Page 915

10 Self Care Tips for Single Parents

January 5, 2020 by Power of Positivity

If you are one of the many single parents in this world, then more than likely you are not finding the time to take care of yourself the way that you need to. You will know that you lack in self care if you feel stressed, depressed, anxious, or moody.

Read further to gain useful insight into how you can easily take better care of yourself. This will help you feel better as well as ensure that your children feel secure, loved, and happy.

First and Foremost, Stay Positive

Naturally, we all get a little cynical when life seems rough, and single parents tend to feel the strain far more than others. However, you can quickly transform this way of thinking by opting to look for the positive in your life. As soon as you feel, negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them, but do not let them consume you. Once you begin to see what is initiating the negative thoughts, you can start to work to eliminate the problem.

Now that we’ve said that, let’s look at ways to improve single parents can enhance their self-care.

Self-Care Tips (and Gentle Reminders) for Single Parents

1 – Let Go of Your Fears

You can release fear by reminding yourself that you are a great parent. Practice positive affirmations and incorporate exercise into your daily life. These small changes will promote feel-good hormones such as adrenaline and endorphins, and you will find that you can sleep easier at night. Single parents often suffer from issues such as insomnia, and practicing better self care can help eliminate these disorders.

2 – Practice positive Affirmations

I am more than enough.
I’m loved by my children, family, and friends.
I live a life of kindness, and I care for others.
Life is full of amazing things, including me.
Today will be the best day I have ever had.
I am fearless.

It is important to remember that the way you speak to yourself affects the way that you feel. Therefore, remember to be kind to yourself as well as others. The more you practice being patient and loving with yourself, the more your attitude begins to change for the positive.

3 – Set realistic expectations

As a single parent, you have expectations for yourself, children, and other people. It may feel like your world is coming to an end when others do not meet your expectations. Try to stay calm when things are not working out and remember to breathe. You may want to consider meditating, doing yoga, or taking a walk to clear your mind.

It is always helpful to remember that there is a lesson to be learned from every event in your life. The way you handle the situation affects the way that you feel. Therefore, if you often fall apart during trouble, then take some time to relax and think about what is working. After all, the more you focus on the positive, the less the negative can affect you.

4- Face any emotional trauma

We have all felt the sting of letdown at some point in our lives, and this may leave emotional scars. Often you may not even be aware of what it is that triggers you to shut down. The next time you feel like your emotions are consuming you, take some time to reflect upon why you think this way.

If you avoid understanding what causes you to shut down, then you may find that you suffer even further. It is helpful to love and hug your children often and remember to laugh with them. They love you and look up to you, and how you handle a trying situation is how they, too, will learn to cope.

You can help them create healthy habits while healing from your own pain. This will allow them to be successful in life versus feeling unsure about the world around them. Remember to listen to them when they are trying to communicate with you, and always be honest with them. This will help them learn to trust others as well as communicate effectively.

5 – Share your thoughts in a journal

If you are in a rut that you can not get out of, then consider journaling your troubles away. This is not a quick fix, but rather, it is a method to help you release your feelings safely. You have the chance to say anything you want without backlash from others. You will also be able to look back upon your thoughts after the moment has passed.

When you look back on how you reacted and felt at a later date and time, you can gain clarity. You will be surprised at how much you can actually grow from understanding feelings of desperation or disappointment.

6 – Resolve relationship conflicts

If you are co-parenting with the other parent, then there is the chance that you face battle. You can begin to reduce these conflicts by attempting to compromise. Understandably this is not always an option, and it may require giving in a little more than you would genuinely like. However, it is pertinent that, at no point, your child bears the responsibility of passing messages between the two of you. The better you learn to handle conflict, the healthier you will feel about your situation.

Children have a way of reminding us that this form of self care is fundamental. They naturally want their parents to get along. So the best way to teach them how to resolve problems is to show them. Therefore, always put your best foot forward in life, and they will naturally follow.

7 – Don’t expect to be a perfect parent

Single parents often feel far more stressed than those in two-parent households. However, this does not mean that you are not a good parent. Just remember that children need boundaries, support, and affection. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, then focus on your self-care to help change your attitude and mindset. After all, children are like sponges, and they are soaking up everything they watch you do–including being too harsh on yourself.

8 – Make time to do the things that you love

Single parents have a hard time making time for themselves. This is understandable. However, this can lead to depression and exhaustion. Therefore, find the time to tap into your creative side, explore your interests, and spend time with loved ones. This will allow you to live a life that is far more fulfilling. This form of self-care allows your children to feel secure in their pursuits of discovering and exploring their interests as well.

If you have always wanted to go camping, then plan a little trip with your children. Allow them to enjoy your interests with you, and you will find that they are excited about sharing theirs with you. Consider doing things that you have never thought of. For example, take a cooking class, indulge in painting or drawing, or join a dance or exercise class. These are all beneficial ways to reduce tension as well as promote feelings of accomplishment. You will find that the better you feel about yourself, the more enjoyable life becomes.

9 – Learn to manage your daily stress

Try not to let the weight of each day consume you and take a little time each day to clear your mind. You can do this while you are taking care of household chores, sitting in silence, or getting ready for bed. Do not try to do everything on your own, and allow your children to help you when needed. This will ensure that they are capable of taking care of themselves as they grow older.

Single parents often feel that they must do everything on their own. Try to consider the fact that teamwork is a far more effective approach to life. Consider taking turns having sleepovers for your children. You will see that incorporating self care is far easier when you allow yourself the chance to take a break.

10 – Network with other single parents

If you know other single parents in your area, then consider forming a support group. Take turns carpooling, helping one another, talking about problems, and making an occasional potluck dinner. You can easily plan meals that everyone can take part in creating, and everyone will enjoy the fact that there is an excellent meal on the table with minimal effort.

Here are five signs you need self care in your life.

Bonus: Other ways single parents can indulge in self-care

Do not compete with other parents
Spend time with your children
Be patient with yourself
Allow yourself to feel sad if you are sad
Be your authentic self
Have fun
Soak in a warm bath
Dance
Exercise
Drink plenty of water
Create boundaries
Listen to advice from others, but don’t take everything to heart

Final Thoughts on Self Care Tips for Single Parents

Do not give up on your own goals and dreams, and remember to focus on the positive aspects of life versus the negative. Practice self care daily, and spoil yourself from time to time. After all, you are doing a great job, and a great job always deserves a reward. You do not have to splurge to show yourself appreciation, and sometimes just sitting down for a quiet moment is a reward in itself.

8 Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

December 30, 2019 by Power of Positivity

Many people experience some degree of anxiety around brand new people. It can be difficult to figure out what to say, how to hold yourself, and how to just act naturally. For some, the process of meeting new people comes easily, but not everyone is so lucky! Indeed, some feel anxious just at the thought of an introduction to someone new.

Anxiety in social situations is far from an unknown concept. Millions of people around the world experience similar sensations every single day. 15 million individuals in America have a social anxiety disorder, and it is the third most common form of mental illness in the country.

While many of the topics we’ll discuss today will have their roots in the psychology of social anxiety disorder, do note that you do not need to have the disorder to be anxious around new people. However, the causes behind these anxious emotions may be similar, on a milder side of the spectrum, to what contributes to the risk of development of social anxiety in general.

It is important to take note of these causes so you can either seek help for them or learn to overcome them yourself! Without further ado, here are some reasons why you feel anxious around new people.

8 Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

1. Negative Self-Thought

Many people who experience anxiety around new people are mentally steeling themselves against perceived threats. For example, your thoughts may include:

I don’t think I’m going to fit in.
What if I embarrass myself?
People won’t like me.
I never know what to say.
I might say something dumb.
I’m going to make things awkward.
I don’t have anything interesting to offer.

These types of thoughts make you feel like you’re at risk. When you start taking them seriously, you develop a system of beliefs that are inherently either false or pessimistic. This leads to maladaptive behaviors, and you may want to avoid social situations in order to protect yourself from these risks.

2. Genetics

Research has not yet revealed any sort of gene that determines your risk of social anxiety. However, there is a clear relationship between having socially anxious family members and developing these issues yourself. This indicates that there is some factor of heritability among those who have social anxiety.

Essentially, if your parents have anxiety about social situations, then there is a higher chance that you may develop it, too. This occurs no matter what environment you are raised in. It may be due to genetics or due to exposure to the idea of social fear in growing up. More studies are needed in order to draw definitive or positive conclusions.

3. A Narrow View Of The World

Many people who experience social anxiety of some form do so because their worldview is narrow. You may even actively attempt to narrow it further in order to expose yourself to fewer risks, or simply because it is all too overwhelming for you. You may:

Narrow your friendship world by choosing to have very few or no friends, or avoiding the act of making new friends
Narrow your view of the outside world by electing to stay at home or rarely leaving your house, even when invited to
Inhibit your work world by choosing “safe” jobs that don’t come with any risk or hard work; you may choose “simple” jobs with no chance of performance-based promotions
Narrow your knowledge world by only doing things you are used to and never learning new skills

This narrowing helps you feel safe – but it’s sure to fill your life with regrets and make it more difficult for you to interact with people around you. You can no longer relate to them, and they’re outside of your narrow scope.

4. Trauma

Plenty of research indicates that trauma is a common root cause for cases of social anxiety. Though people often belittle trauma and assume it can be overcome with positive thinking, that is simply not how it works, and trauma can affect the way your life is lived permanently if you’re not aware of managing or healing from it.

There are many different forms of trauma, but here are the kinds that may lead to social anxiety:

Moving around frequently during childhood
Growing up with overprotective or controlling parents
Domestic violence
Discrimination due to sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, race, or gender
Abuse in any form
The death or loss of a close family member or friend
Drug addiction or withdrawals
Parental divorce
Concerns regarding anxiety left unvalidated, dismissed, or ridiculed by parents
Social isolation in an excessive or extreme manner
Bullying
Being taught that social interactions are very dangerous
Experiences with mental illness

It’s also important to note that what you don’t view as traumatic today may have been extremely traumatic to a young child. Even so-called mild instances of trauma can cause social anxiety.

5. Brain Structure

According to brain scans, people who experience social anxiety have clear signs in their brain structure that indicate this problem. This means that there is legitimate scientific proof that the anxiety isn’t all “fake” or “made up”. Here are the areas that are different:

· Amygdala

This part of the brain triggers the body’s natural flight-or-fight response through the use of physiological changes. In those with social anxiety, this part of the brain is hyperactive, meaning it sends the body into that panicked mode more easily.

· Prefrontal Cortex

This part of the brain is meant to focus when you experience anxiety, allowing for rational processing that tells you that, logically, there is no threat. This can help you to calm down and diffuse the situation. Those with social anxiety have this reversed – the cortex amplifies the response to stress instead.

· Neurotransmitter Deficiency

Neurotransmitters, commonly known as hormones, are responsible for a lot of our emotional experiences. Those with social anxiety have depleted positive hormones, such as glutamate, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

6. You’re With The Wrong People

The people you spend your time with can have a huge effect on your emotional state. They can make or break your day, which is why choosing the right crowd to hang out with and the right circles to grow your list of acquaintances is has such crucial value. Here are some examples of the wrong people to hang out with:

· Those Who Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

If the crowd you hang out around doesn’t respect you and your boundaries, it’s easy to feel anxious. You know that chances are, any new people you meet with this group will wind up making you feel uncomfortable or upset. This threat isn’t just perceived – it’s real.

· Those You Can Never Avoid

People who don’t take “no” for an answer, repeatedly try to get their way, and never give you enough space will make you anxious. These people may then introduce you to new acquaintances who behave similarly.

· Those Who Pressure You

If you’re being pressured into social events that you aren’t comfortable with, it’s easy to see why you’d feel anxious. You don’t want to be here meeting all these people, after all!

· Those Who Drain You Emotionally

Toxic people can drain your spirit, leading to a lack of energy to meet anyone new at all. Spending time with people who are so negative and all-consuming can lead to serious symptoms of depression and anxiety. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, instead!

7. Your Perception Of Your Life’s Timeline

How do you view your life? Do you cling to the past, fear for the future, and have trouble living in the moment? These can all be affecting your ability to socialize. Here’s how.

· The Past

If you’ve had negative experiences with social interaction – and, let’s face it, who hasn’t? – you may feel especially anxious about trying to interact with others again. An inability to process and move on from previous interaction issues can cause you to experience social anxiety.

This is especially true if the negative event is the source of a lot of trauma or pain. The mere act of socializing can then become a trigger for the feelings associated with that event. If this sounds like something you are dealing with, you should seek professional aid in managing your triggers.

· The Present

As previously mentioned, perceived threats in your present situation can cause you to be anxious. This is part of a vicious cycle; the anxiety depletes your energy and takes up your cognitive concentration, which causes you to do the things you were anxiously trying to avoid. This will then only serve to make you more anxious!

· The Future

When you experience negative or hopeless thoughts about the future, such as believing that nothing will ever improve or change for the better, it’s difficult to want to meet new people. What’s the point when you feel like nothing is ever going to work?

Social anxiety is linked to higher risks of depression and depressive symptoms, too. So if your positive thinking has been down the drain lately and you’re anxious around new people, you may want to speak to a professional who can help.

8. Technology

No one can deny the wonders of technology. But like with anything in life, it has its fair share of drawbacks. Here are the ways that technology can negatively affect your positive thinking around new people:

Everyone is posting the best images of their best selves with carefully-worded captions – a rehearsed snapshot of unattainable perfect
You spend an excessive amount of time interacting with technology instead of with real people
You become used to communicating with people online exclusively, leading to new awkwardness in person
Easy access to all forms of media has tainted your ideas or expectations of friendship or making acquaintances.

Final Thoughts On Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

You don’t have to have a social anxiety disorder to experience periods of social anxiety. Anxiety, in general, is a common human emotion, and it’s something that almost everyone will feel at least once in their lifetime, whether this anxiety centers around new people, social interaction, job-related stress, family pressure, or any other nerve-wracking endeavor.

Regardless of whether you have a social anxiety disorder or not, learning to manage these feelings is difficult, but possible. Understanding the triggers and root causes of your anxiety can help you work towards overcoming it. Without self-awareness of the sources of your complex emotions, you can’t resolve or process them.

If you believe you have a social anxiety disorder, speak to a mental health professional who can assist you. And, in addition, if your experiences of anxiety are something you want or need help changing, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or other workers in the field of mental wellbeing.

How To Release Emotional Attachment to Expectation

December 21, 2019 by Power of Positivity

We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve hoped for something only to have it fall through. It can be challenging to recover from such a painful blow, but it’s even more difficult if you feel a desperate emotional attachment to what you hoped would be. Your expectation–and confidence–feel crushed.

Sadly, it never pays to be too attached to something that hasn’t yet been guaranteed.

Here’s How To Release Emotional Attachments To Expectation

Breaking free from unreasonably expecting things is possible with time and effort. Here are some ways to release yourself.

1. Accept That You Don’t Know Everything

A considerable part of non-attachment is being okay with not knowing. Unfortunately, there’s no way to know about everything in life. You have to accept that you don’t have all the answers and that you can’t control anything in life.

When you get hung up on knowing everything, you obsess over the future and try to play complicated mental chess games to figure out what is most likely to happen. To some degree, it’s good to plan for strong possibilities, but always attempting to protect yourself against every possible outcome isn’t going to work.

The world is not black and white. The most unexpected things can happen. Sometimes, your best bet is to get your positive thinking going, take a deep breath, and go through with your plans with cautious hopes and realistic optimism. Hoping for the best and having confidence that you can weather any misfortune goes a long way.

2. Stay Calm

Staying calm is a great way to remove emotional attachments. It shows that these events do not have control over you – you have control over you, and that’s that.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have emotional responses to certain situations. You’re allowed to react strongly to experiences and unexpected events, and it’s perfectly valid to feel that way. But you should also learn to remain calm in these situations to avoid doing things you regret. Here’s how to practice staying calm:

· Count

Now, count to ten in your mind and focus on those numbers going up. You can also count down if that helps you. Give yourself those ten seconds to think, let go of the initial rush of emotion, and release the attachment to them.

· Meditate

Daily meditation can have an overall positive effect on your patience and emotional control, mental health, and positive thinking. If you do this, you may be able to control your emotions and reactions in the moment better. Meditation apps are available to help in those situations.

· Breathe

Feel the feelings riling too high up? Release your attachment to them by breathing. Take a deep breath in for eight counts, hold for four counts, and exhale for seven counts, then repeat. You can also practice on your own to see which counts work best for you.

· Control

Again, you cannot control all events, but they don’t need to have control over you. Strengthening your grip over your mind and mental faculties can help provide you with better control over your emotions in the heat of the moment.

· Walk Away

If you’re having trouble controlling yourself, request five or ten minutes to calm yourself down in a separate room. Removing yourself from a situation indicates that you aren’t attached to it in a big way.

3. Don’t Consider Any One Thing The “True” One

When you’re excited about a new job, a new relationship, or a unique opportunity of any kind, try not to put so much stock on it that it becomes the “one.” Yes, it’s good to aim for what you want, but you risk idealizing it to the point where it feels like your only option.

When you elevate these kinds of dreams to such a high level, you wind up being completely crushed and demotivated when they fall through. These types of fantasies will ultimately only harm you in the long run. You need to maintain some degree of realism, even if your positive thinking is through the roof.

There is no such thing as a true “one” – only things are right for you at certain times in your life. If you don’t get something you want, it’s because it wasn’t what was meant for you at the time.

4. Take Control Of Change

If you feel like your life is spiraling out of control, it’s hard to detach yourself from the emotional aspects of it. You likely feel this way because you can’t control some of the situations in your life.

There’s no quick fix to feeling like you have no control because the fact is that you often don’t. But there is a way you can work on emotional detachment. If a change is happening around you, take control of things you can change. For example:

Change how you react to situations
Redecorate your home; you don’t have to spend money, just move furniture around and reorganize
Get a new haircut, try a new hair dye, or try a unique fashion style
Declutter your old things; throw out what you no longer need
Try a new skill or hobby
Go out to meet new friends
Watch a new show or play a new game
Cook a different style of food
Eat somewhere you’ve never eaten before

5. Do Not Berate The Part Of You That Is Attached

It’s easy to hate the parts of yourself that are emotionally attached, but you should be kind to those parts of you. Often, they’re much smaller parts than you think – they only feel big because you’ve devoted so much energy and time to them.

If it helps, you can try to think of these parts of you as separate entities. These parts are hurt and frightened. When you scold or are harsh on them, you’re just scaring them more, pushing them further into their terrified states.

You need to understand yourself and why you are emotionally attached. Then, gently teach those parts of you how to let go. Be firm but compassionate, and tend to those parts of your soul. You will find that a little love and care go a long way in helping the attached pieces.

6. Shift Your Perspective

When emotions run high, and attachment is strong, it’s challenging to focus on anything else. That’s why taking the time to shift your perspective actively can help you see the bigger picture instead of getting hung up on, the smaller details.

Sometimes, things make it feel like the world is ending, but that’s because you’re seeing an up-close version of what is happening. Take a step back and zoom out. What’s happening around you? Is this worth losing your cool over?

Consider whether this issue will still be terrible a day, a week, a month, or a year from now. In most cases, the things that drive us insane don’t matter for more than a couple of days. Remember that the next time you feel like you may lose your temper! Some things just aren’t worth it, and if it doesn’t matter in the long run, why sweat it?

Plus, when you put it all into perspective, you’ll find many things worth being happy about. Research indicates that even trying to be happy can positively affect mental health!

7. Be Grateful

This goes hand in hand with shifting your perspective, but on a much larger scale. Learn to be grateful for everything in life. When things go well, be thankful for all your success and good turns of events.

But what about when your expectations go wrong? You can still manage to be grateful. When things go sideways, be grateful that:

There are good things to learn from this situation
The situation is not as bad as it could be
You can learn from this and get better
You were able to find a silver lining

It’s a good idea to keep a gratitude journal where you list at least three things you feel grateful for per day. These things can be massive, such as earning a new promotion, resolving an argument, or winning a competition, but they can also be small. Here are some simple ideas of what to be thankful for:

Having a roof over your head
Access to food and water
Access to utilities like electricity, gas, and heating
The coffee you have in the morning
The clothes you have
The people in your life
A meal you enjoyed recently
Your good health
Your favorite songs, bands, or music
Your favorite movies or TV shows

This isn’t to become some consistently happy and excitable person – it’s to learn to appreciate the small things in life. Gratitude boosts positive thinking to the next level, completely changing how you think and behave.

When you have a mindset of gratitude all the time, it is easier for you to release emotional attachments that come from expectations because you’re always thankful for the situations at hand.

8. Keep Your Options Open

Scarcity makes you attach a lot of hype and emotions to expectations. Just like making a particular option, the “one” is harmful to your positive thinking, a lack of options and a reluctance to maintain many options can also be unfortunate for you.

When you’re anxious about losing things like time, chances, or money, you can slip into an anxiety-ridden state where the feeling of scarcity controls you. As such, you should never narrow yourself down to the point where you have barely any options.

It’s always a good idea to have a Plan B, C, D, and so on. Having alternatives can prevent this overwhelming emotional attachment to your expectations. Here are some examples of how to avoid being cornered:

Apply for multiple jobs and envision having more than one good offer
Imagine three different dream houses
Organize three different paths to a particular goal; start by sticking to one, then if that fails, shift to another

Final Thoughts on Releasing Emotional Attachments to Expectation

Expectations are everywhere in life, and they’re often unavoidable. It’s good to have some hopes for yourself. It keeps you motivated and working towards your goals. But having too strong an emotional attachment to those expectations can hurt you more than it helps. Learning to release those attachments will have a positive effect on you overall.

Therapists Explain 10 Ways To Make Parenting More Joyful

December 21, 2019 by Power of Positivity

Children are a true joy, and any parent knows that they are the light of their lives. That said, parenting has its fair share of ups and downs, and even the most dedicated parents can burn out now and then.

How can you make parenting better for everyone involved?

Here Is How Therapists Explain 10 Ways To Make Parenting More Joyful

1. Don’t Try To Make Your Kids Mini-Yous

It’s cute to think of your kids as tinier versions of you. But that’s far from the case. Your children are unique individuals – they have their own dreams, personalities, likes, and dislikes.

But even when you don’t think you’re trying to raise someone who is basically a mini-you, you still may be doing so inadvertently. You may be using things that worked with you on them and expecting it to work just as well.

According to Access Counseling Group clinical director Irene Little, although your children may seem like they share many similarities to you, they don’t necessarily think in the same way or have the same reactions to things.

Basically, while they may pick up on many of the mannerisms you have, you shouldn’t automatically assume that the things that worked for you as a child will work for them. These things may include:

Methods of rule enforcement
Ways to calm them down
Methods of reward, motivation, or praise

2. Understand That Kids Don’t Share Your Rationality

It’s not that children intentionally want to be irrational – it’s just that it’s all they can be. Sure, kids can be smart, but at a very young age, their capacity for reasoning isn’t quite the same as an adult’s.

Teenagers, too, can lack your methods of thinking, says Warrior Brain mental health therapist Carla Buck. Their brains are continuing to develop and may not be done growing until they turn 25.

By stressing out over the more emotional reactions of your kids and trying to change them, you are actively getting angry at them for now doing something that is just difficult for them to do. Calmly teaching alternative processing methods is preferable, and don’t expect them to pick up on them right away.

3. Be Consistent

Consistency is the key to ensuring that your child learns lessons and follows rules. A lack of consistency can cause confusion, preventing a child from considering any positive lessons serious and permanent.

Hypocrisy is one of the many issues that psychologist Caroline Fleck notices in the parents she works with. This is a bit of a harsh term, but it’s an accurate one. You may unintentionally be hypocritical by:

Preventing your child from taking devices to the dinner table, but checking your own phone during meals
Saying they must always reply to you when you speak to them, but not replying to them every time they speak to you
Enforcing rules against junk food or snacking between meals, but still eating junk food whenever you want

It’s difficult, if not impossible, to never be a hypocrite, ever. But you need to be aware of the possible hypocrisy you are showing your child and how they may be reacting to it. Your child is going to model their behavior after you, so if you do something bad, they won’t understand why they can’t do it.

You should also work to make sure that you never allow bad or difficult behavior, says licensed psychologist Catherine Jackson. When you allow permissive parenting or turn the other cheek with certain types of bad behavior, you’re teaching your child that they can get away with them.

4. Take The Time To Apologize

Many parents feel that they are entitled to making mistakes without consequence. Of course, no parent is perfect, but your authority over your child doesn’t give you the right to make errors and insist that those errors are ignored.

Fleck states that parents should be able to model good post-mistake behavior. Instead of making excuses or demanding that your mistakes be overlooked, you should apologize, teaching your children how to take responsibility in the process. You should also work to repair the damage done to teach your kids accountability.

You’re going to make mistakes when you parent, and you’re never going to be perfect. It doesn’t make you a bad person; it just makes you human.

5. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Parents often fall into the negative habit of caring for their children only and totally neglecting their own needs. While it’s respectable that parents can be so selfless in putting the needs of their kids first, this isn’t a permanently sustainable option. At some point, you will need a short break from the selflessness.

A lack of self-care, or essentially a lack of considering your own needs too, can lead to an increased risk of depression. Parental depression is associated with poorer relationships between parents and children, less positive parenting methods, and even a slow buildup of resentment.

Marriage and family therapist Vicki Botnick states that downtime is necessary for parenting. If you repeatedly show your children how stressed out you are and how your whole life involves constant business, they are likely to learn these unhealthy patterns from you. So, every once in a while:

Schedule a self-care day; leave your kids with a babysitter and be by yourself for a day!
Allow exceptions to rules on certain days, framing them as rare and special occasions
For older kids, you can talk to them about you taking a rest for the day and encourage them to be responsible

6. Show Your Kids Your Hobbies

This goes along a similar vein to having self-care days, but with your kids involved! How sick and tired are you of the same children’s movies and TV shows? Are you bored of only doing children’s activities day in and day out?

Botnick recommends introducing your children to your own kid-friendly hobbies. That way, you can do things that you as an adult enjoy without neglecting your children or sacrificing time you spend with them. For example, you can supervise your kids while showing them the things you love doing, such as:

Baking, by involving them in the preparation process
Ice Skating, by getting them the right gear and bringing them to a rink
Painting, by encouraging them to paint with you
Biking, by getting them a child-friendly bicycle to use alongside you

There are many more examples of hobbies your kids can get involved in. Even if they don’t end up adopting the hobby themselves as they grow up, your passion for what you love is likely to encourage them to join you for now!

7. Don’t Be Ruled By Your Baggage

Your personal experiences, unconscious motivations, and background in life can often be responsible for how you raise your own children. You may know that your kids have their own emotions, dreams, thoughts, and personalities but still forget not to impose your own on them.

According to psychologist Shuli Sandler, many parents often don’t consider the effects of their own lived experiences on their parenting methods. They may be heavily influenced by their desires, struggles, and own upbringing.

Leftover emotional baggage can also cause parents to feel like their children’s failures or bad behavior are a reflection of them, even though this is not true. This can make them react in a very extreme way to the many ways a child will make mistakes over the years. Your kids will be kids, and they will do things they shouldn’t sometimes – but that doesn’t make you a bad parent.

8. Don’t Use Fear Or Intimidation

If you want your children to learn to hide things from you, lie convincingly, and be too afraid to come to you in emergencies or during serious situations, then intimidate them. But if you want a healthy, trusting relationship with your child, you should throw fear tactics out the window, says licensed mental health counselor Marisa Hendrickson.

A child who is afraid of you doesn’t trust you. They live in fear of you and will likely not be able to speak to you about anything serious, increasing their chances of getting into trouble or bad situations due to a lack of education.

In addition to that, multiple studies over the years have shown that hitting or using severe punishments on children doesn’t help to change or improve behavior. Children and students learn better from positive reinforcement than any kind of negativity, and that’s a scientific fact.

This doesn’t mean you should never scold your children. It just means that using fear to get them to obey you isn’t the best parenting strategy, and it will impact their positive thinking.

9. Don’t Put All Your Focus On School

Yes, studies are important, and academic progress will help your child’s future. But children actually learn more from the act of play than they do from sitting down in one place. Play is also crucial for positive development in kids, and neglecting playtimes to make your child read another revision textbook may do more harm than good.

Your child likely already spends many hours working in school every day, sitting down and learning in a way that is likely monotonous and static, and then they have to do homework at home. Making them do even more work can fill their entire day with what they consider boring.

In addition, a lot of achievements in life have little to no relation to school grades. If your child is doing their best and not flunking out, they can still advance through school years. Fleck recommends maintaining reasonable expectations from your children so that they have a good balance of work and play.

10. Don’t Lie About Promised Rewards

If you promise your child a reward for something, make sure you follow through. Changing your mind about, forgetting about, or dismissing requests for a reward you’ve said you’ll give your child will only make any future reward promises ineffective.

On top of that, this is a surefire way to confuse your child or make them ignore more of what you say because according to New Hope Parenting Solutions therapist Heather Ackley, it’s another form of inconsistency. Consequences, promises, and rewards should always be followed.

Learn the parenting behaviors that help you raise empathetic children.

Final Thoughts on Making Parenting a More Joyful Experience

A lot of positive thinking, dedication, and unconditional love is needed for effective parenting. But there’s a balance to be struck between authority and kindness, and finding that balance is the key to making parenting more joyful.

Science Reveals Startling Truth About Drinking Milk

December 21, 2019 by Power of Positivity

Most of us can recall the infamous milk commercials of the ‘90s. “Milk. It does a body good,” and “Got milk?” probably still rings a nostalgic bell for many.

What you may not understand yet is that the dairy industry, in cohort with the federal government, spent hundreds of millions of tax dollars on this marketing campaign. Oh, and your tax dollars covered most of the cost. Today, an estimated $4.5 billion of taxpayer money, our money, is subsidizing the dairy industry.

Meanwhile, we may have been forking over our hard-earned money on a product that does more harm than good.

“Milk, a rich source of calcium!” “Our kids need healthy bones!” and other (misleading) information proliferating from the dairy industry and federal government are idealistic at best, and outright deceitfulness at worst.

“A single glass of milk can contain a mixture of as many as 20 painkillers, antibiotics and growth hormones. Using a highly sensitive test, scientists found the chemicals in samples of cow, goat and human breast milk.” – Dr. Joseph Mercola

The Case Against Milk

While the dairy industry is all too eager to pontificate on the calcium and protein in milk (which is adequate), it fails to mention a few other essential things. For example, the 48% calories-to-fat ratio and 12 grams of sugar – all in just an 8-ounce serving of whole milk. The near absence of any essential vitamins has also “escaped” their attention.

In 1951, a Harvard University nutritionist by the name of Mark Hegsted set out to investigate the purported health benefits of milk. Born on a small farm in rural Idaho, Hegsted grew up learning about milk’s human benefits. However, soon after he began his research, Hegsted realized that milk was not a staple of most country’s diets. Still, these same people advanced well into old age. In fact, many countries Hegstead researched had much better health outcomes than the U.S.

Hegsted presented his research, which promisingly gained some traction in the years that followed. In 1978, Hegsted was appointed as the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) “administrator of human nutrition,” a position created by the U.S government for him.

Hegsted published guidelines that promoted “boosting consumption of vegetables and whole grains while moderating consumption of sugar and animal fats – including fats from dairy products.” The dairy industry, predictably, was none-too-pleased and pressured the USDA to reverse the guidelines.

Following Ronald Reagan’s election in 1981, Hegsted’s position was eliminated. Americans continued to consume milk in high quantities.

What the Science Says:

Dr. Walter Willet, chair of the Department of Nutrition at Harvard University’s T.H Chan School of Public Health states:

“Essentially, I think that adults do not need 1,200 mg of calcium a day. The World Health Organization’s recommendation of 500 mg is probably about right. The United Kingdom sets the goal at 700 mg, which is fine too. It allows for a little leeway.”

Adequate consumption of calcium is vital to human health. Of course, “Ca” helps develop and maintain bone strength, but it also aids the proper functioning of our skeletal muscles and organs. But why the excessive recommendations from the government? The most likely answer: money.

Multiple studies conducted over the past 20-plus years discredited various USDA and dairy industry claims regarding adequate milk and dairy consumption. Both parties have exacerbated milk’s effect on healthy bones, including in the prevention of various acute and chronic bone disorders, along with other injuries and illnesses. Perhaps more disturbing is their suppression of science that proves the potentially harmful effects of milk and dairy.

For example, some studies have linked milk consumption to higher rates of mortality. In a study published in the British Medical Journal, researchers conclude: “High milk intake was associated with higher mortality in one cohort of women and another cohort of men.”

(Anyone else thinking about Japan? A country with one of the world’s longest life expectancies – and a population that consumes virtually no dairy?)

How Unhealthy Is Milk?

First, it’s essential to understand that we are referring to pasteurized, adulterated milk and not raw milk. The latter’s a healthier alternative, which we will discuss in another article.

Consider some of the chemicals found from cow and goat milk; some of which are medications, and others are hormones and drugs:

Sex hormones (17-beta-estradiol)
Anti-fungal drugs (triclosan)
Steroid hormones (17-alpha-ethinylestradiol)
Anti-malaria drugs (pyrimethamine)
Anti-inflammatories (various)
Antibiotics (florfenicol)

Sex and steroid hormones? Medications? Drugs?

You probably didn’t plan to put that into your body when you ate that bowl of cereal or glass of 2%. Did you?And that’s not all.

Farms routinely inject cows with growth hormones.

If you’re even remotely aware of the controversy surrounding athletes and human growth hormones (HGH), you know that such actions are both unhealthy and highly unethical.

(Ironically, a Congressional panel intervened during the Major-League Baseball HGH scandal, chiding the organization via a 10-page letter their collective “disappointment and frustration” to then-commissioner Bud Selig.) Some food for thought.

No matter if the subject is human or bovine, growth hormones are harmful substances that alter complex biological mechanisms. One bovine growth hormone (BGH), rBGH, “can produce as much as 15-25 percent more milk.” Of course, this comes at the ultimate expense of your health.

Here are some other commonly used substances – and their (validated) ill effects on human health:

– IFG-1, a hormone “which promotes cancer tumors, (and) have been incriminated as major causes of breast, colon, and prostate cancers.”

– Somatic cell counts (SCC’s) are higher in hormone-treated cow milk. The milk is likely to contain pus and other bacterial traces, affecting the product’s taste, smell, texture, and color.

Scientists explain what happens when you replace dairy with oat milk.

Final Thoughts on Drinking Milk…or Not:

We all heard the slick advertising growing up, extolling the virtues of milk. As research unravels these misconceptions, make the decisions that make the most sense for you nutritionally. If drinking milk does not bother you, it does contain great amounts of calcium and is enriched with Vitamin D. However, if you have a dairy sensitivity, this research suggests a clue as to why.

CDC Reveals Teenage Suicide Has Increased 76 Percent In Last Decade

December 21, 2019 by Power of Positivity

What is driving the rise in suicides among 10-19-year-olds? Is it social media? Technology? Bullying? Opiate addiction? Do we even have an answer? Regardless of the cause, with the CDC revealing teenage suicides have increased 76 percent in the last decade. Thus, an intervention must come first while we search for the reasons.

Teenage suicide increases from 2007 – 2017

In 2017, suicide was the second biggest cause of death for 10-24-year-olds in the United States. While suicide has fairly consistently been a factor in premature deaths, from 2000-2007, the rates had declined for ages 10-14, 15-19 and 20-24.

Now the statistics from the CDC point to a significant increase.

An overall increase in suicide for 10-24 years olds was 56%
15-19-year-olds had a greater increase of 76%.
The rate of the increase for 15-19-year-olds rose to 10% from 2014 to 2017. Previously it had been 3%.
Ages 15-24 equated to 6,252 suicidal deaths in 2017. Homicides for that age bracket, in comparison, were 4,905.
517 children from ages 10-14 committed suicide
According to the Youth Risk Behavioral report by the CDC.
- 2% of teenagers 14-18 seriously considered suicide
- 6% made a serious plan, and
- 4% attempted suicide at least once
- 4% attempted suicide and were injured
- 5% felt extremely sad and hopeless at least two days a week

Potential causes for increasing suicide rates

Attempting to pinpoint the cause for the rising suicidal rates is primarily speculation. Most experts feel it is related to:

The opioid crisis
Cyberbullying
Technology/Social Media
Increased reporting due to less stigma

The Opioid crisis and teenage suicide

When we talk about drug overdose, it’s difficult for medical professionals to determine if the overdose was part of an intentional suicide plan. One thing we do know is that the opioid epidemic affects primarily 20-30 year olds, which is the age of most young parents. A psychiatrist at Cincinnati Children’s hospital looked at 3 months of records of 300 children in 2016 who had been admitted due to suicidal behavior. Dr. Daniel Nelson, the psychiatrist who noted the pattern, reportedly told the Washington Post that he noticed while looking at a map of the overdose, that the suicidal attempts were occurring in the same areas.

Dr. Nelson claims that from all of his hospitalized patients, 25% of them have adults fighting addiction. Those children of the parents who died from opioids, then become part of the foster care system or are being raised by their grandparents.

Sadly, once one person commits suicide, there is a 5% increase in suicides. It’s almost as if the one act gave someone the strength to do it themselves. Additionally, just attempting to process and recover from a classmate who committed suicide or being in a classroom with a high percentage of kids dealing with the parents’ addictions at home creates more anxiety and depression in all of the children. That is a tremendous amount of pain and sadness to make sense of when the adults around them aren’t able to make sense of it either.

Use of technology and suicidal behavior

Many countries note that with an increase in technology usage, including social media, consistent screen time on phones, computers, and tablets, there also seems to be an increase in suicidal behavior. Currently, no studies can substantially state that there is an increase, but through social media and the internet, children and young adults have access to both harmful and helpful things that can affect their mental health.

With information should come responsibility. Sadly, that is not exactly how it works. People currently have so many modes to communicate anonymously with others. That can be beneficial if you need to speak to someone regarding an issue you wish to remain private about, but it can also leave you vulnerable to the cruel and harsh things people can say to you.

With the availability of information, you have the choice to search for suicidal prevention groups, therapy groups, a call line or 10 different ways to kill yourself. The choice is yours. That’s a substantial choice to make when you simultaneously are being bombarded with the vision of how “perfect” someone else’s life may appear, harassment by strangers or classmates, or just being tired of acting like your life is perfect on social media. This chronic influx of information, perceptions, and attempting to filter what’s real vs fake can be overwhelming, creating anxiety and depression.

Cyberbullying and suicide

Bullying no longer isolates itself in the schoolyard.

In fact, a report written by Professor Ann John of Swansea University with assistance from the University of Oxford and Birmingham came up with an alarming statistic and patterns related to cyberbullying.

Professor Ann John and associates looked at 150,000 children and young adults over a 21 year period in 30 different countries. The final analysis was published in JMIR Publications.

Cyberbullying is defined as an act of intimidation, threatening or derogatory and negative messages via an electronic device. It’s an almost inescapable form of bullying for the victims. Usually, a bully’s platform of choice is social media.

According to the report, young adults and children ages 25 and younger are twice as likely to self-harm or behave in a suicidal manner if they have been cyberbullied. Additionally, while less so of the victim, the perpetrator is more likely to have suicidal thoughts than one who is not a perpetrator. This is especially true if the bully is male. He is more likely to be depressed and exhibit suicidal behavior despite the bullying behavior.

While the frequency of cyberbullying differs based on the country and general location, cyberbullying is estimated to occur to 15-35% of young persons, and about 10-20% of individuals admitted to having bullied others through an electronic device.

Social media usage by teenagers

Social media is both positive and negative. While it decreases stigma regarding depression, anxiety, and mental illnesses, it also creates an unrealistic illusion of life.

Indeed, what used to be just a contest between neighbors as to who had the newest, coolest car now is a competition for likes, shares, and thousands of follows to determine if you are popular and successful.

Now you can’t tell how anyone’s life truly is because all you see are the beautiful pics, the great party, the fancy clothes, etc. There are fewer young adults actually spending time physically together in order to determine the bigger picture; instead, they only know what is on the screen.

Add the drama of social media. Here, you’ll find the suicides streamed online before the medium catches it and removes it.

Social media is like an instant fix of attention if you know how to play it. Or, it can be an instant deflator if you are on the dark side of it. Children and teenagers don’t have the emotional and mental skills to learn how to cope with all that it presents. It’s literally like dropping the entire world at their feet and telling them to handle all the crazy, unfamiliar, and sometimes harsh things that can happen.

Learn the impact of bullying on children and teenagers.

Removing the stigma of suicide adding to the statistics

Along with the negatives of social media and the internet is a huge positive. The awareness and removal of stigmas associated with mental illness and suicides are such positives. Whenever there is a new opening for awareness to the public, it can be difficult to determine how much of the new numbers are due to an actual increase in the incidences versus how many of the new numbers are due to new reporting.

We see this occur in many things: rape, domestic violence, incest, drug use, divorce, and more. The public consistently gains an understanding of the importance of letting these things out of the closet. Therefore, we see an increase in the numbers.

Final Thoughts on the Escalation of Teenage Suicide Rates

The CDC revealing a 76% increase in teenage suicides in the last decade should be a cause for concern. There should not be a question about that, but a question of why. Sadly, many feel the current generation has all of the perks and conveniences that technology and a wealthy country has to offer. We need to become more aware and open to listening. Most importantly, we must hear what our children and teenagers are trying to tell us.

The surface of any issue can appear one way to us. However, it might be far more difficult than we as adults can even fathom. Our children are barraged with information, images, news, and online bullying. Plus, they still face many family issues. Stay aware of your children’s behavior and open to understanding how their world is affecting them. Your awareness can prevent teenage suicide.

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

First and Foremost, Stay Positive

Self-Care Tips (and Gentle Reminders) for Single Parents

1 – Let Go of Your Fears

2 – Practice positive Affirmations

3 – Set realistic expectations

4- Face any emotional trauma

5 – Share your thoughts in a journal

6 – Resolve relationship conflicts

7 – Don’t expect to be a perfect parent

8 – Make time to do the things that you love

9 – Learn to manage your daily stress

10 – Network with other single parents

Bonus: Other ways single parents can indulge in self-care

Final Thoughts on Self Care Tips for Single Parents

8 Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

1. Negative Self-Thought

2. Genetics

3. A Narrow View Of The World

4. Trauma

5. Brain Structure

· Amygdala

· Prefrontal Cortex

· Neurotransmitter Deficiency

6. You’re With The Wrong People

· Those Who Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

· Those You Can Never Avoid

· Those Who Pressure You

· Those Who Drain You Emotionally

7. Your Perception Of Your Life’s Timeline

· The Past

· The Present

· The Future

8. Technology

Final Thoughts On Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

Here’s How To Release Emotional Attachments To Expectation

1. Accept That You Don’t Know Everything

2. Stay Calm

· Count

· Meditate

· Breathe

· Control

· Walk Away

3. Don’t Consider Any One Thing The “True” One

4. Take Control Of Change

5. Do Not Berate The Part Of You That Is Attached

6. Shift Your Perspective

7. Be Grateful

8. Keep Your Options Open

Final Thoughts on Releasing Emotional Attachments to Expectation

Here Is How Therapists Explain 10 Ways To Make Parenting More Joyful

1. Don’t Try To Make Your Kids Mini-Yous

2. Understand That Kids Don’t Share Your Rationality

3. Be Consistent

4. Take The Time To Apologize

5. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

6. Show Your Kids Your Hobbies

7. Don’t Be Ruled By Your Baggage

8. Don’t Use Fear Or Intimidation

9. Don’t Put All Your Focus On School

10. Don’t Lie About Promised Rewards

Final Thoughts on Making Parenting a More Joyful Experience

The Case Against Milk

What the Science Says:

How Unhealthy Is Milk?

Farms routinely inject cows with growth hormones.

Final Thoughts on Drinking Milk…or Not:

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Teenage suicide increases from 2007 – 2017

Potential causes for increasing suicide rates

The Opioid crisis and teenage suicide

Use of technology and suicidal behavior

Cyberbullying and suicide

Social media usage by teenagers

Removing the stigma of suicide adding to the statistics

Final Thoughts on the Escalation of Teenage Suicide Rates

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Rise and Shine On! Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist

Stay Connected With

Us

Rise and Shine On!
Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist