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10 Ways to Fix Disagreements In A Relationship

June 10, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Disagreements with your partner is inevitable. The question is how to settle your differences in a fair, loving way that won’t hurt your relationship. It is possible to fight fairly with your partner if you both agree on some strategies to use during your disagreement. Here are 10 strategies to help you and your partner fight fairly during those inevitable disagreements.

Talk about disagreements before they happen

Being in a relationship means you will have a disagreement at some point. So, it’s important to discuss how you want to settle disagreements before they happen. Discuss what the “house rules” should be for arguments. Decide what is off-limits to say or do such as name-calling, blame-shifting, or storming out of the room, etc. If you or your partner came from a home where arguments involved lots of yelling and door slamming, talking about how to have a fair fight may be a weird concept. Conflict resolution isn’t practiced by everyone, but it’s so helpful to relationships. Make a commitment to stick with these rules, even when you’re frustrated or angry. It’s not easy, but it is possible.

Cool off

Whether you pray, meditate, or go for a walk, take a break to cool off. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say things you’ll regret later. Fighting fairly means you give your partner a gentle warning that you need time to cool off. In a calm way, say something like, “I need a minute to collect my thoughts. Can we talk about this in 30 minutes?” If your partner needs a break, give them some space so they can be ready to talk to you later.

Own your mistakes

You’re responsible for your own actions and words. Pointing to your partner’s behavior as an excuse for your angry outbursts isn’t fair. No one can make you do something you don’t want to… yelling, screaming or door slamming isn’t your partner’s fault. It’s a choice you made. It requires love and self-control to respond in a calm, gentle way when your partner is saying hurtful things. This doesn’t mean you are a robot without feelings, it just means you’re able to communicate your feelings without lashing out at your partner. You can say something like, “It’s hard for me to hear you say that. It’s hurtful. I feel like you’re attacking me right now.” Saying this expresses your feelings, but doesn’t add heat to the fire.

Listen more than you talk

Listening may be the hardest thing to do when you’re in the middle of a disagreement. There’s an old saying that says, “… let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19 ESV Bible) This is great advice during a heated disagreement. When your partner is talking, listen with your eyes and ears. Be quiet until they’re finished, then share your perspective on the disagreement. Good communication skills in a relationship begin with good listening skills.

Try to understand where your partner’s view

Ask lots of questions to try to understand your partner’s perspective on the disagreement. Don’t interrogate, but just ask genuine questions about what they’re saying. Say something like

“What could I do to make you feel differently about this?”
“Have I done something that’s tempting for you?”
“How could I do __________differently next time?”
“If I commit not to get angry, what is one thing you’d like to tell me I do that is especially tempting for you?

When you ask questions with a genuine desire to understand, your partner will feel heard and loved by you. Remember, it’s not a competition to see who “wins” the argument. You are both on the same team and striving for the same goal: a loving, healthy relationship.

Don’t get distracted by other topics

It’s essential to stay on topic in the middle of a disagreement. It’s easy to stray and go down a silly rabbit trail about what your partner’s mother said once or how often your partner leaves their clothes on the floor. Stick to the topic and focus on it. If you need to discuss other stuff, decide when to talk about it later. It’s tempting to go off-topic to avoid being criticized or when you want to dodge the truth. Resist the urge to get distracted and commit to working out your disagreements without getting distracted by other topics.

No name-calling

Even adults resort to name-calling sometimes in their relationships. Calling our partner names like stupid, idiot, dumb, asshole is a form of bullying. It’s unloving and hurtful. If you say that you were just kidding, your partner won’t believe you. Bullying isn’t healthy and it can ruin a relationship. One of your first house rules for disagreements should be no name-calling no matter how upset you feel.

Don’t use “you never” or “you always”

Certain words are lightning rods in a relationship. Saying to your partner “you always” or “you never” isn’t helpful or true. When you use these phrases, it makes your partner feel attacked by you. Try to find ways to express yourself without using these phrases. Try to ask questions rather than accuse, give your partner the benefit of the doubt instead of judging their motives. Dropping phrases like “you never” and “you always” will help build trust in your relationship.

Show respect

The foundation of every relationship is respect. If you don’t respect your partner, you may be in the wrong relationship. When you’re in a disagreement, respect can keep you from saying hurtful things. Respect helps you work out your disagreements because your partner is important to you. Studies found that respect is a significant part of a healthy relationship. Respect fosters growth and wisdom in the relationship. Decide to make respect another important house rule for working out your disagreements.

Don’t bring up old arguments

When you’re in the middle of an argument, don’t bring up your partner’s past offenses. Remember you’re not in a court of the law building a case, you’re talking to your partner whom you love and respect. Having a fair disagreement means you choose to stay on the topic without bringing up things that happened in the past. If your partner does this to you, be sure to tell them how hurtful it is. Remind them that you both agreed not to fall into this kind of behavior during an argument. If they continue to list all the things you’ve done in the past, you may need to take a break from the relationship. Constantly bringing up a person’s past mistakes is toxic and it can ruin a relationship.

If needed, finish the argument later

It’s okay to take a break and finish your disagreement later. This gives you and your partner time to think about what you discussed. Stepping back from a disagreement can give you a fresh perspective on it and help you think clearer about how you feel. Commit to talking about the topic later, but don’t shelf it permanently. Some couples write down the topic of the argument so they don’t forget when they discuss it later. Be sure not to forget about the argument, because if you do, good chance the same issue will pop up later.

What if your partner doesn’t want to fight fairly?

Sometimes a partner doesn’t see the value for house rules or ignores them during an argument. It can seem like in spite of your best efforts to work out your conflicts fairly, your partner doesn’t want to do their part. This could be a red flag about your relationship. It may be helpful for you both to see a counselor to work on your communication skills. Counselors can also provide mediation if there’s one topic that you never seem to resolve. If your partner doesn’t want to seek help, it could mean you need to rethink this relationship.

Final thoughts on settling disagreements fairly

Relationships are hard work. Part of the hard work in a healthy relationship is how to settle disagreements. Conflict resolution involves deciding your house rules for solving arguments before you have an argument. If you grew up in a home where conflicts were screaming matches with lots of name-callings, it may seem weird to create rules to fight fairly. Remember, disagreements aren’t a competition to see who wins, but an opportunity for your relationship to grow in trust and love for one another.

Psychologists Explain Why Feeling Sad Is Not The Same As Depression

June 10, 2020 by Sarah Barkley

Everyone experiences sadness in life, and the feeling may seem to linger during uncertain times. There comes the point when you may begin questioning whether you are feeling sad or suffering from depression. Neither situation is great, but feeling sad is easier to overcome than depression.

Depression and sadness are incredibly different, although feeling sad is sometimes part of being depressed. Feeling sad will feel like something is weighing on you. The longer it goes on, the worse the sensation gets, especially if you don’t know when it will end.

This heaviness and lingering sadness are often confused with depression. This isn’t the case, however, as it is a normal component of being sad. Depression causes more than just sadness, as it results in the person suffering feeling hatred toward themselves.

The difference between the two is important because it isn’t a good thing to mislabel sadness as depression. Mislabeling can lead to further issues, and it can hinder the healing process. Psychologists have dissected this topic and delved into the differences between sadness and depression to help you understand.

What is Depression?

Before understanding the differences between feeling sad and having depression, it is important to understand depression fully. Depression is considered a clinical mental disorder and often requires medication and therapy to overcome. There are many all-natural remedies to help treat depression, but a professional opinion should always be gathered first.

When you are depressed, things that used to be enjoyable won’t be interesting anymore. You may feel like you hate yourself and become disgusted with who you are or the things you have done. Other common characteristics of depression include low activity levels, unexplained exhaustion, and a lack of emotion.

Depression can interfere with your life, causing problems with your career or relationships. You may lose motivation or become unable to focus or think clearly. This can lead to making mistakes, becoming too distracted to engage, or simply giving up on things.

What Causes Depression

It can be hard to pinpoint what causes depression in each person, but research shows common risk factors. The risk factors include hormonal imbalances, genetics, medical conditions, and side-effects of medication. Unexpected life changes, experiencing trauma, and high levels of stress are also risk factors for depression.

Not everyone who experiences the factors mentioned above will become depressed, but it increases the chances. Oftentimes, for those with risk factors, depression is triggered by tragic life events.

These situations include the following:

-accidents or unexpected illness
-the death of someone you love
-loss of a career or feeling stuck
-relationship problems
-family complications

While some people may be able to handle these triggers without experiencing depression, those with risk factors aren’t always able to do so. This is an indicator that depression has set in needs to be treated.

The Difference Between Depression and Feeling Sad

Depression and sadness are both painful and hard to deal with. While depression is a clinical disorder and feeling sad is not. It does not mean that sadness isn’t painful. The biggest difference between the two is that depression is a mental illness, whereas feeling sad is an emotion.

Loss is a large factor when it comes to sadness. Dealing with a loss of any kind can cause sadness, no matter what the loss was. If you feel like you lost your sense of security, control, or safety, you may feel sad.

Likewise, of course, you will feel this way if you lost a loved one, whether to death or the end of a relationship. Even feeling like you lost your ability to trust someone will cause you to feel sad. Another big loss that could cause sadness is losing your job or losing financial stability.

Sometimes when you are sad, you may experience some signs of depression, such as a lack of motivation. You might not want to do things you normally love to do, either. While this is initially alarming, you may notice the desire to do these things return, but the desire wouldn’t return with depression.

Feeling sad and going through the grieving process is normal, even though it hurts. You will be able to continue moving forward in life, however, and learn to live again. Depression, on the other hand, hinders your ability to move forward and continue living.

Another important difference is that depression can cause feelings of self-hatred, and you won’t want to interact socially. On the other hand, sadness will cause you to show self-sympathy, and you will desire companionship.

Why the Differences Matter

It may seem like mislabeling sadness for depression isn’t a big deal, but it is. By confusing sadness for depression, it makes depression seem like a natural response to a bad situation. However, this isn’t what depression is, as it is a mental illness and not a natural reaction.

For many, depression is a struggle that they are fighting to get through. When someone who is feeling sad is told they are depressed, it will likely make them even sadder. They will feel like something is wrong with them and that they are not responding appropriately.

Being sad in a tough or unexpected situation is certainly normal, and anyone is right to feel sad. This feeling is likely to occur throughout the situation. So, it is normal to feel sad the entire time the process is occurring, and even during the entire grieving process.

Unfortunately, many people feel like you should rush back to your normal life after experiencing great sadness. While this may be fine for some, others may take much longer to get through the situation. Although this happens, experiencing prolonged sadness is still normal, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

This is another reason many people are quick to mislabel sadness as depression. They think returning to normal life should come easily after experiencing sadness, while this isn’t the case. With that misguided label potentially comes medicating or working to treat depression.

Treating depression when someone doesn’t have depression will only prolong the grieving process. It is important to remember that it is normal to take time to grieve.

This involves going through it as you would go through any other sad time. If you don’t allow yourself to go through the process, you will take much longer to get through it. You have to acknowledge that life has changed somehow and then work to develop a new sense of normalcy.

Even years after the incident, you may experience sadness over it again. This is still normal and doesn’t mean that you are depressed.

What You Can Do to Overcome Feeling Sad

1 – Connect with Others

Connecting with other people is essential to overcoming sadness. While this isn’t always possible in person, there are ways to connect virtually that are almost just as good. Video-chatting is one option, while sending pictures and text messages is another choice.

Of course, there is always the old-fashioned phone call to catch up with your loved ones, too. While this isn’t the same as meeting up and exchanging hugs or handshakes, it still connects. Looking into one another’s eyes (yes, even virtually) or hearing your loved one’s voice will work wonders on your psyche.

2 – Find Control

When you feel like you have lost control of some aspect of your life, it is important to find that sense of control again. This can be a challenge when you feel like there is no way to regain control of the situation. Luckily, there is a way to do this.

To find a sense of control in your life, you have to find something to control every day. This could be something small such as listening to music, exercising, or cooking. When you see something through, such as listening to a song from beginning to end, you will feel your control returning.

Before you know it, you will want to start many things just to finish them. You could also step it up and take control of a mess in your home or organize files that have gotten out of control. These bigger tasks will make you feel much better.

3 – All-Natural Depression Remedies

Exercise

Exercise seems to make everything better, and research has proven that it works to treat depression. It releases endorphins in your body, which are hormones known to boost your mood. Exercise is good for your physical health, and it stimulates positive mental health and increases brain function.

Talk to a Therapist

A professional therapist can help you work through depression. They will help you overcome whatever has triggered the depression, and they may be able to help find the underlying cause. The best part is that they can teach you positive coping mechanisms.

A therapist is helpful because you will be able to say whatever you feel without judgment. You won’t have to worry about it getting back to anyone it could hurt. Plus, an unbiased opinion from someone uninvolved is always helpful.

Final Thoughts on Psychologists Explain Why Feeling Sad Is Not Depression

Feeling sad is a terrible feeling, but it is important to understand that it is not depression. Sadness is an emotion, whereas depression is a mental illness that often requires treatment. However, this isn’t to downplay sadness because feeling sad is painful and hard to deal with.

Understanding the differences between sadness and depression is important because it helps with overcoming it. You will be able to act appropriately or get the treatment you need, depending on the issue.

3 Things Parents Must Avoid If Their Kids are Bullying Them

June 10, 2020 by Sarah Barkley

Whether you want to admit it or not, sometimes kids will begin bullying their parents to get their way. When they don’t get their way or get what they want, they will resort to anything that works. Even if they are justified in their feelings, you have to handle the behavior appropriately.

There are certain things you should avoid doing, and these methods may surprise you. They seem like the easiest route at the moment, but you have to push past the urge. When the word ‘hate’ comes out of your child’s mouth, it will be hard to keep being tough on them.

That type of language, however, is bullying. They are trying to hurt you to get what they want. You can’t give in to this, or it will only make it worse in the long run.

Luckily, many other parents have been through this situation. Plus, researchers looked into the behavior to determine what reactions you should avoid. However, even better, there are also steps you can take immediately to make the situation better.

Things Parents Should Avoid When Their Kids Are Bullying Them

1. Surrendering

Sometimes, it is easiest to give in to your kids. It may make your life more peaceful, which makes it tempting. However, it can make things worse because then the child will feel like being a bully worked.

If they think their behavior is what got them their way, the behavior will worsen and escalate next time. It will be hard to set boundaries in the future, and it will make them not listen to you, as well. Plus, it could cause them to begin bullying others, too, because it worked with you.

2. Handing Down a Punishment

You may quickly feel like your child deserves punishment in this situation, but it is best to resist. To do so would seem to your child like you are behaving in the same way they are. This might be something you have to work on because it is a skill that is hard to come by.

Losing your temper, shouting, or giving out intense punishments will all create a toxic environment. It can also lead to further disrespect and resentment from your child. That isn’t all, however, because continuing the harsh punishment pattern can later lead to other issues for the child, such as the following:

defiance
depression
anxiety
being a bully to others
severe conflicts within the family

3. Negotiating with Them

Just like with surrendering, negotiating may seem like an easy option. If you offer to give in a little, you might think you will both win, but this isn’t the case. Even if you understand why your child is upset, it’s important to consider a few things before turning to negotiation.

If the situation hasn’t turned into your child behaving like a bully, negotiation might be fair. On the other hand, if your child has already begun to bully you, negotiation should be forgotten.

If you offer a negotiation when they are bullying, there are a few things that might happen. Your child might try to counteroffer and, if you turn it down, they will likely have an even bigger meltdown. Or, your child might begin behaving even worse while demanding exactly what they want.

Neither of these situations is good, but they both lead to one major issue. The major issue you can expect is that you are making them believe that behaving as a bully is working. They will see that their negative behavior leads to you giving in, at least a little.

Negotiation can also cause your child to believe that they can negotiate in any situation. They will believe that they should be rewarded for anything they do, or they won’t do it at all. It would stop their good behavior completely because they will feel like they should be rewarded for it every time.

Not only does this cause behavior issues and make your life harder, but it can negatively impact your child. It will cause the child’s self-esteem to plummet. Their self-esteem will stay that way as long as they believe they need a physical reward to do good things.

What You Can do Instead

Know the signs of peer pressure on your child.

So, if you should avoid surrendering, punishing, and negotiating, you may be wondering what is left to do. While those options may give you immediate relief, they will cause serious problems for the near future. Luckily, other options will benefit both you and your child.

Instead of looking for the seemingly easy option, you have to address what causes them to behave this way. In most cases, the bullying stems from deeper issues that the child is dealing with. Since determining the deeper issue right then is probably not an option, there are some steps you can take first.

De-Escalate the Situation

This ties into the suggestion to avoid punishing the child by yelling, becoming angry, or giving a harsh punishment. Doing any of those things will make the situation worse because it causes tension. Instead, stay calm and avoid reacting negatively so that you can de-escalate what is happening.

The best way to de-escalate the situation is to walk away and give you both time to cool off and think. Leave the room, take a few quiet minutes for yourself, and allow your child to do the same. Once you have calmed down, it will be easier to approach the situation and handle it properly.

Then, with a clear mind, you will be able to determine the best course of action. If punishment is necessary, you will be able to give a fair one calmly. This will help your child understand, as well.

Validate Their Feelings

Children normally respond better when they feel understood. Explain to them that you understand how they feel and that you sometimes feel that way. Tell them that you see they are upset and that you both need time to think about it.

If your child is angry, let them know that you know they are angry. Plus, if you know that they are justified in their anger, tell them that, too. While being angry isn’t an excuse, acknowledging that they are right to be upset can help reel in the bullying.

In almost all situations, children will calm down when you react this way. Sometimes their meltdowns stem from feeling misunderstood.

Consider What Might Be Causing the Behavior

It is important to determine what the issue is and why your child is reacting so severely. They may be tired or hungry, or they may feel neglected or ignored. Plus, if this happens toward the end of a long day, it could be exhaustion and overstimulation.

Another situation that often leads to a bullying situation is too much screen time. When children spend too much time playing games or scrolling online, it can cause negative behavior.

Encourage Communication

Let your child tell you their thoughts and feelings on the situation. If they feel heard and like they have a chance at being understood, they will feel better and behave better. This teaches them better communication skills, allowing for more effective and appropriate reactions when they don’t get their way.

So, instead of fighting and arguing with them, allow them to explain. Avoid interrupting, and don’t tell them that they are wrong. Remember, they want to be heard and understood, so listen and respond maturely.

Teach Them That Bullying Never Works

This is why it is so important to avoid giving in or negotiating. It is more important to teach your child that bullying won’t work and that it is unacceptable. You can do this immediately by telling them that you will not respond until they stop yelling or being mean.

It is also important to let them know that being a bully won’t get them what they want. By helping them understand this, they will be forced to find another way to get their point across.

Praise Them for Positive Communication

If you can successfully de-escalate the situation and get your child to communicate, praise them for it. Tell them how proud you are of them for speaking calmly and nicely. This will encourage further positive expression of their feelings and thoughts.

Not only will this help immediately, but it will help in the future, as well. They will remember how good it was that they communicated appropriately, and they will desire the same results. Plus, it boosts their self-confidence and helps them mature emotionally.

Final Thoughts on Things Parents Should Avoid When Their Kids Are Bullying Them

When your child has begun bullying you into getting their way, you have to find a way to end it. While it may be easiest to resort to surrendering, punishing, or negotiating, it is best to avoid those practices. Not only will it make the behavior worse, but it can also hinder their emotional growth.

Instead, use this situation as a learning opportunity. Teach them how to act appropriately when they are upset and how to communicate effectively. They will be more likely to stop the bullying and handle the situation better the next time.

Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love Relationship

June 9, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Breaking up with your partner is like a death. It’s almost impossible to move on as if nothing happened. You both have been uprooted out of the ground into a new chapter in life. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions as you go through the process. We have a few ways to grieve the loss of your love relationship.

You’ll Face Five Stages as You Grieve Your Lost Relationship

The Kübler-Ross model of grief, also known as “The Five Stages of Grief,” explains what happens to our minds during the five stages after we lose something or someone special.

These stages are anger, bargaining, denial, sadness, and acceptance. You don’t necessarily grieve in any specific order. Sometimes you experience a stage multiple times.

During the grieving process, you may deny the person is gone from your life. You might get angry wondering what you could have done differently. Or, you might bargain with a higher power to help them come back to you.

Once you realize this is not going to work, you might feel depressed. You start listening to sad songs and watching old home videos. Finally, you usually just accept this person is gone from your life. Sometimes we get stuck in denial thinking no one will ever love us again.

These stages have no time limit. It’s up to you when you decide to accept the loss and move on with your life. The truth is that you probably will fall in love again. You just have to give yourself time.

11 Ways to Take Care of Yourself as You Grieve for the Love You Lost

1 – Don’t Overthink

You may find yourself returning to the relationship a million times in your mind. You might start wondering where you went wrong. When we do this, we start to think we should go back. There’s a reason you broke up. No matter how many good times you had, there’s a reason underneath it all that the relationship is done. Don’t think about it all of the time. It’s time to hang out with yourself and move down the road. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything. You will still feel the stages of loss and you will grieve, but it means you don’t start playing the reel of your relationship in your head.

2 – Take Time To Detox

Many people deal with the loss of a love relationship by jumping into the next relationship. This doesn’t help you deal with any of the feelings left behind. The best thing you can do is have a period of detox. This means you take time to reflect and recharge your “love batteries.” You don’t need to date or pursue others at this time. You don’t need to go home with people from the bar. You need to focus on yourself. Before you get into a new relationship, you need to be 100% ready. You need to have a clear head on your shoulders. It’s only fair to you and the next person. If not, you will bring your drama into the next relationship.

3 – It Is Okay to Be Selfish While You Grieve

Love is often selfless. We put the other person above us. It’s time to be selfish once that relationship is over. Get out of bed when you feel like it. Go to the store without telling anyone. Stay out as late as you want. You get control of the remote watching whatever show you feel. You don’t have to answer to anyone. This is one of the only times in life when you get a pass to be selfish.

4 – Lean On Others

It’s okay to feel sadness with your support system. Lean on those you love to get out your feelings and emotions. When you want to cry and grieve, call up your best friend. Get those emotions out. You might need to yell at someone about the anger you’re feeling.

When someone you love passes away, people flock to you in support. They know this is the same during this love loss. They know sometimes it’s important to just be there sitting by you as you vent.

A hug is sometimes the best therapy available.

5 – Do Things You Enjoy

After a loss, it’s always best to find your smile again. Do things you love. Your self-esteem and heart might be bashed. When you do things that you love, you will feel happiness again. You might even forget for a few minutes that you’re going through a tough time.

You’ll actually learn to fall in love with yourself when you do things you love. You get to feel happy and enjoy a smile again. Whether it’s reading a book, going to the movies, playing a game of tennis or singing along with your guitar, do something you love.

6 – Let Go Of Emotional Baggage

Breakups leave big, ugly scars. If you don’t tend to these scars, they just look even scarier. It’s important to not dwell on the negative emotional baggage. You must learn to feel the pain then move on with a positive outlook. You’re able to decrease your amount of suffering by finding the lining in the clouds.

When you can tell yourself that “maybe it didn’t work out for a reason,” you’ll be able to move forward. If you get stuck in the negative emotional baggage of the relationship, it’ll be tough to move forward. You might face depression. You’re going to feel sadness and grieve some days. You’ll get triggered by a couple holding hands.

The important thing is to think of the positives in your break up. Remember why you broke up. By doing so, you’ll help your mind prepare for the next step in life.

7 – Forgive Yourself

Grieving means having to forgive yourself. It’s hard to let go. You blame yourself for every little thing. You might think everything was all your fault when it takes two to tango. Look back and think about both of your actions.

Think of the reasons why it didn’t work out. Even if you did things wrong, you have to let go of the blame. You cannot move on until you forgive yourself and grow from the experience as a whole.

8 – Don’t Shut The Door On Love

Many times people that get out of a relationship will say they’ll “never” date again. They swear off all relationships. You should never speak in absolutes.

It didn’t work out with your ex for a reason. This doesn’t mean love isn’t going to work in the future. You’re burned right now. You have to get through this tough time and leave love open in the future. If you lose faith, you could be missing out.

There is a right time for your love.

One day you might find them when you least expect it. Until then, you focus on yourself. Don’t turn your head to anyone that tries to set you up. One day you’ll realize you’re ready again. In the beginning, it’s natural to think of speaking in absolutes.

9 – Don’t Seek Revenge

When you’re grieving, you often feel anger. You just want to hurt the other person because you’re hurting. Don’t seek revenge. Being angry and seeking revenge will not solve anything. It will make you seem petty and immature. Don’t trash talk them to your friends and family. Just accept they are gone, and accept that you don’t need to do anything about it. There’s a reason they aren’t with you anymore. You don’t need to go out and hurt them to dig the dagger even deeper into both of your hearts.

10 – Comfort Yourself

Remember there is no time limit to grieving. In the beginning, you might find it hard to even get out of bed. Take it a second at a time. Eat that pint of ice cream if you feel. Watch that sappy movie. Let your friends come over while you cry into their lap. You don’t have to be okay.

One day you’re going to be able to get out of bed. And, of course, someday you’re going to smile again. Your life was thrown into a blender. It’s okay to feel that pain. Always remember it’s okay to grieve.

11 – See The Differences

One of the best things that happen once you get through the grieving, you’ll realize there is a difference between a breakup and a death. When someone dies, it’s final. When you break up with someone, you get both get through it alive. You get to rise above it. One day you might see them walking along the street, and you won’t cry.

You’ll realize one day that you’re able to move forward. This breakup was the demise of that particular love relationship, but it’s not the final stage of love for you. One day soon, you’ll embrace living life to its fullest once again.

Final Thoughts on Taking Time to Grieve a Lost Love Relationship

It’s important to take time to grieve after any loss. A breakup is a loss that turns your world upside down. Once you face the truth of this loss and think through it, you’ll be able to move on. It might feel like you’re dying inside, but you’re about to live in the next chapter. Take time for yourself, then turn the page to the next chapter in life.

6 Causes of Spider Veins and Tips to Prevent Them

June 9, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Spider veins are those little bluish-purple veins that look like small trees branching across your legs, face, or hands. They’re not dangerous, but most people feel they’re unattractive. Many people wonder how they got their spider veins. So, what are the six causes of spider veins? What are some tips to prevent them?

Spider veins aren’t dangerous. But they are noticeable when you’re wearing shorts, a dress or a skirt. Some people get them on their faces, arms, or hands. Spider veins are veins that have clustered underneath your skin.

They take their name from their appearance because their branches resemble spider legs. Some of these patterns are larger than others. If you have spider veins, you’re not alone. Studies found that 41% of women over the age of 50 have spider veins. But even younger women may have them.

What’s the difference between spider veins and varicose veins?

You may have heard or seen varicose veins on people’s legs. They are large bulgy-looking, swollen blood vessels that you can see right under the skin. They’re uncomfortable and swell. They cause cramping when you walk. Varicose veins are found only in the legs or abdomen, but spider veins are on other parts of your body.

You may need to look for companies who specialize in spider veins and seek treatment to prevent your symptoms from getting worse. Both men and women can get varicose and spider veins, but women are more prone to them. It’s usually something you get as you age. A small percentage of people have blood clots due to their varicose veins.

Interesting fact:

Athletes who participate in weightlifting, skiing, and backpacking are more prone to varicose veins because of their weight for long periods. Also, runners and cyclists add stress to their blood vessels from the repetitive movement, which can lead to spider or varicose veins.

What causes spider veins?

Spider veins aren’t harmful, and they don’t hurt, but they’re not pretty. Varicose veins, on the other hand, are painful. It’s essential to understand why you have spider veins. So, here are six causes of spider veins.

6 Reasons You Might Get Spider Veins

Here are a few of the causes.

Heredity

Sorry for the bad news. You will too if your mom, dad, or grandma has varicose veins. It’s in your genes, so planning ahead of time is good. Heredity is also a prime risk factor for getting spider veins. Heredity could cause swelling of the vessels for several reasons.

If you don’t have enough valves in your veins in your legs or abdomen
The valves don’t work correctly.
If you’re born with abnormalities in the wall of your vein, this may cause your values to separate and leak.
Your family history is a substantial contributing factor contributing to even young women or men getting them in their twenties.

Career choice

Your work can make you more prone to getting spider veins or varicose veins. You’ll likely get them over time if you stand a lot or walk all day on a hard surface. Some of the jobs requiring a day filled standing include the following:

Teachers
Hair Stylists
Factory workers
Mail carriers
Cashiers or retail associates
Tour guide
Nurses

Be sure to wear good shoes if your job requires standing on your feet all day. Support hose can help your legs if you have varicose veins already. They can help lower the pain from varicose veins and prevent them from worsening. Take breaks and do leg stretches to help relax your legs.

Being obese

You’re considered obese, meaning you have too much body fat. Obesity is not ideal for your health. It causes joint problems, heart, high blood sugar, and elevated blood pressure. Being obese can also cause varicose and spider veins.

Smoking

One study found that smokers have a higher rate of both spidery and varicose veins than non-smokers. There are two main reasons why smoking causes these damaged veins.

Smoking narrows the veins in your legs. Over time, the lining to your vessels change, they get hardened, and the blood can’t flow back to your heart as easily. Blood starts to pool, and then your veins will bulge and hurt.
Carbon monoxide and tar in cigarettes can damage your veins. Carbon monoxide sucks out the oxygen out in your blood, which also inflames your veins.

Sun damage

Staying out in the sun under the harsh rays of the sun damages your skin. The ultraviolet rays will break down the collagen under your skin and the blood vessels under your skin, causing spider veins. The sun can also cause blood vessels to come out on your nose and cheeks, becoming spider veins. This scenario is prevalent for people with lighter skin.

Old age

As you age, you are more prone to getting spider veins. Regular wear and tear of aging are hard on your vein’s valves, which control the blood flow. Your veins get weaker because of this. Also, as your calf muscles get weaker, you get spider veins.

Tips to prevent spider veins

Wearing sunscreen

Wearing sunscreen will protect you from damaging ultraviolet rays. Most dermatologists suggest you use at least an SPF 30 sunscreen if you’re going out in the sun. This can block at least 97% of the UVB rays that cause spider veins. It’s good to wear a coverup, a hat, and to try to sit under an umbrella to limit your time in the direct sun. Reapply your sunscreen after you swim or if you’ve been outside for a while.

Stay a healthy weight.

Try to keep your weight down by eating healthy. Ask your doctor for suggestions for a healthy eating plan. If you are obese, look into a special diet plan. These programs help you in losing lots of weight. However, you may need a doctor’s recommendation to stay healthy while losing weight.

Compression stockings

These stockings provide your legs support, which protects your veins. If your job requires you to be on your feet all day, be sure to wear these at least part of the day. They come in different colors and sizes.

Stay active

Try to stay active, especially if you’re older. Walk your dog, take a dancing class or yoga class. Being sedentary is unhealthy on many levels, but it’s not good for circulation, which greatly contributes to varicose veins.

Avoid tight fighting clothing.

Tight-fitting clothes can constrict your legs, waist, or pelvic area. This hinders the blood flow into these parts of your body, which can damage your veins.

Don’t stay in a hot tub for too long.

Super hot water in saunas or hot tubs can cause your veins to bulge in your legs, which puts pressure on your veins. Staying too long or being in a hot tub often, especially if you already have varicose or spider vein damage.

Limit your alcohol consumption

Too much alcohol brings out the spider veins on your face and nose. You may have seen people who drink a lot have lots of redness spreading on their face and nose when drinking. This red skin is a common sign of over-drinking.

Get regular exercise

Exercising helps your circulation system. Your body gets more oxygen and removes damaging carbon monoxide and other toxins.

Keep your legs up when you sit down.

Elevating your legs on an ottoman when you sit will help your veins by easing the pressure on them.

Spider Vein Treatment Options

These veins aren’t attractive on your face or legs. They aren’t painful, but you may want to get them removed because you don’t like the way they look. There are several treatments available for you.

Sclerotherapy is the traditional treatment for spider veins, but sometimes there are complications from this treatment. During this procedure, a doctor injects chemicals called sclerosing agents via a tiny needle.
Laser treatments have fewer problems but still some complications are getting this treatment.
Micro-needling can be effective. One study found that a technician puts a tiny needle into the patient’s skin on the area with spider veins. A low electric current is sent through the needle into the spider veins. There was almost a complete elimination of the spider veins. It’s a low-cost and effective way with minor side effects that last only two to three weeks.

Final Thoughts on Dealing with Spider Veins

Spider veins are no fun. They look unattractive and cause you embarrassment. They aren’t painful but can lead to more dangerous varicose veins for some people. Varicose veins are more serious, and they are painful. The bulging, throbbing blueish-purple veins prevent you from wearing shorts or dresses or feeling terribly self-conscious if you do.

Heredity is the biggest cause of varicose veins. There are other causes that you can avoid or at least try to minimize your chances of getting spider or varicose veins.

Try to maintain your healthy weight, exercise, don’t smoke, stay out of the sun, or at least wear a sunscreen SPF30 when you’re outside. If your family history includes females with varicose veins, talk to your doctor to ask about available treatments that would be right for you.

As you age, stay busy, keep a healthy weight, and try to remember to put your feet up when you sit down. Understanding the causes of your spider veins or varicose veins will help you figure out how to incorporate the tips into your life to avoid getting more.

Doctors Explain What Happens to Your Body When You Don’t Have Regular Bowel Movements

June 9, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Let me get straight to the point. How often do you poop? Your answer will reveal a lot about your health. You may wonder if you have a problem. Have you ever wondered what happens to your body when you don’t have regular bowel movements?

Pooping, taking a dump, or going number two, no matter what you call it, we all do it. Bowel movements are part of your body’s digestives process. It’s how your body rids itself of waste products. It can’t absorb like undigested fats, extra water, bacteria, proteins, and undigested residue of food.

What’s a normal bowel movement?

Regular bowel movements look different from person to person, but generally, you should have at least three bowel movements a week. Healthy individuals have one to three stools per day. If you have fewer bowel movements than this, or if your stools are dried out, hard and painful for you to pass, you could be constipated.

What does a healthy poop look like?

The characteristics of a healthy bowel movement probably isn’t a topic you’ve thought too much about. But doctors have studied this for years and came up with a list of criteria of what normal, healthy poop should look like.

Color: Medium brown to dark brown. This shade means the feces have just the right amount of bilirubin from your liver. And, it’s not been absorbed too quickly.
Strong smelling: The bacteria in the feces make the foul smell that indicates your poop is healthy.
No pain: When you have a bowel movement, it shouldn’t hurt when it comes out, and you shouldn’t need to strain too much to pass the stool.
Texture: Soft and firm with one long piece instead of several smaller bits indicate a healthy stool. The shape is like a sausage because that’s the shape of your intestines.
Similar every day: Healthy poop will look different to everyone, but if you see some weird changes, you should take note. If things are suddenly different from usual in size, shape, color, or smell, there may be something going on.

Poop colors and what they mean

Okay, another weird topic, but you may have wondered about your poop colors. Different colors of poop mean different things. Some colors are no big deal, while other colors could indicate there’s something more serious going on in your body. Here’s a list of poop colors and what each shade suggests.

Brown to dark brown poop: Normal, healthy feces should be this color.
Green poop: This means your poop moved through your digestive system so fast it didn’t have time to turn brown.
Black poop: If you have black poop, it’s not a good sign. Black poop means there’s some dried blood mixed with the feces. You could have bleeding in your intestines. If it persists, call your doctor.
Yellow poop: This color of poop means your body isn’t digesting fat properly, so the fat isn’t getting absorbed. This hue could mean you have a medical problem. Call your doctor right away to find out what’s going on.
White or clay looking poop: This means your liver isn’t delivering bile properly into your intestines. This poop isn’t healthy and could mean you have some liver problems. Contact your doctor immediately.
Blue poop: This usually means you’ve eaten food with blue or green dye in it. This shade isn’t harmful. However, it can be a surprise when you see it.
Red poop: Bright red blood can mean you have hemorrhoids in your anus or intestines that have ruptured. They may bleed a bit but then should clear up by your next bowel movement. If you continue to have red poop, contact your doctor.

What causes constipation?

Constipation typically isn’t a big concern, but it can be uncomfortable. Here are seven of the most common things that contribute to you becoming constipated.

1 – Changes to your diet

If you’re traveling or on vacation, you may get constipated. The sudden change in the diet and modification of activities affects your eating. You may not be eating as healthy as you usually do, or you may be eating less than usual. All these things impact your digestive system, which in turn disrupts your bowel function.

2 – Not eating enough fiber

-Fiber bulks up your stool, softens it and makes it easier to pass so you don’t get constipated. Fibrous foods are critical to having normal, healthy bowel movements.

3 – Not enough water

Water helps your digestive system by keeping your digestive system functioning smoothly.

4 – Lack of exercise

Not exercising is a significant cause of constipation. When you exercise, your heart and breathing rates pick up, and this causes your digestive system, especially your intestines, to work and pass a stool.

5 – Stress

Your brain and gut are connected. You’ve experienced this when you feel nervous and feel it in your gut. Your stomach gets tight, and you lose your appetite. The effect of stress and anxiety on your gut is something doctors are just beginning to understand more.

When you’re nervous, you may resist the urge to have a bowel movement. Or, you may have diarrhea when you’re nervous, which upsets the regularity of your bowel movements and causes constipation.

6 – Too many laxatives

The overuse of laxatives can make you dependent upon them for a bowel movement. It may cause your digestive system to function incorrectly. These are serious side effects, and you should find otter ways to stimulate a bowel movement.

7 – An underactive thyroid

Hypothyroidism slows down your body’s natural functions. One side effect of it is constipation. Lack of proper thyroid hormone makes your intestinal muscles to slow down, which causes constipation.

How to Promote a Bowel Movement When You Are Constipated

If you cannot have a bowel movement, you are uncomfortable and bloated. Here are six effective suggestions for almost immediate constipation relief.

Warm lemon water

Heat up a mug of half water and half lemon juice. Drink it before bed and then again when you wake up in the morning. Keep trying this for a couple of days. Be sure to rinse your mouth afterward, since lemon can be harsh on your teeth enamel.

Prunes

Your grandma was right on to something eating prunes every day. Prune juice is also a great remedy because it acts as a laxative.

Olive oil

Take a teaspoon of olive oil in the morning while your stomach is empty to rev up your digestive system and stimulate your intestines. The oil makes it easier for the stools to pass through your intestines.

Cooked apricots

Remove the pits and chop up the apricots. Put them in a small pan with a little brown sugar, and a couple of tablespoons of water. Cook on low heat until they soften. Let cool. Eat them for breakfast or a snack in yogurt or by themselves.

Strong coffee

Drink a cup of strong coffee without milk. The caffeine will help to stimulate your bowels.

Mineral oil

Mineral oil is a lubricant that softens stools and makes it easier for you to pass a stool. Follow the directions on the package. Never take more than recommended and don’t use this method too often. Otherwise, your bowels will get sluggish.

How to sit on the toilet correctly for a more comfortable bowel movement

When you need to have a bowel movement, you should keep the proper position. Keep your knees higher than your hips. You can use a small footstool to do this. Keep your back straight. Don’t push, but tense up your stomach to help your bowels move.

How to prevent future constipation?

Constipation is no fun. Here are some simple ways daily practices to prevent you from getting constipated in the future.

Eat lots of fiber

Fiber helps your gut function better, and it bulks up your stools. Thus, they’re easier to pass.

Eat foods high in fiber like:

Whole grains: cereals, pasta, oatmeal and bread
Legumes: Black beans, kidney beans, soybeans, and chickpeas
Fruit: Berries, apples, oranges, pears, peaches
Vegetables: Carrots, green beans, lettuce, broccoli
Nuts: Pecans, walnuts. almonds

Drink lots of water

You may think you drink plenty of water. But studies show that adult females should drink 2 to 2.5 liters of water a day while adult men should drink 2.5 to 3.7 liters per day. If you’re very active like jogging or doing vigorous aerobic exercises, you’ll need to drink more water. Water helps your gut digest foods and move undigested foods through your intestines for better bowel movements.

Avoid junk foods

Foods high in fat, carbs, and little fiber makes you prone to constipation, foods like

Fried, fatty foods
Processed foods, snack foods
Hot dogs, microwaveable meals
Sweets-candies, cookies, sweet muffins and cakes

Final Thoughts on How Not Having Regular Bowel Movements Impacts Your Body

Bowel movements are a normal part of life—everyone poops.

Normally, you should have a regular bowel movement pattern, which indicates your body is healthy. Because different colored poop can reveal health issues, check your stools. Of course, traveling, overeating fast food, or forgetting to drink enough water may cause constipation.

Constipation isn’t serious, generally speaking, but it is uncomfortable. There are several things you can do for immediate relief. Maintaining a healthy diet with exercise and fluids can help you prevent future constipation. Good digestive health without constipation means you eat high fiber, drinking lots of water, and eating fruits and vegetables every day.

That combination of water and diet will help you produce healthy bowel movements.

Cool off

Own your mistakes

Listen more than you talk

Try to understand where your partner’s view

Don’t get distracted by other topics

No name-calling

Show respect

Don’t bring up old arguments

If needed, finish the argument later

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Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

Talk about disagreements before they happen

Cool off

Own your mistakes

Listen more than you talk

Try to understand where your partner’s view

Don’t get distracted by other topics

No name-calling

Show respect

Don’t bring up old arguments

If needed, finish the argument later

What if your partner doesn’t want to fight fairly?

Final thoughts on settling disagreements fairly

What is Depression?

What Causes Depression

The Difference Between Depression and Feeling Sad

Why the Differences Matter

What You Can Do to Overcome Feeling Sad

1 – Connect with Others

2 – Find Control

3 – All-Natural Depression Remedies

Exercise

Talk to a Therapist

Final Thoughts on Psychologists Explain Why Feeling Sad Is Not Depression

Things Parents Should Avoid When Their Kids Are Bullying Them

1. Surrendering

2. Handing Down a Punishment

3. Negotiating with Them

What You Can do Instead

De-Escalate the Situation

Validate Their Feelings

Consider What Might Be Causing the Behavior

Encourage Communication

Teach Them That Bullying Never Works

Praise Them for Positive Communication

Final Thoughts on Things Parents Should Avoid When Their Kids Are Bullying Them

You’ll Face Five Stages as You Grieve Your Lost Relationship

11 Ways to Take Care of Yourself as You Grieve for the Love You Lost

1 – Don’t Overthink

2 – Take Time To Detox

3 – It Is Okay to Be Selfish While You Grieve

4 – Lean On Others

5 – Do Things You Enjoy

6 – Let Go Of Emotional Baggage

7 – Forgive Yourself

8 – Don’t Shut The Door On Love

9 – Don’t Seek Revenge

10 – Comfort Yourself

11 – See The Differences

Final Thoughts on Taking Time to Grieve a Lost Love Relationship

What’s the difference between spider veins and varicose veins?

Interesting fact:

What causes spider veins?

6 Reasons You Might Get Spider Veins

Heredity

Career choice

Being obese

Smoking

Sun damage

Old age

Tips to prevent spider veins

Wearing sunscreen

Stay a healthy weight.

Compression stockings

Stay active

Avoid tight fighting clothing.

Don’t stay in a hot tub for too long.

Limit your alcohol consumption

Get regular exercise

Keep your legs up when you sit down.

Spider Vein Treatment Options

Final Thoughts on Dealing with Spider Veins

What’s a normal bowel movement?

What does a healthy poop look like?

Poop colors and what they mean

What causes constipation?

1 – Changes to your diet

2 – Not eating enough fiber

3 – Not enough water

4 – Lack of exercise

5 – Stress

Rise and Shine On!
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