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15 Signs a Relationship Won’t Last, According to Marriage Therapists

December 20, 2023 by Chris Butler

Experts reveal signs of a rocky marriage.

Each relationship is unique – and has a unique set of challenges. Just like fingerprints, no two relationships are exactly alike. While there’s beauty in this individuality, it can also make it hard to decipher if your relationship is on the right track. Some marriage issues are just bumps in the road, while others might indicate severe problems.

To help you navigate these complexities, marriage therapists have shed light on some common warning signs.

Here’s what you should be on the lookout for, according to marriage therapists and scientific studies:

1 – Constant Criticism in the Relationship

Every individual has their strengths and weaknesses. While constructive feedback is essential in a relationship, constantly pointing out flaws can be damaging.

If you or your partner are consistently on the lookout for mistakes or shortcomings, it creates an environment of negativity. Studies show how criticizing can erode the love and respect you once had for each other.

Remember, it’s essential to focus on the positives and appreciate the good in each other. A balance between understanding and criticism can help maintain a healthy bond.

2 – Avoiding Communication With Your Partner

Communication is the bridge that connects two hearts. If there’s a lack of dialogue about your feelings or concerns, important issues might get swept under the rug.

Studies reinforce what therapists have long known – that couples with good communication are happier. Of course, the opposite is true, as well.

By ignoring these problems or sharing your emotions, misunderstandings can grow. That leads to feelings of isolation or resentment over time. A healthy relationship thrives on open and honest communication. So, ensure you create a safe space where both of you feel heard and understood.

3 – No Trust in Your Marriage or Partner

Trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful, long-term relationship. It’s the invisible thread that keeps two people together, even during tough times. If you find that you can’t trust your partner or they struggle to trust you, it signals a significant problem.

A shaky foundation of trust can lead to insecurities, constant second-guessing, and doubts about the relationship’s future. Building and maintaining trust requires effort, understanding, and patience from both sides.

If trust has been broken, it’s essential to address the issue and seek ways to rebuild it. That’s how you will ensure a stable and secure relationship foundation.

4 – Too Much Jealousy in the Relationship

A pang of jealousy can sometimes signify affection, showing that you care about your partner and fear losing them. However, when jealousy becomes a dominant emotion, it can harm you both.

Professionals warn that too much jealousy can lead to possessiveness, mistrust, and unnecessary conflicts. It may stem from personal insecurities, past traumas, or even misunderstandings within the relationship. Addressing the root causes and ensuring open communication is essential.

If left unchecked, excessive jealousy can suffocate a relationship. It can also prevent both partners from growing as individuals.

5 – Different Life Goals from Your Partner

Every individual has dreams, ambitions, and goals they wish to achieve. In a relationship, it’s essential to understand and support each other’s aspirations. However, if you and your partner have drastically different life goals, it can lead to tension.

For example, one might dream of traveling the world while the other envisions settling down early. Or career ambitions might pull you to different cities. These differences can strain the relationship, making it challenging to plan a future together.

Therapists know that 40% of first marriages end in divorce in the United States. Thus, they note “the importance of considering one’s partner when making decisions and plans for the future, given that it has clear implications for relationship dissolution.”

It’s crucial to have open discussions about your goals. Thus, you’ll find ways to compromise or support each other in achieving them.

6 – A Lack of Intimacy in the Relationship

Intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness; it’s also about emotional connection and understanding. Physical intimacy strengthens the bond between partners. So feel free to hold hands, hug, or share intimate kisses. On the other hand, emotional intimacy involves sharing feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities.

If any form of intimacy is lacking, it can signify deeper issues in the relationship. Do you lack trust? Do you have unresolved conflicts or other barriers preventing you from getting closer?

Addressing intimacy issues head-on, possibly with the help of a counselor, can pave the way for a more fulfilling and intimate relationship.

7 – Always Thinking About the Past (or a Past Relationship)

Our past shapes us, teaching us valuable lessons. However, when past mistakes or events become a recurring theme in discussions or arguments, they hinder the growth of a relationship.

Continually bringing up past relationships or holding grudges means the emotional wounds haven’t healed. It becomes a challenge to focus on the present and build a future if the shadows of the past loom large.

It’s essential to practice forgiveness, learn from past mistakes, and create new, positive memories. That’s how you can move forward together after a rough patch.

8 – Not Making Time for Each Other

Time is one of the most precious gifts you can give to someone. In relationships, spending quality time together is the glue that binds two individuals.

When life gets busy with work, responsibilities, or personal pursuits, it’s easy to drift apart unintentionally. If you consistently find that you or your partner are “too busy” for each other, it might indicate that the relationship isn’t a top priority. It’s essential to find a balance.

So, be sure to set aside regular “us time.” That can be a date night or a simple evening walk. Either way, spending time together can reignite the spark and show commitment to the relationship.

9 – Feeling Unappreciated by Your Partner

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, you may overlook small gestures of appreciation. However, everyone craves acknowledgment and validation. Feeling unappreciated or taken for granted in a relationship may lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment.

These feelings can fester, leading to more significant conflicts down the line. It’s important to show gratitude, acknowledge each other’s efforts, and celebrate small victories together.

Regularly expressing appreciation ensures both partners feel cherished, reinforcing their bond.

10 – Hiding Things From the Other Partner

Openness and transparency form the bedrock of any successful relationship. Keeping secrets, whether big or small, can create an invisible barrier between partners.

When you hide things, it implies a lack of trust or fear of judgment from your partner. Over time, these secrets can pile up, leading to a feeling of disconnect or even betrayal when they come to light. A relationship flourishes when both partners can share their truths, fears, and aspirations without hesitation.

Regular open conversations help bridge gaps and ensure both partners feel secure and trusted.

11 – Refusing to Compromise in the Relationship

Life is full of compromises, especially when sharing it with someone else. Relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding. However, if one partner constantly stands their ground without considering the other’s perspective, it can lead to recurring conflicts and dissatisfaction.

It’s important to remember that compromise doesn’t mean losing. Instead, it means finding a middle ground where both partners feel heard and valued.

By being open to adjustments and showing empathy toward your partner’s needs, you create a harmonious and loving relationship.

12 – No Shared Activities in the Marriage

Shared experiences and hobbies create lasting memories and strengthen the bond between partners. These activities act as threads, weaving two individuals closer together. They offer an escape from daily routines, allowing couples to connect on different levels.

If there’s a lack of shared activities or interests, it can lead to feelings of detachment or parallel living, where both partners live separate lives under the same roof. It’s beneficial to explore new hobbies, revisit old interests, or even travel together.

Finding joy in sharing experiences can rekindle passion and keep the relationship vibrant and connected.

13 – Ignoring Boundaries in the Marriage

Studies show that each individual in a couple must set boundaries – both emotional and physical. These can serve as guidelines for how they wish for their partner to treat them. Personal experiences, values, and beliefs influence these boundaries.

When a partner ignores or deliberately crosses these boundaries, it’s not just a breach of trust but also a disregard for personal well-being. Continually pushing or disrespecting these limits can lead to feelings of unease, resentment, and even fear.

For a relationship to be healthy and nurturing, it’s vital that both partners understand, communicate, and respect each other’s boundaries.

14 – Lack of Respect Within the Relationship

Respect is more than just a word. Instead, it is an action and a foundation upon which couples form strong foundations. Whether it’s in the form of listening actively, valuing opinions, or acknowledging feelings, respect solidifies the bond between partners.

Without mutual respect, interactions can become condescending, dismissive, or even hostile. A lack of respect can erode the very essence of the relationship, leading to feelings of worthlessness or inferiority.

It’s essential to demonstrate respect in every interaction to grow a relationship. That ensures both partners feel valued and understood.

15 – Not Seeking Marriage Help When Needed

Every relationship encounters challenges. However, what differentiates a lasting relationship from a fleeting one is how you face these challenges. Stubbornly navigating problems without seeking external help, whether from friends, family, or professionals, can magnify the issues.

Avoiding or ignoring them is often a sign of denial or a lack of commitment to resolving them. Seeking assistance, especially in couples therapy or counseling, can provide valuable insights and tools to strengthen the relationship.

Recognizing when help is needed and acting upon it showcases a genuine commitment to the relationship’s longevity and health.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing the Key Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Always remember that every couple encounters rough patches in relationships. However, if several of these signs feel like your current situation, it may be time for introspection and seeking guidance from a marriage therapist. You deserve a flourishing relationship. So always prioritize your well-being and happiness – as a couple and an individual.

10 Things Partners Do When They Lose Interest in a Relationship

December 19, 2023 by Deborah Tayloe

Know these behaviors that reveal when a partner is pulling away.

Every relationship has highs and lows. But have you ever wondered if the decreasing intensity of those “highs” is more than just a phase? What does it look like when a partner loses interest?

While relationships evolve, it’s crucial to discern between natural evolution and signals when a partner loses interest. Recognizing these signs can provide an invaluable opportunity to address concerns, rejuvenate the bond, or, in some cases, re-evaluate the relationship.

Ten Things That Reveal a Partner Has Lost Interest

Dive in with us as we explore ten behaviors that could foretell a breakup.

1. Diminished Communication

Open and consistent communication is one of the foundational elements of any thriving relationship. When partners lose interest, one of the first and most noticeable signs is the drop in the frequency and depth of their conversations.

What it looks like: Earlier, you might’ve found yourselves chatting about everything under the sun — from the day’s minor happenings to deep-seated dreams and aspirations. But as interest wanes, conversations might seem shallow. The lively discussions about plans or mutual interests could shift to curt exchanges about everyday chores and necessities.
Why it happens: A decrease in communication can stem from various reasons. One partner might be grappling with personal issues they’re not ready to share, or perhaps they feel that the relationship space isn’t conducive to heart-to-heart talks. Sometimes, the reduced communication directly reflects diminished emotional investment in the relationship.
Impact: A lack of robust communication can create a domino effect. Misunderstandings become more frequent, emotional intimacy diminishes, and partners might feel they’re drifting apart. It becomes vital to address this decline before it creates an unbridgeable chasm.

2. Reduced Interest in Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy, ranging from holding hands to sexual interactions, serves as a barometer for many relationships. It’s an avenue through which partners connect, express affection, and reinforce their bond.

What it looks like: If a partner loses interest, the hugs, touches, and intimacy that were once routine become rare. The warmth of physical closeness may be replaced by a palpable distance, even when you are in the same room.
Why it happens: Numerous factors can contribute to reduced physical intimacy. They may come from personal health issues, stress, or external pressures. However, when paired with other signs of diminishing interest, it’s worth considering if the decline reflects a more profound emotional disconnect.
Impact: Physical intimacy links to emotional well-being in a relationship. A marked reduction can lead to feelings of rejection, self-doubt, or insecurity in one or both partners. Addressing the root cause, emotional distance, or other factors becomes imperative to restore the relationship’s health.

3. Avoiding Quality Time Together

Quality time is the lifeblood of a relationship. During these moments, you create memories and solid bonds. However, when interest diminishes, the desire to spend time together might wane.

What it looks like: A partner might consistently make plans that don’t include the other, preferring to spend more time with friends or indulge in solo activities. Those cherished movie nights, weekend getaways, or even simple coffee dates might become few and far between.
Why it happens: Often, this behavior indicates an unconscious (or conscious) desire for space. The partner might be grappling with their feelings and is unsure of where the relationship stands, leading them to seek solitude or alternative company. Sometimes, it might be a coping mechanism to avoid confronting relationship issues.
Impact: Avoiding quality time together can create a sense of loneliness within the relationship. Partners might start to feel like roommates rather than lovers, weakening the emotional bond. Recognizing and addressing this behavior can help redirect the relationship onto a healthier path.

4. Less Interest in Planning for the Future

A thriving relationship often thrives on dreams and plans – a shared future. When one partner starts pulling away, their commitment to these plans might waver.

What it looks like: Future-oriented discussions become more ambiguous. Buying a house, planning vacations, or other events in the upcoming months become rife with nonchalance or avoidance. The once excited “we” mentality shifts towards a more individualistic “I” or “me” approach.
Why it happens: Hesitancy about the future often stems from doubts about the relationship’s longevity. The partner may internally question whether they see the relationship as a permanent fixture. It could also arise from a fear of commitment or unresolved personal issues affecting their outlook.
Impact: Such non-committal behavior can create insecurities and anxieties. It makes the other partner question the relationship’s stability and where they stand in their partner’s future. Addressing these hesitations and establishing clarity is crucial for both partners’ peace of mind.

5. Decrease in Emotional Availability

Emotional availability is the willingness and ability to share feelings, provide support, and be present emotionally for a partner. It’s the cornerstone of a deep and understanding relationship.

What it looks like: When one partner detaches, they might become more indifferent to the other’s emotions and needs. They might seem distracted during serious talks, offer generic advice, or avoid emotional topics altogether.
Why it happens: Emotional withdrawal can be a protective mechanism. The partner might be trying to shield themselves from potential pain if they’re contemplating ending the relationship or dealing with personal emotional turmoil they’re not ready to share.
Impact: Decreased emotional availability can lead to feelings of isolation for the other partner. They might feel unheard, unsupported, or even unloved. Recognizing and discussing these feelings is vital to both partners.

6. Increased Irritability and Arguments

While disagreements are natural in any relationship, an unexplained increase in frequency and intensity can signal deeper issues.

What it looks like: Small disagreements, like deciding on a dinner venue, might escalate into full-blown arguments. There might be a noticeable reduction in patience, leading to more criticisms and less understanding.
Why it happens: Often, underlying frustrations or dissatisfactions in the relationship manifest as irritability. The partner may be projecting their internal struggles onto external issues. Alternatively, they may cause conflicts as an escape mechanism from the relationship.
Impact: Constant arguments and irritability erode a relationship’s foundation of trust and understanding. They create an environment of negativity and stress, making it difficult for love and affection to flourish. Recognizing the root causes and addressing them is essential to restore harmony.

7. Loss of Interest in Mutual Hobbies

Shared activities and hobbies often weave together the tapestry of a relationship. These activities help build tighter bonds. But as interest wanes, enthusiasm for these mutual passions might diminish.

What it looks like: Activities that were once the highlight of your time together might no longer appeal to one partner. They might opt out regularly or show a lack of enthusiasm when participating.
Why it happens: Pulling away from shared interests can be a subconscious effort to create distance. The partner might associate these activities with the relationship’s better days and find them emotionally taxing. Alternatively, they could seek new hobbies to redefine their identity outside the relationship.
Impact: Abandoning shared hobbies can lead to a further emotional divide. These moments of togetherness often serve as crucial bonding experiences, and their absence can make the relationship feel less enriching. Addressing this shift and finding new mutual interests or reigniting old ones can help bridge the growing gap.

8. Becoming Secretive

Transparency is a crucial pillar in the foundation of trust between partners. When secrecy creeps in, it’s often a red flag indicating infidelity or underlying issues.

What it looks like: One partner might become protective of their phone. They might avoid discussing their day or becoming evasive when questioned about their whereabouts. They might also start to have more “private” outings or events that the other partner isn’t privy to.
Why it happens: Secrets often arise from guilt, fear, or insecurity. The partner might hide something they believe would hurt the other or fear judgment and confrontation. Alternatively, they might create a separate space to explore new aspects of their life or retreat from the relationship.
Impact: Secrecy erodes trust. The feeling that a partner hides something can lead to suspicion, anxiety, and tension. Addressing this behavior head-on, ensuring open communication, and rebuilding trust is paramount to maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic.

9. Less Interest in a Good Appearance

In the early stages of a relationship, partners often try to look their best for each other. It’s an early sign of respect and attraction. A sudden and consistent decline in this effort can be telling.

What it looks like: Skipping the usual grooming routines, wearing the same old clothes frequently, or not caring about personal hygiene can spell trouble. These changes go beyond the usual comfort that comes with a long-term relationship. Indeed, they denote a lack of effort to impress or attract the other partner.
Why it happens: The reduced effort could stem from complacency. That’s because the partner no longer wants to “win over” a partner. Alternatively, it might reflect an internal struggle with self-worth or their diminishing desire for the relationship.
Impact: While it’s natural for partners to become more comfortable around each other over time, a noticeable decline in self-care can impact mutual attraction and respect. It’s essential to communicate and understand the underlying reasons for this change and work towards reigniting the spark.

10. Neglecting Important Dates and Anniversaries

Celebrating special dates like anniversaries or birthdays honors the bond. It’s a way of reflecting on memories and looking forward to creating more positive moments. When a partner starts missing these dates, it often indicates shifting priorities.

What it looks like: Forgotten anniversaries, birthdays, or special dates might now pass without acknowledgment. Alternatively, the celebrations might feel forced or lack the genuine joy and connection that characterized previous occasions.
Why it happens: Forgetting or neglecting these significant dates can signify decreased emotional investment in the relationship. The partner might be preoccupied with personal issues or other distractions, causing these pivotal moments to slip their mind. It might also be an unconscious way of distancing themselves from the relationship and the associated memories.
Impact: Overlooking important dates can lead to feelings of hurt, neglect, and undervaluation. Such moments are emotional touchpoints in a relationship. In fact, their neglect can make the other partner question their significance in their partner’s life. Addressing these oversights, understanding the root cause, and celebrating and cherishing these moments are crucial for reaffirming commitment and love.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors of a Partner Losing Interest

Changes in behavior and dynamics are inevitable. Yet, discerning between the natural ebb and flow and genuinely alarming signs of waning interest is pivotal.

Recognizing these signs isn’t about pointing fingers or placing blame. Rather, it is about fostering understanding. It provides an opportunity to either rejuvenate a bond that might be faltering or to reflect on whether the relationship aligns with both partners’ well-being and happiness.

Remember, every relationship has its unique rhythm. While these signs can serve as a guide, it’s crucial to approach them with a balanced perspective. Open communication, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand one another remain the most robust tools for understanding the complexities of love and commitment. Whether you want to reignite the spark or seek clarity on the path forward, remember to tread with kindness towards yourself and your partner.

10 Ways to Spot an Undercover Cheater

December 19, 2023 by Chris Butler

Here’s what to look for if you think your partner’s cheating.

Do you think your partner is a cheater? Cheating is never okay. However, it’s also worthwhile that the behaviors that cause someone to cheat may reveal other psychological or behavioral issues besides cheating.

Trust in a relationship is like assessing the foundation of a grand, centuries-old mansion. Imagine this beautiful, towering home – it appears impressive to all.

But what if termites were at work hidden beneath the surface, silently compromising the foundation? As the owner, you’d want to know. You’d not dismantle the mansion hastily. Instead, you would address the issue to ensure that the structure remains sound for the future.

Likewise, in relationships, suspicions of infidelity can feel like those hidden termites. They gnaw away at the relationship – unseen but not unfelt.

Understanding your partner better does not mean one should excuse any poor behaviors, especially cheating. However, it’s worth evaluating whether they’re a cheater before deciding whether to leave or mend the relationship.

Understanding the Basics of Trust

Trust is the cornerstone upon which relationships on which we build human emotions. Just as architects precisely lay the first stone, ensuring its stability for all subsequent layers, trust forms the foundation of any deep and lasting connection between two people.

Trust is the cause and effect of an optimistic view of one’s partner. It’s the belief that they will act in the relationship’s best interest, even in your absence. It assures your beloved will keep your secrets safe and treasure your companionship.

When this trust wavers, it’s not merely a fleeting emotion. Instead, it impacts the strength of the bond. Betrayal leads to insecurity, anxiety, and sometimes, even isolation.

But, as central as trust is, it’s also fragile. It demands continuous care, transparency, and open communication to remain unbroken. If cracks do appear, they need not spell doom.

In fact, many relationships can mend and emerge even more robust. Still, it’s crucial to approach any concerns with a cautious heart before you make accusations.

The Role of Intuition in Relationships

Intuition is that whisper in the back of our minds, the soft nudge urging us to pay attention. Our subconscious often picks up on subtle cues or patterns our conscious mind might miss. This intuitive feeling can be an early alert system in relationships, hinting that something might be amiss.

However, it’s essential to strike a balance. While intuition can be a valuable guide, it’s also susceptible to our fears, biases, and past experiences.

For instance, past traumas or betrayals might amplify our internal alarms. It can make them sound off even without any genuine threat. So, listening to one’s gut is crucial. But you should also ensure your reactions are rooted in the present reality before you make final decisions.

10 Behavioral Changes in a Cheater

You must pay attention for these behaviors if you think your beloved is cheating. Here are ten to know:

1 – A Cheater Has Changes in Communication Patterns

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. The bridge connects two individuals, ensuring they understand, empathize, and support each other. When there’s a shift in how communication flows, it can sometimes be a sign that something is amiss.

One might notice a decreased frequency of conversations. Where once there were long, heartfelt discussions, now there might be brief exchanges or even silence.

It’s not just about quantity. Indeed, communication’s depth can also change. Partners might now avoid discussions they used to have. Or, one partner might become overly defensive when certain subjects arise.

2 – Cheating Means Changes in Time Management

Time, often said to be our most precious commodity, is a testament to our priorities. In a relationship, the time shared reflects mutual commitment and the importance placed on nurturing the bond. When noticeable shifts occur in how one’s partner manages their time, it can be a cause for reflection.

For example, unexpected schedule changes that aren’t accounted for or communicated can raise eyebrows. There may be an increase in unexplained absences, or hobbies and activities suddenly take precedence over the relationship without any communicated reason.

3 – A Cheater May Create Emotional Distance

Relationships are not just about the physical or the spoken. Rather, they deeply involve complicated – and often messy – human emotions. The feeling of being emotionally connected, of being ‘seen’ and ‘understood’ by your partner, is invaluable. It can be disheartening when this connection starts to wane, and an invisible wall goes up.

Such emotional distance can manifest in various ways. For example, you might see a new lack of enthusiasm about shared dreams or a reluctance to share personal feelings or experiences. You might also perceive a new indifference to one’s highs and lows.

4 – Cheating Requires Increased Secrecy

Transparency is vital in strengthening a relationship. While every individual has a right to personal space and privacy, a sudden and unexplained increase in secrecy can signify an issue to pay attention to.

Examples include the overprotectiveness of personal devices or a new reluctance to share details about specific activities or whereabouts. It may also include unexplained expenses or hidden receipts. New password-protected apps or secret accounts can also be indicative.

5 – A Cheater Avoids Long-term Plans or Goals

Shared dreams and plans are often the milestones that couples look forward to. They signify growth, commitment, and a mutual vision of the journey ahead. It can feel unsettling when a partner is reluctant to make long-term commitments or discuss plans.

The partner could put off talks about future vacations, investment plans, or even significant life decisions like moving in together, marriage, or starting a family. Such avoidance might also include vague reasons or a general sense of uncertainty.

6 – Cheating Brings Changes in Social Media Behavior

In today’s digital age, social media reflects our personal lives. While it’s never a complete picture, noticeable changes in online behavior can sometimes mirror personal feelings or commitment shifts.

The behavior could be increased privacy settings without a good reason, frequently interacting with a new person, or deleting or untagging photos that were once proudly displayed. Some might even notice their partner posting more solo pictures or sharing sentiments that hint at emotional unrest or distance.

7 – Friends of a Cheater Begin to Change How They Interact With You

Friends and mutual acquaintances often act as mirrors reflecting subtle dynamics within a relationship. When these friends start behaving differently— perhaps becoming distant, offering unsolicited advice, or acting uncomfortably in your presence—it might indicate underlying currents they’re privy to.

In some cases, mutual friends might drop hints or make indirect comments. These vague warnings are incredibly confusing. So, know that they may stem from a place of concern or awkwardness about being in the middle of a delicate situation.

8 – Cheating Causes Defensive Behavior

It’s natural for individuals to defend themselves when they feel threatened or misunderstood. However, within the context of a relationship, if routine inquiries or casual conversations consistently result in defensive reactions, it may signal deeper underlying issues.

For instance, simple questions about one’s day or specific activities might receive sharp retorts or defensiveness. A cheater may respond explosively, out of proportion to the query.

In some scenarios, the cheating partner might gaslight the other. They turn the tables, with the partner accusing you of distrust or being overly suspicious without a valid reason.

9 – A Cheater Needs Less Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a barometer of connection in many romantic relationships. A noticeable drop in desire for physical closeness or a seeming avoidance of affectionate gestures can concern many.

The warmth of a hug may feel different, or the frequency of intimate moments has dwindled. These changes, while palpable, can stem from a multitude of reasons.

10 – Cheating Seeks Outside Validation

The desire to be acknowledged and appreciated is an innate human trait. In a relationship, validation often comes from one’s partner through compliments, reassurances, or simple acts of love. However, when one partner seeks external validation disproportionately, it can be an area of concern.

It might manifest as a newfound obsession with external appearance, frequenting social scenes without their partner, or constantly seeking praise and attention from others. In the digital realm, this could translate to posting pictures or statements that seek admiration or validation from the online community.

Five Ways to Determine if a Relationship With a Cheater Is Worth Saving

Infidelity undoubtedly shakes the foundation of a relationship. But it doesn’t always spell its end. Many couples can navigate this challenging phase with mutual effort, understanding, and commitment. They might repair the damage, building an even stronger bond.

However, it’s essential to prioritize mental and emotional well-being. If the relationship continues to be a source of pain or distrust, seeking external help or reconsidering the relationship might be necessary.

1 – A Mutual Willingness to Rebuild

Both partners genuinely desire to mend the relationship and are ready to do the necessary work.

Repair Strategy: Begin with open, honest, and non-confrontational conversations about the infidelity. Ensure both parties have the opportunity to express their feelings, fears, and expectations. That lays the foundation for understanding and rebuilding.

2 – Understanding the Root Cause of Cheating

The cheating wasn’t a symptom of chronic dissatisfaction or fundamental incompatibilities. Instead, it stemmed from a particular circumstance, misunderstanding, or lapse in judgment.

Repair Strategy: Seek couples therapy or counseling to explore the underlying reasons for the infidelity. A neutral third party can provide insights, tools, and exercises to address these issues and ensure they don’t resurface.

3 – Transparency and Open Communication

The partner who cheated is transparent about the affair. They’re also willing to answer questions to clear doubts, even if they’re uncomfortable.

Repair Strategy: Have regular check-ins to discuss feelings, concerns, and progress. Over time, this will rebuild trust and strengthen the communication channels between both partners.

4 – Recognizable Remorse and Accountability

Genuine remorse is evident, not just for getting caught but for the act itself. The partner understands the gravity of their actions and doesn’t shift blame or make excuses.

Repair Strategy: The partner who cheated should consider individual therapy to understand their motivations and prevent future slip-ups. Demonstrating change through actions, not just words, will also be crucial.

5 – History of Trust and Mutual Respect

Before this incident, the relationship had mutual respect, trust, and understanding. This breach of trust was a blip, not a pattern.

Repair Strategy: Revisit the foundations of the relationship. Recount the moments that made the bond solid and memorable. Engaging in trust-building activities and even attending relationship workshops can reignite the spark and reinforce the bond.

This work will be hard – a long road lies ahead. So, if you decide your relationship’s foundation is solid enough to salvage the relationship, see a counselor. That third party can help create safe spaces for the difficult conversations needed for healing.

Final Thoughts on Ten Ways to Spot an Undercover Cheater

Establishing trust is the bedrock of any lasting relationship. The signs of cheating are potential indicators to be aware of. But each relationship uniquely blends personalities, experiences, and emotions. Observation and communication are key to deciding whether to work on repairing the trust or leaving the cheater.

Science Explains Why Every Mom Needs a Girls Night Out

December 18, 2023 by Deborah Tayloe

Here’s why you need a ladies’ night every so often.

Imagine a night filled with laughter, heartfelt conversations, and a well-earned break from your daily grind. This evening is not just any night out; it’s a girls’ night out. It’s a special occasion that every mom deserves and needs for her well-being.

But why is getting away from the children on occasion so important?

Science has some fascinating answers. From boosting mental health to enhancing physical well-being, the benefits of these gatherings go far beyond just having a good time.

Intrigued? Keep reading to discover the science-backed reasons why a girls’ night out is more than just fun – it’s essential for every woman’s health and happiness (whether you’re a mom or not!).

Here’s Why You Need a Girls’ Night Out

Connecting with the girls is more than just a night of fun. In fact, it’s a way to keep yourself well and makes you a healther person.

1 – The Psychological Benefits of Girls’ Night Out

Social interactions play a crucial role in our mental health. According to a study published by the “Journal of Health and Social Behavior,” socializing can significantly reduce stress levels and improve mental health.

When moms step out for a girls night, they engage in meaningful conversations, laughter, and shared experiences. All of these are vital for emotional support. This camaraderie is not just about having fun. Instead, it’s a form of emotional nourishment.

2 – Strengthening Bonds and Building Support Networks

Girls’ nights out are more than just an escape from daily routines; they are a platform for strengthening bonds. Harvard Health Publishing highlights the importance of strong social ties in promoting brain health as we age.

For mothers, these occasions are opportunities to build and maintain a support network. These get-togethers are crucial for navigating the challenges of parenthood.

3 – The Physical Health Connection

The benefits of social gatherings extend beyond mental well-being. The American Psychological Association notes that positive social interactions can lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease.

When moms engage in a girls’ night out, they are not just indulging in leisure; they are participating in an activity that has tangible health benefits.

4 – Balancing Personal Identity and Parenthood

Motherhood often leads to a shift in personal identity. A girls’ night out serves as a reminder that while being a mom is a significant part of their identity, it’s not the entirety.

Engaging in a hobby or activity they enjoyed before motherhood helps maintain a sense of self. This reminder can be crucial for overall happiness and fulfillment.

5 – Encouraging Positive Mental Health Practices

Girls’ nights out is undeniably an often-overlooked form of self-care. The American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine emphasizes the importance of self-care to enjoy better mental health.

By prioritizing time with friends, mothers are taking a proactive step in caring for their mental health, setting a positive example for their families about the importance of personal well-being.

6 – Boosting Cognitive Health Through Girls’ Night Out

Social interactions, like those experienced during a girls’ night out, have been linked to improved cognitive function. A study of older women published in the “American Journal of Public Health” found that social engagement could help maintain cognitive faculties. They also note that it might even delay the onset of dementia.

For mothers, regular socializing can be vital to maintaining sharp minds and cognitive health. That’s great news for everyone!

7 – Enhancing Emotional Resilience

Regular social interactions, such as those experienced during girls’ nights out, can enhance emotional resilience. According to one article by the University of Minnesota Extension, having a solid social support network can help individuals manage stress more effectively.

For moms who often face a variety of stressors, building resilience through these social connections is invaluable. And what better reason to plan a night with the girls?

8 – Improving Sleep Quality

Believe it or not, socializing can also impact sleep quality. A University of Chicago podcaster explains that people with a solid social network tend to have fewer sleep problems.

For mothers who often struggle with sleep due to the demands of parenting, a girls’ night out can contribute to better sleep. That will contribute to better overall health, even after the night is over.

9 – Promoting Longevity

There’s also evidence that strong social ties can promote longevity. Research published in 2021 in “PLOS Medicine” suggests that robust social connections are associated with a lower risk of early death. That means that regular social interactions, like those during a girls’ night out, could contribute to a longer, healthier life for moms.

10 – Encouraging Healthy Behaviors

Social gatherings can also encourage healthier behaviors. Have you ever noticed how the more you hang out with your friends, the more you behave similarly?

That’s because people want to fit in. To do so, many mirror the healthy behaviors of their social group.

When moms spend time with positive people, friends who prioritize health and self-care, are more likely to adopt these beneficial habits.

Planning Your Girls’ Night Out

Organizing a girls’ night out doesn’t have to be complicated. The key is to focus on activities that foster relaxation, laughter, and meaningful connections. Here are some simple tips to help you plan a memorable and rejuvenating evening:

Choose an Activity That Reinforces Your Connections: Whether it’s a laughter-filled dinner at a favorite restaurant, a movie night, or a painting class, select an activity that allows for conversation and laughter. The goal is to create a space where everyone can relax and engage with each other. Here are some fun activities you might try:
- Dinner at a cozy restaurant
- Movie night at a cinema or home theater
- Painting or pottery class
- Enjoy quiet time at a local coffee house
- Attending a concert or live music event
- Spa day (or evening), massage therapy session, or beauty treatments
- Cooking or baking class
- Wine-tasting or cocktail-making workshop
- Book club meeting for a recent read
- Outdoor activities like hiking or a beach day
- Themed dress-up party or karaoke night
- Board game or trivia night
- Yoga or dance class
- Potluck dinner (this one is helpful if someone can’t find child care)
- Craft or DIY project night
- Visiting a local art gallery or museum
- Sunset-watching or stargazing event
Keep The Activity Stress-Free: The purpose of the night is to unwind, so opt for activities that don’t require extensive planning or preparation. Consider venues where you can reserve a table or activities that are easy to participate in without prior experience.
Include All Your Friends While Planning: Make sure the activities and venue are accessible and enjoyable for all group members. It’s essential that everyone feels comfortable and excited about the plans.
Disconnect to Connect and Enjoy: Encourage everyone to minimize phone use during the night out. That helps in creating a more engaging and present experience for all.
Plan Regularly: A girls’ night out is most beneficial when it’s a regular event. Try to schedule these gatherings periodically, monthly or quarterly, to consistently reap the benefits of social connection.
Take Turns Planning Girls’ Night: Rotating the responsibility of planning allows everyone in the group to share their interests and ideas. This approach not only eases the planning burden but also ensures a variety of activities that reflect the diverse tastes and preferences within your circle. It’s a great way to learn more about each other and experience new things together.

Planning a girls night does not need to be too complicated. Remember that a girls’ night out is about nurturing friendships and taking a break from daily responsibilities. It’s about creating a space where you can be yourself, share experiences, and, most importantly, have fun. So, start planning, reach out to your friends, and look forward to an evening that’s not just enjoyable but also beneficial for your well-being.

Final Thoughts on Why Moms Deserve – and Need – A Girls’ Night Out

Enjoying an occasional girls’ night out extends far beyond a mere escape from daily routines. It’s a vital practice for maintaining mental, emotional, and physical health.

These gatherings are not just about unwinding and having fun. Rather, they are a crucial aspect of every woman’s self-care regimen.

The science is abundant and clear: social interactions, laughter, and shared experiences profoundly affect our well-being. They reduce stress, improve heart health, boost cognitive function, and even contribute to a longer life. For moms juggling countless responsibilities, these nights out are essential to maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle.

Moreover, girls’ nights out represent more than just personal health benefits. They symbolize the importance of maintaining one’s identity and the value of strong social connections. They remind every mom that while parenthood is a defining role, it’s not the sole aspect of their identity. By prioritizing these social gatherings, mothers are enhancing their own well-being and setting a positive example for their families about the importance of balance, self-care, and nurturing relationships.

So, the next time you plan a girls night out, remember that it’s not just a fun outing but a science-backed necessity for a happier, healthier life.

Science Explains Why Most Men Prefer an Intelligent Woman

December 18, 2023 by Chris Butler

Here’s why so many guys choose brains over external beauty.

In pursuing attraction and romance, what we seek in a partner often goes beyond superficial traits. Instead, many males want an intelligent woman. While cultural depictions of ideal partners frequently focus on physical attributes, that’s not necessarily true. Instead, a deeper, more profound element plays a key role in the dynamics of attraction.

Intelligence is an influential trait that has become a key player in the modern dating scene. This article looks further into the fascinating scientific revelations that explain why many men are drawn to intelligent women. It’s a journey through psychology, evolution, and societal trends that shape our deepest desires.

An Evolutionary Perspective on Attraction to an Intelligent Woman

Evolutionary psychology suggests that certain traits are highly desirable in a mate because they offer distinct survival and reproductive advantages. In this context, an intelligent woman is a highly valued partner.

Historically, a partner’s ability to think critically, solve problems, and adapt to changing environments was crucial for survival.

Research supports the idea that intelligent partners were preferred for their potential to provide a stable environment for offspring. A study by Prokosch, Coss, Scheib, and Blozis (2009) found that individuals often equate intelligence with good genes, viewing it as a desirable trait for long-term partnerships.

Therefore, this preference for intelligence could come from our evolutionary past, where cognitive abilities were directly linked to survival and reproductive success.

Social and Cultural Influences on Attraction

As societies evolve, so do the traits we value in a partner. Today, many emphasize education, communication, and emotional intelligence. This trend places a premium on intellectual prowess. This shift reflects a broader cultural trend where intelligence, often associated with success and stability, becomes desirable in a romantic partner.

Studies, such as those conducted by Lippa (2007), show a correlation between societal advancement and a growing preference for intelligence in a mate. This evolution in mate selection criteria echoes our changing world, where intellectual compatibility and mental stimulation are increasingly valued in romantic relationships.

Psychological Attraction to an Intelligent Woman

Psychologically, attraction to an intelligent woman is multifaceted. It’s not just about admiring someone’s intellectual capacity. It is about the halo effect. That’s when intelligence is associated with positive attributes like kindness, humor, and reliability. This psychological phenomenon can make intelligent individuals appear more attractive overall.

Research into attraction patterns reveals that intelligence often ranks high on desirable traits. In a study by Swami et al. (2012), intelligence was consistently ranked as one of the top qualities sought in a partner. This attraction to intelligence speaks volumes about our psychological inclination to associate cognitive abilities with other positive character traits.

The Impact of Intelligence on Relationships

The influence of intelligence in a relationship extends far beyond initial attraction. It fundamentally shapes communication, conflict resolution, and satisfaction in the relationship. Intelligent partners often bring a level of understanding and depth to conversations. Thus, they establish an intellectually and emotionally fulfilling connection.

Research in relationship psychology highlights the positive impact of intelligence in relationships. For instance, a study by Buss (1989) suggests that intelligent partners better navigate relationship challenges, leading to more stable and enduring relationships. Furthermore, intelligence can lead to shared interests, hobbies, and discussions, enriching the relationship and providing a solid foundation for long-term compatibility.

Attraction to an Intelligent Woman in the Modern World

While the trend toward valuing intelligence in a partner is significant, it’s crucial to acknowledge the diversity and fluidity of personal preferences. Attraction is a complex mosaic of individual experiences, cultural backgrounds, and personal values. As society progresses, there is a growing appreciation for a wide range of qualities in a partner beyond just intelligence.

It’s important to recognize that individual preferences vary greatly, and what one person finds attractive may differ significantly from another’s ideals. Studies like those by Eastwick and Finkel (2008) emphasize the diversity in mate preferences, showing how different individuals value different traits based on their unique experiences and backgrounds.

Seven Ways for Men to Attract an Intelligent Woman

Attraction goes both ways! So, how can someone attract a woman with such intelligence? Here are a few traits that women value in a partner:

1 – Cultivate Your Intelligence

Developing your intellect and curiosity is crucial when trying to attract an intelligent woman. To be ready to discuss a range of topics, you should first broaden your knowledge and perspective. Show her that you have a genuine interest in learning new things.

Most importantly, be open to exploring topics that she is passionate about – it shows her that you really care. This mutual exchange of ideas can be a strong foundation for connection.

2 – Show Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is key. This term means understanding and managing your emotions and empathizing with others. Intelligent women want a partner to share a life with; she does not want to “parent” a partner.

Show that you can handle discussions and conflicts with maturity and thoughtfulness. Disagreements are bound to happen, but an intelligent response is the key to surviving them.

3 – Respect Her Intellect

It’s essential to value and respect the thoughts and opinions of an intelligent woman. This behavior means listening actively and engaging in conversations that stimulate intellectual growth.

Avoid turning discussions into competitions. Instead, focus on understanding and appreciating her perspective. That’s an important skill, even if the two of you still disagree on an issue.

4 – Be Genuinely Interested in Her Passions

Demonstrate genuine interest in her hobbies and pursuits. Ask questions, encourage her to share, and actively participate in or support her interests.

This elevated level of engagement shows that you value and respect her as a complete person. You will show you care about her other interests, not just her brains.

5 – Display Confidence, Not Arrogance

Confidence is attractive when it’s balanced with humility. Show self-assurance in your abilities and decisions. But don’t do that at the cost of being dismissive or belittling towards others.

True confidence is about being comfortable in your own skin. It should never be about displaying superiority over others.

6 – Have a Sense of Humor

Having a great sense of humor can be very appealing. An intelligent woman will appreciate your wit. She will also share your ability to laugh at the ironies you often experience in life. Humor is a great tool of resilience, which she will appreciate in every way.

One caveat. Be sure that your humor is respectful of others. Don’t make cruel jokes at the expense of others, which will turn off a woman of great intellect.

7 – Support Her Ambitions

Supporting her goals and ambitions is the final way to attract an intelligent woman. So, take an interest in her career and personal aspirations. Also, be sure to offer encouragement and celebrate her successes.

Being a supportive partner involves recognizing her independence and championing her achievements.

Final Thoughts on Male Attraction to an Intelligent Woman

The science behind attraction is as complex as it is fascinating. While many men may prefer intelligent women, this preference is just one aspect of the intricate tapestry of human desire. Intelligence, though highly valued, is one of many traits that contribute to the allure and depth of a potential partner.

As we continue to evolve as individuals and as a society, our understanding and appreciation of what we find attractive in others will undoubtedly continue to grow and change. In the end, the beauty of human connection lies in its diversity and the unique ways we come together to form meaningful relationships.

15 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Falling in Love With You

December 17, 2023 by Chris Butler

Is your new partner falling in love? Look for these behaviors.

Navigating the world of relationships can be a thrilling yet mysterious journey. One of the most common questions that might pop into your mind is, “Is my boyfriend truly falling in love with me?” While every individual is unique, some universal signs can hint at more profound feelings.

This article will discuss fifteen signs that your boyfriend might be falling head over heels for you.

NOTE: If you want to know the signs of a girlfriend falling in love, we cover that in a companion article. While many behaviors overlap, females and males do have some notable differences.

15 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Falling for You

Falling in love often means sweaty palms and a fluttering heart. But it also means exhibiting specific behaviors that reveal feelings to your partner. Do you see any of these behaviors? They may reveal his true intentions.

1 – Your Boyfriend Listens Intently

He’s fully present when you share stories, voice concerns, or tell him every detail about your day. It’s not just about him nodding or giving generic responses. Instead, he genuinely listens.

That means he’ll remember the little details, ask follow-up questions, and take a genuine interest in what you’re saying. Active listening clearly shows respect. It also indicates that he values your thoughts and feelings.

Example: After you mentioned your favorite childhood dessert in passing, he surprised you with it on your next date.

2 – Consistent Communication

Staying connected has never been easier with our vast access to technology today. If he’s sending you a good morning text, checking in during the day, or sharing something funny he came across, it shows he’s thinking of you.

It’s not about the quantity of messages but the quality. His effort to maintain consistent communication, even during busy times, indicates he cherishes your connection.

Example: Even during his busiest workdays, he sends you a quick text to check in and see how you’re doing.

3 – Your Boyfriend Introduces You to His Family and Friends

A certain level of intimacy and trust is involved when introducing someone to your close-knit circle. If he’s eager for you to meet his friends, family, or colleagues, it signals that he’s proud to have you by his side.

It also indicates he sees you as an essential part of his life and wants to integrate you into different aspects.

Example: He made sure you were invited to his best friend’s birthday party and introduced you to everyone as his significant other.

4 – Thoughtful Gestures

Love often manifests in the little things. It might be him bringing you a cup of coffee how you like it, planning a surprise date night, or even picking up a book he thinks you’d enjoy.

These gestures, no matter how small, are his way of showing he pays attention to what you love and wants to make you happy.

Sometimes, these small acts of love take on a more lasting form, like when he surprises you with something meaningful.

It could be a gift, perhaps a piece of jewelry with a lab grown diamond, symbolizing a commitment to both your relationship and the world around you.

In these moments, it’s clear that love is in the details, and those details create memories that last a lifetime.

Example: Knowing you had a stressful week, he prepared a relaxing evening with your favorite movie and snacks.

5 – Your Boyfriend Talks About the Future

Discussing the future can be a vulnerable topic, especially in relationships. If he’s openly talking about plans, adventures, or even simple things like a movie he wants to watch next month, it’s a sign he sees a future with you.

It’s about grand plans and the small moments he envisions sharing with you. This forward-thinking attitude strongly indicates his commitment and deep feelings for you.

Example: He excitedly discusses plans for a summer vacation together, researching destinations you both would love.

6 – Physical Affection

Physical touch is one of the primary love languages for many people. It’s not always about passionate kisses or intimate moments; sometimes, the most profound connections come from simple gestures.

So if he frequently reaches out to hold your hand, wraps his arms around you for a spontaneous hug, or rests his hand on your knee when you’re sitting together, these are signs of deep affection. Such gestures convey comfort, closeness, and a desire to be near you.

Example: During a chilly evening walk, he wraps his arm around you, pulling you close for warmth and comfort.

7 – He Values Your Opinion

In a relationship, mutual respect is paramount. He values your perspective if he often seeks your opinion on various matters.

Whether he’s trying to pick out a shirt for a special occasion, deciding on a new job offer, or contemplating a significant life change, turning to you for advice indicates he trusts your judgment.

It’s not just about seeking validation but genuinely wanting to know your thoughts and feelings.

Example: Before making a final decision on a new job offer, he sits down with you to discuss the pros and cons of the opportunity.

8 – Compromise Comes Easy

Every relationship encounters challenges and disagreements. However, the way couples handle these situations can be telling.

If he’s willing to meet you halfway, compromise, and find solutions that work for both of you, it’s a sign of maturity and genuine care.

It’s not about one person always giving in. But both partners work together to improve the relationship. His willingness to compromise without grudges or resentment speaks volumes about his feelings for you.

Example: Even though he’s not a fan of musicals, he happily agrees to watch one with you because he knows you love them.

9 – Your Boyfriend Notices the Little Things

Some say that “the devil is in the details.” In relationships, noticing the small things can make a big difference. If he remembers your favorite song, the way you take your coffee or the anecdote behind a cherished piece of jewelry, it shows he’s attentive.

More than that, he is genuinely interested in you. These seemingly minor details can be the foundation of a deep and understanding connection.

Example: He bought you a special bookmark after noticing you always dog-ear your book pages.

10 – Protective Instincts

Protection doesn’t necessarily mean being overly possessive or controlling. It’s about genuine concern for your well-being and safety.

If he often checks in to ensure you got home safely, expresses concern when you’re unwell, or offers up his jacket on a chilly evening, these gestures indicate he deeply cares. His protective instincts come from a place of love and a desire to see you safe and happy.

Example: When you felt unwell at a party, he immediately offered to drive you home and ensure you were comfortable.

11 – He’s Open and Vulnerable

Vulnerability is a cornerstone of deep emotional connections. If he’s willing to share his fears, aspirations, and even moments of self-doubt with you, it’s a sign he trusts you implicitly.

By opening up and letting you see the parts of him that he might consider imperfect or raw, he’s inviting you into a more profound, more authentic bond. This level of openness signifies a desire for genuine understanding and connection.

Example: One evening, he shares a personal story from his past, explaining how it shaped his current aspirations.

12 – Your Boyfriend Makes Your Happiness is His Priority

In a loving relationship, the joy of one partner often translates to the happiness of the other. If he tries to understand what brings you joy and actively works towards ensuring your happiness, it’s evident he deeply cares.

Whether planning a surprise date, listening to you after a tough day, or simply doing something he knows will make you laugh, his actions are driven by a desire to see you happy.

Example: Seeing you stressed about an upcoming presentation, he spends the evening helping you practice and refine your points.

13 – He’s Consistent

While grand romantic gestures can be heartwarming, consistent, everyday actions truly define a relationship. If he’s regularly kind and considerate and shows up for you in both good and bad, it’s a testament to his genuine feelings.

Consistency in his behavior, especially regarding respect and care, indicates a stable and sincere affection for you. As they say – actions speak more loudly than words.

Example: Every morning, without fail, he sends you a motivational quote to start your day on a positive note.

14 – He’s Proud of You

Everyone has their moments of triumph, big or small. If he’s the first to congratulate you, celebrate your successes, and even share your achievements with others, it’s clear he’s proud to be with you.

Being your biggest cheerleader means he recognizes and values your accomplishments and wants the world to know how incredible you are.

Example: After your big job promotion, your boyfriend throws a surprise congratulatory dinner with close friends.

15 – Your Boyfriend Tells You Flat Out How He Feels

Words have power. Indeed, they are sometimes the most uncomplicated phrases that carry the most weight. Take it to heart if he looks into your eyes and tells you he’s falling for or loves you.

While actions are essential, verbal affirmations of love are just as significant. Trust in his words, particularly when consistent, loving actions back them.

Example: During a quiet moment together, he takes your hand, looks into your eyes, and sincerely tells you, “I’m falling in love with you.”

Final Thoughts on Determining if Your Boyfriend Has Fallen in Love

While the word “boyfriend” can mean different things to different people, genuine love has universal signs. So trust your instincts, communicate openly, and cherish the journey of discovering this exciting new love. Remember, every relationship is unique. So, while these signs are common indicators, finding someone who meshes with your needs ensures long-term happiness.

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