distance

Phrases that compare, belittle, or trivialize their experiences can create an emotional barrier. Your child might feel misunderstood and alone in their struggles, leading to a sense of isolation even when you are physically present in their lives.

Fostering Resentment

Criticism, even when well-intentioned, can breed resentment. If your child feels constantly judged or compared to others, they may harbor negative feelings towards you. This resentment can be a significant obstacle in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Hindering Self-Esteem and Growth

Negative or dismissive language can impact your child’s self-esteem and personal growth. Suppose they are constantly told that they are overreacting, lazy, or not trying hard enough. In that case, they may begin to internalize these criticisms, hindering their ability to cope with their struggles and grow from their experiences.

Preventing Effective Problem-Solving

When a child feels that their problems are not taken seriously, they may be less inclined to seek your advice or support in the future. Critical language deprives them of a valuable resource – your guidance and experience – which could be instrumental in helping them navigate their challenges.

Damaging Long-Term Relationship Dynamics

Repeated use of these phrases can fundamentally alter the nature of your relationship with your child. They may view the relationship as a source of stress rather than support, which can have long-lasting effects on how they interact with you and other family members.

Never Say These Words to an Adult Child

Here are the fifteen phrases to never say to your grown-up offspring:

1 – “When I Was Your Age…”

Comparing their struggles to your past experiences can minimize their feelings. Each generation faces unique challenges, and what worked for them might not be relevant for them. Acknowledging that their struggles are valid and unique to their circumstances is more helpful.

2 – “You Just Need to Work Harder”

Telling someone to work harder overlooks the complexities of their situation. It implies that their struggles are due to a lack of effort, which can be demoralizing. Recognize that hard work is important, but it’s not always the sole solution to life’s challenges.

3 – “You Should Be More Like Your Sibling/Friend”

Comparisons to others can create feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Appreciating your child’s journey and strengths is important, rather than measuring them against someone else’s achievements.

4 – “You’re Just Being Lazy”

Labeling your child as lazy is hurtful and dismissive. It fails to acknowledge the real issues they might be facing, such as mental health struggles or external challenges. Encouragement and understanding are more productive than judgment.

5 – “You Should Have Listened to Me”

This phrase can come across as I-told-you-so and can shut down communication. Focusing on the present and how you can support them in finding solutions is more helpful than dwelling on past decisions.

6 – “Just Cheer Up”

Telling someone to cheer up when they’re struggling can feel dismissive. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay not to be okay. Offer a listening ear and support instead of oversimplifying their emotions.

7 – “It’s Not That Big of a Deal”

Minimizing their problems doesn’t make them go away; it just makes your child feel unheard. Take their concerns seriously and offer empathy and support.

8 – “You’ll Get Over It”

While this phrase is often meant to be reassuring, it can come across as insensitive to an adult child. It’s more helpful to acknowledge that their struggle is significant and offer to help the child through it.

9 – “I Don’t Know Why You’re Making This So Hard”

This statement implies that their struggle is their fault. It’s more constructive to acknowledge that life can be complicated and offer your support in navigating these challenges.

10 – “Everyone Goes Through This”

While it’s true that many people face challenges, this phrase can trivialize your child’s experience. It’s important to recognize that their struggle is unique and deserves individual attention and understanding.

11 – “You’re Just Overreacting”

Telling someone they’re overreacting dismisses their feelings and experiences. It’s crucial to validate their emotions and understand that their response to their situation reflects their current state of mind.

12 – “You Have So Much to Be Grateful For”

While gratitude can be helpful, using it to overshadow their struggles can feel dismissive. It’s more supportive to acknowledge their difficulties before gently guiding them towards a more positive perspective.

13 – “This Is Just a Phase”

Labeling their struggle as a phase can belittle the seriousness of their experience. It’s more helpful to recognize that what they’re going through is a significant part of their life journey and deserves attention and respect.

14 – “Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself”

This phrase can come across as harsh and unsympathetic. It’s important to encourage self-compassion and understanding rather than making them feel guilty for their emotions.

15 – “Why Can’t You Be More Positive?”

Demanding positivity can invalidate their genuine feelings of distress. It’s more beneficial to acknowledge their feelings and offer support in coping rather than pressuring them to adopt a positive facade.

What to Do for Your Adult Child Instead

Your goal should serve as a source of comfort and guidance, not criticism. Listen to all concerns, acknowledge their feelings, and offer help in a way that empowers them. Your support can make a significant difference in their journey through tough times. Sometimes, your loved one simply needs someone to them, letting them “think out loud” without judgment.

Final Thoughts on What You Should Never Say to an Adult Child

To maintain and strengthen your relationship with your adult child, it’s essential to communicate with empathy. You must also validate their feelings and offer support without judgment. Avoiding phrases damaging your relationship creates a foundation of trust and understanding. And that can be invaluable in helping your child through their struggles.

The 2024 GRAMMY® Gift Bags Are Worth $35,000…Here’s What’s in Them

February 2, 2024 by Power of Positivity

The GRAMMY Awards® will be held this coming Sunday, February 4, 2024, at 8 p.m. ET. at Crypto.com Arena in Los Angeles and the Official GRAMMY® Gift Bags are in!

We are extremely excited about this year’s event because our founder, Kristen Butler’s best-seller, The 3 Minute Happiness Journal, is included in the Official GRAMMY® gift bags.

Kristen’s book will be in the GRAMMY® gift bags handed out to legendary artists and up-and-coming favorites. Some recording artists expected to attend include the following names:

Billie Eilish
Billy Joel
Doja Cat
Luke Combs
Olivia Rodrigo
Taylor Swift
Trevor Noah

Each one of the GRAMMY® gift bags will contain $36,000 of goodies to thank the celebrities for participating in the biggest ceremony celebrating the music industry.

What Are the GRAMMY® Awards?

According to an official press release:

“The Recording Academy® represents the voices of performers, songwriters, producers, engineers, and all music professionals. Dedicated to ensuring the recording arts remain a thriving part of our shared cultural heritage, the Academy honors music’s history while investing in its future through the GRAMMY Museum® advocates on behalf of music creators, supports music people in times of need through MusiCares® and celebrates artistic excellence through the GRAMMY Awards® — music’s only peer-recognized accolade and highest achievement.”

About the GRAMMY® Gift Bags

The GRAMMY® gift bags are full of the most amazing items.

Distinctive Assets is a Los Angeles-based entertainment marketing company credited with transforming the promotional craze of celebrity swag into a pop culture phenomenon, celebrates a milestone 25-year partnership with the Recording Academy® in creating the one and only official GRAMMY® Gift Lounge. They are also responsible for the show’s legendary Presenter & Performer Gift Bags. The GRAMMY Awards® will, as always, feature the world’s biggest acts, all of whom will be treated to a bevy of thank-you gifts in acknowledgment and appreciation of their participation.

Says Distinctive Assets founder Lash Fary:

“I believe our gifts are so well received because they range from functional to fabulous while embracing inclusivity and philanthropy. Our signature GRAMMY® Gift Bags have become an anticipated perk for talent, and I’m particularly excited to share what we’ve curated this year.”

What Is in the Grammy® Gift Bags?

Do you want to feel like a superstar? You can try some of these luxury items, too! Here are a few of the goodies the stars will receive:

3 Minute Happiness Journal: Create Happy Habits. Change Your Brain. Transform Your Life:

Kristen Butler, the creator of the widely acclaimed 3 Minute Happiness Journal, is best-known for the personal journey that inspired her work: from battling depression and financial hardships to achieving happiness and fulfillment.

As the founder of Power of Positivity, an online community with over 50 million members, Kristen’s journal brings you new innovative prompts, affirmations, and methods to uplift your spirits and cultivate joyful habits in just a few minutes each day.

Through Kristen’s compassionate and persuasive guidance, you are encouraged to harness this power to enhance your mood and transform your life. The approach is simple yet profound—using minor, consistent actions for a lasting positive change. These are the same practices Kristen employed to turn her life around and realize her dreams.

1MD Nutrition CardioFitMD:

You can’t live a full life without having the best possible health.

Now, like the musical performers, you can experience the benefits of CardioFitMD, a comprehensive superfood beverage. It’s packed with a full-spectrum fiber and prebiotics blend, Bacillus coagulans probiotics, and 20 essential vitamins and minerals, delivering well-rounded nutrition daily.

Our unique fiber and prebiotic mix provides 20% of your daily fiber needs. Considering only 5% of Americans meet their fiber requirements, CardioFitMD bridges this ‘fiber gap,’ aiding in digestive, cardiac, and overall health.

You also boost your nitric oxide levels. Why’s that important? As we age, nitric oxide production naturally decreases. CardioFitMD’s powerful beetroot powder helps to elevate one’s nitric oxide levels, enhancing circulation and heart health.

photo courtesy of the brand

BIRD BUDDY® :

Birdwatching is such a great mindful activity. However, identifying the different species can be distracting while you’re trying to enjoy the relaxation.

Forget traditional birdwatching methods! Introducing Bird Buddy, a solar-powered bird feeder equipped with a sophisticated camera. This innovative device connects to an app on your smartphone, alerting you whenever birds visit. It captures their images, creating a stunning digital album of your avian guests for you to cherish and share with loved ones. Featuring advanced artificial intelligence, Bird Buddy can identify over 1,000 bird species, including those rare ones you’ve always been curious about!

Experience unparalleled close-up views and identify nearly every bird species with this state-of-the-art bird box camera! Get closer than ever to your elusive feathered friends. Bird Buddy’s intelligent AI-powered bird feeder camera recognizes each bird that stops by, allowing you to populate your personal album with diverse bird species found in your area!

photo courtesy of the brand

SOLAWAVE Kit, Including Gel Cleanser, Jelly Mist Toner, Nourishing Moisturizer, and Plumping Peptide Serum:

Celebrities will also receive products by SOLAWAVE’s Solabiome lineup. Featured items will be the following:

Solawave Solabiome Gentle Gel Cleanser: This cleanser offers deep hydration and soothing benefits, nourishing the skin’s microbiome. It effectively removes impurities and is suitable for all skin types. Enhance your skincare routine by combining it with our Jelly Mist, Plumping Peptide Serum, and Hydrating Cream for a radiant complexion.
Solabiome Jelly Mist: A revitalizing mist that hydrates, calms, and shields skin using a blend of synbiotics, mushrooms, Pro Vitamin B5, Gotu Kola, and Beta-Glucan. Ideal for all skin types. Use after cleansing and before applying serums. Complement with a complete skincare range for best results.
Solabiome Nourishing Moisturizer: This moisturizer deeply hydrates, evens out skin tone, and diminishes fine lines using a potent blend of Triple Hyaluronic Acid, Palmitoyl Pentapeptide-4, and Polyglutamic Acid. Suitable for all skin types. If you try this product, you’ll use it in the morning and evening after cleansing. Enhance its effects by pairing it with the Jelly Mist, Plumping Peptide Serum, and Gel Cleanser. Dermatologist tested and petroleum-free.
Plumping Peptide Serum: Formulated to balance the skin’s microbiome, this serum deeply hydrates with Triple Hyaluronic Acid and Avocado Peptides. Suitable for all skin types and using morning and night after cleansing. For optimal results, use in conjunction with the Hydrating Moisturizer. Dermatologist tested, gluten-free, and thoroughly cleansing.

photo courtesy of the brand

BlendQuik Portable Blender:

This product will let you enjoy healthy nutrition – you can jet-set like your favorite stars!

Step away from traditional, clunky blenders and enjoy the good looks of BlendQuik’s unique elegant cup style. This chic accessory in your kitchen or as part of your fitness gear allows you to blend in style, showcasing your ‘BlendQuik flair.’ It transcends being just a portable blender; it’s a trendy expression of your dedication to wellness and contemporary design. Delight in preparing your preferred drinks with a blender that matches your finesse. BlendQuik is the fusion of sophistication and functionality.

The BlendQuik Portable Blender redefines blending with more than just smoothies and shakes in mind. Its robust 10-blade system easily pulverizes ice, which is ideal for refreshing drinks on warm days. It also excels in grinding spices, transforming your culinary exploits into rich, flavorful experiences. For health enthusiasts or cooking aficionados, BlendQuik is the go-to gadget.

BlendQuik reimagines mobility, making it as fitting for the peaks as it is for your home kitchen. Featuring a rechargeable option that allows for over twelve blends per charge, it supports your health endeavors for about a week, wherever you may go. Its sleek, compact build is perfect for camping, gym sessions, office breaks, or relaxed home use. Quick and efficient charging means you’re always ready for a healthy drink with BlendQuik, your trusty wellness ally.

photo courtesy of the brand

Other Items In The GRAMMY® Gift Bags That Celebrities Will Receive

Our five favorites are only a fraction of the goodies in the Gift Bags that the celebs will receive on Sunday. Here are some other wonderful featured brands:

Artisan Books, BAGCEIT, Banila Co, Brownie Points, Carl Reads Minds, DANUCERA, Dyson, EpicLight Beauty, FLY LYFE, Furby Furblettes, Garnier, Goodal, Helight, HEYDUDE shoes, IF YOU SEE THEM by Vicki Sokolik, iHerb, Ilmma Beauty, imPRESS Beauty, INARU, INSTYTUTUM, Karma Nuts, Kérastase, KISS Products, KUDO Protein Popcorn, Living Prana Cakes, L’Oréal Paris, MONOPOLY KNOCKOUT, Music Connection, Nana’s All Purpose Alkaline Seasoning, Nativa SPA, Nature’s Garden, NaturGeeks, Olympia USA, OOVO, Orboot by PlayShifu, Pair of Thieves, Pardon My Fro, PeTA, poppi, Sattaché, SEE THE WAY I SEE, Serucell, Shinery, Smack Pet Food, Soapy Faith, STEM4Real, Sugarfina, The Hair Forge, TRUSS Professional, Wella Professionals, WEN by Chaz Dean, Wesper, and Wine Enthusiast.

NaturGeeks Vegan Protein Bar

Nature’s Garden Probiotic Yoggies

Karma Nuts

(photos courtesy of the brands)

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