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10 Reasons Why Parents Should Stop Labeling Children

January 10, 2020 by Power of Positivity

It’s tempting – and easy – to give children labels. At a very young age, they can seem very simple and predictable for us. This makes parents often assign tags to their kids, especially if they have multiple children. It’s easy to put kids into a box.

It’s clean and straightforward to categorize them, but it’s a poor parenting habit to keep up.

Here Are 10 Reasons Why Parents Should Stop Labeling Children

1. They’re Way Too Young For Labels

At a young age, children are in the beginning phase of their growth and development. They do a lot of things that aren’t severe long-term goals. Most of them aren’t even thinking much about the future, beyond the many outlandish careers, they want to be a part of, based on whatever show or movie they’re most obsessed with at the moment.

What do we mean by that? Well:

A baby who loves to babble isn’t guaranteed to become a chatty person
A toddler who loves building blocks isn’t guaranteed to become an architect
A male baby who grins at female nurses isn’t guaranteed to become a “player” (and, oddly, that’s even said!)

Adults have a habit of wanting to label children much too young. Ultimately, children do all sorts of things and have all kinds of weird obsessions. While it’s good to support your kids in their interests, there’s no reason to assume that pursuit will define them forever.

2. They May Not Understand That They Are Changeable

When you label a child, even casually, as a joke, or for fun, they don’t understand that you’re just fooling around. If they’re called that label, again and again, they may begin to think that’s just what they are. They will consider their identity, and they don’t understand that they can change their area of interest if they want to.

This can have many adverse effects later on in life. For example:

A child who is labeled “artistic” may feel bad when they lose interest in the arts, feeling like they are failing their purpose
The child who is labeled a “footballer” may continue to pursue football just because they feel like they’re supposed to
A child who is labeled a “nerd” may avoid trying new, supposedly “non-nerdy” things because they’re confined to the idea that that’s who they are

3. It’s A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

A negative label, primarily when given seriously and repeatedly, will wind up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. Studies have shown that students labeled “gifted” will have more positive performance in class, while those labeled “not gifted” can wind up doing poorly.

But there are other ways that this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let’s paint a picture. Your child exhibits behavior that indicates a tendency to disobey authority. You label them a “rebel.” After years of repeated labeling, your child gives up. They think, “Fine, if they’re going to call me a rebel, I’ll show them a rebel.” Or they’ll be so caught up in the idea that they’re rebellious that they’ll never try to see if they can be otherwise.

Even positive or neutral labels can backfire. Call a kid a “jock” enough times, and they may not put in any effort in their studies because they believe their tag, considering themselves not smart enough.

4. Children Are Going To Change As They Grow

What was the first thing you ever wanted to be? An astronaut? A ballerina? A superhero? Consider how much things have changed since then!

Even daily, humans change. We’re continually growing, absorbing new experiences, and evolving. With children, there’s so much for them to learn and absorb that they’re likely going to change way more often than you do. They want to be something one day, then the next they find out about something cooler.

That’s not even counting the considerable personality shifts children can have from day to day. One day, they’re serious and somber; the next, they’re excitable and bouncing off the walls. Kids are unpredictable, and labels aren’t going to work with that.

5. It Prevents Empathy

Parents have a responsibility to be empathetic towards their children. When you label your child, you’re making it more difficult for you to feel empathy towards them. For example:

Your child is “the smart one,” so you’re disappointed they didn’t do well on the test and express your disappointment instead of asking if something is wrong
This particular child is “not gifted,” so you don’t pay as much attention to their grades and don’t notice tell-tale signs of problems in school
Your child is “emotional,” so you don’t bother asking them why something has upset them because “everything upsets them anyway.”
This child is a “rebel,” so you roll your eyes and expect no better of them when they disobey their teachers
Your child is “shy,” so you don’t encourage them to meet guests, or make fun of them when they gather up the courage to

Even if your child tends to be sensitive, you should still be able to sit down with them and discuss their feelings about something. Also if they aren’t the sporty kind, you should always be able to talk to them about their disappointment when they don’t make the basketball team. Don’t let labels reduce your ability to try and understand your kids.

Studies also indicate that parental empathy can have a positive effect on children’s level of understanding. So if you want to raise kids who are compassionate and caring, it’s a good idea to lead by example.

6. Behavior Becomes Tough To Correct

It’s tough to get rid of a label once it’s attached. A child who doesn’t have any positive thinking about themselves in specific fields will have trouble shaking the idea that they can’t do certain things.

Instead of labeling your child, label their unwanted behavior. Don’t call a child with a short temper “angry,” “aggressive,” “emotional,” or a “shouter.” Instead, say that their tendency to blow up is unfair on the people around them and encourage them to take steps towards correcting the behavior.

If you label your child “angry,” they’re just going to accept that that is who they are, and changing their actions will be difficult. They’ll believe it is an inherent trait, and they will not have an interest in changing it. By showing them, you know they are better than their actions, you can inspire them to improve.

7. Every Trait Has A Flip-Side

There are two sides to every coin. By focusing on only the negative sides of your children’s behavior, you are ignoring the fact that these traits can also be positive. For example:

“Bossy” children make great leaders
“Intense” children are passionate
“Daydreamers” are creative and full of imagination
“Aggressive” children will fight for what they believe in
“Wild” children are packed with energy
“Oppositional” children are assertive
“Rebellious” children are independent

Even if you don’t tell your children these flip sides, keep them in mind. Harness the positive sides of their flaws and show them how they can turn the bad into the good. This is much more effective than just trying to remove the behavior altogether.

Some things are a part of your child’s temperament, and trying to cut them out will not end well. Turn them into useful stuff instead, and see the vast improvements that can be made.

8. It Damages Self-Esteem

When children hear their labels, again and again, especially negative ones, they internalize those issues. Their self-esteem becomes damaged, and their positive thinking can be permanently harmed.

Children need to know that they are more than one or two traits. If their entire sense of self boils down to something negative, they will believe it. Repeatedly being told you’re stupid, not good at something, or not friendly is going to take its toll on you, and the worst part is that kids can’t defend themselves because you’re the authority to them, and you’ve probably pulled the “I know better” card a few times.

The way you communicate with your children – whether through labeling or otherwise – is always going to have a significant effect on a child’s self-esteem, positive thinking, and sense of self. Be sure you choose your methods carefully.

9. Children Are Not One-Dimensional

Children’s personalities are not yet fully formed at a very young age, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re not one-dimensional. A child cannot be just one label or only one trait. They are full-fledged people with different personality traits, complex nuances, and ups and downs.

When you see how silly children can be, and how nonsensical their actions occasionally are, it’s challenging to think of them as people. But that’s what they are! They’re never going to be just one type of person. They’re going to show multiple sides of themselves: sometimes quiet, sometimes loud; sometimes relaxed, sometimes demanding; sometimes obedient, sometimes challenging. And that’s the beauty of them!

10. Positive Labels Can Be Limiting

Some studies indicate positive labeling can be beneficial to children, but it’s still limiting. Yes, that’s right: even positive labels aren’t necessarily useful. These labels may include:

The helpful one
The responsible one
The smart one
The kind one
The wise one

The problem with these labels is that they still reduce children down to one specific trait. It saddles them with excess pressure that they have to be that trait, or else. Besides, consider that labels like “creative” can make a child feel like they cannot be anything else, like nerdy or sports-oriented.

“Gifted” is a prevalent positive label given to bright young students, but a massive number of children defined by their giftedness eventually burn out due to the pressure placed on them. If their “gifted” abilities don’t carry forward into the future, they’re likely to wind up feeling terrible about themselves.

There is also evidence that suggests labeling a child with positive terms like “gifted” may have sound effects on the child themselves, but very adverse effects on other siblings in the family. So, for the sake of all your children, don’t label any of them!

Read 24 quotes that explain the sense of humor needed by parents of young children.

Final Thoughts on the Risks of Labeling Children

Nothing good comes out of labeling children, even if you’re trying to do it out of positive intent. Recognize that your kids are complex, unique individuals with their own set of strengths and flaws and that they can and will change as they grow. Keeping this in mind will strengthen your bond with your children.

Researchers Reveal How Weighted Blankets May Reduce Depression

January 10, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Many who struggle with depression have turned to a weighted blanket to ease their depressive symptoms.

One of the ways we have to comfort ourselves is to fold our arms across our bodies. It’s a way of simulating a hug. Sadly, it falls short in being as truly comforting as someone giving us a warm, full-body, close hug. You know the kind I mean: fully embraced in their arms, bodies feeding warmth to each other and not an inch to see through. Those hugs that make you want to rest your head on their shoulder or chest and let all the stress flow away. Those hugs that make you feel safe and loved.

Apparently, I’m not the only one in a shortage of those hugs because a few years ago, a company designed weighted blankets for the general public. Weighted blankets are a cozy alternative to feeling that warm and fuzzy embrace. They help many people with mental or emotional challenges, including depression and anxiety. What does a weighted blanket bring to someone with depression? Researchers reveal how weighted blankets can help with depression.

The Science Behind a Healing Touch

Let’s go back to that hug. Just close your eyes for a moment and imagine it again. Aaahhh. Don’t forget to include that gentle rub on the back with the hug. Even memory can help you relax for a moment. It is no wonder that specific therapies involving touch benefit people physically and emotionally.

A revealing study

One study, run by Clare Weze, analyzed cases at the Centre for Complementary Care in Cumbria, CA. Patients of the center typically lacked the funds to receive care. It created improvements in those who had psychological and physical ailments through the use of gentle touch. A soft touch was described as a touch that was firm but as gentle as one would use to smooth over a child’s brow or to check their forehead for a fever.

Caregivers applied the touch with fingertips or the palm. They did not knead or massage, they just laid hands on the participants. The therapists would touch the patient’s head, legs, arms, chest, and feet, over their clothing. Time spent on each area would vary, in part based on the area needing healing, but the session would last for about 40 minutes.

Clare Weze reviewed cases of 147 volunteers who attended the Centre from 1995 to 2001 who had reported various psychological difficulties, with or without an illness contributing. Most of the psychological conditions related to mental stress, anxiety, depression, and grief. The patients had been experiencing the conditions for 1-5 years. Some had been or were on medication, had previously done psychotherapy or massage therapy.

The markers to check for improvement included; stress, pain, anger, fear, panic, sleep, relaxation, ability to cope, and overall health score. Each of these markers, except overall health, was given a rating by the participants between 0-10. The scores were all at four or above before touch therapy. The average of all the scores measured overall health.

The study findings

They scored those same markers after treatment. The results were calculated after four sessions within 4-6 weeks, which was the minimal amount of time given to a client to test if this therapy would prove beneficial. In all areas, marked improvement was shown, except for sleep. Improvement in sleep while only going up by a few points, however, demonstrated it remained consistent. The feelings of fear, panic, stress, and anger went down to half of their first scores, and the rated ability to relax and cope virtually doubled in scores.

These results had proven consistent with two other studies Clare Weze had referenced in her report. One of the studies included 110 patients of various conditions, and the second consisted of 300 clients, also with a variety of ailments. In both studies, there was an improvement in physical and psychiatric wellbeing.

Deep Pressure Stimulation

Deep pressure stimulation is another form of touch. This is the touch we commonly associate with massages, gentle squeezes, hugs, and wrapping up in something of some weight, like a weighted blanket or vest.

According to Applied Behavior Analysis EDU, deep pressure stimulation motivates your body to go from high alert to calm and relaxed. It is the role of your sympathetic nervous system to keep you alert, aware, and vigilant throughout your day. Remaining in that state too long creates stress and anxiety, which results in fatigue, impatience, and digestive issues.

The relaxed state is the role of your parasympathetic nervous system. It takes you down from all of the high alert and stress to a state of relaxation. It produces endorphins to give you that warm and fuzzy feeling, slows your heart rate, causes your muscles to relax, and the blood in your body to flow at a more easy rate.

Various methods are used in therapy for individuals with an autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, high anxiety, pain, or other sensory overload conditions. Interestingly enough, children with autism have shown to be more sensitive to light touch and therefore respond better to a more deep pressure massage, as shown in this study.

How Else Might A Weighted Blanket Help?

Other studies demonstrate how deep stimulation can help improve in other areas:

1 – Coping skills related to painful procedures.

A study looked at various patients undergoing wisdom tooth removal surgeries. Those who received deep stimulated pressure were able to maintain a more neutral heart rate in the face of the stress as opposed to those who did not.

2 – Reduced anxiety related to mortality.

Study regarding how individuals with low self-esteem concurrently have a fear of their mortality and tend to seek more social engagement to feel better. Providing such individuals with hugs gave them a better ability to cope with the idea of death than they had previously.

3 – Reduced stress-related illness.

A study presented 406 individuals with a cold virus and then various forms of social interactions. Those who received hugs had a decline in physical symptoms.

4 – Make a bad day better.

A study analyzed the effect of hugs on individuals who got into a conflict that day. It demonstrated a decrease in negative feelings in those who hugged.

What is a weighted blanket?

What is better than waking up on a cold morning as snug as a bug in a rug? It turns out that a comforter or blanket is a mild version of what a weighted blanket is. Weighted blankets are not new; they are just new to the general public. Currently, they are the latest fad.

Weighted blankets have been in therapeutic use for several years as they have proven to be effective in calming individuals who are autistic or have sensory overload issues. They are a tool used to create deep pressure stimulation therapy. By calming their systems down, the individuals are better able to cope with various stimuli more effectively, sleep better, and demonstrate an improved mood.

These blankets simulate deep pressure stimulation therapy while you wrap up in them. This induces a relaxed sensation and may reduce stress on highly anxious people and aid in sensitivity to light touch.

In 2015, according to Psychology Today, a study used weighted blankets to test how they affected individuals. 33% reported a reduction in stress, 63% reported a decrease in anxiety, and 78% reported preferring it initiate a sense of calm.

Scientists believe that since it is simulating deep pressure stimulation therapy, it aids the body to release hormones related to mood and stress. This would include endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin levels and a decrease in cortisol. All of these hormones link to depression, anxiety, and sleep.

Choosing a Weighted Blanket

Weighted blankets are sewn with various pockets filled with tiny beads made of a variety of materials. By sewing the beads into pockets, it allows the weight to distribute evenly across the blanket. Manufacturers offer a range of fabrics from soft to smooth.

Some companies allow you to choose the fabric for the front and back of the blanket. Individuals select the weight of the blanket by the size and weight of the individual. Specific individuals should not use them, and children under the age of 5 should not use one. The blankets range in weight from 5 pounds to 25 pounds.

Final Thoughts on Using a Weighted Blanket to Ease Depression

We all value human touch in its various forms. Thus, science recently looked into how touch affects our systems and impacts our physical and emotional health. Researchers reveal how weighted blankets can help with depression through their imitation of deep pressure stimulation.

Therefore, weighted blankets for the general public can be a valuable tool. That’s because those who use them experience the following benefits:

Better sleep
Calming of the sympathetic nervous system
The natural promotion of mood-enhancing hormones

So a weighted blanket cannot take the place of medication, therapy, and learning coping skills. However, it appears to make life a little easier to cope with and could be a definite addition to any treatment.

Researchers Reveal How Body Aging Occurs in 3 Different Shifts

January 10, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Aging is not something we eagerly anticipate. We may look forward to the experiences, knowledge, maturity, and wisdom that comes with years lived. But the aging process itself? Not so much. We all age a little differently based on genetics, general health, and personal care, but we all do age. Science used to say we start aging from the day after we are born since our cells die off, and new ones are born. We considered aging a constant progressive occurrence throughout our lives. Now researchers reveal how your body ages in 3 different shifts.

The growing aging population

As we go through life, we don’t stop and think about how the dominant ages of those around us affect the world. Currently, we have more people living into their 60s and beyond than ever before. The issue of increased 60+-year-old individuals caused the World Health Organization to develop a Global Strategy and Action Plan on Aging and Health. WHO published an article addressing the need for this concern and the various issues associated with having a developing aging population.

WHO Findings

In 2015, according to WHO, worldwide, we had 900 million people who were age 60 and older. By 2050, that growth is expected to be 2 billion.
Today there are 125 million people who are age 80 and over. By 2050, it statisticians expect 434 million across the globe.
The majority of the older population will live in poor to middle-class countries.
The wealthier countries are already experiencing this shift and are having more time to adjust than the less affluent countries. Some will only have about 20 years to make that adjustment.

In some respects, being able to live longer has many advantages. There are more years to learn a new trade or hobby or mentor the younger generations. They can be available for their families to help out in raising their grandchildren. This scenario is contingent upon a significant factor – their health.

Despite how things may appear in the United States, the older populace isn’t living any healthier than previous generations. Significant disabilities continue to decline in more advanced countries. However, less affluent countries fail to make the same strides.

WHO’s strategy

This is why WHO is developing a plan to help improve the transition of an older population. Many issues correspond. Misguided bias and prejudice against older people as frail, less mentally aware, and more of a burden still exist. Many countries don’t have an effective plan for older groups to stay independent. Plus, families are spread out across the globe.

WHO’s Global Strategy is designed to address some key issues:

Stress the importance of aging with as much health as possible and to pass plans to ensure such methods are available.
Coordinating health care to accommodate older generations better.
Creating long-term care systems
Fighting ageism prejudice, allowing for independence and support for healthy aging across all governments
Improving understanding of aging issues through research, observation, studies, and compassion.

These are important goals and necessary to change the perspective toward aging and to encourage better health during the aging process. This plan will allow older generations to thrive and continue to contribute to society.

How our bodies age

When discussing aging, we tend to narrow our vision toward those who are 60 and over. Aging is a process, and how we care for ourselves throughout our lifetime is one factor that affects how much these processes impact our health. Understanding what is to be considered a normal part of aging is essential so as not to overlook or ignore early symptoms, which may point to a major problem better resolved earlier. It is also imperative to understand that while aging is a natural part of life, there are still choices we can make to maintain as much health as possible.

Aging occurs in stages

You may have been told that aging is a steady progression. We have been aging since right after our 20s when we peaked in our physical and mental capabilities. Recently, scientists have discovered that it may not be the case. Instead, we have three distinct markers in our lifetime, which initiate the aging process.

A report in Nature Medicine outlines the identification of specific proteins in our blood plasma, which show alterations at particular stages of our lives. Benoit Lahallier and colleagues at Stanford University in Stanford, Ca based their hypothesis that aging could be identified from multiple earlier studies. These studies had demonstrated that it was possible to alter the aging process of specific tissues by giving younger blood to aging mice.

One particular study, performed by Geraldine Gontier and colleagues at the University of California in San Francisco, CA, was published in Cell. The scientists discovered that the blood did not need to come from very young mice, but that transfusions from mice in their teenage years worked as well. They had identified a specific enzyme that mutates as we age, affecting our heart health and cognitive ability.

This led Benoit Lahallier and colleagues to speculate that there must be specific frames of time in which the aging process starts as opposed to it being a constant process. They measured 2,925 different blood plasma proteins from 4,263 individuals aged 18-95. 1,379 changed with age. What they discovered was that at specific periods, there were waves of alterations in certain plasma proteins.

Those ages were found to be about the mid to late 30s, mid-60s, and late 70s.

Why is this important?

Identifying these markers is vital in furthering tests that can inform people if they are aging faster or slower than their physical age would typically predict. By doing so, someone who may be aging more quickly can be identified. This may allow them to make specific changes in their lifestyles earlier on. It would also aid doctors in not ignoring certain symptoms due to the idea that one shouldn’t be showing these symptoms for maybe ten years.

The current expected aging process

You must become proactive about your health. Moreover, use a little critical thinking when certain things don’t seem to be functioning as well as they used to. Blaming it all on aging and then ignoring it may not be the best answer. Aging is a slow and gradual process. You may notice slight limits on certain functions over time. Both eyes age at the same time, so if one is behaving differently than the other, most likely, it is not related to age.

What can we expect to be a part of our aging, beyond just grey hair? Here are only a few of the expectations.

Aging impacts on the body

Vision changes

About the age of 40, most people will need reading glasses as the lens of your eye becomes stiffer and less able to adjust to differences in distance
About the age of 60, an increased chance of developing cataracts
In comparison, glaucoma or macular degeneration are eye conditions related to health issues, not aging.

Decline in hearing

Around the age of 60, about 30% of individuals, predominantly men, may develop some loss of hearing with difficulty toward certain pitches or identifying one noise from others in a crowded room.

Reduction in strength and stamina

We gradually begin losing muscle mass and flexibility. This doesn’t just apply to our arm and leg muscles, but also our heart and other organs. As a result, we even lose stamina. Maintaining cardio and weight training can significantly decrease the impact of this on your life.

Arterial decline

A consequence of our arteries losing flexibility and stiffening usually results in high blood pressure. Not smoking, exercise, and diet can minimize this.

Anemia and vitamin deficiency

Anemia resulting in fatigue

Many people 65 and older become iron deficient or develop anemia. Counter this either through diet or through iron supplements.

Skin

Starting at about 40, the collagen in our bodies starts to decline. This leaves our skin less plump and firm, more prone to dryness, infections, and wrinkles, or crepe looking skin. Diet, drinking a lot of water, not smoking, moisturizing often, and taking care of wounds right away can minimize the appearance and decrease the speed in which the collagen breaks down.

Learn 13 foods that help to nourish aging skin.

Bone and joint strength

Our joints will begin to lose essential minerals necessary to maintain their power. They become more fragile, more susceptible to fractures or sprains, and shorter. Supplementing with calcium and Vitamin D plus weight training can keep this to a minimum or decrease the rate of deterioration.

Final Thoughts on How Our Bodies Age

Brush up, so you have a good handle on aging, healthy aging, and increased medical awareness. You’ll find each of these essential for the coming years. One could argue that it always should have been. However, science requires time and much research to find the right avenue. Researchers revealing that we age in stages is a big step in understanding the process and can be instrumental in helping us to be more proactive in maintaining our health.

Additionally, we can learn how to slow down what could become a debilitating condition. While our age is just a number, that can only hold if we do the things necessary to age as healthily as possible. The coming decades should be exciting for discoveries to that avail.

Therapists Explain 5 Ways To Overcome Compulsive Disorder

January 10, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Compulsive disorder, typically called obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD for short, is a mental disorder that entails the necessity of repeated routines or thoughts. Repeated but uncontrollable actions are referred to as compulsions. Repeated and uncontrollable thoughts are referred to as obsessions.

Those who live with OCD often need to learn to manage it and overcome the symptoms and struggles it poses in everyday life. This is easier said than done, but there are some expert-approved methods that can help you.

Do note that we are not suggesting that these tips alone can “overcome” or “cure” a compulsive disorder, as that would be factually incorrect. However, alongside advice with a mental health professional, these tips may be able to help you manage certain aspects of the disorder effectively.

Here’s How Therapists Explain 5 Ways To Overcome Compulsive Disorder

1. Understand OCD And What It Entails – Especially The Negative

Management for any disorder involves understanding. You need to know what you’re up against – even the confusing things, or the painful things. Here are some things you should know about OCD, according to Fred Penzel, Ph.D., an experienced psychologist, and International OCD Foundation Scientific and Clinical Advisory Board Member:

· There Is No Cure

OCD is a chronic disorder. It can be managed, but there’s no way to make it go away forever. The good news is that OCD can be helped and aided to the point where it no longer severely affects your everyday life, even if it always lurks in the background.

· You Can’t Resist Obsessions

As we mentioned, compulsions are repetitive actions, while obsessions are repetitive thoughts. While it is possible to stop yourself from performing compulsions, there is no way to block out obsessive thoughts. The more you try to ignore them, the bigger those fears will grow.

· You Can’t Trust Your Intuition

Trying to trust your intuition when you have OCD will typically end with you being led in the wrong direction.

· You’ll Need Continual Management

In order to prevent severe relapses, OCD must be continually managed throughout your lifetime.

· Doubt And Guilt Are Central

OCD makes you doubt everything about yourself, from your identity to your sanity and from your opinions to your future. Guilt is also another common and excruciating part of the disorder, affecting your positive thinking. You may feel guilty about virtually anything and everything.

· Medication Is Not Enough

While medication can help reduce OCD symptoms, cognitive behavioral therapy is typically used as the most common and most effective form of OCD treatment.

· Treatment Goals Are To Help You Help Yourself

Ultimately, therapy involves training you to be your own therapist, so you can help yourself in the future.

Yes, these all make OCD sound terrifying – and that’s because, for many people who have it, it is. But when you’re armed with this knowledge in advance, you can prepare yourself to face and deal with them.

2. Build A Fear Ladder

A fear ladder is a list of baby steps along the way to a huge fear, with each step rated on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of how much anxiety it causes. Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Lawrence Robinson, and Melinda Smith, M.A, all recommend the building and use of a fear ladder.

It is important to note that while fear ladders can be used independently by neurotypical individuals, those with OCD should not use them on their own. Instead, they are meant to be built and used during exposure and response prevention, or ERP, which is a common form of therapy for those with OCD.

Building a fear ladder can help you to cut down your biggest fears into small, manageable sizes that are realistic for you to overcome. Here is an example of a fear ladder:

BIG GOAL: To not be frightened near dogs
Give a big dog off-leash pets. – 10
Give a big dog on-leash pets. – 9
Carry a puppy – 8
Give a puppy on-leash pets – 7
Stand next to a dog wearing a leash without touching them. – 6
Standing 8 feet away from a dog wearing a leash. – 5
Stand across the street from a dog wearing a leash. – 4
Look at dogs play across the park. – 3
Look at a dog through a window. – 2
Watch videos of dogs. – 1

Here are some tips for building a good, effective fear ladder:

Start by thinking about your end goal and break it down from there, listing all possible lead-ups in terms of fear levels.

· Start Slow

Take as long as you need on your first step and don’t carry on until your confidence has improved and you feel more confident performing the next action

· Remain Calm

Anxiety often decreases the longer you are exposed to something. The next time the stress in your OCD is triggered, try to stick around long enough to expose yourself properly.

· Let Yourself Feel The Anxiety; It’s Okay To Feel Anxious

Process these thoughts while you fight the desire to perform compulsions. It can be uncomfortable at first, but it will help in the long run.

Practice again and again in order to progress and get better, but don’t force or rush it. Take as long as you need in your practice.

3. Do Your Therapy Homework

Almost all forms of therapy will give you homework, and if you really want to get better, you’ll have to do them. Penzel has some recommendations for doing your homework, which is as follows:

· Review Daily

Think you know everything there is to know about your assignment? Reread it anyway. You may have missed something, or you may be able to learn more.

· Start Whenever

Waiting for the “right time” to do your homework isn’t going to work. Do you know what moment is perfect to start? Right now!

· Pay It Full Attention

When you do your therapy homework, it deserves your undivided attention. Itching for a break? Keep going for a total of 45 minutes, then allow yourself a short 10-minute breather.

· If You Don’t Feel Anxious, Tell Someone

Your therapy homework is supposed to challenge you and make you feel a little bit anxious with every step. If it’s not doing that, it’s not going to be effective. Talk to your therapist about what’s happening.

· Don’t Be a Perfectionist

One prevalent trait that those with OCD have is perfectionism. But perfection isn’t real, and the voice tells you that you need to do your homework correctly, or else it won’t work is just OCD being cruel to you.

· Don’t Rush Through It

Give yourself time to do a little bit of your therapy homework every day. Rushing through it will be bad for your mental health, as you’ll be exposing yourself to things that will make you anxious at a rapid rate. You also won’t have enough time to really internalize what you’re learning.

· Read Over Them

At the beginning of each day, read your assignments over so you have an idea of what you must do, and you don’t forget anything.

· Find The Positive Sides Of Challenges

Some jobs will be challenging. Look for the silver linings in them, like how much you’ll learn and grow from them.

· Speak Up If You’re Uncomfortable

If you feel like you aren’t ready to do a specific assignment, let your therapist know. Homework shouldn’t overwhelm you into a relapse. It should challenge you.

4. Recognize That Your Thoughts Are Not Gospel

Clinical psychology expert Margarita Tartakovsky, M. S., encourages patients with OCD to remember that their obsessions are not gospel. They are commonly referred to as intrusive thoughts, and they are not a reflection of yourself or your personality. Violent and dangerous views do not represent you who are, and they don’t make you a less positive person.

Dr. Steven Phillipson, a clinical psychologist who studies the Amygdala and intrusive thoughts, states that these types of ideas are not formed in the areas of the brain used for autonomous decision-making, character development, or intentional action.

This explains why your intrusive thoughts can be so violently different from what you know about yourself. It feeds into your doubt, but they are just brain signals arising from the disorder. That doesn’t mean you’re going to follow through on them.

5. Make Lifestyle Changes

Segal, Robinson, and Smith highlight the importance of managing a lifestyle when you have OCD. Though lifestyle changes alone are not sufficient in helping OCD, they can help to reduce the severity of anxiety and even reduce obsessions and compulsions. Here are some examples of lifestyle changes that you can make:

· Avoid Nicotine and Alcohol

Both of these vices, apart from being addictive, only provide calm at first. It won’t be long before the alcohol wears off and gives you more anxiety, or the nicotine acts as a stimulant to exacerbate your OCD symptoms.

· Exercise

Exercise is a great way to reduce mental disorders and illness symptoms. Additionally, it has such a positive effect on the anxiety that it can be considered a form of treatment. Just 30 minutes of physical activity daily can give you that little boost you need.

· Learn To Manage Stress

Stress can trigger symptoms that worsen your anxiety and compulsive disorder. There are plenty of ways to reduce stress. You can exercise, listen to music, light a scented candle, dance, drink some soothing tea, or cuddle with a pet. You can also practice meditation or use other stress-management and prevention methods.

· Sleep Enough

Anxiety can cause insomnia, and a lack of sleep can cause stress – it’s a vicious cycle. Work on making sure you get a minimum of 8 hours of sleep per day. Well-rested individuals have better emotional balance, allowing them to cope in a good way with OCD and other disorders with better positive thinking.

Final Thoughts on Managing Compulsive Disorder

A compulsive disorder is not a condition you can treat on your own. You will require the assistance of trained mental health professionals to ensure that you learn to manage and overcome a lot of your symptoms.

With that being said, you should also do your own part to help yourself heal. Taking steps forward to overcome compulsive disorder can be frightening, and the process of recovery will be non-linear and full of setbacks, but you’re more capable than you think you are, and you can get through it!

Psychology Explains How Humans Process Grief

January 9, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Life is amazing, painful, beautiful, and cruel. It is a tremendous, awe-inspiring blessing. Life is quite the dichotomy. Once it passes by, you can never go back. Therefore, it both creates more life and takes it away. It can allow us to create abundance in our lives and also allow us to travel to the depths of depravity in times of grief.

There is not a living being on Earth who does not experience loss and regret in their lifetime.

Loss is not limited to the loss of a loved one but also includes losing one’s career, job, money, friendships, family relations, love, faith, innocence, childhood, health, and more. If you can attain it, it can be lost. That is a harsh reality of life.

Regret is another form of loss – a perceived loss of what we dreamed would’ve been the outcome had we made a different decision. The reality is that you don’t know how things would’ve turned out. Often, it is not knowing that hurts.

Feelings of loss and regret can put the brakes on you choosing to live your life. It can devastate your view of life, yourself, and humanity. Yet, accepting that things will never go back is the ultimate step forward. Additionally, it can serve as the first block in the foundation for your metamorphosis.

Grief by the Stages

Whenever we lose something that we viewed as essential to the meaning of our life, we experience grief. Many people used to think that grief only applied to the loss of life, but psychologists have proven that we experience the same stages of grief regarding anything we lose which was closely related to our view of our lives.

“As humans, we are capable of attaching to many things – people, places, positions, activities, objects. When we lose something we value, we grieve. Grief, after all, is the price of love.” – Freud, S. Mourning and Melancholia (1957).

David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified the 5 stages of grief. David Kessler is an author and recognized expert on grief. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was a psychiatrist who pioneered the 5 stages of grief. Together, she and David have published books addressing death and stages of grief.

1 – Denial

This is recognized as the first stage of grief. Denial acts as a filter between our overwhelming emotions and our attempts to go on with life. It allows emotions to trickle through bit by bit as we start to accept the reality of what has happened.

For a period of time, you feel emotionally numb. As you become stronger, denial grows much less; you then have to face the emotions that had been dammed within.

2 – Anger

This stage results from those emotions coming out after denial. You may feel anger toward anyone. For instance, you may feel angry with friends, family, or society in general. Additionally, your faith in your God or in the meaning of life might turn into a recipient of your anger and frustration.

Anger acts as an impetus to create motion and express the magnitude of your emotions. It becomes a saving grace from the numbness you were feeling, and, ironically, is a reflection of how much you loved.

3 – Bargaining

As your anger starts to wane, you just want anything or anyone to give you back what or who you lost. We will try to bargain for a “second chance” to do things differently, to make the pain go away, or to find a way to return what we lost. We may dwell in the past because of this thinking.

4 – Depression

As with intense sadness, depressing comes about as you grow closer to acknowledging that your anger is running out and bargaining hasn’t changed anything; yet, you still have to face what is lost. You may withdraw from others, feel you are in a fog and question the point of life – including your own life.

While this stage is essential, it is important not to stay here for too long. While this form of depression is not the same as the mental illness of depression, it can lead to it.

Express this sadness by talking about it. Harder still, honestly look at the question of whether the loss is truly worth being depressed over.

Yes, a loss of a loved one, a career, your health, etc. is painful. Yet, aside from allowing yourself to feel the sadness, staying depressed will not change anything for you. It will not change the past and cannot allow you to build the future.

5 – Acceptance

Acceptance is the fifth stage. Acceptance doesn’t mean that anything is ok or right. It simply means that “it is.” The loss is your new reality; despite denial, anger, bargaining, and sadness, nothing has changed that. You fully understand and accept that you can never go back.

It doesn’t take away how you felt about the person or situation prior. You will not be the same as you were before. Your life will not be the same. You may try to pretend that all is the same, but as time continues, you will learn to adjust to the differences.

With acceptance, you will start to make decisions that further your life forward. You will recognize fully that things cannot go back.

It is important to know that these stages intermingle with each other throughout the process of healing from the grief. You may go through some denial again while in the acceptance stage. You may still be angry while trying to bargain. You may even skip one stage and then go back to the missed stage at another time.

The length of time at each stage will differ depending upon yourself and the devastation of the event. Some stages may just be a few hours while another stage lasts for weeks. It is all okay. Even after you experience the acceptance stage, you may still have short repeats of the stages as you adjust.

What makes acceptance so hard?

Accepting and moving on from loss is extremely difficult for most of us. It is so universal that one has to question if there is a physiological reason for it. If we examine how our brain functions, it does become a bit clearer. That clarity may help us to reach acceptance sooner and with less pain in the process.

Our brains hate to lose.

Mankind has survived many things and our competitive nature has advanced our lifestyle. Not liking to lose has pushed us as individuals past our fears toward knowledge and has taught us to persevere despite seemingly impossible odds. It is one of the greatest traits of mankind.

On the flip side though, we tend to think of things in terms of possessions. “My wife/husband,” “my child,” “my money,” “my house,” etc. By making the perception of them being a possession, our brain associates it with something that we cannot lose. It is almost as if these possessions are an extension of ourselves, and therefore, must be maintained to the same extent as our lives.

We hate not having control.

The preservation of our lives depends upon our ability to control a situation, whether that is through strength, power, persuasion, or influence. In reality, we only have so much control over events. We have the most control over our own responses to life. We can’t control when death is going to happen. We can’t control if someone else stole money from us without our knowledge or through manipulation. We can’t control if a child develops a crippling disease.

Yes, there are certain decisions we can make to prevent as much of these events as can be foreseen, but that is not absolute control. When we have to face that we didn’t have control, we feel weak, vulnerable and fearful. That triggers our survival instincts, but sadly, those instincts can’t help us.

Read how to let go and move on peacefully.

Difficulty with change.

Our brain is designed to keep us safe. Anything perceived as uncomfortable is translated to being unsafe. Our brain searches for methods to feel safe again. This is why learning to embrace change can actually be a great asset in our lives. The fewer things that evoke the feeling of uncomfortableness, the better we can adapt.

Mankind’s ability to adapt is what has led to our survival and dominance. While our brain still has these automatic mechanisms, the more flexible and open-minded we become, the better we can adjust to life.

The more positively we view changes, the better. If we viewed events as an opportunity, a blessed experience, or as further growth, we are more likely to work with the events and have positive results.

Final Thoughts on Processing Grief

The fact that things will never go back does not need to be viewed with sadness, regret, fear or apprehension. Our perceptions and attitude ultimately are what determine how we cope with all circumstances. Think of the mindset of “things will never go back” as the first step toward freedom of taking control where you can re-create your life.

The fact that things will never go back is a certainty. We cannot go back in time. That is also certain. Therefore, we must walk forward. Let’s do it with our heads held high, hope in our hearts, and the knowledge that we are capable of greatness, of loving again, and of giving and receiving a multitude of gifts in our short time on this Earth.

Psychology Explains 3 Steps to Recovering from Narcissism

January 9, 2020 by Power of Positivity

It’s only human to have your own best interests at heart, or else you wouldn’t survive. However, some people take self-interest and egotism to the extreme and are narcissists. Recovering from narcissism isn’t an easy task, but it can be done.

Everybody has their moments of selfishness and putting themselves first. While some might casually call that narcissistic behavior, it isn’t a full-blown case. True narcissism is a mental disorder that must be diagnosed and treated by a mental health provider.

Origins of The Term Narcissism

As with many medical terms, especially in mental health, we have the Greeks to thank for the origin of our word narcissism. The Metamorphosis Project published by Cornell University explains Ovid’s iconic myth of Narcissus and Echo, both a blend of human and divine.

According to the myth, Narcissus was the son of a water nymph and a dazzling, handsome lad. He caught the attention of Echo, who fell madly in love with him. Narcissus rejected her affection, and she died pining away for him.

As fate would have it, the spirit of Echo was doomed to repeat the last words of anyone calling through the woods or caves. This reverberating sound effect still bears the tragedienne’s name. Ovid didn’t leave much good news for Narcissus’ fate, either.

Narcissist knelt to drink water from a pool of water and saw his reflection for the first time. He was so enthralled with his beauty that he fell in love with his reflection. The youth refused to leave the pool and obsessed over his reflection day and night until he finally died.

Narcissism as a Mental Disorder

If you are recovering from narcissism, your diagnosis is nothing new to the mental health scene. An article published by the National Library of Medicine claims that Freud was one of the first psychiatrists to write about the disorder in 1914.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is listed in the DSM-5, a handbook for professional mental health diagnoses. According to an article published by the American Family Physician Journal, narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is characterized by having an inflated sense of self-worth, attention-seeking, and a lack of empathy. It’s among the DSM-5 classification of 10 personality disorders in Cluster B.

The article also states that the condition is only present in about one percent of the population.

Common Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

People who are recovering from narcissism have a broad range of symptoms to overcome. If you are struggling with NPD, you may have all or some of these traits to a varying degree. The symptoms may include:

•Being obsessed about how people perceive you and basing your self-esteem on their admiration

•A highly inflated sense of self. You may experience low self-esteem if you think people aren’t admiring and praising you enough.

•Being so involved in yourself that you can’t have empathy with other people’s feelings

•You put your needs above others and disregard their needs

•You have a skewed sense of entitlement and believe you “deserve” the best all the time.

•You’re obsessed with power, fame, and material goods.

•You chronically display attention-seeking behavior so that people will admire you more.

•Extreme jealousy of other people’s things and achievements

•You believe that you are uniquely “above” the average person.

•You set unrealistic goals, trying to achieve your sense of grandeur.

•You’ve no problems with exploiting other people to get what you want.

•Since you have these behaviors, maintaining healthy relationships is difficult, if

not impossible.

•You can’t tolerate criticism, even if it’s for your own good.

•Instead of owning up to your mistakes and shortcomings, you pass the blame to others.

Common Consequences of Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder

If you are recovering from narcissism, you’ve probably experienced some of the backlashes the disorder causes. The broken relationships and other consequences may have a long-lasting effect on your life. Here are some expected outcomes that people with NPD face:

•Estrangement from family and friends

•Few if any healthy relationships left

•Divorce or chronic break-ups with significant others

•Missed opportunities both personally and professionally

•Damaged or ruined reputation both personally and professionally

•Financial and career problems resulting from careless decisions

•A long line of broken relationships that left people feeling manipulated and demeaned by your actions.

With some or all of these consequences, it’s no wonder why people with NPD develop co-existing mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. It can turn into a whirlpool that you can’t control. Just realize that NPD is a mental illness, and these aren’t things you’re experiencing on purpose.

How Does a Doctor Diagnose NPD?

Since the signs and symptoms of NPD may overlap with other mental health disorders, diagnosis may not be straightforward. An article published in the Medical Journal Assessment explains that a professional diagnosis depends on a self-reporting questionnaire (Personality Diagnostic Questionnaire-4) and the clinician’s observations. The sum of all the data can lead to the right NPD diagnosis.

Reaching Beyond Yourself: Recovering from Narcissism

Your first step toward recovery and healing begins with acknowledging you have a problem. Unfortunately, many people with undiagnosed NPD don’t seek help because they refuse to accept that they’re less than perfect. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with NPD, there is hope.

According to an article published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, treating patients diagnosed with NPD can be difficult. For one, NPD patients will usually deny anything wrong with them and resent the implication. On the other hand, other mental conditions may exist that exacerbate the problem.

However, states the article, it can be done. If you have co-existing mental conditions, your mental healthcare provider may prescribe a medication to ease those symptoms. The article mentions that therapists usually rely on psychotherapy and other mentalization-based therapies when treating the NPD itself.

Perhaps you or your loved one came to this point of recovery by an intervention. However, it’s up to the patients to decide whether they will cooperate with treatment. It’s a long road that’s better traveled with lots of support.

If you have been diagnosed with NPD, recovery often comes in steps. The more honest you are with yourself and your therapist, the more apt you will be to cope with your disorder. Here are three steps to consider when you are recovering from narcissism:

Three Steps for Recovering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Here are the first steps to begin the long road to recovery from NPD.

1. Gain a Better Understanding of Who You Are

One of the fascinating things about being human is that you’re still one among billions of other individuals, although you are an individual. When you have NPD, you may have a skewed sense of superiority without even understanding your personality. As a step toward healing, it’s time to see yourself for all your positives and negatives.

Who are you, and what are your goals in life? Can you see any exaggeration in your self-perception? Sometimes, keeping a journal of your thoughts and events of the day can be quite revealing when you review them later. NPD can often camouflage low self-esteem, so work with your therapist to build self-esteem without crushing others’ esteem.

2. Try to Make Amends

If you are familiar with the 12-step program, you know that it involves recovery from various addictions, a mental illness branch itself. While NPD is not an addiction, you can still benefit from some of the steps, like making amends and taking inventory of your life.

People with an NPD diagnosis do not struggle alone. If you are recovering from narcissism, you could probably make a long, troubled list of people who you hurt through your actions. One of the hallmarks of narcissism is to put yourself above others and use whomever you can for your benefit.

Have the symptoms of your NPD hurt people in your personal and professional life? As you continue into therapy, consider listing these people and try your best to apologize and make amends. Although some of the past offenses may be too grievous to heal the relationships, at least you’ve owned up to your faults.

Asking for forgiveness is much more than saying you’re sorry. It tells the people that you’ve offended that not only are you confessing your wrongs, but you’re working not to repeat them. Then, the ball is in their court.

3. Learn to Be Considerate of Others

The more you practice empathy, the easier it will come to you. Learn to respect other people’s boundaries and treat them how you want them to reciprocate–and even better. Be considerate of your friends’ and family’s feelings and support them and listen to what they are saying.

Final Thoughts on Recovering from Narcissism

When you realize that you’re not the only person in the universe, you open a new world of joy and healing. A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health disorder that can usually be treated with support from the therapist and cooperation from you, the patient. It takes working on yourself every day, and others may see your true inner beauty shining.

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